Taboo
The echoes of Kalli McMahon's fist pummeling the punching bag in the darkened gymnasuem bounced solemnly around the room as her younger sister, Lindsey, slipped into the room unnoticed. When she had called her sisters room only a few minutes before, Jeff had informed her that Kalli had 'supposedly' gone to see her.
We both knew where she'd be though.
Hanging back a little, she watched as her sister took out all her fear and frustration on the punching bag, determination and concentration locked on her face.
If she keeps stressing this way she's going to keel over before she even hits 23.
It wasn't that Lindsey blamed her for her concern though. Kalli was as fiercely over-protective of Jeff as she herself had become over Paul since they had gotten together. The most notable difference between the two though was that while Paul soothed away Lindsey's concerns with warm words whispered in her ear between kisses, Jeff and Kalli dealt with her concerns by never mentioning them at all.
It hadn't always been this way.
When Kalli and Jeff had first gotten together, Kalli had been no more worried about Jeff's in ring activities than she had the rest of the WWF Roster. She fussed over everyone to an extent, but for the most part, she was all business.
But time passed quickly on the road. And everyday her sister fell just a little more in love with youngest, and highest-flying, Hardy Boy.
"Shit!" Kalli yanked her hand away from the punching bag suddenly, grasping her wrist and shaking her fingertips. In some very obvious pain, she continued to mumble her curses as she shook her aching hand. She circled on the spot a few times before Linds realized there were tears in her eyes.
She stepped out of the shadows, "Kalli?"
Her elder sister nearly jumped out of her skin. Panting, she shot Linds a half hearted glare. "God, Linds, don't do that. I nearly had heart failure..." She blinked back her tears. "What are you doing up here anyway?"
Linds shrugged, stepping a little closer to her, "Looking for you. I called Jeff and he told me you were meant to be with me."
Kalli sighed, "Aww Crap."
"He sounded worried about you."
The girl laughed unhappily at this, "Isn't that ironic?" She moved over to the bench her gear was on and sat down, motioning for Linds to follow, still toying gently with her injured hand.
"Is that okay?" Linds pointed to her hand and Kalli nodded. After a moment she asked, "Are you okay?" She seemed about to blurt out a 'peachy,' like she normally did when you asked how she was when she was miserable, but the word caught in her throat and after a moment she shook her head. "You wanna talk about it?"
Gently her sister replied, "There's not a lot to say, Linds. I'm just... I'm freaking out about this Hardcore Ladder Match tomorrow." She sighed, "You know, I knew what I was getting into when Jeff and I first got together, I did. And I wanna be cool with it. But its so hard. I see him go out there and do things that half the guys in the lockeroom wouldn't even contemplate doing... And I'm proud of him and I adore that he's so fearless, but, Linds..." She broke off and for a long time sat silently before eventually whispered words that poured quickly, emotionally from her lips, "Daddy once told me that to survive this business, you can't sit there and wait for something to go wrong. If it happens, it happens, but otherwise, you think about the show and the fans and what you can give to them, and how you can take their breath away in a single moment. How one match can leave an impression on someone that lasts forever."
Linds nodded her agreement, "Yeah, he tells me that too..."
Kalli looked up at her, "Those words are how I have been able to stand back and watch the people I love go out into that ring and put their asses on the line night after night my entire life. And I just switch off the little part of my brain that says 'Tonight, Shane might jump too far off the top of the Titantron' or 'Maybe the table won't break and Matty won't land right and he'll get hurt' or whatever." Tears came to her eyes again, "But I *can't* do that about Jeff anymore. I try... I try so hard... But more than anything else in the world, I am so scared that he's gonna get hurt..." The first of her tears slipped down her cheeks, "And I couldn't stand it, Linds, I couldn't. I couldn't bare it if anything happened to him..." The sentence trailed away as she finally broke down, sobbing gently.
"Oh, Kalli..." Linds shuffled forward on the bench, pulling her sister into her arms to hug her. She stroked her hair gently as she hugged her, "Come on, its okay."
