Hard Habit To Break
Chapter I
The girl’s eyes swept over the bedroom.
Everything had changed.
Little remnants of Krissy McMahon Hardy could be seen everywhere.
Her make up on the dresser, her hair brush by the bed, a pair of heels that rest by the arm chair in the corner of the room, the clothes still strewn about that she had obviously decided at the last minute not to take with her as she head off for the house shows she would be appearing at over the weekend.
Kalleasto McMahon sighed.
Her sister was everywhere...
And all that remained of her days, her nights, here where she had always thought she belonged now lay bundled up in a cardboard box in the corner of the room.
She stared at it. Long and hard. Seemingly unable to move from where she stood in the doorway.
This was it. Finally, completely...
The last of Kalli and Jeff.
She loathed that this was as hard as it had been. That it had taken her all morning to work up the courage to come over to collect items she should have retrieved weeks and weeks ago. And even now that she was here...
She felt sick.
And though she would love to write off the vague illness that had been plaguing her for weeks as the flu or a stomach infection or... God, anything.
It was Jeff that made her feel this way.
By no fault of his own, he had broken her down, little by little, inside and out, and now she had little left in her to give.
When she was with Matt, it was easy. It was good, it was right. But her unfathomable attachment to Jeff held her, kicking and screaming at bay, unwilling to let her take that last step.
The day he had married Krissy, she had let him go. Physically. Mentally.
But emotionally...
The McMahon Heiress lowered her head into her hands, drawing small breaths to ease the wave of nausea rising in her.
She wasn’t stupid. She had known as well as Jeff, as well as Matt even, that she would not be able to just walk away and go on as though the last three years of her life were little more than a dose of temporary insanity that had filled her every moment. It would take time. And with that time, the wounds would eventually heal.
But Kalli was growing impatient.
She didn’t want to ache for him, to yearn for him, any longer.
Jeff Hardy was a husband. A father.
And Kalleasto McMahon was going to be the devoted girlfriend even if it killed her. Not because she had to be, not because she felt obligated or guilty...
But because she truly was in love with Matt Hardy.
There was no one else now, there could never be. Even if she wanted to, her heart would never let her roam, never let her leave. She was bound to that man in a way she had never been bound to anyone, and she loved it.
Which was the very thing that made her feel so bad now.
There was no place for Jeff Hardy in her heart anymore. Yet the remnants of their love, the memories of days when she was happy, nothing more, nothing less, kept their claws buried deep in her soul. The more force with which she tried to tear them away, the deeper they would grip...
And she wanted it done.
Right here, right now.
She would remove herself from the life she had built with him forever. She had to.
Pushing loose strands of her reddened hair behind her ears, she stepped forward, her shaking legs carrying her across the room to where the cardboard box sat. Though she knew she should just scoop it up and leave, she dropped to her knees before it. It was not sealed, and so she opened the lid to look inside.
There was little of any import in it, she thought, her eyes scanning over the hair brush and make up bag that rest on the pile of clothes beneath. A teddy bear that Jeff had won for her at a fair early in their relationship was there as well, a few WWF magazines, her toothbrush... She sifted through the goods. A hair clip, a silver armband and a packet of fake tattoo’s and...
And...
She took a deep breath.
Her book.
“Kalli,” he whispered, “Were you going to burn this?”
“N... No...” She started to mumble.
But they both knew it was a lie.
Slowly but surely, she nodded. “I’m sorry.”
Flabbergasted he whispered, “Why?”
“I... I’ve been reading it,” she whispered back. “Over and over and over and the more I read it the more I miss the security... The certainty... Everything that was us.” She told him shamefully, “I can’t give Matt what he needs until I can let you go, and it’s just so hard.”
“So you burn your memories? You burn what you loved most about us?”
Her fingertips brushed the black cover of the tattered notebook.
Jeff had been so determined to save it from the flames that cool Christmas Eve in Connecticut.
Tears filled her eyes as she picked it up.
He was giving it up. He was giving it back to her.
A slight sob broke from her lips and she hugged the book to her chest.
He was over her.
He really was over her.
Jeff Hardy didn’t lay awake some nights, wondering where she was and what she might be doing. He didn’t watch her walk past in the hallway at arenas and feel that all too familiar flush of warmth in his stomach. When she was near, he didn’t feel that old ache for something more than a touch of the hand or a slight brush of flesh on flesh as she passed.
Just like that...
He was over her.
