The Speed Test

Trevor: Take a letter to a Mr John Hudson, Hudson’s Floor Wax. You will find an invoice in the file for the address.

Dear Mr Hudson. Colon. My eyes are fully open to my awful situation so I‘m writing you a letter to demand an explanation. When the floor wax that we bought from you arrived here Monday morning we discovered upon usage that the fumes should have a warning. Since the only possibility is that your wax is rancid, I request a full refund of all the money we advanced, and unless you can convince me you’ve improved the floor wax batter we will take our business elsewhere so I hope you solve this matter.

Trevor: How’s my speed Miss Dillmount

Millie: A little slow perhaps.

Trevor: Ohhh…. Enclosed you’ll find a small container of the stuff I talk about just carefully remove the lid and take a whiff if you’ve a doubt I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to alert the daily papers with the news of how our office was affected by your vapours. Which is why I choose to write to you a confidential letter full of strong recommendation that you make your floor wax better. I just hope it won’t require us to have our floor relaid and if it does you may expect a bill, sincerely Trevor Graydon.

Trevor: Now - read that back to me, please.

Millie: Certainly.

Dear Mr Hudson. Colon. My eyes are fully open to my awful situation so I‘m writing you a letter to demand an explanation when the floor wax that we bought from you arrived here Monday morning we discovered upon usage that the fumes should have a warning since the only possibility is that your wax is rancid, I request a full refund of all the money we advanced

Trevor: Nice

Millie: .. and unless you can convince me you’ve improved the floor wax batter we will take our business elsewhere so I hope you solve this matter.

Trevor: Not half bad. Continue please.

Millie: Enclosed you’ll find a small container of the stuff I talk about just carefully remove the lid and take a whiff if you’ve a doubt I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to alert the daily papers with the news of how our office was affected by your vapours which is why I choose to write to you a confidential letter full of strong recommendation that you make your floor wax better. I just hope it won’t require us to have our floor relaid and if it does you may expect a bill, sincerely Trevor Graydon.

Trevor: Miss Dillmount - may I speak - frankly?

Millie: Yes

Trevor: If I could be so lucky as to have a good stenographer to keep this place as up to date as her short skirt and bobbed coiffure I wouldn’t have to worry about our soured office planking and could concentrate on generating profits ripe for banking. That is why I’m testing you with this outrageous correspondence which I don’t intend to actually mail to the respondent. So, if you can make sense of my unintelligible patter then the job is yours and Hudson’s product really doesn’t matter.

Millie: Hudson’s floor wax doesn’t matter

Trevor: Hudson’s floor wax doesn’t matter

All: Hudson’s floor wax doesn’t matter

Trevor: Hudson’s floor wax doesn’t matter! Now - I want that letter on my desk in two minutes flat. Man your machine - go!

Time!!!!! Dear Mr Hudson.

All: Colon.

Trevor: My eyes are fully open to my awful situation so I‘m writing you a letter to demand an explanation when the floor wax that we bought from you arrived here Monday morning we discovered upon usage that the fumes should have a warning since the only possibility is that your wax is rancid, I request a full refund of all the money we advanced and unless you can convince me you’ve improved the floor wax batter we will take our business elsewhere so I hope you solve this matter.

All:
So I hope you solve this matter
So I hope you solve this matter
So I hope you solve this matter
So I hope you solve this matter
So I hope you solve this matter
So I hope you solve this matter
So I hope you solve this matter
Matter Matter matter!!!!

Trevor:
Going on ….. Enclosed you’ll find a small container of the stuff I talk about just carefully remove the lid and take a whiff if you’ve a doubt I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to alert the daily papers with the news of how our office was affected by your vapours which is why I choose to write to you a confidential letter full of strong recommendation that you make your floor wax better. I just hope it won’t require us to have our floor relaid and if it does you may expect a bill, sincerely Trevor Graydon.

You have made the team Miss Dillmount

All:
You have made the team Miss Dillmount

Millie: Tell me where my desk is, when we eat lunch, how much I’ll be paid and nice to meet you I know we’ll be friends just call me Millie Graydon

All: Millie Graydon
Millie: I mean Dillmount!
All: Millie Dillmount
Millie: Someday Graydon…
All: Millie Dillmount, Dillmount Graydon, Graydon Dillmount
Millie: Graydon
All: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!