How You Can Tell When It's Going To Be A Rotten Day!

*  You wake up face down on the pavement.
*  You went to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there
    aren't any.
*  You put your bra on backward and it fits better.
*  You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
*  You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the
    city.
*  You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
*  Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
*  Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
*  You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then you realise
    that you don't have a waterbed.
*  Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a
    group of Hell's Angels on to the freeway.
*  Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
*  Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
*  The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
*  You wake up and your braces are locked together.
*  You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your
    pantyhose.
*  Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
*  Your income tax check bounces.
*  You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your
   business.
*  You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
*  Your pet rock snaps at you.
*  Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill," and you name is George.