...on the surface everything seemed fine, but the pain ran so deep & life cost so much...
...we're tripping all over ourselves and pulling each other down... ~Hanson, Where's The Love
Karisma jumped off of the lowest branch of the pine tree and took off into the night. The darkness enveloped her and comforted her with it's damp coolness. The fresh dew dampened her canvas sneakers as she trudged through the high grass. It was around 1 am on a fresh June Day, she was headed to their meeting place, a hideout built high in a tree.
Karisma followed the heavy trodden path that she walked every night, she could walk it in her sleep. Reaching a squat, old tree about halfway through the woods between their houses, Karisma began to climb up to the tree house they had spent weeks building as children.
She stood up, her head just below the ceiling and looked across the dimly lit room. In the corner Brice sat looking out a makeshift window, up through the tree cover, to the stars. The soft light from the lantern he had lit illuminated his flowing features. His dark hair and green eyes shone in the light.
Quietly Karisma crept across the room trying not to disturb any squeaky floorboards. Brice was brooding and interrupting him now wouldn't be very effective. She sat down next to him and rested her head on his shoulder, her white blonde curls tumbling over his shoulder and spilling onto his muscular chest. He rested his head on hers and sighed, not averting his attention from brooding.
Silence coveted the small room. The only sounds that cut through the heavy, night air were those of their steady breathing and the constant chirping of crickets. This silence was not particularly comfortable it was filled with unsaid and painful words. Yet it was not particularly uncomfortable either, each understood the other and knew the words would come when they were ready.
"So...how's life on the Chanson home-front?" Karisma ventured, breaking the silence.
"The usual hell, what else is new?"
"That good, huh?"
"Better than that good...Mom's having another brat. Add this kid to Ashlynn, Tyler, Baylynn, Jordan, Lucas, Whitnie, Kylie, and me and we've got nine kids. I think that's a bit much don't you," there was pain dripping off of his sardonic words, "Oh, and once this kid is born Tyler and I will be joined by Jordan and Lucas."
"Four of you?"
"Yep, Mom and Dad can't bare separating the twins and the baby needs it's own room so..." he trailed off.
"You guys should have a nursery built into your house. There's always a baby around there." Karisma failed to lighten the mood, she hated seeing her best friend this way.
"Ris, I can't deal with another kid. As it I snow my parents barely have time for me, and Kylie's still so little it's gonna be so hard on her..."
"So this baby's your only problem?"
"You make this sound so insignificant, and no of course this isn't my only problem...does that sound like my life?"
"What's up?" she wrapped her arms around Brice comfortingly, she could feel his pain.
"I think Ashlynn is smoking weed again, Baylynn isn't talking to my parents and they're freaking about it and Grandma's getting sicker."
"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry..." she squeezed him tighter, "What's up with Baylynn?"
He took a heavy breath, " she's pissed that they're having another child. I'm pretty sure Ashlynn and Zaccary broke up again and so she's smoking. As for Grandma, she's got another tumor...I think the end is near..." he sighed again and closed his eyes.
Another silence took over and the two waited it out. Brice in Karisma's comforting arms. Each knew what would happen next. It was habitual, calming, and unavoidable at this point.
Brice sat up and looked at Karisma. He knew her day was just as bad. Her father probably came home drunk and beat she and her mother. Then her mother probably had her lover over for a love-fest before her father could come home again. He only felt slightly better knowing that in comparison to Karisma's his life was cake.
Slowly he stood up and went to the opposite corner. He pulled up the loose floorboard to reveal a small box. Inside were their major necessities: Jelly Bellies, Mountain Dew, Doritos, bottled water, some rags and 2 razors. He grabbed the razors and rags, rejoining Karisma near the window.
She took one of the razors from him and examined it as it glinted in the lantern's gentle light. Much of her comfort came from this trusty razor, Brice was her only other comfort. Placing the rag on the floor next to her in case her bleeding got out of control, Karisma rolled up her sleeve and examined her numerous scars. Some were fresh and pink, others older, while still more were just scabs. She selected a fresh patch of skin. Which was steadily becoming more and more difficult to do, and prepared herself to let all of her tension flow.
Brice had done the very same and after a silent count of three they both ran they razor over their skin. Once, twice, three times before feeling slightly satisfied.
Along with their deep red blood, running to the ground fell all the pain that had accumulated through the day. In some way hurting themselves physically took away the unbearable emotional ache. They did this each night because each day was so hard. Eventually they knew it would catch up with them, but they placed that to the back of their overloaded minds and let the hurt and anger run away with their blood.
