One of the perks of being a firefighter is the humor shared between fellow firefighters at the fire station. Just like with any family you NEVER know what to expect and just when you think you've "seen it all" somebody will do something to let you know you haven't ! All the joking, of course, is set aside when there's work to be done but it sure is a stress reliever and firefighting can be a very stressful job ! Sooo.... I won't bore you with further details, here are a few jokes for ya... I thought they were funny. Hope you do, also !  When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher. "Pull the pin like a hand grenade," he explained, "then depress the trigger to release the foam." Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin. The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?" In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin -- and hurled the extinguisher at the blaze.
Three firefighters went out on a hunting trip. There was a rookie, a captain, and a chief. The weather was miserable and they hadn't seen any deer all day. They came across an old shack where they went inside to play a game of poker. After loosing a couple of hands, the rookie threw down his cards and said "that does it! I am going out to get me a deer." Fifteen minutes later, the rookie came back with a nice four point buck. The captain and chief asked, "how did you get that?" The rookie replied, "I walked out fifty feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck". The captain then said, "I've had enough of this I am going to get my deer." He came back a half hour later with a 6-point buck. The chief asked, "how did you get that?" The captain replied, "I walked out a hundred feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck." The chief not wanting to be out done said "I am out of here, I am going to bag the biggest buck of the day." He came back an hour later, all mangled up and bloody. The rookie and captain asked, "what happened to you?" The chief replied, "I walked out there five hundred feet, followed some tracks, and got hit by a train."
If 'H 2 O' is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside? 'K 9 P'
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little boy next door. The little boy is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. He is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little boy. What are you doing?" The little boy says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!" The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little boy that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says the little boy. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little boy has tied the dog to the wagon by its testicles. "Little boy", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster." The little boy says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!'
The boss needed to contact an employee about a computer problem. Upon calling the employee's home, he was greeted with a child's whispered voice on the first ring, "Hello." Is your Daddy home?" the boss quickly asked. "Yes", whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked. The small voice whispered, "No." "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." "Son, is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked. "Yes", whispered the child, "A policeman." The boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer. "Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter he asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper.", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed. The child answered, "The police just landed the hello-copper!" Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?" After a muffled little giggle, the young voice replied in a very low whisper, "They're looking for me!"
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!" As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze. After two more hours of attacking the fire, president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company's secret files. From the distance a long siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65. To everyone's amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. In the distance the other firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before. After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. Joyous, the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers. After thanking each of the old men individually, the president asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money. The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, "The first thing we're going to do is fix the dang brakes on that truck!"
"Give me a sentence about a public servant", said the teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure", said the young student confidently. "It means 'carrying a child'."
An excited man calls the fire department and says, "Help me, my house is on fire!!" The fireman says, "Where do you live?" The man replies, "I am too excited, I can't tell you the exact address." The fireman asks, "How do you expect us to get there?" The man replies, "What do you mean 'how'? Use the big red truck !"
Sick people don't bitch Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing. The more equipment you see on a EMT's belt, the newer they are. Being an EMT means having extended periods of intense boredom, interrupted by occasional moments of sheer terror. Always follow the rules but be wise enough to leave them sometimes. If the patient vomits, try to hold the head to the side of the rig with the least difficult cleanable equipment If you absolutely must vomit, than it is probably best to turn your head away from the patient. If I'm up, EVERYONE is up! When responding to a call always remember that your ambulance was built by the lowest bidder. If its stupid, but it works, then it ain't stupid ! The important things are always simple. The simple things are always hard. If the patientt is going to vomit (especially projectile) be sure to aim towards any bystanders that would NOT clear the scene. "When in trouble, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout". When a call comes in 2 minutes before shift change, you will always pass your relief 1 block from the station. he/she/ it will be laughing and waving at you. You are bound to get a call either during dinner, while you are on the can, or at 2:00am in the middle of a great dream. When it comes to needles, 'tis better to give than to receive. Listening to some EMT's talk on the radio makes you wonder why they don't become professional auctioneers. Most of your patients are healthier than you are. Being in emergency services means you get to celebrate your holidays with all your friends, while on-duty. Being an EMT means you get to expose yourself to rare, exotic and exciting new diseases. You fall, you call, we haul, that's all.! If you have a ride-along you want to show the real world, nothing will happen that shift. You can't cure stupid If it's wet and sticky and not yours, leave it alone! Heaven protects fools and drunks. The address is never clearly marked. The stereo must always be louder than the siren ! You know you are in trouble when the directions to a patient's house include... " turn off of the paved surface..." The pain will go away when it stops hurting. The larger the house the furthest from a door the patient will be. If the patient fell and was moved by the family, they will have moved them so that climbing stairs will be involved.
1. Your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing on the way to the scene. 2. You have naked lady mud flaps on your pumper. 3. Your firehouse has wheels ! 4. Some of your firefighters respond in horse and buggies. 5. You've ever gotten back and found out you locked yourselves out of the firehouse. 6. You've ever been called out on an outhouse fire. 7. You've ever let a person's house burn down because they wouldn't let you hunt on their land. 8. Your rescue truck can smoke the tires. 9. Your department's name is misspelled on the equipment. 10. Dispatch can't mention your name without laughing. 11. The local news crew won't put your department on TV because you embarassed them last time. 12. You've ever referred to a light bar as sweet. 13. Your defib consists of a pair of jumper cables, a marine battery, and a fish finder. 14. Your pumper has been on fire more times than it has been to a fire. 15. Your pumper smokes more than the house fire. 16. You've ever been arrested for indecent exposure at a house fire. 17. Your new $500,000.00 ladder truck was custom ordered with a spit cup holder. 18. The Chief's car has a rag for a gas cap. 19. Firefighters punishment consists of taking away their chewing tobacco. 20. Your apparatus has carbon monoxide detectors mounted in the cab. 21. You return from a fire with more junk than you arrived with. 22. Your job shirts are "3X-Large" but should be "5X-Large."
A New York fellow, while traveling through a small town in Georgia, saw a nativity scene at a local Baptist Church that was quite unique. The three wise men were wearing fireman's helmets! He stopped at a coffee shop at the edge of town, and asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at him, "You dang Yankees never do read the Bible!" He assured her that he did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in his face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar !"
1. Get boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I think we have a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens. 5. Put M&M's on layaway. 6. Move CAUTION WET FLOOR signs to carpet areas. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department, tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people leave me alone." 9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. 10. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible." 11. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are. 12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels. 13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!" 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again." 15. Go to the fitting room and yell real loud ..."Hey we're out of toilet paper in here!
Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note:
1. You can tell what type of fire it is by the smell of smoke 10 miles away.
 
 The song you hear playing is called Sleepy. This original MIDI was created and sequenced by Keith Spillman at The Little Kitchen.  
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