She turned the book over in her hands, barely able to stare down at it for the blur of the tears that burned her cheeks as they fell without restraint. She opened it up, flicking through it slowly, half sentences catching her attention here or there, but her mind unable to grasp the simple truth.
This book was all that remained of them.
And he didn’t want to keep it. Not even for old time’s sake.
Trying to calm herself with long deep breaths, trying to fight the pain away, desperate to think, Kalleasto McMahon gripped the paper between her fingers, her tears splashing down onto the ink filled pages, her very being trembling.
She sobbed, over and over...
And then, one by one, she tore the pages from the book.
~*~
Chapter II
The black Corvette came to a halt in the drive, Jeff Hardy climbing from it, stretching lazily. He had just dropped Krissy and Anna off at the airport and still had a few hours left up his sleeve before he had to head out of North Carolina himself.
For reasons he was not sure he fathomed, his wife had booked herself and Edge at one house show, and then The Hardy Boys at another, hundreds of miles away. And though he knew it shouldn’t bother him, it did.
He wanted to be near her. Every day, every night...
And since the power to arrange these things rest in her hands, he didn’t understand how she had not seen it easier for both of them if she had just booked them at the same shows in the same place.
He smiled to himself as he entered the house. He was already pinning for her. The moment she left his sight he wanted to chase after her, as though one more kiss goodbye would make it just that little bit easier to be away from her.
Of course, it didn’t work that way.
One more kiss goodbye made him long for just one more kiss goodbye after that, and then another, and another, until he found himself wanting to beg her to stay.
It was the luck of the draw, he guessed.
They were WWF Superstars, with separate personas, separate storylines... They couldn’t always be together and he accepted that.
Ask him to like it and you’d be pushing your luck.
Moving down the hall, his smile deepened...
He could never describe the way he felt these days. Not with all the emotrey in the world.
The sounds of tearing paper filled his ears when he neared the bedroom door and his smile vanished. To his knowledge no one should be in the house... He paused, listening...
But the nervous reaction to the sound disappeared and he nearly slapped his forehead as realization touched him, Kalli’s voice filling his head.
"Maybe I could stop by after you guys head out on Friday."
She would be here collecting her things like he had asked.
He stepped into the room, “Hey Ka...” His voice trailed away, his jaw dropping at the sight before him.
Kalleasto McMahon knelt in the corner, torn shreds of paper flying about her as her hands tore desperately...
Hurt gripped him.
The book.
“Kalli!” He shouted, but the girl did not look up, still maniacally ripping apart the memories she had poured her heart and soul into putting on paper. He rushed across the room to snatch the book, or what remained of it, from her, demanding desperately, hurt, “What are you doing?”
Her tear stained face turned up from where she sat, her eyes locking on his. Though she had been startled by his appearance, the remnants of her fright were quickly vanishing away, replaced instead by a surge of painstaking anger he had never seen in her before. “You gave it back!” She spat, climbing to her feet, her voice an irate cry, “You took it from me to keep me from destroying it, and then Krissy comes along and you just give it back!!! Like it meant nothing to you!”
The Hardy Boy shook his head, “Kalli...” Confused he stammered, “What are you talking about?”
“THE BOOK!” She screamed, “You gave me back the book!!!” Her fingers knotted furiously in her hair as she cried, “When I tried to burn it you stopped me! You stopped me because it was like I was trying to burn our memories, trying to erase our time together! And now what? You’re all father of the year candidate and you just don’t want to remember us anymore?”
Jeff stared at her, his mouth agape, “Kalli,” he tried to coo, “I don’t know what you’re talking about! I never gave you back the book...”
She cut him off, “Then why was it in the box, Jeff? Why did you put it with all my things?” She sobbed softly, burying her face in her hands, “If you didn’t want it why did you take it from me in the first place? I should have just burned the fucking thing...”
Her words trailed away, her face no longer visible past her hands and the shoulder length red hair that fell in her face.
Dumbfounded by the very turn of events, Jeff stepped back, taking a deep breath, clutching the book tightly in hand. He shook his head again, “Kalli,” he spoke softly, “Listen to me. Okay? Listen...” His brow pressed together in bewilderment, “I never put this book in with your things. I swear to you.” When there was no response from her, he stepped forward again, reaching out to place his free hand on her arm.
But the moment he touched her she pulled away.
Hurt instantly filled his eyes, “Kalli...” He whispered.
“You just want to forget, don’t you?” She scathed accusingly, “You just want to forget all about me!”
