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The Kurt Cobain Suicide Note (Un-edited version)
To Doctor James Duppi,
Speaking to you is like speaking to God. You know me, the old loser who can't even spell my name right. But this note should be pretty easy to understand:
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well ascreating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about about these spreading my terrible music over the entire world. For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of people who hate me and throw tomatoes, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd, no matter what they thought about him which is something I totally admire and envy.
The fact is, I can't fool you Doc. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip
people off by faking it and pretending as if my music is good. As you said Doc, Grunge isn't music, it's a sickness.
Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage . I've tried everything within my power to improve the band (God believe me I have, but it's not enough). We've even tried playing a song by Kiss, but not even that worked out. We just can't play real music, it's too hard. We really have no talent at all.
I appreciate the fact that you have tried to turn me to to the good side, away from the grunge. But the clinic didn't do it for me. I must be one of those narcissists who
only appreciate people when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've
known personally and as fans of our fucked up terrible music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all
of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too f*cking sad. The sad little sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I dont know! I have a bitch of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be , full of love and joy , kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and
will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point where I can barely function.
I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, no good, self-destructive,
death son of a bitch that I've become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general.
Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess. Thank you all at the clinic from the
pit of my buring, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so
remember, it's better to burn out then to fade away.
Peace, Love, Empathy
Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar.
Please keep going Dr. Duppi, for all the grungers and "new" Metal fans. For their lives, which will be so much happier without me.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
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