*Blonde Joke Page*

Two blondes were trapped on an island and they find a magic lamp. The first blond says I want to be smart, so he turns her into a brunette and she build a raft and sails back to the main land.  The second blond says I want to be smarter than her, so he turns her into a man and he walks across the bridge.

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.  "You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman. "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts."  Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too."  Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried. The doctor looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and asked, "Are you a natural blonde?" "Why, yes," she said.

"I thought so," said the doctor, "You have a broken finger."


How do you kill a blond???
Put spikes on her sholders.

What do you call a blonde behind the wheel?
An air bag!

Q:  Why did it take so long for the blonde to make chocolate chip cookies?
A:  She had to shell all the M&M's.

One day three girls were walking through the woods. They stumbled upon a magic lamp that had a genie inside. The genie said he would give each of them one wish. The first girl wished for a new car, and it appeared. The second girl asked to be the smartest person in the world, and suddenly she knew everything. The third girl wished to be dumber, so the genie turned her into a blonde!
How does a blond get hurt raking leaves?
She falls out of the tree.

What is an advantage of having a blond passenger present while shopping?
Because you can park in the handicapped spaces.

What's this? (Hold one nostril and breathe in through your nose)
A blonde refuling.

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head all sitting in the doctor's office one day.  All three of them were pregnant.  The red head looks around and says, "I think that I'm going to have a girl, because when the baby was concieved, I was on the top."  The brunette looks at her and says, " Well, I think I'm going to have a boy, because when my baby was concieved, I was on the bottom."  The blonde looks up and says, " I think I'm having puppies."

A blonde, brunette, and this red head were all driving through the desert one day.  Straight through Arizona.  All of a sudden the car breaks down.  The brunette, the leader of the group, says, " Okay, now eveybody bring one thing with you because I think we're gonna be here awhile.  So lets everybody get one thing that they need, and when you have what you want, let's meet at that big cactus over there.
    So the brunette brings a fan, incase she gets hot, she can fan herself.  The red head brings a pitcher of water, incase she gets hot, she can drink it.  Well the red head and the brunette are waiting and waiting for this blonde to show up.  Finally they see her dragging this car door behind her.  they both say, "What are you doing!?!?!?"  The blonde looks at them and says, "Well, incase it gets hot, I can roll down the window."
Why did the blonde jump off a cliff?
She thought her maxi had wings.

How do you keep a blond busy? Tell her to sit on the corner of a circle.

Two blonds ran into each other at the door of their psychiatrist's office.  "Hello there," said one.  "Are you coming or going?"  "If I knew that,"  said the other, "I wouldn't be here!"

    A blonde woman competed with a brunette and a redhead in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition.  The brunette came in first and the redhead was a close second.
Much later, the blonde finally reached shore, completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she muttered, "I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think those other two girls used their arms."

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? The 1984 hide and seek champion.

What is the same about a TV and a blonde?
They both can easily be turned on.

What did the brunette say to the smart blonde? Nothing, there is no such thing.

Why was the blonde so happy after she had completed a 50 piece puzzle in 67 days?
Because the box said 4-7 years.

What do you call three blonds in a freezer? Frosted Flakes

A dumb blond, a smart blond, santa claus, and the tooth fairy are walking down the street. There is a dollar bill on the floor, who picks it up????
The dumb blond because the other three don't exist.

How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.


How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday? Tell them a joke on Friday.

Did you hear about the blonde's trip to Disney Land? The sign said "DISNEY WORLD LEFT", so she did!

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scrach and sniff sticker on the bottom of a swimming pool.

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She threw out all the Ws.

A blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge at the same time who hit the water first?
The brunette; the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

How can you tell when a blonde has been using a computer?
There's White-Out all over the screen.

Blondes were the first to invent:
Screen doors in a submarine
Opening windows in a space shuttle
Glow-in-the-Dark Sunglasses
Solar Flashlights
Braille on Drive-Thru Bank Tellers
Electrical Shower Outlets

Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
They can't get all that water in the little package.

