Ay yo. These r sum of tha quotes i happened 2 have on mah comp. They aren't supposed 2 offend, save u from bipolar-depression or give u a whole new view on lyfe. Just read them~


All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening

To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three people, two of whom are absent.

Sex is lyke air, it only matters when ur not gettin any.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

Jury - Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.

Save a tree, eat a beaver.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Dickson's Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead"?

Life is sexually transmitted.

Is there a time in the life of every problem when it is big enough to see, yet small enough to solve.

Bite off more than you can chew, then chew lyke hell!

Everybody should believe in something; I believe I should have another drink.

If you want to test your memory try to remember what you were worrying about one year ago about today.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw my bath toys were a toaster and a radio

The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable

Whoever says that money can't buy happiness doesn't know where to shop!

A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.

If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell.

She always says she dislikes the abnormal. It is so obvious. She says the normal is so much more simply complicated and interesting.

I don't know. I don't care. And it doesn't make any difference

People love chopping wood. In this activity one immediately sees the results. -Albert Einstein

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. -Shirley Temple

Work really fascinates me...i can sit and look at it for hours.

The toughest thing about being a housewife is you have no place to stay home from. -Patricia C. Beudoin

Purity is Obscurity. -Ogden Nash

Lots of people want to ride with you in Limo, But what you want is someone who will take the bus with you, When the Limo breaks down.

The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires. *hmm most of my teachers r mediocre then.*

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence, There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work.

Time flies like an arrow, and fruit flies like a banana.

The best work in the world is done by people who's bosses don't know what they're doing

There's one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him; if he says yes, you know he is crooked

Insanity is hereditary; you can get it from your children...*so thatz where mah mama went wrong...*

To drink, or not to drink...that is NOT a question.

There are three things I always forget - names, faces and... the third I can't remember

Support your local police force - steal.

Diet - a system of starving yourself so that you can live a little longer

DOS is the greatest computer virus ever written

Laugh at your problems - everbody else does

Conserve water; Dilute it.

Drive defencively - buy a tank.

No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid

Choice has always been a privelidge for those who can afford to pay for it.