Fun
things to do in class
1. Smoke a pipe and respond to
each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, "Quite right, old
bean!"
2. Wear X-Ray Specs. Every few
minutes, ask the professor to focus the overhead projector.
3. Sit in the front row and spend
the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points.
4. Sit in the front and color in
your textbook.
5. When the professor calls your
name in roll, respond "that's my name, don't wear it out!"
6. Introduce yourself to the class
as the "master of the pan flute".
7. Give the professor a copy of
The Watchtower. Ask him where his soul would go if he died tomorrow.
8. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes,
ask the professor to speak louder.
9. Leave permanent markers by the
dry-erase board.
10. Squint thoughtfully while giving
the professor strange looks. In the middle of lecture, tell him he looks
familiar and ask whether he was ever in an episode of
Starsky and Hutch.
11. Ask whether the first chapter
will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your
textbook.
12. Become entranced with your
first physics lecture, and declare your intention to pursue a career in
measurements and units.
13. Sing your questions.
14. Speak only in rhymes and hum
the Underdog theme.
15. When the professor calls roll,
after each name scream "THAT'S MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry."
16. Insist in a Southern drawl
that your name really is Wuchen Li. If you actually are Chinese, insist
that your name is Vladimir Fernandez O'Reilly.
17. Page through the textbook scratching
each picture and sniffing it.
18. Wear your pajamas. Pretend
not to notice that you've done so.
19. Hold up a piece of paper that
says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY".
20. Inform the class that you are
Belgian royalty, and have a friend bang cymbals together whenever your
name is spoken.
21. Stare continually at the professor's
crotch. Occassionally lick your lips.
22. Address the professor as "your
excellency".
23. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously,
and ask the professor if he's been drinking.
24. Shout "WOW!" after every sentence
of the lecture.
25. Bring a mirror and spend the
lecture writing Bible verses on your face.
26. Ask whether you have to come
to class.
27. Present the professor with
a large fruit basket.
28. Bring a "seeing eye rooster"
to class.
29. Feign an unintelligible accent
and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become aggitated when
the professor can't understand you.
30. Relive your Junior High days
by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.
31. Watch the professor through
binoculars.
32. Start a "wave" in a large lecture
hall.
33. Ask to introduce your "invisible
friend" in the empty seat beside you, and ask for one extra copy of each
handout.
34. When the professor turns on
his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"
35. Correct the professor at least
ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that
the i is silent.
36. Sit in the front row reading
the professor's graduate thesis and snickering.
37. As soon as the first bell rings,
volunteer to put a problem on the board. Ignore the professor's reply and
proceed to do so anyway.
38. Claim that you wrote the class
text book.
39. Claim to be the teaching assistant.
If the real one objects, jump up and scream "IMPOSTER!"
40. Spend the lecture blowing kisses
to other students.
41. Every few minutes, take a sheet
of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet #5" at the top, and start passing
it around the room.
42. Stand to ask questions. Bow
deeply before taking your seat after the professor answers.
43. Wear a cape with a big S on
it. Inform classmates that the S stands for "stud".
44. Interrupt every few minutes
to ask the professor, "Can you spell that?"
45. Disassemble your pen. "Accidently"
propel pieces across the room while playing with the spring. Go on furtive
expeditions to retrieve the pieces. Repeat.
46. Wink at the professor every
few minutes.
47. In the middle of lecture, ask
your professor whether he believes in ghosts.
48. Laugh heartily at everything
the professor says. Snort when you laugh.
49. Wear a black hooded cloak to
class and ring a bell.
50. Ask your math professor to
pull the roll chart above the blackboard of ancient Greek trade routes
down farther because you can't see Macedonia.