God's word talks about sex and marital love, and if we expect our children to have God-pleasing sexual lives as adults, we must model that for them, and we must show them what God really says about sex and marriage.
This lesson continues to use the pattern for learning truth developed in the book Right from Wrong: What You Need to Know to Help Youth Make Right Choices by Josh McDowell and Bob Hostetler.
Reaching the Teen
Depending on the age of the youth being taught, the class may already be thinking about dating, and sex, more than you might expect. This unit is best taught once the teachers have developed a good trusting relationship with the students, and it must be clearly understood by everyone that the personal revelations made during class are not to be shared outside of class. Because the class might first hesitate to discuss the topic, the McDowell & Hostetler's Precept-Principle-Person of God is a good way to get into the topic.
Materials:
Notebooks - containing previous Precept/Principles/Person lessons
Precept/Principles/Person worksheet: The Truth: Sex, Marriage, and True Love
Worksheet What God says about Sex, Marriage and True Love
Bibles
Opening Activities:
Who is here? Round-robin attendance to get students to know names
Pair off for weekly "high points and low points"
Lesson 1: Principles/Precepts/Person-ofGod: Sex, Marriage, and True Love
Review the concepts of Precepts, Principles, Person of God.
Discuss that there are benefits to those who follow God's precepts, live His principles, and emulate the Person of God.
Jeremiah 29:11
Jeremiah 32:39, 41a
Jesus shows us the truth (John 8:32) and it sets us free --
We are free from evil, pain, doubt
We are free to love, trust, laugh.
So, now we consider a very important part of our lives -- a part which you might not have done much thinking about yet, but which is being emphasized to you through many channels: Sex, Marriage and True Love. Tell me some of the ways you learn about or hear things about these things:
(School, Parents, TV, movies, books, magazines, billboards, friends)
OK, but when it comes to our behavior, from whom should we be learning?
(Parents, Christian friends+teachers acceptable -- the answer we're looking for is God.)
Hand out sheet on Precepts/Principles/Person of God.
Precepts
Leviticus 18:20 |
Do not have sex with your neighbor's wife (anyone else's spouse) and devalue yourself |
Colossians 3:5 |
Put to death sexual immorality, lust and evil desires, because otherwise you're putting them before God (idolatry). |
Proverbs 5:20-23 |
Why turn to someone else? God sees everything so don't think you're "getting away with" a sin. |
Ephesians 5:3-4 |
No hint of impurity, but rather thanksgiving. Jokes lead to spoiling the purity. |
| Our bodies belong to both our spouse and ourselves. It's OK to have sex in marriage, and it's good to do so. |
Proverbs 5:15-19 |
Drink from your own well, not from another's. Rejoice in your wife (spouse). Water is a source of purity and refreshment. Enjoy sex with your spouse. |
Genesis 2:24-25 |
United like one person - means marriage and sex. Leave your parents. At first, before sin the two should be as one. Both were naked, but not ashamed. God instituted marriage. Man and Wife -- a relationship, not just a woman. |
Ephesians 5:28-31 |
Love your spouse as your own body. The two become one flesh. "If you loved me you would ...." What's true love? |
Principle: Love, Purity, Unity
Romans 13:9-10 Love
Ephesians 5:28-29 Love - True Love builds up
Hebrews 13:4 Purity
Mark 10:6-9 Unity
Person of God
God is the ultimate example of Unity -- in His Trinity.
Faithful: Always the same; keeps promises
Marriage: Make promises to God, Spouse, Self
Lesson 2: What is Sex for? What about "True Love"?
It might seem from our last lesson like most of what God has to say about Sex is "Don't!" Today, we want to look more at what God says, and how that fits in with Marriage and True Love.
Sex was created by __God_________ before _sin_ for
Notice the use of the phrase "one flesh." What does this phrase mean? (We want to emphasize that it means the physical act, but also the spiritual unity and social unity of the married couple.)
Because if was created by God, and all that God created is Good, Sex is Good -- when done in accordance with his precepts/principles. In fact, there is a whole book of the Bible which emphasizes how good sex, marriage and romantic love can be.
__Song of Solomon____ is a book of the Bible devoted to desire, romantic love, and enjoyable sex between __wife (bride)__ (4:11) and __husband___ (2:16).
God's Principles about sex:
___Love_____________ __Purity__________ ___Unity__________
Romans 13:9-10 Hebrews 13:4 Genesis 2:24-25
Ephesians 5:28-29 Mark 10:6-9
God's precepts and principles are there because of who he is, but since he is good, following his precepts and living with his principles actually helps us. It provides us with good things, and prevents (some) bad things from happening.
God's plan for sex
Protects us from Provides us with
Some people say that sex is OK, even if you're not married, if you're really "in love" with the person. Well, the Bible has a great description of what True Love is, in 1 Corinthians 13. Let's read it and see what we think God is saying there.
Notice that True Love builds up -- supports, encourages, nurtures. Does sin help a person grow? (No, of course not.) Does following God's law? (Yes) So, True love would not ask the beloved to sin. Anyone saying "If you loved me, you'd commit this sin" is not showing true love.
