WELCOME TO OUR JOKE PAGE!!! This is where you will find jokes that were once posted in the main bathroom.. If you find a joke on here that is now gone just e-mail us and we will send it to you. We will be adding a list of all the jokes that we have posted sometime soon
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~^~~v^~~^v^~~^~~v^~~^v^~~^v~~^~~^v^~~^v~~^~ I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked. Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we would reboard in 30 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. I noticed him as I walked by and could tell he had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. I could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him and, calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs." Picture this All the people in the gate area came to a completely quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, they also were trying to change airlines! ~^~~v^~~^v^~~^~~v^~~^v^~~^v~~^~~^v^~~^v~~^~ It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Krunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?" Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like Pure Almond Joy! I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold the Snicker and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!" Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, "hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff." I said "Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?" (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!) She screamed, "Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three Musketeers!" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup. Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the sudden...my Starburst! Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure enough, nine months later, out popped...........Baby Ruth! ~^~~v^~~^v^~~^~~v^~~^v^~~^v~~^~~^v^~~^v~~^~ -Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.. -Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore,marriage is an institution for the blind. -Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.. -Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. -Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit. -Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.. -Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "RINGS" : * The Engagement Ring * The Wedding Ring * The Suffe-Ring * The Endu-Ring -Married life is full of excitement and frustration: * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. * *In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.* * In the third year, they BOTH speak and the NEIGHBORS listen. -It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener. -Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. -It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get MARRIED! -There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced. -A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes. -Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it. Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE! -There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!" -Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. -They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense. -When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten- year married man looks happy, we wonder why. -There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL. ~^~~v^~~^v^~~^~~v^~~^v^~~^v~~^~~^v^~~^v~~^~ Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance... Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink... Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke... Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters... Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage... Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place... Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of Ten and buns in packages of eight... Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures"... ~^~~v^~~^v^~~^~~v^~~^v^~~^v~~^~~^v^~~^v~~^~ ������A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" ������Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts even more loudly in chant. Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" ������The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?" ������The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in just 51 days!" ~^~~v^~~^v^~~^~~v^~~^v^~~^v~~^~~^v^~~^v~~^~ ������A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed." He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. ������Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that...that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the woman responded, "this ma y very well be the solution." ������The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw this two male parr ots were inside their cage, hold their rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" ������There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!" |