You might be a redneck if....

You might be a redneck if...

1.)You go to family reuionions to pick up chicks.
2.)Your house has a flat tire.
3.)Your two-year-old has more teeth than you do.
4.)You wish your outhouse was as good as the ones at the state park.
5.)Your family tree is a straight line.
6.)Your wife has a beer belly, and it turnes you on.
7.)Your house still has the"WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.
8.)Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
9.)Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.
10.)You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
11.)You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
12.)You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
13.)Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People"
14.)Your dog can't watch you eat without getting sick.
15.)You think the winter olympic sport of curling is part of the "Big Hair" competition.
16.)You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
17.)You stare at an orange juice container because it says, "CONCENTRATE".
18.)YOUR IDEA OF HIGH-QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT IS A SIX-PACK AND A BUG-ZAPPER.
19.)You never learned to swim because your gene pool is too small.
20.)Your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She got to readin.
21.)Your brother-in-law is your uncle AND your grandfather.
22.)Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
23.)You ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin contest.
24.)You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
25.)You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
26.)You think the OJ Trial is a Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
27.)You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45's.
28.)You think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.
29.)Your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.
30.)You no longer drink wine ever since the screw cap got cought up your nose.
31.)You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
32.)You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
33.)That billboard that says, "SAY NO TO CRACK" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
34.)Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
35.)You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
36.)Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
37.)You've got more than three cousins named 'Bubba'.
38.)YOU'VE EVER COME HOME AND FOUND CRIME SCENE TAPE ACROSS YOUR FRONT PORCH.
39.)You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
40.)Your child's first words were "Attention K-Mart shoppers!"
41.)You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
42.)You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
43.)Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.
44.)You thought that Arkansas rest stop was the nicest destination resort ever.
45.)You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
46.)You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
47.)You can get dog hair from your belly button.
48.)You have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."
49.)You take a six-pack cooler to church.
50.)You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
51.)The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
52.)You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
53.)You use a weedeater in your living room.
54.)You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
55.)You have a rag for a gas cap.
56.)The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
57.)Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
58.)You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
59.)A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
60.)One of your kids was born on a pool table.
61.)You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
62.)Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
63.)Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
64.)Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
65.)Mailpouch sends you Christmas cards.
66.)Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
67.)You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.