The Daily Answers 08/11/97 - 12/23/97 Subject: DQ Answers 8/11/97 Date: Mon, 11 Aug 1997 15:12:41 -0400 The Daily Quiz 8/13/97 By Dave George Well, we had a big, fat four-way tie today between John hering, Mike Morris, Steve Diamond, and Mike Waite. They each scored 9 pts. out of 11. (Two points were possibe on number 2.) Here was the tiebreaker question: What fraction of the total number of people who served in the Vietnam War were volunteers? While I *DID* ask for a FRACTION and not a PERCENTAGE, I accepted either (this time). Steve said: 40% Mike Waite said: 1% John Hering said: 1/10 Mike Morris said: 2/3 The correct answer is 2/3 (or 66%). So Mike Morris is our big winner!! Congratulations, Mike, and come on down and pick up the keys to your new Kia! Here are the answers: 1. What synthetic material, used primarily in clothing, was developed simultaneously in New York and London? Nylon 2. You are making out with your date on the pier in Norfolk. You start getting a little aggressive, and he/she tells you to stop. Just then, you see in the harbor a US Navy ship with an ID painted on the side that starts with "CVN". What kind of ship is it and how is it powered? Nuclear powered aircraft carrier (Carrier Vessel Nuclear) 3. What was the name of the car in Knight Rider? KITT 4. In that one Star Trek flick they had to bring back an animal from the past to save Earth. What was it? Two Humpback Whales 5. What does a 486DX contain that a 486SX does not? A math coprocessor. 6. What New York City museum was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright? The Guggenheim 7. In ten words or less, summarize one of the myriad conflicts in "Melrose Place". I've never actually sat through an entire episode (and that's on my resume) so if you put anything here you got credit. UNLESS you're name is Heidi Hering and in your zeal to flaunt your extensive knowledge of Melrose you missed the "ten words or less" part of the question. 8. What sport is former Olympic swimmer Duke Kahanamoku considered the father of? Surfing, but I had to give credit to Steve Boswell for his answer of "I believe that Duke "strong arm" Kahanamoku is the father of endurance masturbation." Because that is also true. 9. By definition, what does aerobic exercise involve that anaerobic exercise does not? Oxygen 10. On average, where will you most likely have to spend more for a hooker, New York or Munich? New York (Especially if you don't take advantage of double coupon days.) Subject: DQ Answers 8/12/97 Date: Tue, 12 Aug 1997 16:07:06 -0400 We had some very high scores today, which makes me proud in the way a mother eagle is proud when one of her offspring finally, and grandly, scores well on a trivia quiz. Today was the first day in which a perfect score was returned. Actually more than one perfect score. John Hering, Mike Morris, and Mike Waite each scored 10 out of 10. The tiebreaker question, which has to be very random and difficult in order to prevent ANOTHER tie (a phenomenon called "Flinkydoodle" by the Aztecs) was: "A few weeks ago, a man in Ocean City was struck by a drunk driver going over 60 mph. How far through the air did he fly?" John said: 100 yards Morris said: 35 feet Waite said: 125 feet The correct answer is "100 Yards"! TOUCHDOWN!!!! Sorry, that's mean. But congratulations to John Hering! Right on the money! Clear some room in the garage for your new FORD EXPLORER EDDIE BAUER EDITION!!!! Here are the rest of the answers. 1. How did Ferris Bueller get his girlfriend out of school? I was very lenient on this one, much like a mother eagle who is also very lenient to one of her baby birds, or something. But the best answer to this one would include the following: Cameron called the school pretending to be Mr. Peterson, Sloane's father. He said Sloane's grandmother died. Ferris pretended to be Mr. Peterson when picking Sloane up in Cameron's dad's Ferrari. 2. If your drill sergeant tells you that he wants to kiss you on the veranda at 2245, when is that in civilian time? Actually, there are two answers here, because somehow I sent out two different times, 2330 and 2245. I don't remember doing that. Anyway, everyone got these. 