Chapter 4
Tay visited me and brought me my homework while I was out of school, and he called me from school every once and awhile too. He was very sweet to me. Somehow we also planned to where he would pick me up to go to school in the morning and he would drop me off in the afternoons at home after drama since it was senseless in me going to cheerleading. I was so ready for the first day of school you have no idea, even though I had no friends, no group, and was pretty much shunned by the entire senior and junior student body, I was okay with the sophmores. They didn't know or didn't care. They understood, so I hung out with them if I had time. There were a few of them who I knew through Tay. He adopted me into his group during lunch, between some classes we might have had near each other, and after school. I met Tessa, Reese, and Michael. They were all in drama of course. Reese had an older sister who knew about me, and she hadn't been too nice about it, but Reese still liked me. She told me I was beautiful inside and outside and thats why people did awful things to me, so I would be jaded like them. What a trippy girl.
Don't think that my life got perfect just because I met Tay and got some friends, it wasn't. The blows just didn't hurt as much. At least I didn't have to suffer alone with no one to tell. I could always tell one of them. It was nice. Taylor was the biggest flirt I came to find out. He was always making some girl smile with his flattery. It made me smile, I remember when I could be like that, except with guys. The thing that benefited them was that even though I was unpopular I was still invited to parties, so they could go to the junior and senior parties with me, even though most of the time we just went somewhere like the skating rink and hung out. Yes, I know it sounds desperate, but the skating rink was okay to be at at any age. It didn't matter there, there were old foggies to toddlers. It was a nice mix, plus they played good music, had pool tables, and served pizza. That's all we needed to be happy. Course everyone loves the Waffle House. LOL! How sad we must sound, but we had fun. And we all fit in Tay's car, so it was okay.
One night when we had dropped everyone else off at their house, and we were on the long drive to my house Tay pulled the car over.
"Syn, will you go out with me? As cliche as that line sounds, I mean it. I want you to be like, my girlfriend. I want to be able to put my arm around you, and not look like just another flirt fest. Come on, whaddya say?", he said smiling broadly and leaning over toward me.
"No.", I said simply. Don't get me wrong, I normally would love to go out with Tay, even thought I didn't see what he saw in me. But going out with me could ruin his high school career. He would get so much shit for it. I didn't want to bring that down on him. He stared at me in amazement, his mouth was ajar and all. He slid closer to me, his face going from shock to disappointment and confusion.
"But why not?", he asked his voice quiet with wonder.
"I don't want to bring down all the bad that comes with me on you. I don't. You're too sweet for that, you really are. I am not going to ruin your high school career."
"What the fuck?! You think I give a shit about my high school career? I mean, goddess, what the fuck?!"
"Yes, I think you do! Or at least I do. If you'd think with your head instead of your head maybe you'd think about this rationally. You will be tormented by the junior and senior student body, just like I am. You will be thrown into this whirlwind of shit getting thrown at you and trust me, it is not fun! I refuse to bring that down on you.", I said slumping against the seat.
"That's bullshit. That is the sorriest excuse I have ever heard, and the most cliche and superficial at that. ", he said slipping back to his seat and driving us back to my house. I curled against the door and seat, it was cold where I was. The chill just got worse as we got home, and when I got home I couldn't get warm either. I had a burning shower, and I slept with 3 comforters and I was still curled in fetal position trying to get warm. I seriously was shivering, freezing, cold. I could not get warm period, and I'm stressing this because I mean it felt like I was standing naked in three feet of snow in the middle of Antarctica. I was freezing.
The next day Taylor picked me up and I sat in his car, still freezing, silent as we drove to school. I was cold through class, I was cold at lunch, I was cold during their drama practice, I was cold in Tay's car on the way home. We weren't conversing either, and it was very noticeable. Reese called me asking me what was wrong, as did Tessa, and even Michael, of all people. They were worried something was horribly wrong, I told them what happened without detail, since it was my fault anyway. Reese told me to get the fuck over it and apoligize and go out with him, Tessa told me I was smart, and Mike asked me about the head comment. In other words, they weren't much help, but what was I going to do. I wasn't used to thinking on my own.
My birthday was coming up December 21st. I didn't know if Tay knew or not, but I knew the rest of the group did. It was only November 23rd and I was already going on and on about things I could do for my birthday. I never liked doing things big for my birthday, it just wasn't my style. I liked spending my time with my friends and such. I'd probably just make us all go out to eat and then hang out at my place, have the girls spend the night for something completely girlish and vain. I hadn't done that in forever so I was looking forward to it. Everyone was invited, Tay knew about it. I didn't know if he was going to show or not, I really didn't. It was still very uneven between us and I was more than slightly uncomfortable around him. We drove in silence with the radio on, and I was getting used to feeling cold all the time.
more coming soon!