Even more hurt by this, he retorted without thinking, “That’s just rich coming from you considering you dumped me for my fucking brother.” He rushed on furiously, “Remember, Kalli? You left me to run to him! To be with him instead of me.”
Fire flashed in her murky brown eyes, “And you married my fucking sister!!!”
Guilt flushed Jeff’s cheeks, and all he could do was utter weakly, “Kalli... Please...”
“No,” she picked up the box, her shaking arms could barely hold it, but she kept it there somehow, brushing past him to go, “Just forget it. Just forget we ever existed...”
He reached out, grabbing her arm and whirling her, the box slipped from her grasp, slamming onto the floor, it’s contents spilling out onto the carpet, but neither looked to it, their eyes locked together. “You think this is easy for me, don’t you?” She did not answer him and infuriated he yelled, “Don’t you?”
“Isn’t it?” She spat, “You’re a happily married man, right? You have a wife and a daughter and another baby on the way... A baby that isn’t even yours... But it’s all fucking good, right?”
“Don’t,” he breathed threateningly.
But the girl rushed on, “What’s the matter, Jeffy? Can’t deal with the fact your wife is pregnant with Adam Copeland’s baby and not yours?”
Without thinking, Jeff shoved her away as her words echoed in his ears. She stumbled slightly, her expression more pained than ever as he warned her, “Don’t you ever speak to me like that again.”
“Why not?” She asked, her voice softening, a dismal laugh escaping her, “Isn’t that what you want?” She sobbed quietly, “If you hate me, you can stay away from me, and then you’ll never have to remember the months of your life you wasted with me waiting for your beloved Krissy to come along.”
“Jesus Christ, Kalli!” He cursed loudly, exasperated. “JUST STOP IT!!!”
For moments she simply stared at him at this...
But eventually her spiteful glare softened and she whispered sadly, “I can’t.” She lowered her head, beginning to fidget with the ring on her left index finger, asking, barely audible, “How can you just... Just be over me?” Her inability to grasp the very notion rung through her voice, “How can you just want to forget everything? Everything that we were? Just like that when...” She struggled, “When I hurt every time I see you...”
He sighed, cooing softly, “Kallikins...” He put the book down on the nearest arm chair, stepping over to her, his hands lightly taking hold of her arms, just above the elbows, “I never just got over you.”
She started, “But the book...”
He cut her off, “Kalli, I swear to you, I didn’t put the book in that box.” He shrugged slightly, “Maybe it just got jumbled up with the other stuff and was put there by accident...” He shook his head, “I don’t know.” He gave her arms a little squeeze, “But I never put it in there.” He waited for some kind of response, but she said nothing, her eyes remaining downcast. Only the easing of her sobs told him the words had sunk in. “Kalli?” He reached up, resting his fingertips tenderly under her chin to turn her face up to his.
When the McMahon Heiress’ eyes met his, she whispered, “It’s just so hard, Jeff...”
“I know,” he told her honestly, “It’s hard for me, too.” A sad little smile touched his handsome face, “I miss you. I’m so used of you being there, and then... Then one day you weren’t anymore...” He shook his head, strands of his multi-colour hair falling into his face. Without thinking, Kalli reached up a hand to smooth them back and his smile deepened. “When you touch me like that...” He whispered, “I remember what things used to be like.”
She smiled softly, continuing to toy gently with his hair, “Me too.”
“That’s why I kept the book, Kalli.” Unaware of himself he tilted his head a little deeper into her touch, her fingers moving from his hair to brush lightly against his cheek. “You and me... What we were, what we’ll always be, is a part of who I am. And I would never change that.” He added softly, “You led me here. You led me to Krissy.”
And Kalli’s smile faded. “Yeah,” she whispered, “Just like you led me to Matt.” She shook her head, musing softly, “How fucked up is that?”
The Hardy Boy chuckled softly at this, but he said nothing more, simply pulling her into his arms to hug her tightly. Her head buried instantly in his lower neck and he rest his chin against the top of her head, his fingers creeping into her hair as he closed his eyes, breathing her in.
“Jeffy?” She whispered after what had to be minutes.
“Yeah?”
There was a short pause and then she said, sniffling as she spoke, “I’m sorry about the book, I thought...”
He cut her off with a gentle, “I know.” He kissed her hair, “It’s okay.”
And then they let silence fill the room around them again, neither one willing to break it, or leave it...
Not just yet.
~ The End ~