(Try to remember to tell the students that they are each going to get to drink a can of pop (soda), supplied by you, in class next week. This leads into the object lesson of the next session.)
Lesson 3: Resisting the Pressure: How to Wait
Materials:
Notebooks - containing previous Precept/Principles/Person lessons
Precept/Principles/Person worksheet: The Truth: Sex, Marriage, and True Love
What God says about Sex, Marriage and True Love
Handout sheet:
"How to Wait"
Pop (Soda) cans
Bibles
Reaching the Teen
Some of the teens in a class may have already been faced with the issue of resisting sexual encounters, while others may have no even been in the position to think about it yet. Reaching each teen in this environment is challenging. We use a very visual, and potentially comedic, approach to make an impression in the minds of the students -- the can of soda pop.
At the beginning of class, the teacher should offer each of the students a can of pop (soda). They are not to open it until they are told to. The teacher takes a can for himself.
Today we're going to talk about waiting. You each have a can of pop. Did everyone get a kind of pop they like?
Good. I know I really like mine. I tried to get a variety so that everyone could have something they like, and since I know my favorite, I got one for me. This is my favorite kind of pop. I'm really thirsty, too, so I'm really looking forward to being able to drink it.
Now, getting a can of pop is probably not the most exciting thing in the world. I mean, when I had told you last week that you were going to get to drink a can of pop today, how many of you looked forward to it? Yeah, it's something nice, and you might look forward to it, but it's no big deal. So, can you think of something that you did look forward to? Something that was very important, but you had to wait for it? Something which you were really excited about?
Take input from the students. If they have a good example or two or three, use them. Talk about how exciting it can be to look forward to something. How it becomes energizing -- you can't think of anything else, it keeps you awake, you seem to have more energy. And, as the teacher talks about it, he should shake his can of pop, getting more and more animated as he talks.
If the students don't have ideas from their past, (kids this age can be pretty laid-back, not wanting to admit to such things in front of their peers) talk about some of your own (wedding, proposal, performance -- anything that had a long period of anticipation, and was vry exciting for you personally, or use something like the following:
Well, perhaps you've seen how really little kids can get very excited. I can remember seeing little kids get super excited when seeing their first kitten up close, or chasing bubbles. They get all smiley, and they often can't control their energy. They shake their hands up and down, they might run around and squeal.
(The teacher begins to shake his can, and gets more animated as he goes on.)
Even adults can do this sort of thing -- for example when they are cheering a sports team. Maybe you've seen them -- if not your parents, then maybe on TV in the stands of some big football game or baseball game.
By now, the can should be well-shaken. Every student in the class should now be aware of the explosive nature of the pop inside.
Wow, I really want this pop! How about if I open this can right now?
No matter the reaction, continue...
Well, how about if I stand right here by you and open it? In fact, how about if I hold it right here by your face and open it?
The reaction should be clear by this point.
Well, why not? Why shouldn't I open the can?
After the students have answered, telling you what a mess you'd make....
OK, now, everyone can open your can of pop, and do a little listening.
For the past couple of lessons, we've been talking about sex, marriage, and true love. Someone remind the class -- what does God say we should and shouldn't do, when it comes to sex?
It's clear, then, that God wants us to wait for marriage for sex. But each of you has a long time before you're going to get married. Some will wait until they are 20, some until they are 30. In that time, you're probably going to be around at least one person who will be very attracive to you. In fact, before you get married, I can guarantee it -- because the person you do get married to will be very attractive to you before you have that ceremony.
When you are waiting for anything, you can get excited, distracted. When it's physical love, it's even more difficult. (Begin shaking the can again.) You see, in addition to the excitement of waiting, you also have the addition of hormones -- chemicals your body produces when you're excited and attracted. (Shake the can more.) You also have some apprehension, because you really want the other person to like you, and you don't want to do anything that makes that person not like you, but you also want them to know that you really like them. This tension adds more energy to the anticipation. (Shake the can even harder.)
If you are in a situation like that, you have a "pop can" which is "all shook up!" If you open that "pop can", even a little bit, what could happen?
And because you're opening the "pop can" around someone else, what happens to that person?
Now, you're not alone when you feel this way. Almost everyone does. That anticiaption is part of what makes sex and marriage fun. When you're able to let go of the worry and fully become "one flesh" with your spouse, the anticipation helps make the relationship better. It's a big part of being "in love".
But, because getting so excited is likely to happen, your best bet for following God's plan is for you to have thought about the situation before you get into it.
(Hand out the "How to Wait" sheet.)
The Sheet is pretty self explanatory. Point out that dating another person with your same ideals, in other words another Christian, can really help, because one of the first steps to take is to discuss limits and goals with your date. These limits are not first-date topics, in general -- but are topics for a developing relationship.
Remind the students about the fact that following God's laws helps his people avoid bad things and gain good things. This was covered in the last lesson, and those things probably should be reviewed here.
If the teacher feels comfortable doing so, personal experiences can really help make the points in this lesson. Kids don't think adults ever really were in these situations, and Hollywood has given them the impression that only glamorous people ever get romantic or sexual.