I freaking met these guys. I'm sure of it. I was in Oxford, OH checking out Ray's Music Exchange at this bar called Ozzie's, I think, and these two dudes were sitting at this table drinking whiskey out of plastic cups. They must've been able to tell that I knew the band, because they started asking me questions--Ray's is a tight-as-all-hell funk/jazz band from Cinci and it's impossible not to dig them. These guys pretty much knew their shit and we rapped about music for a while and they got me drinking plastic cup whiskey. It was a crazy bar and everyone was dancing but we were just sitting there--I think they were from out of town too. We ended up getting completely hammered and after the show they asked me if I knew Swank--totally like in that other story--all formal and stuff like the Blues Brothers, and I said yeah cuz I thought they were talking about this one magazine, but they ended up giving me this tape. One guy was kind of tall and the other guy was shorter. They were pretty dry and sarcastic but really friendly. And they drank a ton.
Anyway, this tape is the best. Reminds of this guy I heard one time who's got a song on the "Smoke" soundtrack. The whole technology "concept" thing with Jeff and his uncle and all that is hilarious. The music can't help but make fun of itself, but it's good all the same. It's not pretentious, I guess. And it's hilarious in a really smart kind of way. Is there any more of this stuff floating around? I wish I would have gotten more info out of those guys, but I had no idea. Plus I was snookered. Anyway that's about all I know.

Terry DiDocha (Cincinatti, OH)

Jeff�s not dead. I know because you can tell by the eyes. He�s in Alejandro�s basement, with the evil jazz monster.

Melvin

Check out the doo-doos at the end of Alejandro Hooper. �These guys are hilarious. �You can barely hear the doo-doos, especially if you have a 30th generation tape like mine, but they're there. �All doo-dooing and stuff. �And there's a bad chord in there, but hey--who cares? �They obviously didn't. �They care about the doo-doos and so do I.

Teddy Dubay

I thought it was barca lounger, not barco

Bob

I first heard Swank on a tape that my cousin from Ohio sent me. It had a whole bunch of cool stuff on it, a lot of unreleased-type stuff by bands I knew, and then also this song "Blue Velvet" which I had never heard before. I've hounded my cousin, but he doesn't know much more than I do. Got the tape from a friend of a friend of friend and so on...Anyway, that song is PHENOMINAL, it makes me cry and laugh at the same time--kind of the same effect as (not the material but) the movie. For as weird as it is it's actually a really nice song. I have a copy of the whole album now, which I love and listen to all the time, but I don't have the cover that my cousin has. Is there any way I can get one of those? Anyway, love the site and I'll pass the word on to everyone I know. And I won't fight an epic battle without my shoes.

Summer (Boulder, CO)

I can't BELIEVE there's other people who know about this tape. �I got it from the nicest guy at a gas station in Wyoming. �I sent copies to all my friends in Montana and one of them told me about this site last night. �This is soooooo cool..... Can somebody PLEASE tell me what they say in Macon Bacon, though? �I assume that this song and Elvis are mixed up on the cover. �Does he say "Nintendo Innuendo Valleys and Crescendos?" �I hope so. �And what do all the girls in Macon do? �And what's the deal with the fireflies in the last verse? �And where's the "plasticine imported bust of us?" �In Homepage on the Range does he say "wood-burning stove" or word-burning stove?" �I hope it's word-burning. That's way cooler. �The evil jazz techno song is funkycool too.

Megan Whitefish, MT

This tape is so-so until the World Wide Web song. �After that it's awesome. �I got it from a guy at a Bob Dylan show in Cincinatti.

Travis

And now a word from our sponsor:

Drinking and music seem to go well together. I'm not sure if this discovery is mine originally, or if maybe someone else has thought of it. I first heard Swank somewhere in southeastern Washington. My friend Chad and I had just stopped at the gas station to buy beer. We were driving back from the kick-your-ass beautiful Columbia River gorge. It was late. It was warm. We had a sunroof.

I bought Original Coors. God bless it. It goes down like water.

I loved Swank almost as much as large-mouthed cans. Even though sometimes they were perplexing (not the cans). I like perplexing though, especially if combined with tasty, watery beer. Damn. Now I'm thirsty.

Mark Your Maker, I imagine, is a wise statement. I slept well that night, lulled by Coors and dreams of guitar-playing barco-loungers.

Paul Toutonghi