All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can
tell them apart.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to
interrupt her.
Scientists have discovered a food to diminish a woman's sex drive
by 90%. It's called Wedding Cake.
Marriage is a 3 ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two Mothers-in-law.
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to
forget it once.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a
bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.