SAN TROPEZ

He saw her on the beach
as she lay upon the golden sand
She said 'I bet you're admiring
my arms and legs because they're tanned
but there's parts of me that you can't see
and they're all white, old thing'
He said 'I bet they're better than all wight
I bet they're absolutely wavishing'

She took her Mama, a chaperone, 
'cause you know what people say
a girl's not safe, all on her own
on the beach at San Tropez

She showed him a snap of her
He said 'That bare mid-riff's not very chaste'
She said 'That's not a bare mid-riff,
that's Jasper's arm around my waist'
He put his glasses on and then stared at the pic a little more
and said 'I knew I never saw you wear a wristwatch there before'

She took her Mama, a chaperone...

Soon they were fast friends
and one day he taught her how to swim
First the breast-stroke, then the crawl
while she clung on tight to him
Then Mama came down to promenade
took one look and said 'Oh, dearie me!
If you're going to carry on like that,
you better both go into the sea!'

She took her Mama, a chaperone...

Mama said 'Now you're seventeen
it is time you knew what's what'
So they talked about the facts of life,
and Mama learned an awful lot!
She said, 'Never go into his room'
She remembered what Mama had said
so she never went into his room,
they went along to her room instead!

She took her Mama, a chaperone...

So Mama sent her home
'cause she feared she would go astray
and one day she got a note
from her beau in San Tropez
But the contents of the note he wrote,
it made her feel so very sad,
it said 'Today I married your Mama,
yours with fond affection, Dad!'
Benny Hill, UK music hall commedian