Her sister pulled away slightly and Linds could only just make out what she was saying past her tears, "Its not okay, Linds. Okay... I'm a McMahon... We live and breathe this business and I'm meant to be able to do this... To let him go out into the ring and not freak and... I don't know... But I can't..." Feeling silly, she tried to rest her face in her hands and stop her tears, but they kept coming.
Stroking her sisters hair gently again, Linds asked, "Kalli, have you told Jeff you feel this way?" She shook her head in response and she asked, "Why not?"
She shrugged a little, "I don't know how, Linds. Okay... He hates when I fuss over him. The last two TLC matches, I nearly lost it... And by the time he'd get backstage I would somehow keep it together... But I'd worry and fuss and he just, he tries to brush it off... So, after Invasion, I tried to play it cool... And I don't know..." She gazed up into her sisters eyes, a lost look on her face, "He doesn't *want* me to worry, okay? And I don't want him to feel smothered by knowing how much I do."
"Kalli... He could never feel smothered by you being worried." She gave her a warm smile, "You love him. And he can love or hate that you worry, but he's gotta accept it. Its part and parcel. And if anything, you bottling this stuff up all the time only makes it worse." She hugged her sister again, "Just talk to him about it. Okay? You'd be surprised how much it'll help."
"What do I say, Linds?" She murmered into her sisters shoulder, "It won't change anything. I will never ask him to tone it down out in that ring. I will *never* ask him to stop doing any of it. Because its what he does. Its who he is. And I don't want to change a thing about him..."
Cutting her off, Linds said, "Kalli, listen to me." She pulled back a little and looked deeply into her sisters eyes, "When Paul has matches that are slightly above the norm, I freak too. And, granted, Paul doesn't pull some of those stunts you see Jeff do, but... The way that we get through it, is to be totally honest with each other. I tell him how I feel, I fuss, I tell him if he doesn't like it, then, thats his tough luck. And he tells me exactly whats going on with him all the time. If he's a bit stiff or sore or if he hurt his back or his leg or his head, he tells me. He doesn't brush it off. He deals. I deal. And by being totally honest with each other, we manage." She added gently, "It doesn't take a genius to figure out that you and Jeff love each other so much... You talk about everything and you're *so* close. But this one little thing gets in your way over and over again. You have to talk about it, or this one thing? It could ruin everything between you. And I don't think you wanna lose him, right?"
Kalli looked at Linds for a long, long time before eventually asking sweetly, still sniffling a little, "Tell me how it is that *you* got all the brains in the family."
Linds flashed the trademark McMahon smirk at her, "Just lucky I guess."
The two exchanged a grin and Kalli leant forward, wrapping her arms around her sister yet again. "I love you, Linds."
And Linds couldn't help but smile again, "I love you too, Kalli."
~*~
When she got back to her hotel room, the place was pitch black. Letting out a little sigh, disappointed Jeff had already head to bed, she snuck into the bathroom, having a quick shower and pulling on her baggy Pyjama pants and a singlet and heading into the bedroom.
Not wanting to wake him, Kalli carefully pulled the covers on the Queen Size bed back and slid between them, hardly moving a muscle as she lay down...
"How was your sister?"
For the second time that night, Kalli nearly jumped out of her skin. A little gasp broke from her, "God! How long have you been awake for?"
He rolled over in the bed to look at her through the small slices of moonlight reaching through the curtains, "Since you turned the shower on."
She groaned lightly, "Sorry, baby." She shuffled over in the bed a little, snuggling against him, laying her head on his naked chest, her fingertips running lightly up and down his chest. She smiled when she felt his fingers slip gently into her still damp hair, toying with it softly.
"So... How was Linds? You didn't say."
Her smiled vanished. "Jeffy..." She whispered, "I'm sorry... I went to the gym." She added, "Linds did come see me though. And she's good. If that means anything." She sighed, "I didn't mean to lie, I just, I wanted to pummel a punching back for a while."
His chin pressed against her forehead, she could feel him nod slightly, "It's okay."
Kalli waited, but he said nothing more.
After I moment she told him sadly, "We have to stop doing this."
She almost expected a 'doing what?' in reply, but instead he said, "I know."
