A lot of times people say, "don't drink & Drive" and we all hear what happens if you do. We all feel sad for the families whom have lost someone. But we don't really get to know how that family feels. Some of us think "Hey I don't drink and drive so I can't affect me". I thought that, I was wrong. I'm writing this page for many reasons, but most of all I'm writing it to help heal my soul and make you think before you drink & drive.
Lorraine was my older sister. We were best friends and sometimes not friends. We fought like most sisters do. There are many things I'd like to share but here are just a few.
One of my fun memories of Lorraine was when she showed me how to ride a bike. I remember we found a banana peel on the lawn and she would put it on the lawn and I had to ride to it each time she moved it farther away. She never yelled just told me each time "you can do it". That day I rode my bike all day. She could get me to do anything for her. I looked up to her in many ways. It got me in to trouble sometimes.
Lorraine would help me with my homework. Sometimes and I helped her. I remember one time I was in grade 2 and she showed me a trick in spacing my words when I write. The trick she showed me was, after each word I was to put my baby finger down on the paper and then write the next word. It word great. I did that all through school. Well not in the higher grades.
We would get in trouble together sometimes. I remember getting grounded and trying to sneak out to go to the play ground so we could smoke but just was we were hopping over the fence to get out of the back yard, there was my dad, we were in trouble. We were sent to our rooms. Which was fine with us because our rooms were beside each other and we'd just go in to one room and play some board game or cards. Lorraine would sometimes let me go out with her and her friends. When she got in her teen years, I didn't get to do much with her. I'm three years younger then her. She could do things I couldn't like go out to parties, she went sometimes with my older brother. So I felt left out. Lorraine would always make time for me. We grew closer again; I think we did, when I became a teen. I was always there for her through so hard times> I never judged her. I just loved her and supported her. When I was about to turn 16 she was happy because I would be able to get my drivers license and be able to drive her and her friends around of course she was joking. Lorraine said she was going to buy a chauffeurs outfit for me to wear when I was driving her around.
So I got my learners permit and made my appointment. Tuesday June 20th 1989 that was the day of my test. That weekend was the best and I'll remember it forever.
It was father's day weekend, that Sunday Lorraine and me spent the whole day watching movies. On Monday June 19, 1989 I last saw my sister at the dinner table, we always ate dinner as a family and shared our days. That night her and some friends were going shopping. She left after dinner. My dad took me to my guitar lessons at 6:30 and then picked me up at 7pm so I could practice driving, as my test was the next day. I was driving my dad around and we came to an intersection but it was partly blocked off. I jokingly said, "we should check it out" to which my dad said, "it has nothing to do with us" Little did we know that it did. A few minutes after we got home the phone ranged and I answered it. It was the hospital, they wanted my dad, and he had some test done days before, so I thought that's what it's about. I called him and he got the phone. I have never done this but for something told me to stay on the phone. I did. All I remember was them saying that there had been an accident and: Lorraine was involved, well the next I know I'm in the basement telling my mom, I don't remember walking down the stairs, I must have ran fast. They went to the hospital. I stayed home, so I could tell my brother that Lorraine was in an accident and in the hospital. Which I did and was like yeah so what, she'll be home soon. I remember my dad calling to say that they were sending someone over to sit with us and when I asked about Lorraine, he just said it doesn't look to good. When they got home they sat my brother and I down and told us that Lorraine had been killed in a car accident. Right then and there I felt my heartbreak and this pain came over me. That was the hardest thing I have ever heard. My heart was ripping in a million pieces. I don't remember much that night. I do remember that it hadn't rain much and it just poured down that night right as my parents were going to the hospital. My mom always said it was the angels weeping that day. I remember at some point that night the cops showed up and so did the parents of the other girl (my sister's best friend) that was killed with her. We found out that it was a drunk driver who hit them. All I know is that I was very sad and angry because I couldn't remember what she looked like, it was upsetting to me, and now looking back I was in shock. I went to sleep that night with her picture in my hand.
The next day I got up went for my drivers test, I didn't pass and I was waiting in the car for my driving teacher who didn't know what happened the night before. I just started to cry; my teacher was saying, "You can try again another time." I didn't care I was crying for the loss of my sister. When I got home I told everyone I didn't pass, ran to the bathroom locked the door and cried but there wasn't time to feel sad, I had things to do. It was exam week at school, my dad and his friend drove me to the school everyone was looking at me and whispering it was awful. We told the office what happed, being a small town they already knew, I didn't have to do my exams the just used my mark I had a mid term. Some people say that they just felt sorry for me and passed me but that's not true. Anyways that week was a busy one. We had to get the house ready because people would be dropping by. My mom was very upset so I cleaned and help out as much as I could. That's how I deal with things keep busy so I can't feel the pain. I remember my dad & I had to go to the mall for something and I saw some kids I thought were friends but was wrong. One of them said to me " I hear your sister got her brains smashed out on the road" I just walked away. I think it was the day before the funeral they had this thing I'm not sure what you call it, my dad called it a walk about, it's where people come to the funeral house and visit with the dead. Both my sister and the other girl's casket were there. We had to be there before everyone else. The funeral guy asked us if we wanted to say our good-byes to Lorraine before everyone got there. My parents where going to say no but then they thought of us kids. We each went up by ourselves. I remember going up for my turn. I had a picture of me as a little kid; it was my sister's favorite picture of me. I wrote a note to her on the back and placed it in her coffin with her. I say my good-byes. I had to touch her hand to make sure it wasn't a joke because I couldn't believe she was gone. I kissed her cheek and walked away. I use to go visit her grave a lot it kind of helped me. A few times I would wait up for her at night to come home, then I would remember that she was coming home, she was gone. It was very hard to go back to school the next school year. People looking at me funny and some teachers not talking to me. The hardest part was when you met someone new and they would say to me do you have any brothers or sisters? Oh my god what was I to say do I tell them I had a sister and then explain what happened or do I just say I have a brother. I came up with this when think of the answer I would think to myself, how close do I feel to the person, do I want them to know or not and is it a good day or bad day? That's how I answer that question. As for the guy who killed my sister, he is out of jail and I think he still drives… It's been 11yars now and I miss her more now then ever. It was very hard to say good-bye to her when I moved down here. It may sound silly to you but if you've been through what I have you'd understand. It was like losing her all over again. What makes it hurt so much is I've had no one I could ask question to about girl stuff, there are just something you can't talk to you mom about, (sorry mom) and I missed her at my wedding. She always said she'd be my maid of honor. I wish she could meet my husband and I feel sad that she'll never get to be an aunt to my kids when I have them or be there when there born. I know that she will live in our hearts, but that doesn't take the pain and hurt away. I don't care what people say, time doesn't heel, it only helps you to go on. There is lots I didn't share but I just wanted you all to know a little and to remember this the next time you go out drinking and don't let any one you know drink & drive because I'd hate to see your family or someone else go through what mine goes through each and every day. You may think it won't happen to you but you don't know it could. Remember that life is a gift and can be taken from you or a loved one so please take the time to tell your family how much you love them each and every time they go out that door because you may never get the change to again.
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