Regrets? I've Had A Few

“Ssshhh,” Matt’s fingers crept gently over her lips. “Ssshhh, please. Please don’t say that. Kalli...” His fingers outlined her cheek, “Without Jeff... Without him you have fought for him, you’ve been strong, you’ve proven how amazing you are. He can’t take that away from you. He just compliments it... Together, the two of you are perfect. I know you are.” The look that passed between them seemingly deepened, “Don’t ever doubt yourself... I can’t think of anyone more incredible than you.”

Still crying, she managed a soft smile, “You’re just saying that because you’re my friend... You have to say that...”

“No, I don’t.” He whispered, “I would never say anything to you that I didn’t mean, Kalli.”

Instead, the two remained locked there in each other’s gaze, supporting and adoring each other, the irrevocable bond between them stronger than ever.

Almost simultaneously, the two leant forward, and before either could draw breath to clear the haze in their heads, their lips pressed together in a tender kiss that lasted minutes.

An exhausted groan slipped from Kalleasto McMahon’s lips as she rolled gingerly over in the hospital bed, tugging the starchy white sheets tighter around her. Every part of her body screamed relentlessly for rest, and though even her eyelids hung closed as if sleeping, the buzz in her head gave renewed life to her migraine and sleep would not come near her.

The two had shared everything since they had first become friends just a couple of years before. She had come to think of him, or so she had thought, as an elder brother...

Confused she asked softly, “What just happened?” She pulled away from him, nestling back in the bed, lost. “I mean... This is... This is us... We’re not...”

Christian? Maybe. God, even Gilbert was a more likely candidate in her eyes than Matt because he was her friend. Her closest friend. The man that she would tell all the intimate details of her life. The man she would strip into her bra and panties in front of in the locker room to change ready for her matches while they chat, the same way she would in front of Shane. The man that knew better than anyone else that the very reason she lived and breathed anymore was Jeffrey Nero Hardy.

And there in that kiss, she had felt safe and warm. But almost as though she was a million miles away from herself, so unaware was she of her surroundings and her actions. It was only when they broke away that she realized...

“Hey, Kalli? How are you feeling?” Krissy stepped through the door into the room, moving swiftly over to the bed to take her sisters hand, touching her bandaged head lightly, “How’s your head feel?”

Kalli cast a sideways glance at Matt, her fear on her face, but she tried to stay cool. “It’s okay... Just aching... And... I’m sleepy...” She asked softly, “Did Kurt’s match end already?”

Of all her sisters, none could ever be as close to her as Krissy had become. And now she had betrayed her in ways she would never have imagined.

Matt stared at the door after her, “I don’t know... I hope not... I...” The overwhelming urge to follow her filled him and Kalli leant over, squeezing his hand, “You can go. It’s okay.”

He smiled gently, “Thankyou...” And then, controlling himself as best he could, he disappeared out the door after the woman he loved.

Matt had not come back and the Doctor had ordered all would-be visitors away until morning. A morning that would take forever to come.

Matt to have Krissy, and Krissy to have only Matt, so that the two may truly start their life together, as one.

Tears welled up in her closed eyes, and her expression filled with pain. As if trying to hide it even from herself, she buried her face in the pillow.

And in the long dark hours she whiled away in that hospital bed, Jeff Hardy seemed further away than ever.

Kalli looked over at the door from where she lay, staring at the ceiling, her eyes black and baggy, her exhaustion clear, but sleep still no where in sight for her. She managed a gentle smile when she saw Matt. “Hey. You’re up early.”

“Yeah.” He nodded, stepping into the room and clicking the door over behind him. “Visiting hours started about a minute again.” He smiled, but he was fidgeting with his car keys a little as he moved over to stand by her bed. He offered her a reluctant, “I couldn’t sleep.”

For the first time in the years they had known each other, silence set in on them. For minutes, the two simply stayed, suspended in their own pain and their own confusion, each more lost than they had ever been in the others company.

Matt nodded, “She must have.” His words came slowly, excruciatingly, “She left last night. She just left. No real explanation... Just a note, and barely that, to say something came up. She had to leave on business. I don’t even know where she’s gone. I tried to call. I tried all night. But she won’t take my calls.” He whispered guiltily, “I betrayed her.”

They sat silently again for a few moments before Kalli told him honestly, “I don’t understand how that happened. I don’t even know what I was thinking.” She whispered, “I’m not sure I was thinking at all.”

She cut him off, “So were you.” She shook her head again, “Matty, I don’t... I don’t feel that way about you...”

