Country Man Biography
Country Man's childhood isn't known to most people. I have a couple of
teories, but if I'd give 'em up he'd probably crack my head open. That's why
I have focused mostly on the time after he grew up. Some people wonders,
including himself, is not really sure that he'd have a childhood at all, but
that's another story.
One hot summer evening in 1988, a dark figure came riding into a little
western town just outside El Paso, Texas. His clothes and hat were covered
in dust, and the looked like this bloke had been riding for a while. In his
belt one could see a shining colt, placed in a holster by his right side,
and on his back an old well-played guitar hung from a strap around his
chest. The mysterious man rode up to the local hotel-entrance and got off
his horse, a fine italian stallion. Then he walked up the stairs and into
the hotel bar.
As he opened the door, the whole bar was silenced, and as he walked towards
the bardisk the only thing one could hear was his sparrows making a clinging
sound against the floor for each step he took. He sat down on an availible
stool, and looked around. The bar was almost empty. He ordered himself a
glass of milk and a straw, then suddenly the doors went up again. A three
short-haired dudes entered the room. They stood in the door for a while,
then one of them said: "Hey look at that jerk over there," and pointed at
the man in the bar, "he looks like he's been dragged through a pile of
shit." They all laughed. The man in the bar just sat quiet and emptied his
glass of milk. One of the boys, the man that appeared to be the leader, went
over to a jukebox standing in the corner. It was one of theese new fashion
boxes with CD's instead of LP's. The boy found what he was looking for and
said: "Here it is: "Touch me I'm sick", by Mudhoney!"
Not before the first tone had hit the floor, the man in the bar had turned
around and fired his gun a couple of times into the jukebox, 'causing this
to go crazy. Two of the boys was so scared they pissed in their pants. The
one who had started the jukebox had found himself a switchblade and was
weaving it in the air, cursing the man with the guns. He stood quite calm
and watched the young lad, found himself a Cigar, and lit it. Then he said,
in a whispering dark voice that would have made Barry White sound like a
soprano: "I know what you're thinkin', punk... was that five or was it six
shots... well in the heat of it, I kinda lost count myself." He held the gun
pointed at the boy's head, but suddenly turned quickly around and fired
another shot in the jukebox, 'causing this to play a wonderful Willie Nelson
tune. "Now this is what I call music," the mysterious man said and walked
out the door.
When Dr Duppi heard about this incident he knew that this man just had to be
in his staff, so he called some friends in the texas area that got in touch
with the man and two weeks later, Country Man had joined the CAGA as chief
of the Anti-Grunge chamber.
Dan Electro, 1999
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