Me: "So you got in touch with your feminine side then?"
Neil: "Yeah, but she's a lesbian."

"Funny things are cool." Jon

"With the sounds of the ocean crashing, 7:30 Friday evening.  Everything comes tumbling down.  I choke back each tear that bleeds.  I'd rather rest forever in your arms, I'd rather stay here than go but I know that I should leave." Juliana Theory, August in Bethany

"They also found that if they stayed involved they might get involved in a war they didn't want to be involved in." Neil.

"lets be fair to God for a sec and assume that when you make complex things like geography you get unwanted and unforseen vermin.  Like French people or mice.  Of course, that makes God seem fallible..." Dan M.

"Well, I wish I could kill you, savor the sight/Get into my car, drive into the night/Then lie as a scream to the heavens above/That I was the last one you ever loved" Better than Ezra, Porcelain

"Well, according to Dan's theory of competitive existance, I think, therefore you aren't" Dan M.

"The lonely people sail the sea/There'll be a storm inside of me/Until my ship comes in/All I have is what I am/On this island I will roam/Until my ship comes in" The Dum Dums, Until My Ship Comes In

Fairy Hockey Player: "Tell her that you love her!"
Man: "But I don't"
Fairy Hockey Player: "That is why you've got to chug!" UCB

"Go UMass!...Go Timmy!...Go Billy!...Go Darcy!...Go UMass!" Fat lady at UMass hockey games, to be said really loud and high pitched, repeat for one hour straight.

"Hip hip Fuck you" UMass hockey chant

"Cause there is no design for life/There's no devil's haircut in your mind/There is not a wonderwall/To climb or step around/But there is a slideshow and it's so slow/Flashing through my mind/Today was the day/But only for the first time/I hope its not the last time" Travis, Slide Show

"Remember I'm a kid/I know not what I did/Just having fun/You couldn't wait for something new/And yesterday I thought of you/It left me to think as if I couldn't walk away/It's too late, I fell through/Nothing to lose/A boy who went out when he finished all his chores/Nothing to do/They can't trust me because I blew it once before" Blink 182, Dick Lips

"I, I am confused, fighting myself/Wanting to give in, needing your help/Skin cold with fear, feel it when we touch/Outside I don't know you, but inside I'm fine (fucked)" koRn, Need To

"All women is bitches" the guys

"I am lord of this land as far as the ball may travel!  May there be an abundant clubhouse feast, bring me the finest meats and cheeses in all the land!" Kenny Mayne

"He hit it over some fencing that they set up in center field" Kenny Mayne

"Cut me-show me-enter-I am/willing and able and never any danger to myself/Knowledge in my pain, knowledge in my pain/Or was my tolerance a phase?/Empathy, out of my way/I can't die/Purity" Slipknot, Purity

"I'm so lonely/You're so beautiful/Not the only/One who's pitiful/Stretched and torn I lay here in pieces/Craving all of your deadly vices/Like to think I'm not addicted/But I guess I wear it well" Staind, Crawl

"I don't know what they're trying to do to me?!" Jason at work

"Sir, I don't drink anymore." Pat

"Would you like some milk and cookies?" The Rock imitating Kurt Angle.

Me: "Yeah from Seoul...S-E-O-U-L"
Neil: "Oh Seoul, I thought you said sold."
Jon: "Yeah that's it exactly, he was 'sold' from South Korea."
Neil: "I thought that's what he said, I didn't think you could sell people anymore, though."

"There's something to remember and something to forget as long as we remember there's something to regret something we should know" The Cardigans, Great Divide

Neil: "That just goes to show that white ice is nice and black ice is dangerous."
Jon: "Yeah that's it exactly."
Me: "What are you trying to imply?"
Neil: "But its the yellow ice that you really have to watch out for."

"Ringadaddledoodan." Andy and Mike, said when a message should be left on their phones.

"Religion is just a way to keep the common people in line." Napoleon, the only cool thing about History 142H.

"I have a movie plan, we get a bunch of people in a circle with large sticks and put Dave in the middle.  Then we beat him." Neil

"Well if by painless you mean a painful beating, maybe even death then yeah I won't beat you up." Jon

"I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone's *really* hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from. Okay? You're a bad man. You're a bad man. You're a bad man, bad man." Vince Vaughn, Swingers

Conrad Vig: "You mean them little cubes you put in hot water and make soup?"
Archie Gates: "No, not the little cubes you put in hot water to make soup."  Three Kings

Archie Gates: "What's the most important thing in life?"
Troy Barlow: "Respect."
Archie Gates: "Too dependent on other people."
Conrad Vig: "What, love?"
Archie Gates: "A little Disneyland, isn't it?"
Chief Elgin: "God's will."
Archie Gates: "Close."
Troy Barlow: "What is it then?"
Archie Gates: "Necessity."
Troy Barlow: "As in?"
Archie Gates: "As in people do what is most necessary to them at any given moment."  Three Kings

"This isn't life, it's just stuff. And it's become more important to you than living. Well, honey, that's just nuts." Kevin Spacey, American Beauty

