1. Take the hotel towels
     2. Pay tolls with $100 bills
     3. Practice the art of limp handshakes
     4. Tell the ending of movies
     5. Give little kids clothes for their birthdays
     6. Leave the toilet seat up
     7. Turn on your bright for oncoming traffic
     8. Finish other people's crossword puzzles
     9. Use the last square of toilet paper
     10. Tailgate the elderly
     11. Drum your fingers during other people's presentations
     12. Blow out other people's birthday candles
     13. Don't leave a message at the beep
     14. Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the parking lot
     15. Block the entrances of elevators, buses, and subways
     16. Eat produce at the market; don't buy it
     17. When giving directions, leave out a turn or two
     18. Toss things out the window: tissues, cigarettes, cellophane
         food wrappings and those sorts of things
     19. Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April
     20. Serve corn on the cob to people with dentures
     21. See if you can be the first one off the plane, even if you are
         sitting by the window
     22. Put a title like Senator or Doctor before your name when
         making dinner and hotel reservations
     23. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons
     24. Go up the down escalator
     25. Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front
         of lines
     26. Snap your gum
     27. Squeeze the toothpaste from the top, and while you're at it,
         leave the cap off
     28. Open umbrellas in crowded hallways
     29. Announce when you're going to the bathroom
     30. Read over other people's shoulders on the bus
     31. When it says, "Reserved Parking", this means you
     32. Pinch all the chocolate candies until you find the one you want
     33. Leave your pantyhose hanging in the shower
     34. Chew other people's pencils
     35. Lie to your therapist and sit in her chair
     36. Let doors slam behind you -- in other people's faces
     37. Tell teenagers how things were in your day
     38. Hold the elevator until you have finished your conversation
     39. Pee in the swimming pool
     40. Ride on the shoulder until you pass all the jammed traffic;
         then cut in
     41. Wear large hats during the movies
     42. Race the old woman for the last bus seat
     43. Cause gridlock
     44. Bring 15 things into the dressing room
     45. Draw mustaches on posters
     46. Don't rewind videocassettes before bringing them back
     47. Serve TV dinners, wine coolers, and cherry Twinkies on
         Thanksgiving
     48. Walk very slowly, and make sure nobody can get past you
     49. Touch strangers
     50. Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus
     51. Bite your dentist's finger
     52. Leave lipstick prints on people's cheeks and foreheads
     53. Don't stand during hymns and anthems
     54. Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa
     55. Leave pages in the copier
     56. Be "in conference" all the time
     57. Don't clean the dryer lint screen
     58. Buy it, wear it, return it
     59. Tell people they have bad breath
     60. Smell smoke often and announce it
     61. Eat out with friends and "forget" your wallet
     62. Put everyone on speakerphone
     63. Step on the back of the shoe of the person in front of you
     64. Make scary faces at babies
     65. Flirt with a friend's spouse
     66. Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team
     67. Pretend you're listening
     68. Shake with your left hand
Another List, please accept that there are repeats
1. Signal Left; Turn right.
2. Help fools part with their money.
3. Practice the art of limp handshakes.
4. Pay tolls with $50 bills.
5. Give little kids clothes for their birthday.
6. Talk with your hand over your mouth.
7. Fire people over the phone.
8. Wear jeans to a wedding.
9. Ask people what they paid for their clothes.
10. Don't sign your checks.
11. Rake leaves into your neighbor's yard.
12. Develop a convenient memory.
13. Remind people that their freckles could be cancerous.
14. Ask people how much they make.
15. Leave the concerts during a solo or before the clapping starts.
16. Leave price tags on presents.
17. Blow out other people's birthday candles.
18. Assume everyone agrees with you, but keep trying to convince them.
19. Pledge money that you won't send.
20. Reserve compliments for people who can do you some good.
21. Touch the paintings at museums.
22. Threaten lawsuits.
23. Gamble with rent money.
24. Tell people they are in your will even if they aren't.
25. When giving directions leave out a turn or two.
26. Remind people who loose their job they probably should have worked harder.
27. See what it takes to get the lifeguard to blow the whistle.
28. If you have to give blood, at least make a show of it.
29. Tuck a twenty dollar bill or two in with your driver's license, so a trooper will get the hint.
30. Make jokes about terrorists at the boarding gate.
31. Put a title like Senator or Doctor before your name when making reservations.
32. Don't do anything until you have been asked twice.
33. Tell people what you expect them to give you for your birthday.
34. Focus on winning and to hell with how you play the game.
35. Free cable TV is a shady electrician away.
36. Send smutty birthday cards to your inlaws.
37. Announce when you intend to go to the bathroom.
38. Borrow handkerchief's to blow your nose.
39. Curse at the umpire in a little league game.
40. If you do something nice, make sure everyone knows about it.
41. Bribe kids, they are easy.
42. At the polls suggest to other voters that they vote for your favorite canidate twice.
43. Lie to your therapist and sit in their chair.
44. Leave your shopping cart on line at the checkout, then go shopping.
45. Quote Adolf Hitler.
46. Tell teenagers how things were in your day.
47. Vividly describe a hysterectomy when the entree arrives.
48. Scrawl your signature on important documents.
49. Sit in the home team bleachers and cheer for the other team.
50. Make fun of men who cry.
51. Make up statistics to convince people when arguing.
52. Open gift checks at weddings and announce the amount.
53. Recommend untrustworthy auto mechanics.
54. Refuse collect calls from your family.
55. Alternately raise and lower your voice to make people question their hearing.
56. Be known for you sesquipedalianism.
57. Don't tell vegetarians about any meat in the food you prepare.
58. Call your friends during the SuperBowl to talk about your problems. 59.
Tape record all of your phone conversations and play them back for friends.
60. Have a "Clergy on Call" sign made for your front windshield.
61. Dance fast to slow music and vice versa.
62. Don't stand during hymns and anthems.
63. Open the casket for "one last look".
64. Get into heated arguments about the weather.
65. Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus.
66. Whistle a happy tune - over and over.
67. Give out your friends' unlisted numbers.
68. Forget the punch line, but don't let that stop you from telling jokes.
69. Tell your blind that they aren't up to what you were told.
70. Make your kids stand at attention every morning.
71. Put a too cute message on your answering machine.
72. Support the death penalty... for parking violations.
73. Be ambiguous; It lets you work both sides of an issue.
74. Crash private meetings with a big smile on your face.
75. When it says, "Reserved Parking," that means you.
76. Develop at least three strategies for cutting to the front of lines.
77. Give yourself a title like "Senator" or "Doctor" when making hotel reservations.
78. Jump into every photograph you can.
79. Ask your parents and grandparents how much they intend to leave you.
80. Withdraw "taxes" from your kid's piggy bank.
81. Serve fish with the head still attached.
82. Touch strangers.
83. Get up early and take your neighbors newspaper.
84. Complain about daylight savings time, long after the switch.
85. Feed the animals in the zoo, they especially like Crackerjacks.
86. Ask people how they are, but don't wait for a response.
87. Remind friends of stupid things they did ten years ago.
88. Cover your furniture in plastic and never clean it again.
89. Drive fast and as near the sidewalks as possible.
90. Ask if the present is returnable.
91. Say the coffee is decaf when it isn't.
92. Give distances in kilometers.
93. Tell everyone that they should be in therapy.
94. Flirt with a friend's spouse.
95. Keep asking, "Are we there yet?"
96. Eat out with friends and "forget" your wallet.
97. Get light bulbs from the hall when you need them in your apartment.
98. Don't sign your greeting cards.
99. Make fun of all accents.
100. Always suspect an evil plot.
101. Brush dandruff off of other people's shoulders.