Happy Birthday, Baby
Chapter I
Jeff stretched lazily, finishing the last of his beer. “That’s it for me,” he cast a look over at Matt and Gilbert where they say opposite him at the table. “I’m beat.”
Gilbert chuckled, “Well, if you *hadn’t* spent your entire birthday riding around on that bike you’re doing up, you might’ve had much more staying power.”
His youngest son laughed softly, “Dad, you do realize its 3am, don’t you?”
It was Krissy, tidying up Jeff’s kitchen for him, who replied, “And you do realize that this means your Dad is going to have survived longer on your birthday than you did?”
“It’s all right, Krissy...” Gilbert was still chuckling, “We shouldn’t give him too hard a time. It is his birthday after all.”
Matt shook his head, “Uh ah. His birthday was over three hours ago.” Starts to get up, “But I suppose we should let him get some rest.”
Jeff grinned up at Matt, “Thanks, big brother.”
The elder of the Hardy Boys motioned to Krissy, “Come on, honey. Let him do that in the morning.”
The grin faded, “Thanks, big brother.” He hopped to his feet when his father got up and moved around the table. The two exchanged a warm hug, “Happy Birthday again, Jeff.” As he hugged him he whispered gently, “I just wish Kalli had been able to join us.”
Jeff sighed into his Father’s shoulder, “I know, Dad.” He pulled away, turning his attentions to Krissy to avoid further mention of his now ex-girlfriend. “Kris...” He wrapped his arms around the girl when she approached, placing a soft, short kiss on her lips and holding her gently. “Thankyou for flying all the way out here for my birthday.”
Krissy grinned, “Like I’d miss it.” She let him go a little reluctantly and took Gilbert’s arm, she gave Gilbert a curious little smile and the man nodded knowingly at her. “Matty, we’ll meet you at the car.” She grinned at Jeff as she and Gilbert made their way from the room, “Night, Jeffy.”
“Night, Kris.” He smiled at his Dad, “Night, Dad.”
When the twosome had disappeared, Matt picked his jacket up from the back of the chair he had been sitting on, digging a hand into it. Out of it he pulled a videocassette, handing it to Jeff.
“What's this?” Jeff asked curiously as he looked at the unmarked tape.
Matt pulled his jacket on, “That's your birthday present from Kalli.” He told him gently, “You broke it off before we had a chance to finish it. And its not what she had planned on giving you, not exactly. I took a little bit of ‘artistic license’ with it, but... I think you need to see it...”
Jeff sighed, “Matt...”
“No. Jeff. Listen to me. You *NEED* to watch that tape, okay? You need to.” He bent over, picking up a small bag from beside the table. “She got you this too.” He shrugged, “She had left this stuff with me at Dad’s... I know she still wanted me to give you this.” He shrugged, “She might kill me for the video, but...” He gave his brother a long, warm hug. “Promise me you’ll watch it, Jeff.”
Hugging his brother back he sighed, “I promise.”
“Good.” He pulled away a little, messing up Jeff’s hair and then grabbing his ponytail, yanking him forward by it to give him a silly kiss on the cheek. “Happy Birthday, little brother.”
And with that, Matt left him.
Jeff looked at the video in his hand a long time, eventually taking it and the bag Matt had gave him into the bedroom. He popped the tape in his VCR and then sat down on his bed, opening the bag, a carefully wrapped parcel inside it. He opened it slowly, not tearing the paper even a little.
Pulling the box within loose of the paper, he lifted the lid on it, curious. When he saw its contents, he smiled, gently lifting them loose.
Standing on a wooden base was an elegantly, and perfectly crafted model Motor Bike. An exact replica of his yellow, and favourite, Honda CBR 900 RR. Kalli hadn’t been at all into the idea of even getting on a bike until he had taken her on a return trip from Cameron to Greenwich on that very bike a few months before. He studied it for what had to be a good ten minutes before eventually, reluctantly, putting it down beside the bed.
He settled back on the bed, switching his lamp off. The only light in the room came from the blue screen on the TV until he pressed play... His brother appeared on screen, sitting on... He had to look twice. It was his bed! He shook his head, smiling, “This is going to be good...”
~*~
Chapter II
Matt: Hardy Boys Inc presents Matt Hardy starring in...
Kalli: [From somewhere behind the camera] Matt!
Matt: [Groan] Okay, okay. [Smiles into the camera, holding up a scrappy piece of cardboard with the words ‘Kalli Loves Jeff’ scrawled across it. Kalli can be heard laughing in the background] Hardy Boys Inc presents Kalleasto J...
