STRESS RELIEVERS

    

Stress Reliever # 1

Hubby : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Hubby : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Wife : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one ?"
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Stress Reliever # 2

Girl : When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy : It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl : Well that's because we aren't married yet.
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Stress Reliever # 3

Son : Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mum : Well, you have done the right thing.
Son : But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
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Stress Reliever # 4

Wife to husband : "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband to wife : "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband : "What ? At 2 a.m. ?!

"Husband to wife : "Yes, We used night clubs."
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Stress Reliever # 5

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO
LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
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Stress Reliever # 6

Father to son after exam:"let me see your report card."
Son : "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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Stress Reliever # 7

"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her room mate.
"Terrible!" the room mate answered. "He showed up his 1932 Rolls Royce."
'Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner."
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Stress Reliever # 8

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it.She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following
inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin." Not long after,
the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady
had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the lazy no-goods as they were,
they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote:
"Returned unopened."
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Little Johnny is back:
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up : "We are all human beans."
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Teacher : Let's take the example of the busy ant. He is busy all the
time, works all day and every day. Then what happens?
Little Johnny : He gets stepped on.