Bah Humbug Christmas
 
  Twas the night before Christmas- Old Santa was pissed
  he cussed out the elves and threw down his list
  Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks
  I have good mind to scrap the whole works
 
  I've busted my ass for damn near a year
  Instead of "Thanks Santa"- what do I hear?
  The old lady bitches cause I work late at night
  The elves want more money- The reindeer all fight
 
  Rudolph got drunk and passed out in the snow
  Donner is pregnant and Vixen's a ho...
  And just when I thought that things would get better
  Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter
 
  They say I owe taxes- if that ain't damn funny
  Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money
  And kids these days- they all are the pits
  They want the impossible- those mean little shits
 
  I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
  Assembling dolls- their arms, legs and heads
  I made a ton of yo-yo's- No request for them
  They want computers and robots- they think I'm IBM
 
  If you think that's bad, just picture this
  Try holding those brats- with their pants full of piss
  They pull on my nose, they grab at my beard
  And if I don't smile, the parents think I'm weird
 
  Flying through the air, dodging the trees
  Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
  I'm quitting this job . .  there's just no enjoyment
  I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment
 
  There's no Christmas this year  . . .
  now you know the reason
  I found me a blonde . . .
  I'm going south for the season