"I'm not obsessing. I'm just curious." Wes Bentley, American Beauty

"It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it, right? And this bag was like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in." Wes Bentley, American Beauty

"You know what you need? What you need is a fatty boom batty blunt. Then I guarantee you'll see an ocean, a sailboat and maybe some of them big-tittied mermaids doin' some of that lesbian shit." Jason Mewes, Mallrats

"One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass. True story. He bought it at the local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarassing for my relatives and all. But the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with a trip to the emergency room. Then, last week, I saw him in the pet store. He was buying another cat! I said, "Walt, what the hell are you doing, you know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too, why don't you knock it off?" And he says to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy."  Jason Lee, Mallrats

"You're going to listen to something I said? Haven't I made it abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know shit?" Jason Lee, Mallrats

Zack: "It really didn't go as bad as it could have."
Adam: "A girl is dead, Zack."
Zack: "I didn't say it went perfectly." Go

"Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul." James Downey, Billy Madison

"You can control dragons..." Jon imitating that guy from Dungeons and Dragons

"Where's you antidote for this?!" Neil's punchline for Jon' movie idea: Stop and Kill: Supermarket War

"Yeah that's it exactly." Jon whenever Neil or I say something stupid.

"I don't have time." Jon Flynn's way of saying no to a hot chick.

"Sometimes I just want to rip your cheeks apart." Neil's friend Toine to his friend Ivan.

"I wish I could say tonight that when you bend and wave goodbye you'd take me with you." The Get Up Kids, Valentine

"Pictures, stars, and dreams calling me when i look up you're the brightest star in pocketful of skies my coloured picture in a world of black and white." The Juliana Theory, Pictures, Stars, and Dreams

"That's...ah...that's a fairly dark man." Brian

"Oral sex should be an Olympic sport because its harder than curling and if you're good at it you deserve a medal." Lewis Black

"Now you know what its like to be fucked over by something cold and hard." Brad

"There's nothing like a big fat white guy up at home plate," Mike about hitting a baseball.

"What do I get cause I just seem to lose, you make me regret those times I spent with you.  Playing those games as I wait for your call now I give up so goodbye and so long." Blink 182, Untitled

"Please don't come to class late because it disturbs my concentration because I hate you." Professor Tager

"Great after the square dance maybe we can go for a hayride..." Albert from Twin Peaks

"Tell me this: you're principal suspect is strangled and your other suspect is shot.  Vigilante justice or clean country living?  You tell me."  Albert

"Music videos suck, unless they're cool."  Dan

"I would have stopped drinking so I could drink at the Pub." Mike

"I'm trying to think of what I drank today that wasn't alcoholic." Neil

"Mike, you should play Mario Kart when you're drunk more often because that way you won't take as many sucky turns." Me

"Whales tale, Hell's bells!" Mike in New Hampshire.

"You're such a donkey." Neil insult #1

"You silly poon." Neil insult #2

"He's just getting parabolic." Dave Lloyd

Neil playing Mario Kart drunk:  "Yoshi's a fucking fishwhore."  "I've got a big hairy cock."  "That's not kosher shit man and its passover."  "Toine's a poonbagger."  "You can bag this shit in paper and plastic."

"...Knowledge as something you...Yes and ....The abbreviation for number..."  Neil to Jon in a game of asshole, Jon has to stop drinking when Neil says no/know.

"I listen to 80's metal and 80's metal alone everything else is inferior." Neil drunk.

"Drink so you'll stop singing." Mike to Neil.

"When you're soaping up your balls, it just doesn't have the same magic." Mike

"Harlot." Me to Jon

"Drink Fat Dave.  Drink Toine.  Drink Fat Bagger.  Drink Charlie."  Neil to me during asshole

"So Dave said he wanted to free up some space.  Doo-da-doo-doo.  Bullshit translator, Dave's a donkey."  Neil

"Hey...you suck!  Hey...you suck!  Hey...you suck!  Fuck 'em up, fuck 'em up.  Go UMass!" Unofficial UMass chant

"Dude, remind me to never turn 21 again."  Neil, very drunk during his twenty-first birthday, this was right before he puked.

"I'm strong enough to be Neil's man." Jon

"Wow...the manager is bringing John Wasdin back in...we lit him up for what?  10 runs?"  Neil and Jon about Mike's pitching in wiffle ball.

"He looks like he just left a frat party."  Dan Patrick after a hockey player was nailed against the boards.

"Yeah so I saw this crazy guy and I said 'Hey, crazy guy where's the English Department?'" Jon

"I'm not a big fan of Mexican that doesn't begin with Taco and end with Bell." Me

"I am Vitaly Potapenko!  I crash the boards week to week!  I come out and play hard week to week!"  Mike imitating Vitaly Potapenko

"Hey its midnight and Mikey's still up!" Neil coming home from work

"Uh oh.  He's lying down...its all over." Sean, Neil, me, and Jon about Mike getting drunk and lying down.

"I'm good at wiffleball.  The best pitcher out there so fucking..." Mike's comeback to the above two quotes.

"Goddamn Limp Bizkit for making shitty songs that get caught in your head." Chris Nelson