The McMahon Heiress reached out, lightly taken his hand in her own, “I know that.” She looked up at him near expectantly, “What happens now? What do we do?”

“I don’t know,” he whispered, “I just want to find Krissy. I just want to make her understand... I never meant to hurt her. I could never. I love her so much,... God... What if I lose her?”

“Ssshhh,” Kalli cooed, “It was one kiss, Matty. I know she must be hurt right now... But she’ll understand.” Trying to reassure herself she added, “She will.”

“Stop it.” She pat his hand, “Honey, you’re not going to lose her. You’re not.” But right at that very moment, Kalli wasn’t sure how true that statement was. She looked away in an attempt to hide her doubt, whispering, “Matty? I’m going to tell Jeff...”

“No, you don’t. Kalli...” Matt fought for the right words, “If Jeff knew... Then...” He stammered softly, “You don’t want to give him another reason to stay away.”

She looked up again, her own eyes welling up with tears, “But I tell him everything, Matt.” She added so softly he could barely hear her, “Everything.” A little sniffle escaped her, “And I feel so bad for this... I feel so bad...”

Matt sighed, “You don’t have anything to feel bad about, Kalli.” He realized that wasn’t entirely true and he went on, “Not with Jeff, at least.”

“Yes I do.” Her voice was barely audible, “Because no matter what, Matty, in here...” she nestled a hand over her heart, “I am still his. In here I will *always* be his.”

“Kalli,” Matt tread carefully, “Jeff is already mad at you, Honey. He’s so upset about the ladder match, he’s so angry that you let yourself get hurt... This will just add fuel to the fire. If he knows...”

He cut her off, “No, Kalli, please. For your own sake, I’m asking you...” Urgency filled his voice, “I’m begging you,” he pressed a hand against her cheek, looking right into her eyes...

Instead, the two remained locked there in each other’s gaze, supporting and adoring each other, the irrevocable bond between them stronger than ever.

Almost simultaneously, the two leant forward, and before either could draw breath to clear the haze in their heads, their lips pressed together in a tender kiss that lasted minutes.

And Matt Hardy may very well have cost himself the woman he loved more than life itself and the best friend he had ever had.

He cut her off, “No, Kalli, please. For your own sake, I’m asking you...” Urgency filled his voice, “I’m begging you,” he pressed a hand against her cheek, looking right into her eyes...

He had done little since the previous night but ache for Krissy. He had called time and time again, no matter how futile it seemed to be, in the vain hope she that something may eventually drive her to answer.

He didn’t like to even think it. but some small part of him couldn’t shake his fear that she would run to the one place her heart always seemed to lead her eventually. Matt groaned, resting his head in his hands, lightly smacking the phone against his forehead.

The one thing Matt had always prided himself on was his loyalty. It was so since and unwavering. The devil himself could not draw his eyes to another.

He was so ashamed. So very, very ashamed. The guilty tinges of colour had not faded from his cheeks since he had pulled away from Kalli when the sweet kiss had trailed away.

Confused she asked softly, “What just happened?” She pulled away from him, nestling back in the bed, lost. “I mean... This is... This is us... We’re not...”

It was as though he had been completely unaware of himself. One moment he was comforting his friend and being comforted in return. The next he was lost, momentarily misplaced in time, his entire being focused into a kiss that should not ever have been.

He could barely rationalize the moment in his head. It was too surreal, too unexpected, to be believable.

But when Krissy kissed him, the Earth really did stand still. Nothing else mattered when she was with him. When she smiled, when she laughed... Those things meant more to him than anything.

He glanced at his watch. It was well past time he head for Columbus. But with Krissy going AWOL and Kalli being confined to a Hospital bed, he knew there was no way in hell he would be worth anything for Raw that night.

He murmured softly under his breath, “Damn you, Jeff.” If he hadn’t left Kalli, if he hadn’t just walked away when things got rough, Kalli would never have competed in that damn match...

She would have pushed for something along those lines in the Women’s Division eventually anyway. But everything would have been different if Jeff had just stuck it out.

As Krissy pulled out of the hospital parking lot, she saw Matt standing in the entranceway. One look and she knew that he knew. And he knew..

Matt couldn’t shake the image of Krissy’s beautiful face marred with a kind of pain he had *never* wanted to see her in.

Vincent K. McMahon had been just about to open the door to his daughter’s hospital room when he spotted her standing by the window. Her back to him, her hair hung limply down her back under the bandage that wrapped her battered forehead. One hand rest on her shoulder, a finger-wrapping round and round in her hair as she looked out absently over the car park.