Why did the blonde stare at the carton of Orange Juice?
It said "Concentrate."

How do blonde brain cells die?
Alone.

How did the blonde die ice fishing?
She was run over by the zamboni machine.

What did the blonde customer say to the bosom waitress when reading her name tag?
"Debbie...that's cute.  What did you name the other one?"

What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once every month?
Because it says on the package "Good for up to 20lbs."

Did you hear about the blonde couple that was found frozen to death in their
car at a drive-in movie theater?  They went to see 'Closed for the Winter.'

How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.

Why don't blondes double recipes?
The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their
Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde #1:  "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!"
Blonde #2:  "Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to
rain and the top is down!"

Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
In case she locks the keys in her car.

How does the blonde car pool to work?
They all meet at work at 7:45.

Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an AM radio?
It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.

What's the difference between an intelligent blonde and a UFO?
There have been UFO sightings.
What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes?
An interpreter.

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted.

Three blondes are on a "nature" hike.  The first one stops walking and says, "Hey!  Look!  Rabbit tracks!!"
The replied, "Nah, those are deer tracks!"
The third piped in, "Uh-uh...Those are definitely raccoon tracks!"
And then they were all run over by a train.

Why did the blonde have a sore bellybutton?
Because blonde guys aren't too bright either.

What do you call a blonde dying her hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence

SHE WAS SO BLONDE.................

 - she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind
 - she got stabbed in a shoot-out
 - she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK"
 - she sent me a fax with a stamp on it
 - she tried to drown a fish
 - she thought a quarterback was a refund
 - she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death
 - she tripped over a cordless phone
 - she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
 - at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here".. she put "Gemini"
 - she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store
 - it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes
 - if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless
 - she studied for a blood test - and failed
 - she sold the car for gas money
 - she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill

Blond:  My sister and I went to the beach last summer and took turns burying each other in the sand.
Friend:  That sounds like fun.
Blond:  Yep, it was.  And next summer I'm going back and dig her up!

Why was the blonde's chest rectangular?
She forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

A blonde is standing at a Coke machine just feeding money into it and getting Coke's out like crazy.  This guy walks up wondering what she is doing, and stops to ask.  He says, "How many Coke's are you trying to buy?"  She says, "Don't stop me I'm on a roll right now!"
What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A Golden Retriever

What did the blonde say when she found out that she was pregnant?
I hope it's mine!

Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
She wanted to see what was on the other side!

Why are there so many blonde jokes???
Because it gives the brunettes something to do on Saturday nights!!!!

A blonde goes into a store and tells the salesman she wants to buy a TV. He says sorry we don't sell to blondes. So she leaves. A week later she comes back, her hair dyed brown and tells the same salesman I want that TV. He says sorry we don't sell to blondes. She says how did you know I was blonde? He says, "that's a microwave!"

The Blond called the Fire Department because her house was on fire ... "My house is on fire, please help me!!!" ... The Fire Department said "Ok, miss calm down, we will be there soon, how do we get to your house???" ... The Blond said, "Duhhhhhhh, Big Red Truck!"
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant

Q: What is the first thing a blonde says when she wakes up in the morning?
A: So, are you guys all on the same team, or what?

There once was a dumb blonde and she was sitting in a canoe in the middle of a field of wheat . She was trying to row the canoe as if she was in water .Then another dumb blonde came along in a red comvertible and saw the other dumb blonde. The blonde in the car was furious . She slammed on the brakes and stepped out of the car . Then she screamed,"It's dumb blondes like you that make blondes like me look stupid . And if I could swim I would ring your neck .
Q: What does a mother say to her blonde daughter before she goes out on a date?
A:  If you're not in bed by 10:30, come home.

Q:  What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A:  Roll down the car windows.

Q:  Why do blondes like cars with sun roofs?
A:  More leg room.

Q:  Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A:  More head room.

Q:  How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A: fertilized

There is a blond and a brunette walking in the park. The brunette say "Ahhh! there is a poor dead bird."  The blond looks up and says "Where?"'
Q: How does a blond turn on a light after sex?
A: she kicks the car door open. 

