Goodbye To You

The girl checked through the drawers by her bed for the third time that morning, again ensuring that she had indeed removed every article of clothing she would need over the next week or so. When she was satisfied, she moved over to the bed again, sealing up the huge bag that had become a regular fixture on her the last few weeks.

Tonight, she would go to Cameron to where Matt now spent Christmas completely alone. The moment her sister and Adam Copeland were wed she would be out that door like a speeding bullet. Why should someone she loved be alone this Christmas when everyone else seemed to have somebody?

Kalli knew she could go back to him. She could beg him if she had to. And for this one day, this one Christmas, they could be together and Jeff wouldn’t have to be alone.

But Matt beckoned. She hated it, but... That was where she needed to be today. Here in Connecticut Jeff would still be surrounded by people who loved him. In North Carolina, Matt had no one, and so that was where she would go. She would be with him. She would love him...

Krissy McMahon was marrying Adam Copeland and no matter how much she and Matt cared for each other, Kalli knew that when all was said and done, it would still break his fragile heart.

The girl opened her bedroom door, about to step out into the hallway, her rumbling stomach craving breakfast, but she was stopped in her tracks by Jeff Hardy as he stepped around the corner of her door, nearly smashing right into her. “Jeff!” She stepped back a little.

She shrugged, instantly nervous on seeing him. Last night, the short time they had spent together had not ended well.

The Hardy Boy shrugged, “Krissy had to get up early. Lots to do, so no sleep in for me.” He spotted the bag by her doorway and pointed to it, “You off somewhere today?”

She looked down at the bag, her cheeks flushing, “Well...” She looked back up to him, trying to play it cool but her voice wavering, “I’m heading off after the wedding.”

“To see Matt?” He asked, his voice surprisingly neutral. She nodded bashfully and he smiled gently, “I kinda knew you would. Wouldn’t be like you to leave Matt alone at Christmas.”

He shook his head. “That wasn’t an attack, Kalli.” He cooed softly, “I was just stating a fact.” He stood there for a moment, shifting slightly from foot to foot, “Uh. Do you mind if I come in?”

A little surprised, Kalli paused for a moment before stepping back, opening the door up all the way, “Sure. Come in.” She motioned him through the door, closing it tightly behind him.

She couldn’t explain it, couldn’t even begin to surmise the catalysts behind the very suggestion, but when she looked at Jeff Hardy right then and there, his back turned to her as he stared down at the bed she had made perfectly, looking for the collection of Teddy Bears she normally kept there on, there was something very different about the man she loved.

“No Teddy Bears?” He asked, sitting down on the bed, seemingly distracted. He kicked off his shoes, lying back on the bed, an arm nestled beneath his head.

Kalli motioned to the window seat, “Haven’t had a chance to put them back yet.” Her brow pressed together in concern, “Jeffy? Are you okay?” He nodded, but she wasn’t sure she believed him. She crossed the room, sitting down next to him on the edge of the bed. Her instincts taking her over, she reached out and took his free hand, toying with it softly. “Talk to me,” she whispered.

For a moment he looked at her like he had forgotten why he came before he eventually told her a little flatly, his voice devoid of any real emotion, “I wanted to apologize for last night.”

Something inside her ached at the way he spoke, and though she knew the words were sincere, his face, his very voice, had been blank. Almost like he was lost...

“You have nothing to apologize for,” she told him, trying to read him as best she could. “I probably should have just given the book to you. I just...” He was staring off into space, not even looking at her, and it unnerved her. “Jeff?” He did not answer and she reached out, cupping his chin gently and turning his face toward hers. Her eyes locked on his, “What happened to you last night? What’s wrong?”

“Kalli...” He whispered, tears filling his eyes, his voice suddenly laden with emotion as though he had just been snapped from a powerful dream and was overcome. “I don’t know that you would believe me.”

She gave him a loving smile, “Try me.” She crawled over the top of him, dropping onto the bed on his opposite side. He lifted his arm, allowing her to snuggle into the crook of his arm, her head on his chest. One arm hooked under his arm, meeting the arm he rest under his head, her fingers brushed his gently and he gave her a smile as her other arm draped across his chest. He dropped his arm back over her, hugging her to him...

She kissed his chest softly then looked up into his eyes. "With all of my heart, Jeffrey Nero Hardy, I love you."

