When God Created The USMC

In the beginning was the word, and the word was God.

In the beginning was God and all else was darkness and void, and without form. So God created the heavens and the earth. He created the sun, the moon, and the stars so that light might pierce the darkness. The earth God divided between the land and the sea and these he filled with many assorted creatures.

And the dark salty, slimy creatures that inhabited the murky depths of the oceans, God called "sailors", and he dressed them accordingly, with little trousers that looked like bells at the bottom and with cute little flaps on their shirts to hide hickeys on their necks. He also gave them long sideburns and shabby looking beards. God nicknamed them "squids" and banished them to a lifetime at sea so that normal folks would not have to associate with them. To further identify these unloved creatures, he called them "petty and commodore" instead of titles worthy of red-blooded men.

And the flighty creatures of the land, God called "soldiers". And with a twinkle in his eyes, and a sense of humor that only he could have, God made their trousers too short, covers too large, and pockets to warm their hands. And to adorn their uniforms, God gave them badges in quantities that only a dime store owner could appreciate. And he gave them emblems and crests....and all sorts of shiny things that glittered...and devices that dangled. (When you are God, you tend to get carried away in a BIG way.)

On the 5th day, he thought about creating some air creatures for which he designed a Greyhound Bus driver's uniform especially for "flyboys", but he discarded the idea during the first week and it was not until years later that some apostles resurrected this theme and established what we now know as the "wild blue yonder wonders".

And on the 7th day as you know, God rested.

On the 8th day, at 0730 hours, God looked down upon the earth and was not happy. GOD WAS NOT HAPPY !!! So he thought about his labors, and in his divine wisdom, God created a divine creature, and this he called Marine. And these Marines, who God had created in his own image, were to be of the air, of the land, and of the sea. And these he gave many wonderful uniforms. Some were green, some were blue with red trim, and in the early days, some were even a beautiful tan. He gave them practical, fighting uniforms, so that they could wage war against the forces of Satan and evil. He gave them service uniforms for their daily work and training, that they might be sharp and ready....and he gave them evening and dress uniforms....sharp, stylish, handsome things, so that they might promenade with their ladies on Saturday night, and impress the shit outta everybody!!! He even gave them swords so that people who were not impressed could be dealt with. And at the end of the 8th day, God looked down upon the earth and saw that it was good.

But was God happy? NO !!! GOD WAS STILL NOT HAPPY !!! Because in the course of his labors, he had forgotten one thing....He did not have a Marine uniform himself !!! But he thought about it, and finally satisfied himself in knowing that, WELL......NOT EVERYBODY CAN BE A MARINE!!!