Spice World

...is the name of their new movie. Many people are no-doubt going to want to see this movie, but are confused as to how to see it without:
  1. getting seen
  2. paying for it
  3. giving the SGs and their owners the pleasure of having them ranking among the millions (cause they'll say that, no matter what) who see it.

True to form, we here at the Spice Girls Hate Page have come up with a few options for you, so you can see the film, without breaking the law (very much).

But first, a legal disclaimer:

Now, if this is illegal where you are, well obviously don't do it! If you're stupid enough to break the law, then you're stupid enough to be able to take the rap.
Back to the advice we were giving...

If you hate the Spice Girls enough to be able to live your entire life without seeing it quite comfortably, well, good for you and well done. I know someone who has chosen to live their life without ever hearing the Macarena, and he's done OK so far.

But to the rest of you, who want to see it because

  1. Some girl/boy you like asked you to accompany them and you said "yeah, cool!" (like the idiot you are), too stunned to realise that anyone worth chasing would want to see something more sane than that, and you are too chicken/don't want to back out of it because you foolishly believe you can cure them.
  2. Some kid from school said that in one point, if you sit right up close to the screen, Geri's tits are momentarily exposed and you can see them for exactly 2.47 seconds and you're... curious... as to whether it really slipped past the censors (yeah, my arse you are!).
  3. The local Blue Light Cinema is closed.
  4. You need to so you can complete your encyclopaedia of the World's Worst Movies - Volume III.
  5. You just wanna, and aint gonna take no shit from dickheads like me etc etc etc cause I'm probably gay etc etc etc haven't got a girlfriend etc etc etc really like them and all other BS that Spicy Fans sprout.
there are a number of things you can do.
I like lists today, so here's another one.
  1. You can run, really fast, buy a ticket and pissbolt into the relevant cinema. This can work, but it has some major flaws: The ticket attendant sees you, you still buy a ticket for the movie (as you wouldn't have time to lie about what you're going to see) and someone running through a crowded cinema tends to attract attention.
  2. You can walk in slowly, take your time and lie about what you're going to see to the person selling tickets and hope that the bloke who collects them won't care/notice. The 1 major flaw here is that you can still be easily seen by the person collecting tickets, and those who see you heading towards the cinema (you could head towards another one, and change at the last second, but why bother?)
  3. Wear a disguise. My suggestion is a large, black raincoat, a big, floppy hat, a fake beard (even if you're female) and dark glasses, and possibly stilts or platforms. This assures you are not recognised... but people tend to stare at you (even though they can't tell who you are), and the urge to "flash" can sometimes become unbearable (so I've been told). Buy a ticket for a different movie and go into the SGs cinema. This can be a lot of fun, especially if you do succumb to your urges. Try going with 10 or 11 friends, all dressed in the same way. For more fun, try dressing totally innappropriately, for example, as if you were going to see the Rocky Horor Picture Shoe.
  4. Get some spicy fan younger sibling/friends sibling to sneak in with a video camera for you. THIS IS HIGHLY ILLEGAL DON'T DO IT. That is why I suggest you use a younger sibling... they get caught, not you. The benefits of this are that you aren't even seen near the cinema, however, you do not get good quality sound or pictue. But then again, why would you want to? This is a spice girls movie we are talking about here.
  5. Sneak in. THIS IS ALSO HIGHLY ILLEGAL AND I DON'T ENCOURAGE YOU TO DO IT. IT IS ONLY HERE FOR SAKE OF COMPLETENESS. (yeah, completeness) BY SNEAKING INTO A CINEMA YOU ARE ROBBING THE MAKERS AND STARS OF THE MOVIE OF THE MONEY THAT IS RIGHTFULLY THEIRS, AND WE WOULDN'T WANT TO DO THAT NOW, WOULD WE? There are many benefits of this type of free entrance... If you aren't seen by the staff of the cinema, then chances are, no one else will see you, however, if you ARE seen, then you'd better be able to run bloody fast, cause you shouldn't be doing that sort of thing and I certainly am not encouraging you...
  6. Um... what else?? Well, I spose you could just wait for it to come out on video, but where's the fun in that?

We hope that this has given you a few ideas (legal ones... the other sort we disown) and we would appreciate it half way through the movie, you walk out screaming "Shit, that was a bad movie. I'm not hanging 'roud! That lot act worse than they sing!" You can walk straight back in after, but its good for business and spreads the word of their evil.

by Nick James (15/1/1998)