Kalli: Don’t you even think about using my middle name, Matthew Moore Hardy or I’ll kick your ass.
Matt: [Sighs] Kalli, I’m trying to work here! [He glares at the camera and then tries again] Hardy Boys Inc presents Kalleasto McMahon in.. Uh... [Looks all confused into the camera] Does this thing have a name, Kalli?
Kalli: Does it need one?
Matt: Well what are you going to write on the cover when you give this to him?
Kalli: I don’t know. Happy birthday, baby?
Matt: [Groans] This is the most disorganized birthday present I have ever seen. [Flashes a grin at where Kalli is presumably standing] Okay, FINALLY... Hardy Boys Inc presents Kalleasto McMahon in Happy Birthday, Baby. [Scrunches his nose up when Kalli laughs] Does that sound like some freaky incest thing with me saying that at the start of my brother’s birthday video?
Kalli: [Giggling] Not at all!
Matt: Okay. [Smiles at the camera] Take 1. [Gets up and moves out of the view of the camera... Kalli suddenly stumbles before the camera, Matt’s hand on her arm, as he plonks her down in front of it. She gives the camera a scared little look before he yells] Action.
Kalli: [Flashes a goofy grin at the camera] Hi Jeffy. [Fidgeting a little] Matty? I forgot what I was meant to say. [Giggles again]
Matt: [Exasperated] CUT!!!
~*~
[The camera settles on Jeff, Matt and Chris by the pool in one of the swank hotels they have stayed at while on the road with the WWF. He’s laying out his towel and gear... A conversation can be heard between those behind the camera]
Melly: Hey, I love this new camera, Kalli... [Zooms in on Jeff’s ass as he bends over to dig around in his bag] The zoom is grrrrrrrrreat!
Kalli: It’d wanna be considering how much that damn thing cost me... [Her voice trails away for a moment and then she asks suspiciously] What are you looking at?
Melly: Huh? What? Nothing. [The camera starts to pan back a little before the picture shakes around a bit] Hey! Owww! Kalli! Watch it!
Kalli: [The camera finally settles and she exclaims] That’s Jeff! Melly!!!
Melly: Uh... I was looking for Chris...
Kalli: [Cutting her off] And I suppose Chris is right at the same level as Jeff’s ass, huh?
Melly: Uh... [Giggles] Oops?
Kalli: Melly!
Melly: I couldn’t help it! Have you seen Jeff’s ass? [Pause] Okay, dumb question.
~*~
[The picture is all out of focus for a moment]
Krissy: [Softly] Fuck. Come on.
[The picture comes into focus... Jeff and Kalli are laying in bed together. Jeff is on his back in the bed, an arm hooked around Kalli where she is nestled against his naked chest, his chin resting against her forehead, both soundly sleeping. Kalli’s hand rests lazily on Jeff’s chest, the sheet barely covering the fact that Jeff isn’t the only one with a bare chest in the bed. The camera zooms in a little closer, shaking slightly, Krissy evidently stepping closer to the bed. There is a little bang...]
Krissy: Fuck! [The view jumps around a little, panning back very quickly, barely in focus]
Kalli: [Sitting up in the bed, pulling a sheet around her, looks up and sees the camera. Her hair is a mess and there are dribs and drabs of it sticking up everywhere, her dark eyes offering evidence that she could definitely be using her beauty sleep right about then. She growls under her breath] KRISSY! [Casts a look at Jeff who is starting to stir] Get out!!!
~*~
[Camera is panning through Jeff’s garage, it stops on Kalli digging through a box of stuff on one of the benches]
Matt: What are you looking for?
Kalli: Super glue. I broke the leg on the tripod for my camera.
Matt: And how did you do that?
Kalli: I was trying to hit your beloved Krissy with it.
Matt: [Laughs] Why???
Kalli: She was filming Jeff and I this morning. If he had woken up and seen the camera there... How do I explain that to him? He’s not supposed to know about this video...
Matt: So you used the tripod on your sister?
Kalli: I tried. [Putting away the box she has been searching through and grabbing another]
Matt: What happened?
Kalli: I missed her and hit your car instead.
Matt: What??? [Camera spins around quickly, jumping around, the picture scrapes over the floor of the garage before the grass comes into view outside of the garage...]