Two blondes decide to go duck hunting. Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven't bagged any.
One hunter looks at the other and says "I just don't understand it -- why aren't we getting any ducks?"
Her friend says "I keep telling you, I just don't think we're throwing the dog high enough."
A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day.  As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.

Who said blondes can't fly!!, she thought.  After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in.  "I'm doing great!  I love it!  The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this." After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly.  The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.  A few minutes later, he watched in horror as  she crashed about half a mile away.  He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.  When he asked what happened, she said: "I don't know!  Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold.  I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."


There were these two girl who knew eachother.  One was a blonde and the other a brunette.  The brunette was showing the blonde her new Thermos she bought.  The blonde asked "Well what is it for?"  So the brunette replied "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
     The next day at work, the blonde was showing her friend, who was also a blond, a new Thermos that she had purchased.  The blonde friend asked "Well what is it for?"  So the first blonde says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
     "Well what do you have in it?"  the friend asks.  "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
To protect their skulls as their heads rock left and right.

How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in her shoulder pads.

What would a blonde say if you blew in her ear?
Oh, Thanks for the refill!

Why do blondes have more fun?
Because they don't know any better.

A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator headed for the 10th floor. At the third floor, the elevator stops and a man gets on. Both women agree that the man is very handsome but they also notice that he has terrible dandruff. When the man leaves the elevator on the 5th floor, the brunette turns to the blonde and says, "Someone should really give him Head and Shoulders." The blonde looks at the brunette and asks, "How do you give shoulders?"
What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg?

I don't know, they never meet.


What did the blond say when her father gave her Cheerios?
Hey, look Daddy.  Donut seeds!

Q: How do you get a blond on the roof?
A: Tell her the drinks are on the house.

How many blonde jokes are there?
One the rest are all true.

Q: How do u keep a blonde busy?
A: Give her a pack of M&M's and tell her to put them in alphabetical order!

There were three women stranded on an island. There was a blond, brunette and a red-head. The closest main land was 20 miles away. The redhead jumped in the water, swam 5 miles, gt tired and drowned. The brunette swam 10 miles, got tired and drowned. Then the blond swam 19 miles, got tired and swam back to the island.

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard . One of the blonde men walked into the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."  "You mean two-by-fours, don't you ?" The blonde man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.

He came back a minute later and said, "Yeah, I mean two-by-fours." "Alright.  How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute and said, " I'll be right back, I better go check with my friend" After a while, the customer returned to the office and said "We're going to need those two-by-fours for a long time. We're going to be building a house."


Why was the blonde upset when she got her Drivers License?

She got an F in sex.


What is safe sex to a blond?
A padded dashboard.

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana.  As they were
 approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the
 pronunciation of the town.

They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.  As
 they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde
 employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an
 argument for us?  Would you please pronounce where we
 are...  very slowly?"
The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr,
 gerrrrrrr,  Kiiiiing."


Q: Whats the difference between a blond and a tree ?
A: A tree knows when its being cut down !!!

What do a blond and a turtle have in common?
Once they are on their back, they're screwed.

What don't you do with your corvette that you do with your blonde girl friend?
You don't lend your corvette to your friends.

How do you get a blonde to marry you?
Tell her she's pregnant.

A blonde was down on her financial luck and in desperation decided she'd kidnap someone's child and then hold them for ransom.  So, she went down to the local grammar school during recess, grabbed the nearest child and dragged him behind a tree and said "I've kidnaped your kid" and then pins a note to the boy's shirt that told his mother to leave $10,000 in a paper bag behind the pecan tree that was next to the slide as terms for his release, then sent the child home with the note.  The next day sure enough, the blond found a paper bag behind the pecan tree that was next to the slide with a $10,000 check inside and a short note that read... "how can you do that to a fellow blonde?!
If you know a blonde joke you didn't see on this page, please e-mail me: [email protected]

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