3. You are an astronaut terribly allergic to fiery explosions. Which space shuttle would you have least wanted to hitch a ride on? Here is the hell of being Quizmeister. Originally, this question read "...terribly afraid of fiery explosions. Which space shuttle would you have not wanted to hitch a ride on?" But upon re-reading it I realized that some of you smartguys would reason that since all shuttles have enormous potential to explode (and actually ARE exploding if one considers the propulsion involved) you wouldn't have wanted to get on ANY of the shuttles. So I had to reword it. Anyway, the answer is "Challenger". 4. Which way is "port"? To the left. Most of you got this. A good way to remember it is "The ship LEFT port." Or you can learn it the way I did, which is be 8 years old and have your drunk father hit you across the left side of your head with a semi-frozen tuna until you get it right--LEFT! I mean left, Papa! Wow, see? 5. What is distilled to make tequila? Silly me, I thought it was the mescal plant. Apparently it's Agave. Whenever there's a discrepancy I'll take either one and forget about it. I mean, I've got real work to do here. 6. You are a Hollywood writer tasked with the duty to make "Braveheart" a little wackier. What would have been funnier than "FFFFFREEEEDOM!!!" for Mel Gibson (as William of Wallace) to yell while being tortured? This is another one where I took anything. However, I DID give double points to anyone who came up with a real zinger (and it wouldn't put them over the top in the standings). But they were all very funny. Here are the standouts: "FFFFOOOOD FFFIIIGHT!!!" Heidi Hering "YAAAHTZEEEE!!!!" Victoria Peterson (Sloane's Dead Grandmother) (Unprintable) Trip Morano 7. Give the minute, hour, day, month, and year of the start of the 21st century. Ah, I got more than a few of you with this one. And this one is not open to interpretation. As any right-minded, rational human will attest, since the first year was 1 A.D., the last year of the first millenium was 100. Thus, the first minute of the next century is 12:00 January 1st, 2001. However, I advise against bringing this up on New Year's eve 1999. You'll be labeled a bore and won't hook up. 8. Who was Baby Doc's dad? Papa Doc (Duvalier) Former dictator of Haiti. 9. How old is a coin with "200 B.C." stamped on it? Impossible to say from the information given. As Al Hering put it, "It's definitely not 2197 years that's for sure." Nobody knew in 200 B.C. that it was 200 years Before Christ. 10. Given the following two equations with two unknowns, solve for X and Y: X + 3 = Y 2X = Y/2 Y=4 X=1 For those who didn't get it right, you solve it like this: Substitute "X + 3" for Y in the second equation. If you need help from there, get a pencil and a piece of paper. Got it? OK, now clear yourself some room on your desk and write your Algebra teacher a hate letter, cuz she screwed you. Good Job, kids! Dave Subject: DQ Answers 8/13/97 Date: Wed, 13 Aug 1997 15:44:14 -0400 Today's tie was between Scott Agee, Steve Diamond, John Clanton, and Mike Waite. They each scored 9 out of 10. The tiebreaker was: "According to the Disovery Channel's show "Mean Machines", how long does it take the space shuttle to travel the first thirty miles of a launch?" Scott said: 2 minutes and 2 seconds Steve said: 45 seconds Clanton said: 2 minutes and 30 seconds Waite said: 4 minutes The correct answer is two minutes! Wow! Congratulations, Scott Agee!!! You'll be trying to beat that 2 minutes in your new 4 Door Jeep Grand Cherokee!!!!!! FYI: Today's scores hovered around 7. The Daily Quiz 8/14/97 By Dave George 1. How many people were estimated to have attended the Garth Brooks concert in Central Park last week? I had to be real lenient with this one, cuz there were so many different estimates. I read in the Post that the Park Police said 250,000. 2. What is the unit of measurement generally used to describe a motorcycle engine's size? cc's (cubic centimeters) 3. Alice has had a very hard day at Mel's Diner and goes home to beat her son with a lug wrench. When he comes out of the coma twelve years later, how will the attending physician address him? Tommy 4. Who is the only skipper to lose the America's Cup for America and win it back? Dennis Conner 5. What are those ink blot tests called? Rorschach Tests 6. What does the "C" stand for in Einstein's Theory of Relativity? The speed of light. 