Just For Laughs

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Just For Laughs

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10 Commandments of a Teenager!

1. Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.

(Why wait?)

2. Thou shall not do drugs.

(Alcohol last longer)

3. Thou shall not steel from K-mart.

(Myers has a bigger selection)

4. Thou shall not get arrested for vandalism.

(Destruction has a bigger effect)

5. Thou shall not steel from thy parents.

(Every-1 knows grandma has more money)

6. Thou shall not get in fights.

(Just start them)

7. Thou shall not skip class.

(Just take the whole day off)

8. Thou shall not strip in class.

(ManPower and Bad Girls pays more)

9. Thou shall not think about having sex.

(As nike sayz just do it)

10. Thou shall not help old ladies cross the street.

(Just leave them in the middle)

Definitions

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is

now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born

and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth

will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest Opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character

lines.

Golf

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with

clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in

civilized society, it is called golf.

Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.

Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are

those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.

Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments.

The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and

not too often.

There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends,

play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.

Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of

poor players.

An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once

before swinging, and once again after swinging.

Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart

cannot count, criticize or laugh.

Landlords

Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords...

1. "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until

it is cleared."

2. "I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and

burnt my knob off."

3. "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the

man next door."

4. "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from

the wall."

5. "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the

kitchen."

6. "Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three

pieces."

7. "Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk.

Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant."

8. "When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's

new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to

finish the job and keep my wife happy."