Chris Rock:

Ladies and gentleman... of the G.E.D. class of 1999

I have one piece of advice for you

No matter what a stripper tells you

There's no sex in the Champagne Room... NONE!

Oh there's CHAMPAGNE in the Champagne Room

But you don't want champagne... you want Sex

And there's NO sex... in the Champagne Room

Don't go to parties with metal detectors

Sure it feels safe inside; but what about

All those niggaz waintin' outside with guns?

They know you ain't got one...

If a woman tells you she's 20 and looks 16... she's 12

If she tells you she's 26, and LOOKS 26... she's damn near 40

Take off that silly-ass hat

The O.D.B. couldn't have possibly committed all those crimes

Coolio did some of that shit

Young black men - if you go to the movie theater

And someone steps on your foot, let it SLIIIDE

Why spend the next twenty years in jail

'Cause someone smudged your Puma?
Cornbread - ain't nuttin' wrong with that

No matter what you think of what I'm sayin'

Remember this one thing: there is no sex, in the Champagne Room

Gerald Levert:

Ooooohh...

No sex in the Champagne Room (6x)

Absolutely, positively, no sex in the Champagne Room

No... no-ohhhhh...

Chris Rock:

If a homeless person... has a funny sign...

He hasn't been homeless that long

A +REAL+ homeless person, is too hungry, to be funny

If a girl has a pierced tongue - she'll probably suck your dick

[Levert: That'd be great...]

If a guy has a pierced tongue - he'll probably suck your dick

[Levert: I don't want tha, no...]

Here's a horoscope for everyone:

Aquarius: You're gonna die

Capricorn: You're gonna die

Gemini: You're gonna die TWICE

Leo: You're gonna die

Scorpio: You're gonna die fuckin'

[Levert: Ohh yeah..]

No one goes to Hooters for wings

[Levert: No no no...]

If you've been dating a man for four months

And you haven't met any of his friends, you are NOT his girlfriend!

Some of the things I've said may not apply to you

Some of the things I've said may offend you

But no matter who you are, you must remember this one thing

There's no sex in the Champagne Room

NONE

Gerald Levert:

No sex in the Champagne Room

Said no sex in the Champagne Room

No sex in the Champagne Room

No no sex in the Champagne Room

No sex in the Champagne Room

Can't get none, uhh

Can't get none, nah

In the Champagne Room

Said there's absolutely, positively

No sex in the Champagne Room

Said no... no...

Said no-ohhhh...

Said Chris said...

There ain't no sex

In the Champagne Room... no... no... no...

Can't get none, ahh

Can't have none... *fades*