~*~
Chapter III
[Kalli is laying on her and Jeff’s bed with Lindsey, the two are going through photos]
Kalli: [Casts a look up at the camera] Matty, stop playing with the camera all the time. You’ll use up all the tape the way you‘ve been going. [She focuses her attention back on the photos]
Matt: I’m just looking at the zoom and stuff. It’s okay, I’m not recording...
Lindsey: [Holds a photo up in front of Kalli] Who’s that?
Kalli: [Takes the photo, looks at it a second and laughs] That’s Jeff.
Lindsey: What? [Snatches the photo back to look at it again] It doesn’t look like Jeff.
Kalli: It is, Linds. He’s wearing a wig.
Lindsey: [Looks more closely at the photo] Oh hey, it is too! [Giggles] What was he doing wearing a Cleopatra wig?
Kalli: I dared him to wear it around for a minimum of 10 minutes at the party after the Premiere of The Mummy Returns. [Laughs]
Lindsey: And he did?
Kalli: Uh huh.
Lindsey: And what did he get for his efforts?
Matt: [Laughs] The chance to make Kalli wear the wig...
Lindsey: Is that all?
Matt: [Still laughing] The chance to make Kalli wear the wig and *nothing else.*
Kalli: [Looks up startled] Did Jeff tell you about that??? [Pause] Ooohhh! I’m going to kill him!!! [Notices the red light on the camera] Matt! You’re recording!
~*~
[Kalli is seated in front of the camera]
Matt: [From behind the camera] And action!
Kalli: [Gives the camera a nervous smile] Hey Jeffy. Happy birthday! [Blows a kiss into the camera] Um... Okay... I didn’t know what to get you for your birthday this year... I thought I’d try something different...
Matt: And she was too much of a tight ass to buy you the new Dirt Bike you’ve been looking at...
Kalli: Matt!!!
~*~
[The camera is following Krissy, Kalli, Linds and Melly as they move through a little shop. There are shelves everywhere lined with model airplanes and cars and what not...]
Krissy: [Looks into the camera] Matt, I’m starting to worry about this new obsession you have with Kalli’s video camera. [Pouts] You pay more attention to it than you do to me.
Melly: [Sarcastic] Yeah, like that’s possible. [Krissy slaps the back of her head playfully] Hey! Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I can’t beat your ass still, Kris.
Matt: [The picture settles on the floor for a moment, Krissy can be heard giggling and then a little kissy noise is heard] You know I adore you, baby. [Another kissy noise and the camera settles on Kalli and Linds, both with their backs to the camera, huddled around one of the shelves]
Kalli: I think this one’s it.
Lindsey: Yeah, it looks just like Jeff’s.
Kalli: How much is it?
Lindsey: [Laughs] You are *so* like Daddy sometimes!
Kalli: [Motions over to the shopkeeper] Excuse me, sir? I’d like to have this bike please... [The camera comes in closer to Kalli and Linds until the picture is aimed in over their shoulders at a model motor bike that looks *exactly*like Jeff’s yellow one]
Matt: Wow! It does look just like it...
Lindsey: I know! It was.. [Matt turns the camera to look at Lindsey and inadvertently smacks her in the side of the head] Owww! Matt! [The camera bounces around as she starts hitting him]
~*~
[Kalli is sitting on one of Jeff’s bikes in the garage while he works on the one beside it]
Matt: [Whispering] I think I’m becoming like a voyeur, I love filming everything.
Krissy: [Whispering back] What are you gonna do when Kalli wants her camera back?
Matt: I think I may need some kind of distraction to ease my withdrawal. [Krissy giggles] Let’s see if I can get a bit closer and hear what they’re saying... [The picture blurs as Matt evidently moves along the grass, eventually stopping just short of the garage door, off to one side of it. Kalli and Jeff are so engrossed they don’t notice him]
Kalli: You think I should ask?
Jeff: Yeah, [tinkering with the bike] what's the worse he can say?
Kalli: How ‘bout no? [Sighs] I have been a total and utter brat lately.
Jeff: Well, if you actually listened to me instead of running off to abuse your Father after nearly every one of my matches... [Trails off and looks at her]
Kalli: [After a moment] Oh, I’m sorry! Were you saying something? [He stands up and she flashes him a cheeky grin... Until he steps around the bike] Oh no you don’t... [Gets off the bike she’s on, hovering behind it] Jeffy, don’t you come near me with those hands... [He darts around the bike, his arms wrapping around her waist before she can dart away] No! No! Stop it!!!