7. When Marco Polo established a route to the far east, he discovered, among other things, Samurai warriors who played a game similar to soccer with the heads of their enemies. Is this true or did I pull it out of my ass? Straight out of my hiney. Kudos to those of you who knew that Marco Polo went to China and Samurai are from Japan. 8. What did the Hollywood sign originally read? "Hollywoodland" (It was an advertisement for a housing development.) 9. Name all three network anchors. Dan Rather, Tom Brokaw, and Peter Jennings 10. What was the greatest arcade game of the 80's? Sorry, the only correct answer to this one is "Zaxxon". But the people in my office claim that this is merely my opinion, so I had to accept all answers. I'm pretty sure it's a fact, though. By far, most of you said Pacman. Others were, Donkey Kong,Galaga, Asteroids, Tron (good f-in' game!), and Steve Diamond's answer of "any pinball machine" (Welcome to the 20th century, Steve.) Another fine performance, kids. Dave ps Hint for tomorrow: Brush up on your trigonometry. Subject: DQ Answers 8/14/97 Date: Thu, 14 Aug 1997 16:18:14 -0400 Quiztaker, Today marked another milestone in that we had our first female involved in a tie! While the ladies consistently maintain a higher average than the men, we've yet to have one tie for highest score. Anyway, Millie Perrine, Steve Boswell, Scott Agee, John Clanton all tied for first with 8 points out of 10. Their tiebreaker was the following: To the nearest dollar, how much money did I make for each of my two non-speaking (extra) parts on "Ned & Stacy"? Agee said: 50 bucks Millie said: 0 dollars Boswell said: 25 dollars Clanton said: 47.92 (Granted, he forgot the "nearest dollar" part, but bless his heart.) The correct answer is "40 dollars (and the chance to help a show get cancelled.)". So that makes John Clanton or big winner!!! Here are the rest of the answers: 1. Why is it a fire hazard to skip number 13 when numbering a highrise's floors? I was looking for some variating on: Firefighters, counting the windows, will be off one floor. 2. Name one situation where a signed contract is not legally binding. There are many. Mental incapacitation, underage, illegal activity, etc...(Hold Harmless Agreements is incorrect. I got legal consultation on this one.) 3. You can microwave a match for as long as you want, but it won't ignite. Why not? I had be strict here. A lot of you said something about friction, but that misses the point, since HEAT (not just heat caused by friction) will light a match. Holding a match to a stove's burner will light it, and there's no friction there. No, the answer I was looking for (and some did get this) was that microwaves only excite water molecules, thus producing heat. There's no water in a match (and even if there was, you can't light a match from steam.) 4. Aside from its three liquid fuel engines, how else is the Space Shuttle propelled? Two solid fuel boosters. 5. Why do tornadoes always hit trailer parks? I accepted all of your very good answers. But the MOST correct answer is, "Because God hates white trash." (A couple of you hit that one pretty much on the head.) 6. Who did Ali fight in the "Rumble in the Jungle"? George Foreman 7. What's a polecat more commonly known as? A skunk. (Or a ferret, as many of you with a dictionary found out.) 8. The ice cubes in our freezer at work are always frozen together in a big chunk, what's the problem? I didn't know the answer to this when I wrote it. That's why I wrote it--I was hoping someone could tell me. But I think the people who said that it's because people keep opening and closing the door were right. Anyway, I accepted pretty much any answer, and chained the freezer shut to solve the problem. 