The last time he had seen the younger of the two Hardys was when he had stormed out of the hospital the night before. Vince doubted very much that Jeff would be back for quite a while.

He shook his head slightly. To say that his little girl was insane, in Vince’s opinion, was probably an understatement. She was practically fearless in that ring, and fiercely, *fiercely* stubborn. If you told Kalleasto McMahon she couldn’t do something, she would run off and show you that she could regardless. Much of that stemmed from the McMahon blood pumping through her veins.

Sadly, he could take some of the blame for that. Although, he pondered for a moment, perhaps her mother was much more at fault. If not for Kalli, Vince would curse the day he had ever met Terreis Jacobs. The woman had a nasty streak a mile long and she had used Vince’s love for his daughter to milk him for all she could over the years. When Kalli had eventually rebelled and ultimately abandoned her, it had been a blessing.

Except that it made Kalli miserable that her half sisters were a world away from her, and that her mother frankly didn’t give a damn what the hell happened to her anymore.

All of that was why Kalli was intensely determined to act out, to strike out if necessary, to prove herself. Because no matter who her family were... And no matter what life threw at her... She could do and would do *anything* she set her mind to.

This time she wanted to prove that she loved a man too stupid to figure out how certain she was that they belonged together.

And he would rather sit back and leave her to wallow through life without him than admit they belonged together.

Kalli jumped and whirled so fast she got a head rush, “Daddy!” A flush of nausea passed through her from the move and she had to grab the window ledge to steady herself.

He dropped the bag he had brought her by the bed and hurried over to her, taking hold of her arm. “You should be in bed.”

Trying to swallow the dry wretch she could feel building inside her, she murmured, “Daddy, you know I can’t sit still that long...”

“I don’t care.” He slowly guide her back to the bed, helping her into it. “Your Doctor said bed rest. That means you keep your ass in bed until he says you can get out.” He narrowed his eyes at her, “Do you hear me?”

She groaned softly, “Yes, Daddy.” Trying to avoid a lecture, she motioned to the bag, “Did you bring me some stuff?”

He nodded, smiling to himself, knowing she wasn’t going to escape a lecture that easily. “Some Pyjamas and some clothes for when you check out in a couple of days...”

Vince chuckled, “I spoke to your Doctor. We both feel you should spend at least another two nights here.”

“Two nights?” She practically yelled, grabbing her head when her own words reverberated through her head. “But... But...”

A grin playing out onto his lips, “Kalli, you have a serious concussion. It’s best we don’t take any chances.”

Dread touched Kalli’s face, “What?” He didn’t answer and near panicked, somehow sure she knew what was to come she asked anyway, “What about that?”

Her father took a deep breath, “Kalli... I spoke to the team... We’ve decided to suspend you from Active Duty on the WWF Roster.”

He cut her off, “No, Kalli. Listen to me. *You* are not thinking straight. You haven’t been thinking straight since you and Jeff got together if you ask me, but since he left... You’ve been running around like a mad woman. Maybe if you hadn’t gotten hurt in the Ladder Match, things would be different...”

“Kalli. You got hurt. And you got hurt because you went out into that match with your mind on Jeff instead of what you were doing.” He sighed, “I am sorry, Honey, but I can’t let you keep bringing your personal problems to the ring. It’s for your own safety that I suggested this suspension.”

He cleared his throat, talking over her, “When you check out in two days, I’ve arranged for you to be flown home to Connecticut. You’re going to stay with your Mother and I for a few days, and then, when you’ve cleared your head of this nonsense you’ve been carrying on with, we’ll look at your possible reinstatement.”

He shook his head, moving over to her. “Ssshhh.” He placed a hand against her cheek, “Honey, I’m sorry. But this has to be. Just for now. I want you safe and well... And I want you to take some time to get your head together about Jeff. Okay? This is what you should’ve done in the first place.”

Vince sighed, kissing her forehead. “I’m sorry. I am.” Her face fell all the more, and knowing he would cave and change his mind if he looked at her hurt expression a moment longer her whispered, “I love you. And I’ll see you at home in a couple of days.” He looked at his watch, awkward and uncomfortable, “I have to run... I need to get to Columbus.” He hugged her, but she did not hug him back, simply sitting there staring into space, “Goodbye, Kalli.”

The girl half rolled over in the bed, casting a sad little look at Matt in the doorway. “Hey...” Her voice was so quiet, so sad, that his own face settled into a look of pain that near perfectly matched her own. “I thought you’d gone. Don’t you have a Raw to do?”