Jeff: [Laughing at her lack lustre attempts to escape] You know, if you had really wanted to get away you would’ve been long gone by now.
Kalli: [Blushes, stopping her struggles, leans her back gently into him] Like I’d want to get away from you when you’re all sexy and sweaty and dirty... [Let’s Jeff turn her around to face him, they share a warm kiss... The picture blurs again as it backs away]
Krissy: That was so sweet...
~*~
Chapter IV
[Kalli is seated in front of the camera yet again, this time looking even more nervous]
Matt: [From behind the camera] Come on, Kalli... I don’t want to still be trying to do this when Jeff gets back from Dad’s.
Kalli: [Shrugs sadly] I don’t know what to say.
Matt: Just read the poem you wrote then...
Kalli: But... It’s not enough...
Matt: [Sighs, moving round to sit beside her by the camera] What do you want to say to him then, honey?
Kalli: [Looks up at him] I... [Breaks off, looking a little lost]
Matt: [Gently] Then why don’t you tell him all the things you’ve always wanted to but never have... The things you can’t quite bring yourself to say to his face.
Kalli: There’s a reason I don’t say those things...
Matt: [Hooks an arm around her and gives her a hug] There shouldn’t be. [Kisses her forehead] Just go with it, Kalli. [Gets up and moves behind the camera again] And just think, we can always edit it later...
Kalli: [Sits staring at the floor for a really, really long time and then finally looks up, a sweet, nervous smile on her face] Hey Jeffy... [Pause] Now, I *know* this isn’t your traditional birthday present, but... I wanted to give you something that no one else would. And so here it is. A little video jam packed with sentimental bullshit. [Chuckles slightly] When it got to this part here, I didn’t know what to say, so... Your brother...
Matt: [The camera moves around and Matt smiles into it] Hey, Bro! [Winks sillily at the camera and then whirls it back round to face Kalli]
Kalli: [Shaking her head a little, then clears her throat] Your brother suggested that I tell you all the things that I’ve always wanted to say to you, but never really have. [Thinks for a moment, smiling softly] We tell each other everything, Jeff. And aside from my sisters, I’ve never been able to do that with anyone. It comes so easy with you... Yet... Sometimes I still hold back... Not because I don’t trust you, not because I don’t think you’d understand... Just because... I guess I’m afraid that I’ll frighten you off. [Looks away for a long time before looking up, right into the camera, her eyes are sparkling with tears as she speaks, her voice filled with love] I love you, Jeff. I know that I tell you that all the time, but I wonder if you really understand how much. I... Love... You... [Smiles dreamily] Before I met you, I didn’t believe that I could ever love anyone with all my heart and all my soul... And now I love you with all of me. I love you with parts of my heart and soul that I didn’t even know I had. [Whispers into the camera] My whole world is you, Jeff. And that should frighten me, but it never has. *This* is the most amazing thing in my life, and if anything, what does frighten me is the thought that one day you’re going to wake up and realize that I’m not really what you want after all... That, that you’ll leave. And I will spend from here until the end of eternity never having this with you again. [The first tear trickles slowly down her face and she runs her fingertips across her cheek to wipe it away] God, [sniffle] I’m such a sap... [Looks down at the floor again for a while, her hands fidgeting] I suck at this...
Matt: [Gently] You’re doing great, Kalli.
Kalli: [Looks up again and says softly] Because of you, Jeff, I believe in forever. And *my* forever? [Smiles, more tears spilling from her eyes] I’m giving it to you. [Blows a little kiss into the camera, her voice breaking slightly from her tears] Happy Birthday, Baby. [Smiles into the camera once more past her tears and then looks over it to Matt] Cut.
~*~
[Kalli and Jeff sitting on the mat at the edge of the Raw Is War ring looking over their scripts for the evening. Kalli is nestled into Jeff’s arms and the two are talking and laughing amongst themselves... A voice over comes on. It‘s Kalli...]
A thousand words
A million tears
There is no pain
There is no fear
I love you now
I loved you then
My world apparent
My truest friend
If you leave
Don’t say goodbye
Eternally lost
Here I would die
All day, all night
I breathe for you
Adoration is endless
For all that you do
This is my heart
It bears your name
Forever, together
One and the same
~*~
The last of Kalli’s poem drifted away.
Jeff held up the remote, pressing the stop button. The picture vanished and a blue screen appeared. He pressed the button to turn the TV off.
And darkness filled the room...
~ The End ~