Jeff gently ran his fingertips across her face, outlining her features, his eyes remaining locked on hers. "With all my heart..." And he kissed her.

He looked down at Kalli, unable to see her face for the way she had it buried it in his chest, the arm she had draped across his chest earlier now squeezing him tightly as her shoulders shook. It was only now as he took in the way she had huddled to him that he was aware of the damp patch slowly spreading on his shirt beneath her head, her tears trailing down on her face and spilling onto him.

“Kalli,” he whispered, but the girl did not look up. “Please,” he cooed softly, his fingers creeping into her hair, gently stroking their way down the length of it, tears of his own in his eyes. “Please don’t cry. I wouldn’t have told you if I knew you were going to be this hurt. I just... I needed to tell someone, and apart from Krissy, no one knows me better than you.”

His words were like razors and the girl let out a heart broken sob, rolling away from him and climbing from the bed. She could barely keep on her feet as she neared the cluttered window seat, leaning on the window frame for support, one hand across her face, trying to control herself.

The Hardy Boy climbed from the bed, slowly moving to stand behind her, his face pale. “Kalli...” He started.

She cut him off, quoting him, her tearful voice scathing, “’You and Matt don’t deserve a clean slate,’ that was what you said wasn’t it?”

“Tell me how you’re any better than I am now, Jeff.” She was struggling with each word, her head aching desperately, the early morning remnants of a headache she had woken with seemingly exploding into a full blown migraine.

She was shaking, now clinging to the window frame with both hands for fear she would fall flat on her face at any given moment. “Today you’re letting Krissy marry Adam, today you become...” She broke off, not sure even what he was now. An adulterer, a cheat, a liar... Whatever he was... Her voice was more choked than ever, “You’re not Jeff Hardy anymore.”

“That’s not true.” He stepped forward, pressing a tender hand into the small of her back, but she stepped away from him, huddling face first into the wall, moving further away from him with tiny, weak little steps. “Kalli...” Jeff’s words were filled with honesty, “I’m more myself than ever.”

She shook her head, whimpering softly, her words so muffled by the wall she was pressed into that Jeff could hardly make them out, “You’re not you.” She sobbed softly, “You loved me. You loved only me.”

The girl sobbed again, her knees finally giving out on her, she slumped to the floor, leaning into the wall, crying as pain racked her body. She knew it was pointless, pathetic even, to be this hurt. To accuse him of anything, to even think she had the right to be upset...

But for Kalleasto McMahon, the guilt had been unbearable. Even now, when Krissy was set to marry Adam, she and Matt hid behind closed doors, whispering away their phone calls and casting lost little glances across rooms to try not to draw any attention to each other. They had barely touched each other since the day Kalli had sought Matt out in New York City, and they were yet to be together, yet to consummate the budding relationship between them...

Because deep in their hearts they still believed they were wrong. That their being together now would be equally as bad as the night they had fallen into bed for the first time.

Now Jeff was telling her he loved her sister? That he was prepared to let her marry another for the sake of her children, that he was prepared to be the other man.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, “I’m so sorry.” She was shaking, hugging her knees to her chest, completely lost to the emotions taking over her. “I know... I have no right... I have no right... I just...”

He knelt before her, gently taking her face in his hands. “I know, Kalli.” He whispered painfully, “Things really are over between us, aren’t they?” They exchanged a long sad look and the girl crept into his arms. He welcomed her, holding her close as he whispered, “Kalli, please, whatever else happens, don’t tell anyone about Krissy and I, please.”

“Kalli,” he tilted her face toward his, their eyes meeting again, “For the sake of that baby, for Anastasia, she has to marry Adam. Do you understand?”

A sad smile painted his handsome face, “I love you, Kalleasto McMahon,” he told her honestly, kissing her forehead. “I will always love you.”

“Jeffykins,” she cooed, completely unaware that it was the first time she had used his pet name in weeks, perhaps longer. “I don’t want her to hurt you.”

“Won’t she?” Kalli asked desperately. “They way she didn’t hurt Matt, the way she didn’t hurt Adam? Baby...” She whispered without thinking, “She could never give Adam up for Matt, what if she can’t give him up for you?”

Moved by the concern she still showed for him, by the gentle way she whispered the word ‘baby,’ he touched his fingertips lightly to her face, caressing her cheek. “I know that this is real, Kalli. I know that this is forever.” His certainty was in his voice, “All the Adam Copeland’s in the world won’t stop us being together in the end.”