He shook his head, “I caught your Dad on his way out before.” He stepped through the door, shutting it behind him, “I organized with him to that it off. I thought,” he smiled softly, “I thought maybe you could use a friend right now.”

She smiled at this, but still stammered softly, “I... Uh...” Her eyes locked on his, “Are we friends?” Sighing softly she went on, “Before... I just... I‘m sorry.” Shamefully, she whispered, “What’s wrong with us, Matty? Why did this happen?”

Matt moved over to her, sitting at the foot of her bed, both painfully noting he was well out of her reach. It was his turn to sigh at his own actions. Was this what they had really come to? He fought for reason. He had struggled with that very thing all day, all night. What had drawn the two into a kiss.

Parts of his heart had stirred so deeply at the feel of this girl he had come to love and adore nestled so tightly into his arms.

They had been friends for what felt like an eternity, they knew each other so well, so intimately. But never once had he ever felt drawn to her the way he had in that moment.

“I think...” His voice was a forlorn croak and he cleared his throat before trying again. “I think that we’re both pretty lost right now, Kalli. I think... I know, you hurt. You hurt more than anything. I can’t see anything else in you anymore but that.” He shook his head sadly, longing to see the happy Kalli he knew and loved return.

She nodded, her knowing in her voice, “And you...” She spoke slowly, meaningfully, “You’re so afraid you might lose Krissy that it crushes you. It terrifies you, and it weakens you.” Her words could not have been more honest if she tried, “You are so strong, Matty. Stronger than anyone I have *ever* known... But the moment you think you might lose Krissy,” she whispered, “You break.”

He finished for her, “We fall back on the people closest to us.” She nodded again and he shared the gesture, “It would have to be that. I mean...” The Hardy Boy shrugged, “It’s not that you’re not, you know, but I’ve never...”

He broke off all lost seeming and she grinned, “It’s okay, Matty. I know. I feel the same way about you.” She added softly, “I’m not Krissy.”

The pair fell into silence for a few moments before Kalli eventually piped up, “So, how do we make this up to Krissy and Jeff?”

Matt murmured softly, “I don’t know,” before looking up at her. “You still want to tell Jeff?”

“Matty... I owe him that.” Her usually cheery voice was marred with sadness, “I kissed his brother. I need to explain...”

Again he cut her short, “No, he doesn’t.” The words came out much harsher than intended, “He dumped you, remember?” Tears filled her eyes at the edge to his voice and he mentally cursed himself, “Kalli...” His tone was softer, “I’m sorry.”

It was her turn to cut him off, “What is it, Matt? You don’t want Jeff to know so you don’t have to face up to him? Is that it? Are you trying to cover your own ass?”

Hurt that matched hers filled his dark eyes, “Kalli...” He whispered, “You know that's not it.” He sighed, “I just don’t want Jeff to have another reason to be angry with you. Things are so bad for you both as it is.”

Her temper softened by her friends hurt, Kalli reminded him gently, “I don’t need you to tell me that.” She added, “And if he’s going to hear about this, it’s going to be from me.”

Kalli nodded, “They’re best friends, Matt. You know eventually she’s going to tell him, whether she wants to or not.”

Matt’s worried face seemed even more concerned. He had hoped he would not have to face his brother, because whether he was with Kalli or not, Jeff would not be pleased by the recent turn of events.

Matt sighed, his own flash of fear apparent, “I hadn’t thought of that.” He pulled out his cell phone, “I’m going to go try Krissy again. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He disappeared out of the room before Kalli could protest.

Krissy would be so hurt. So very, very hurt that she had kissed Matt. And though she understood why, knowing she would feel the same, she also knew that when she hurt she lashed out at the things that hurt her. And if Krissy did that...

She and Matt had sworn black and blue for years now that they were the best of friends and nothing more. Just like Krissy and Jeff.

The McMahon Heiress looked out the door after Matt a few moments before grabbing the bag her Father had brought in for her from beside the bed. She dug frantically through it for her own cell phone, switching it on desperately.

She started to dial Jeff’s number, but a redundant beep sounded from the phone and the screen flashed up at her, ‘Low Battery.’

She growled, “Just one call, dammit, just *one* call!” But the moment Jeff’s cell phone started to ring, the phone beeped again before switching itself off.

“Jeffy...” She huddled her knees to her chest, burying her face in them as she sobbed softly over and over again, her guilt once again consuming her. “I’m sorry... I am... I’m so sorry...” She whispered frantically to herself, “Just come back to me. Please. Just come back.”