9. Everyone knows that the 2nd Amendment protects us from having to play host to the 101st Airborne in our home, but who played Willis Drummond's girlfriend? Janet Jackson 10. Spell the word pronounced "ah-no-mah-toe-pee-uh", and give an example of one. Onomatopoeia. It's a word which imitates a sound, like "quack" or "clank". Oddly, most of the people who got this right included the same example as is contained in Webster's. Hmmmmmm... Another fine, fine showing kids. And if you're real nice to John Clanton he'll take you as his date to beautiful downtown Leesburg, VA! Dave Subject: DQ Answers 8/15/97 Date: Fri, 15 Aug 1997 15:26:54 -0400 We had a four-way tie today comprised of people I basically picked on my own. Why? Because it just felt "right" to me. The leaders were Victoria Peterson, Robert Groce, Allan Hering, and Caroline Peani. Their tiebreaker question was: "Crown gas stations offer a diesel fuel which won't gel in temperatures that reach how low?" Victoria said: -25 Robert said: 0 Al said: -40 Caroline said: -20 The answer is -5 degrees fahrenheit!! That makes Robert Groce our big winner!!! Congratulations, Robert, and come on down to the Lebanese Taverna to pick up your 20 gallon bucket of hummus!! 1. What peace-lovin', sheet-wearin', bald-headed, blunt-force-trauma-to-the-head-takin' activist was assasinated 50 years ago next year? Gandhi 2. Without looking (I mean it, little dude!) what letters are represented on the "9" button of your phone? Apparently it depends on the phone. I was grading all your answers of "wxy" wrong, because my phone says "wxyz". But after seeing so many of you put that as the answer I started to wonder. 3. Oh, you cheatin' punk. Alright, moving along. How is a #2 pencil different from a #3 pencil? Not too many got this one. I actually didn't, either. I thought a #2 is harder, but it's actually softer than a #3. Millie Perrine straightened me out (so to speak) at lunch. Then, at the urging of some doubtful coworkers, I called the Ticonderoga Pencil Co. ("Makers of the famous #2 pencil!") and got the word from the source. Millie (and everyone else who said that a #2 pencil is softer than a #3 pencil) was right. 4. What's a "twisted pair" used for? Mostly for telecommunications and stuff (like your phone cord). But I understand it's also a karate moves which makes a handy defense against an aggressive male suitor. 5. You are going to Hawaii, and you brought your "Rhino Chaser". What is it? A big-wave surfboard. 6. If a dodecagon has twelve sides, how many years did M*A*S*H last on prime time? 11 years. 7. Where is the safest place to sit in an airplane? I thought it was the rear, but Mike Morris and John Hering gave pretty good (sounding anyway) arguments against that. Here's John's answer: "A co-worker of mine once did an FAA-funded study on this and believe it or not there was no conclusive evidence to support any part of the airplane being any safer than any other part. BUT, for purposes of your quiz I'll say the rear." 8. What is your Indian name? Dave George - Looking Through Too Many Beers Jeff Marciano - Chief C'mon Yawanna Layme Victoria - Sleeps With Whoever (sorry, Victoria, but you should've answered it. ;*) ) Dave Hagler - Codes All Day George Patch - A Patch ee Al Hering - Dances With Fat Chicks Greg Payette - Chief Tons o' C@%# Millie - Little Cheese Lover Robert Groce - Breaks Wind While He Codes (This is true, I can attest.) Mike Morris - A:kwek (I didn't know Indians had the colon either. Cynthia - Fights In Bars Stephen Diamond - He Who Sits All Day In Carpeted Tee-pee Paul George - Chief Kumkwik James Flint - Where's Ma-hat-ma Clanton - Little Woodchuck Boswell - Flying Fuck John Hering - Dances With Himself 9. What are those little, teeny-weeny dots which comprise the image on your monitor called? Pixels 10. If you are American before entering the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you while you're actually IN the bathroom? You're a peein'! Kudos to Steve Boswell for the following brilliant answer: "European, of course. (Unless you were cutting a Cuban, in which case you are Turdish, which is a small area in Turkey near where the Kurdish rebels are fighting)." Dave George Subject: DQ Answers 8/18/97 Date: Mon, 18 Aug 1997 16:12:53 -0400 Today's winner, with a perfect 10 out of 10, is Victoria Peterson!! Congratulations Victoria, and watch your mail for your brand new Fall '97 product catalog from L.L. Bean! And to answer a frequently asked question, the celebrity guest contestant IS for real. They just never reply. Hey, sooner or later they will. Anyway, here are the answers: 1. How does a mobster "make his bones"? By killing someone. (Actually, it's gotta be someone he's ordered to kill. I mean, you can't just hit someone with a Buick while driving home from a bar and become a mobster.) (But I think that's obvious.) 