All too soon the slow blood stopped it's rushing from the skin, yet the physical pain endured. Proof that their lives were hell and they could almost deal with it, in a way. Silently Karisma stood up and placed the razor and rag away for the next time, soon Brice had too.
Brice rolled out the futon and lay down, he couldn't go back to his house. Not tonight. Karisma lay down next to him and placed her head on his chest. Brice wrapped his arms around her and they fell asleep just like that. The way they did so many times as children.
~~~~~
Brice awoke to the sound of birds chirping a happy tune and the sun filtering through cracks in the boards. Looking down at Karisma, peacefully curled up in his arms he smiled. Slowly his smile faded into his pained fa�ade.
Karisma was clueless in a way. She knew he hated his life, she knew why most of his pain existed. What she didn't know was that she created so much of his pain.
He loved Karisma, he loved her so much. Not only as a best friend but as so much more. He couldn't tell her, something always stopped him. Brice hated the fact that she was hurting so much, that her father abused her and that her mother was having an affair that her family just didn't care. Karisma needed that, a loving caring family, more than anything.
Brice wanted to change the world for her so that nothing would hurt her anymore. So she had no reason to feel as she did and no reason to cut herself. He couldn't though, as hard as he tried he couldn't fix everything and that hurt him. That caused so much of his pain.
He stroked her silky curls and looked dotingly at Karisma for what seemed like an eternity. He could live in that moment forever. Karisma was peaceful and happy and that was what he wanted more than anything.
Karisma's pale blue eyes fluttered open and she looked up at Brice behind long curly lashes. For but a moment her eyes remained transfixed on his face before she hurriedly sat up.
"B...Brice, oh man! What time is it, Ohmygod!" she fumbled around in a hurry trying to put her sneakers on.
"It's uh, nine am. Why?'
"Shit! My dad is gonna kill me!" she gave Brice a quick peck on the cheek before thundering down the stairs, "I gotta go, bye!"
As he watched Karisma leave Brice sat back and said a silent prayer her father didn't beat that her again. Brice knew even following her was pointless even possibly detrimental to his health, he couldn't stop her father, but he followed her anyway.
He jogged the path through the woods and into her backyard before stopping to catching his breath. Slowly he followed the sound of her father's yelling through her back and to the family room. He could see Karisma in a ball on the floor and hear her whimpering as her father kicked and punched her repeatedly while screaming various insults at her in a drunken rage.
Instinctually Brice stepped forward and was about to defend Karisma when her father turned and saw him.
"Brice, you get the hell outta here now! This ain't none 'o your business and if ya don't leave you be next dammit!" he shouted, his words slurring and hard to discern.
In fear Brice turned and ran. Out of the house, out of the yard, back to the tree house. Anywhere to get away from the horror he'd seen and to escape the same fate.
Once her was in the safety of the tree house Brice broke down. He had lost total control of everything in his life and actually seeing Karisma being hurt was beyond painful. His salty tears wore paths down his flushed cheeks and tainted his pouting lips.
Fumbling to lift the secret floor board he slowly became mre and morea ngry. Finally he was able to get up the board and grab his razor. His left arm was covered in cuts, there wasn't enough room left for many more so Brice rolled up his right sleeve.
Still shaking with sobs and anger Brice took the razor in his unsteady and considerably less capable lef thand. He bagna to gash open the skin on the inside of his arm. Once twice, three times..still wasn't enough, the pain was still there, throbbing in his exposed heart. He lifted the razor and was about to add a fourth cut when his hand slipped and he slashed open the veins in his wrist.
Suddenly the pain stopped and the anguish set in. He hadn't meant to do that, he didn't really want to die, or did he? If he died now maybe the incessant pain would finally stop, Karisma was probably dying back at her house anyway.
All thoughts slipped from his fleeting mind and blackness enshrouded him. Finally he felt a comfort he hadn't felt in a long time. There was nothing left for him to worry about.
~~~~~
Karisma stumbled painfully through the woods. She had to get away from that house. In that house she could hear the echo of her bones cracking and her flesh bruising, it was all around her there. The tree house would provide her with a place to get away, at least for a while.
Pulling her aching body up the stairs to the treehouse, Karisma could feel that something was wrong. Every fear and suspicion was confirmed when she saw Brice's body lying motionlessly in a pool of his own deep red blood.
Tears spilled down her cheeks and mixed with the blood matted in her face and hair along with Brice's blood, as she held his limp, silent body close. Karisma rocked back and forth in tears, cluthcing desperately to the one thing that had made life worth living...and now he was gone.
The pain in Karisma's heart melded with the excruciating pain in her beaten body as she let go of consciousness. Together with Brice was the only place that she wanted to be. As she took one last breath, the hateful world around her melted...and so she would be.