Despite herself, Kalli whispered, “And all the Kalli McMahon’s?” She shook her head, “No, don’t answer that.” She looked away, taking a deep breath, desperate to steady her racing heart. “Jeff,” she whispered, eventually looking up to meet his gentle gaze again, “I love you.” The McMahon Heiress told him softly, “I know my life is with Matt now. I welcome it, I do. But I love you.” She leant forward, pressing her lips to his for the briefest of seconds, “Always.”

The Hardy Boy smiled again. He wanted to put her at ease, telling her Krissy would not hurt him, but he knew nothing he could say would make Kalli rest easy. Not today. “Thankyou,” he whispered, pulling her back into his arms, holding her as tightly, as closely, as he could.

Knowing filled the pair, and as much as neither wanted to admit, they knew that the need for Kalli to swoop in and come to Jeff’s rescue should his heart be broken was non-existent. Jeff Hardy had found his forever, and, ultimately...

There would be no more motorbike rides, no more midnight conversations, no long drives in comfortable, content silence, no more... No more anything.


	Goodbye To You Chapter I Of all the things I've believed in I just want to get it over with Tears form behind my eyes But I do not cry Counting the days that pass me by I've been searching deep down in my soul Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old It feels like I'm starting all over again The last three years were just pretend And I said, Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything I thought I knew You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to The girl checked through the drawers by her bed for the third time that morning, again ensuring that she had indeed removed every article of clothing she would need over the next week or so. When she was satisfied, she moved over to the bed again, sealing up the huge bag that had become a regular fixture on her the last few weeks. Sadly, it would remain so at least a little longer. Tonight, she would go to Cameron to where Matt now spent Christmas completely alone. The moment her sister and Adam Copeland were wed she would be out that door like a speeding bullet. Why should someone she loved be alone this Christmas when everyone else seemed to have somebody? She sighed, picking her bag up and moving it to rest by the door. Jeff was still alone, wasn’t he? Kalli knew she could go back to him. She could beg him if she had to. And for this one day, this one Christmas, they could be together and Jeff wouldn’t have to be alone. But Matt beckoned. She hated it, but... That was where she needed to be today. Here in Connecticut Jeff would still be surrounded by people who loved him. In North Carolina, Matt had no one, and so that was where she would go. She would be with him. She would love him... Because he would need it. Krissy McMahon was marrying Adam Copeland and no matter how much she and Matt cared for each other, Kalli knew that when all was said and done, it would still break his fragile heart. The girl opened her bedroom door, about to step out into the hallway, her rumbling stomach craving breakfast, but she was stopped in her tracks by Jeff Hardy as he stepped around the corner of her door, nearly smashing right into her. “Jeff!” She stepped back a little. He gave her a sheepish smile at the adorable little look of fright on her face. “Sorry.” She shrugged, instantly nervous on seeing him. Last night, the short time they had spent together had not ended well. “I will never let our history together just slip away. I‘m not like you.” “You’re up early,” she tried to keep her voice level, her nervousness creeping in on her. The Hardy Boy shrugged, “Krissy had to get up early. Lots to do, so no sleep in for me.” He spotted the bag by her doorway and pointed to it, “You off somewhere today?” She looked down at the bag, her cheeks flushing, “Well...” She looked back up to him, trying to play it cool but her voice wavering, “I’m heading off after the wedding.” “To see Matt?” He asked, his voice surprisingly neutral. She nodded bashfully and he smiled gently, “I kinda knew you would. Wouldn’t be like you to leave Matt alone at Christmas.” The girl stammered, “Jeff... I...” He shook his head. “That wasn’t an attack, Kalli.” He cooed softly, “I was just stating a fact.” He stood there for a moment, shifting slightly from foot to foot, “Uh. Do you mind if I come in?” A little surprised, Kalli paused for a moment before stepping back, opening the door up all the way, “Sure. Come in.” She motioned him through the door, closing it tightly behind him. She couldn’t explain it, couldn’t even begin to surmise the catalysts behind the very suggestion, but when she looked at Jeff Hardy right then and there, his back turned to her as he stared down at the bed she had made perfectly, looking for the collection of Teddy Bears she normally kept there on, there was something very different about the man she loved. “No Teddy Bears?” He asked, sitting down on the bed, seemingly distracted. He kicked off his shoes, lying back on the bed, an arm nestled