<< december 6, 1998 >>

i watched all those big hanson things on tv friday night, ya know, letterman skit, leno appearence, cameo on buddy faro (which, consequently, i have decided is the worst show on tv). i had a good time, and i proved ot my friends that taylor is not a girl, and he is in fact, not only a man, but one hell of a man. he was just gorgeous on buddy faro (even though the lighting was so crappy that you can hardly see him), i mean, come one, he has pecs and they were very very visible through that tight-ass shirt, i was in heaven! they were good on leno too, i like the way the background sounded on that version, although tay was having a few voice issues that night, oh well. and jay asked the question again...and again the answer was no, although isaac did metion dating frequently, which makes me happy fro them that they get to have some of the features of a normal life. i would hope to god that one of them gets a chick sometime soon, just to make people realize. whatever. it was funny to watch buddy faro with my non-hanson-fan friends though. i'm sitting there going 'ohmygod! taylor is soo gorgeous tonight, he just looks amazing. oh man, look at those muscles, he's built, i mean court, jan, look he's got freakin pecs!!' they're smiling and nodding and then jan actually looks. then she's like-'hey, wait, those are pecs, i though they were just a wrinkle in his shirt, holy shit!' court smiles-'he is built, look at those.' i'm still gawking at this point, while i laugh at what jan said, she's funny like that even when she doesn't mean it.

saturday was a good day, we had a track meet and i froze my ass off, but i had fun, and then i went to the mall with my friends and nearly finished all my christmas shopping, which is a good thing. then we had a lylas rehearsal and we worked out 'end of the road' and also part of 'show me love' we should be able to record real soon, i hope, we just need an appointment with selina's cousin. i'm excited about that and stuff, but i still don't know what's going on with john, we haven't gotten in tough with him, we just keep playin gphone tag ans stuff like that, and it's really starting to annoy me now, but i have no control over it, which bothers me even more so.

of course 2 good days in a row would just be too much or something, cause i swear today sucked royally. first, kay called me and made me go to 9:00 mass with her so that she could see some hot guy that she saw there last week at that time. so i had to get up way early only to sit through a long and excruciatingly boring mass and not see the hot guy at all. that wasn't too bad though. so then i get home and clean my room and when my parents get back from their mass we go out to get a tree. i was 2 steps away from having an encounter with craig while i was with my entire family. that would've been good, he'd come over and shove his tongue down my thraot before he said hello and i'd have to find away out of that situation, lots of fun. we narrowly missed him though and quickly picked out a good christmas tree (it's not perfect but apparently i have to settle for it). then i was forced to go and visit my granfather's grave, i hate graveyards, and this was about 100 times more acutely painful than just visiting any random graveyard, i hated this even more. so we get home and i finish my room before friends can come over for rehersal. i finish my room about 20 minutes later and try to call kay, the line's busy so i come downstairs to sign onto aol and see of she's online. ryan (my evil alien of a brother) is online and refuses to get up even for 30 seconds so i can see if kay's on. we fight and my parent's stay out of it, he stays seated, totally stubborn, so i grab his chair (he's still in it) and i thro it across the room. he goes and whines to my parents and i get in all this shit. then i'm not allowed ot have rehearsal, but the fight does not stop there. it lasts for at least an hour more before i have ot leave the hose even though i'm not allowed to. i just took off on my bike before i ended up breaking something -i swear i was an inch away from throwing a glass plate through the window, or worse-. i disappeared and tried ot cool off, unsuccessfully, but my parents were gone when i got back (they went to a wake). i manage to calm down and resolve not to speak to my parents when they return. plan a does not work out because they keep repeating themselves until i have to answer or until, when i don't answer, they threaten to heighten my punishment and i finally talk. then at dinner they do soemthing that makes it soo hard for me to hate them, they tell me (after swearing that i would never get a car unless i paid for it -with my 40 a month allowance, which comes fomr my salary which i cannot touch cause it's all in a college account which my parents made so i can't get into it-) they tell me at dinner that they're looking at a car for me cause i can drive soon. actually it's 'a third family car' but my brother can't drive for like, 3 years, and my parents won't drive it, so basically it's mine. i hate when they do stuff like that casue it makes it so hard for me to stay mad at them. even though i still am, and i will be for a while because of this, idon't forget that easily. cause it was beyond just letting me have a rehearsal, it was a culmination of a whoel bunch of nasty shit, and i'm really pissed. but being really pissed is draining my energy, and my eyes burn like heel from crying so god damn much, so i'll stop mow. later.