THINGS THAT BOTHER ME:

1. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no>genitals.

 

2. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new,>then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then>there must have been something before it.

 

3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the room for>the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the >channel manually.

 

4. The Norwich Life commercial where the old fart answers the phone,>says hello and then immediately tells his wife "It's Patrick! He>bought life insurance!" Excuse me? How did Patrick find the time to tell>you this? You barely breathed between "Hello" and "It's Patrick".. And>why the hell do you have big sheets of bristol board and thick markers by>the phone? Do you people play pictionary over the phone often?

 

5. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it>too". Fuck off. What good is a goddam cake you can't eat? What, should I>eat someone else's cake instead?

 

6. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of>course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people>do this? Who and where are they?

 

7. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No>dicknose, I paid $8.50 to come to the theatre and stare at that thing>over there. What did you come here for?

 

8. The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't>drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober either>Mr. Healey. You're blind for god's sake!

 

9. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me>a choice, did ya there buddy?

 

10. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know >where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my >crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?