beneath his head. Kalli motioned to the window seat, “Haven’t had a chance to put them back yet.” Her brow pressed together in concern, “Jeffy? Are you okay?” He nodded, but she wasn’t sure she believed him. She crossed the room, sitting down next to him on the edge of the bed. Her instincts taking her over, she reached out and took his free hand, toying with it softly. “Talk to me,” she whispered. For a moment he looked at her like he had forgotten why he came before he eventually told her a little flatly, his voice devoid of any real emotion, “I wanted to apologize for last night.” Something inside her ached at the way he spoke, and though she knew the words were sincere, his face, his very voice, had been blank. Almost like he was lost... What had happened to him since they had fought the night before? “You have nothing to apologize for,” she told him, trying to read him as best she could. “I probably should have just given the book to you. I just...” He was staring off into space, not even looking at her, and it unnerved her. “Jeff?” He did not answer and she reached out, cupping his chin gently and turning his face toward hers. Her eyes locked on his, “What happened to you last night? What’s wrong?” “Kalli...” He whispered, tears filling his eyes, his voice suddenly laden with emotion as though he had just been snapped from a powerful dream and was overcome. “I don’t know that you would believe me.” She gave him a loving smile, “Try me.” She crawled over the top of him, dropping onto the bed on his opposite side. He lifted his arm, allowing her to snuggle into the crook of his arm, her head on his chest. One arm hooked under his arm, meeting the arm he rest under his head, her fingers brushed his gently and he gave her a smile as her other arm draped across his chest. He dropped his arm back over her, hugging her to him... And it felt like old times. Except that now, everything had changed. “Jeffy,” Kalli whispered, “Tell me.” “Last night,” he whispered back, “Something happened to me...” ~~ Chapter II She kissed his chest softly then looked up into his eyes. "With all of my heart, Jeffrey Nero Hardy, I love you."* Jeff gently ran his fingertips across her face, outlining her features, his eyes remaining locked on hers. "With all my heart..." And he kissed her. With all the love and devotion he had in him. Nothing more needed to be said. For Krissy and Jeff... Forever was but a heartbeat away. The last of Jeff’s tale died away. He looked down at Kalli, unable to see her face for the way she had it buried it in his chest, the arm she had draped across his chest earlier now squeezing him tightly as her shoulders shook. It was only now as he took in the way she had huddled to him that he was aware of the damp patch slowly spreading on his shirt beneath her head, her tears trailing down on her face and spilling onto him. He was not sure how he had thought she would react, he was not even sure why he had told her... But he had expected to hurt her this much? “Kalli,” he whispered, but the girl did not look up. “Please,” he cooed softly, his fingers creeping into her hair, gently stroking their way down the length of it, tears of his own in his eyes. “Please don’t cry. I wouldn’t have told you if I knew you were going to be this hurt. I just... I needed to tell someone, and apart from Krissy, no one knows me better than you.” His words were like razors and the girl let out a heart broken sob, rolling away from him and climbing from the bed. She could barely keep on her feet as she neared the cluttered window seat, leaning on the window frame for support, one hand across her face, trying to control herself. The Hardy Boy climbed from the bed, slowly moving to stand behind her, his face pale. “Kalli...” He started. She cut him off, quoting him, her tearful voice scathing, “’You and Matt don’t deserve a clean slate,’ that was what you said wasn’t it?” He shook his head in hollow denial, but the words were his and he knew it. “Tell me how you’re any better than I am now, Jeff.” She was struggling with each word, her head aching desperately, the early morning remnants of a headache she had woken with seemingly exploding into a full blown migraine. “I never said I was,” he said weakly in his own defence. She was shaking, now clinging to the window frame with both hands for fear she would fall flat on her face at any given moment. “Today you’re letting Krissy marry Adam, today you become...” She broke off, not sure even what he was now. An adulterer, a cheat, a liar... Whatever he was... Her voice was more choked than ever, “You’re not Jeff Hardy anymore.” “That’s not true.” He stepped forward, pressing a tender hand into the small of her back, but she stepped away from him, huddling face first into the wall, moving further away from him with tiny, weak little steps. “Kalli...” Jeff’s words were filled with honesty, “I’m more myself than ever.” She shook her head, whimpering softly, her words so muffled by the wall she was pressed into that Jeff could hardly make them out, “You’re not you.” She sobbed softly, “You loved me. You loved only