"I worry..." She offered gently, "Before your matches, during your matches, after your matches." She rest her hand on his chest gently, nervously, "I try not to, but I can't help it." She shrugged a little, "I never used to worry... I mean, not... Not like this." She could feel little tears coming to her eyes again and she whispered, "I love you more than anything in the world, and I'm so afraid that you're gonna get hurt."
He reached up, taking hold of the hand that rest on his chest. Their fingers intertwined gently and he raised her hand to kiss her finger tips. "Kalli, I don't want you to worry."
She nodded, "I know that. But I do. And we never talk about it. Occasionally we might say something, just something little... But then its just never mentioned again." A tear trickled down her check, running lightly onto his chest. "Jeffy... We can't do that anymore. I *can't* not worry. I'm sorry."
After a moment, he admitted reluctantly, "I know." He asked softly, "So what do we do about it?"
"We talk about it, I guess." She placed a soft kiss on his chest. "If you're hurt, then tell me that you're hurt instead of being brave for me, okay?" She added gently, "I know that you're brave and tough and whatever... But you don't tell me whats going on with you because you don't want me to worry or fuss over you... Jeffy... I'm gonna do that anyway. The least we can do is be honest with each other, right? We owe each other that."
The Hardy Boy thought about this a while and then he said, "Okay." He placed a light kiss on her forehead, "Starting now?" She nodded and he asked, "How do you feel about tomorrow?"
She let loose a sad little laugh, "Terrified. You?"
He smiled, "A little terrified too." Kalli propped herself up on an elbow to look at him at this, gently untangling her hand from his and reaching out a hand to stroke his face. He looked at her curiously, "What? No comment."
She shook her head, "Just a question."
"Shoot."
"Before the match, will you *tell me* about the big spots, okay? Just so there's nothing to catch me off guard. I'm still gonna freak watching backstage, but... No blind siding me this time. Promise?"
Jeff nodded, "Promise."
She nodded gratefully and then asked, "And... After the match? Do you think you could let me fuss *just* a little bit?"
He chuckled, "Only a little bit?"
"Do you want me to fuss lots?"
He smiled, "Well, no..."
Kalli pouted playfully at this, "No?" She lay her head back down on his chest, "Fine. Your loss. I thought you might like the fussing I had planned... Agh! Stop it!" A giggle erupted from her lips as he crept a hand into the bottom of her singlet top, scooting his fingers round to tickle her hyperactively sensitive belly button. "Jeff!" She slapped his hand away, her playful pout melting into an adoring grin. She propped herself back up on her elbow again. "Evil bastard..."
He cut her off, pressing his lips to hers in a tender kiss. His hand crept to the back of her neck, tugging gently on her hair, and when she sighed, all besmitten, beneath his kiss, her lips parting slightly, he darted his tongue into her mouth to deepen the sweet kiss. When eventually they came up for air he asked, the cheekiest little grin on his face, "You don't want to start fussing over me *now* by any chance, do ya?"
The McMahon Princess grinned at him, "You slut!" They shared the grin for a moment before it melted away into a long gaze, unspoken concern passing between them.
After a moment he whispered, "I love you, Kalli. I'm not sure I say that enough..."
She rest her fingertips gently over his lips, "Ssshhh." She smiled, "Don't tell me." She placed a light kiss on his lips, "Show me."
And he could tell by the tone of her voice that wasn't just referring to the moment they were sharing. She didn't just want him to show her that way. She wanted him to show her every day. Starting with the one thing that constantly stood between them.
I don't want her to fuss.
But she will.
And I don't her to worry.
But she'll do that too.
No more avoiding the subject, no more shrugging it off like it doesn't matter...
He sighed, but he knew he could do it.
"I'll show you." He whispered, his promise in his voice.
Kalli smiled, her eyes finally sparkling happily at this. She told him, "Remind tomorrow to thank Linds."
He nodded knowingly, "Gotcha."
"But for now..." Her sweet little smile played out into a devilish little grin.
Jeff nodded again, "See? Now I definately gotcha."
And he pulled her down into his arms into another adoring kiss...
~ The End ~