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A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge nine-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
A blonde named Anna had a near death experience.
The other day when she went horseback riding.
Everything was going fine until the horse started
bouncing out of control. She tried with all her
might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when
things could not possibly get worse, her foot got
caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she
fell head first to the ground. Her head continued
to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even
slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and
losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager
happened to walk by and unplug it.
A brunette is walking in the desert (and she really hates blondes)and she comes across a lamp. A genie pops out and says she can have 3 wishes --with one catch. All the blondes in the world will get twice as much as she does. The brunette thinks about this for a while and then says okay. She says for her first wish that she wants a million dollars. The genie reminds her that all the blondes in the world will get 2 million dollars and she says okay. For her second wish she asks for a handsome man. The genie says that all the blondes in the world will also get two handsome men and she says okay. For her last wish the brunette says, "See that stick over there? I want you to beat me half to death with it."
There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde
jokes and decided to dye her hair brown. She then
went for a drive in the country and came upon a
shepherd herding his sheep across the road. She
asked the shepherd, 'If I guess how many sheep
there are here, can I keep one?'
He replied 'Sure!'
Out of the blue, she blurts out, '352!'
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to
pick out a sheep. She looks and searches and
finally picks out the cutest one. He looks at her
and says, 'If I guess what color your hair really
is, can I have my dog back?'
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for
a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A
man was shown threatening to jump from the
Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't
jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that
bet!'
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave
the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said 'I
can't take this, you're my friend.'
The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'.
So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I
saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take
your money'.
The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never
thought he'd jump again!'
A young man is at a bus stop in New York. He
sees an extremely beautiful blonde in a tight
mini-skirt, and decides to get on the bus
directly behind her. As the bus pulls up, she begins to board the bus, but cannot make the first step with her mini zipped. She reaches behind her and undoes a zipper. Then she attempts to board the bus, once again she fails in her attempt. She reaches behind her once more and undoes the same zipper. She tries again to board the bus, and again she fails in her attempts. The young man finally decides just to lift her into the bus. When he lifts her she yells, 'Don't get fresh with me!' The young man just looks at her and says, 'Lady you've just undone my zipper twice, and now you say that I'm getting fresh with you!'
There is a mirror in a women's restroom in a restauraunt. If you say something truthful while looking into the mirror, you will receive 1 wish. If you say some that's not truthful the mirror will suck you in.
First this fine looking brunette walks in. She takes a look at herself in the mirror and says, "I think I'm the prettiest women in the world." And just like that she's sucked in.
Next this amazingly beautiful brown-haired women saunters in, looks in the mirror, and says, "I think I'm the prettiest women in the world." Of course, the mirror sucks her in.
Next this fine looking, pencil thin black-haired women walks in, looks at herself in the mirror, and says, "I think I'm the prettiest women in the world." She's sucked into the mirror with the rest of them.
Then the cutest little blonde you've ever seen walks in, looks at herself in the mirror, and says, "I think..." And she's sucked in herself.
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right "tools" she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then from the heavens a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice. The voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." The very scared blonde raised her head and said,
"Is that you, Lord?"
The voice answered, "NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."
One day a neighbor of the blonde's go over to her house and sees the blonde crying and asked her what had happened and the blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and settled her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying again. The blonde replied with, "I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is at work, she decides that she is going to paint the living room in their house. So the next day as soon as he leaves, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home after work and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is O.K. She replies yes.
He asks her what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the room. He says that he was impressed at the good job she had done, but what's with her wearing the two coats?
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!
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