me.” A hint of spite filled his voice as he snapped, “Like you loved only me?” The girl sobbed again, her knees finally giving out on her, she slumped to the floor, leaning into the wall, crying as pain racked her body. She knew it was pointless, pathetic even, to be this hurt. To accuse him of anything, to even think she had the right to be upset... Because she had played this game first. She had been the one to run to another. But for Kalleasto McMahon, the guilt had been unbearable. Even now, when Krissy was set to marry Adam, she and Matt hid behind closed doors, whispering away their phone calls and casting lost little glances across rooms to try not to draw any attention to each other. They had barely touched each other since the day Kalli had sought Matt out in New York City, and they were yet to be together, yet to consummate the budding relationship between them... Because deep in their hearts they still believed they were wrong. That their being together now would be equally as bad as the night they had fallen into bed for the first time. Now Jeff was telling her he loved her sister? That he was prepared to let her marry another for the sake of her children, that he was prepared to be the other man. What had happened to them all this past year? Where had everything gone so wrong? “I’m sorry,” she whispered, “I’m so sorry.” She was shaking, hugging her knees to her chest, completely lost to the emotions taking over her. “I know... I have no right... I have no right... I just...” He knelt before her, gently taking her face in his hands. “I know, Kalli.” He whispered painfully, “Things really are over between us, aren’t they?” They exchanged a long sad look and the girl crept into his arms. He welcomed her, holding her close as he whispered, “Kalli, please, whatever else happens, don’t tell anyone about Krissy and I, please.” “Jeff...” She started softly. “Not anyone,” he whispered, “Not even Matt. Please.” “But Jeff...” “Kalli,” he tilted her face toward his, their eyes meeting again, “For the sake of that baby, for Anastasia, she has to marry Adam. Do you understand?” She whispered softly, “But what about you?” A sad smile painted his handsome face, “I love you, Kalleasto McMahon,” he told her honestly, kissing her forehead. “I will always love you.” “Jeffykins,” she cooed, completely unaware that it was the first time she had used his pet name in weeks, perhaps longer. “I don’t want her to hurt you.” He shook his head, “She won’t.” “Won’t she?” Kalli asked desperately. “They way she didn’t hurt Matt, the way she didn’t hurt Adam? Baby...” She whispered without thinking, “She could never give Adam up for Matt, what if she can’t give him up for you?” Moved by the concern she still showed for him, by the gentle way she whispered the word ‘baby,’ he touched his fingertips lightly to her face, caressing her cheek. “I know that this is real, Kalli. I know that this is forever.” His certainty was in his voice, “All the Adam Copeland’s in the world won’t stop us being together in the end.” Despite herself, Kalli whispered, “And all the Kalli McMahon’s?” She shook her head, “No, don’t answer that.” She looked away, taking a deep breath, desperate to steady her racing heart. “Jeff,” she whispered, eventually looking up to meet his gentle gaze again, “I love you.” The McMahon Heiress told him softly, “I know my life is with Matt now. I welcome it, I do. But I love you.” She leant forward, pressing her lips to his for the briefest of seconds, “Always.” “I know, Kalli. I do.” “If she hurts you,” she whispered, “If you need me...” The Hardy Boy smiled again. He wanted to put her at ease, telling her Krissy would not hurt him, but he knew nothing he could say would make Kalli rest easy. Not today. “Thankyou,” he whispered, pulling her back into his arms, holding her as tightly, as closely, as he could. Knowing filled the pair, and as much as neither wanted to admit, they knew that the need for Kalli to swoop in and come to Jeff’s rescue should his heart be broken was non-existent. Jeff Hardy had found his forever, and, ultimately... Their time together had finally, completely, drawn to a close. There would be no more motorbike rides, no more midnight conversations, no long drives in comfortable, content silence, no more... No more anything. Kalleasto McMahon had made her choice. And now Jeff Hardy had made his own. This was it. It was over. I still get lost in your eyes And it seems that I can't live a day without you Closing my eyes, you chase my thoughts away To a place where I am blinded by the light But it's not right Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything I thought I knew You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time I want what's yours and I want what's mine I want you But I'm not giving in this time Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything I thought I knew You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to The one thing that I tried to hold on to... And when the stars fall I will lie awake You're my shooting star ~ The End ~ Main \| Fan Fic Menu \| Hearts & Ladders