2. What symbol is generally used to mark the most difficult ski trails? A Black Diamond (Or multiple ones). Or blood on the snow. That's a pretty good sign, too. 3. How come, if you're flying forward of the engines in a Concorde going faster than Mach 1, you can still hear the engines? I mean, what's up with that?? I got a variety of answers here, and now I'm not sure if MY answer is right anymore. The most common answer was "Cuz the engines are real loud." If we were in a classroom I would move you to the back for that one, cuz that's way wrong. No, the answer I was looking for would involve the fact that the Mach scale measures the speed of sound through air. The sound you'd hear is coming through the metal of the aircraft, and speed travels much faster through metal. Hey, if you don't believe me, ask Tom Clancy ([email protected]) I got it from reading one of his books. I think it was Hunt For Red October. But we had to go and have some engineers on the list and they're telling me that relative speed is the reason. (That since the engines are going as fast as you, the noise travels FASTER than the speed of sound.) I'm stickin' with Clancy. 4. What's "rifled" in a rifle? The barrel. It's the spiral grooves etched into the inner walls of the barrel that make the bullet spin. Thus making it go real far and kill stuff. 5. You've broken down on I-66 at midnight. A man stops and offers to help if only you can tell him why "Tiger" only appeared in a few Brady Bunch episodes. What do you tell him? The dog that played Tiger got hit by a truck after the fourth episode. 6. Have you ever been waiting for a phone call for so long that you actually picked up the receiver to see if it's working? The correct answer here is "Yes". The best answer came from Ms. Mille Perrine, who said, "Yes. And then, after you pick up the receiver, you fear the expected caller tried to call while you were checking to see if the phone worked, and so they got a 'busy signal' and gave up, never to try again." Millie wins a $10.00 coupon to the Fairfax Psychiatric & Wellness Center. 7. Finsh this sentence (and be creative): "Don't drink and ______." Yeah, yeah, I know I forgot an "i" up there. I guess it should be "Don't drink and spell." But all your answers were good. I just don't have time to list them all. 8. Who was Dulles airport named for? What was his occupation? John Foster Dulles, former Secretary of State. 9. How were the Iraqi national soccer team players punished for recently losing a World Cup qualifying match? Saddam Hussein's son, VP of Player Morale, had their feet caned. Forgive me for not being up on the latest management techniques, but isn't that kinda like breaking your pitcher's arm for not pitching well in a game? It is for this and other reasons that I don't play soccer for Iraq. 10. Do your best Homer Simpson impersonation. Lord, one of you actually got this wrong. I won't say this person's name, but here's what they wrote: "SHUT UP, BUTTHOLE!" The hell's THAT?? Homer never said that. Where you been? Reading?? Get your butt to a couch and catch up with society, young lady-er, I mean, person. Anyway, great job everyone (else) and stay tuned for tomorrow's Daily Quiz, where our Celebrity Guest Contestants will be the hit Rock & Roll group Aerosmith. ([email protected]). I understand they're very popular with the kids these days. Dave Subject: DQ Answers 8/19/97 Date: Tue, 19 Aug 1997 17:22:23 -0400 My new grading system combines both correct answers AND originality. How does it work? I don't know. I just kinda take a person who not only knew a lot of the answers, but also came up with some zingers for the ones he or she did not. Basically, it's the way I wish my teachers had graded my tests when I was in school. I'll always resent Dr. Palocsay for not giving me credit on the question "Define a paradox", to which I answered "Two docks." Anyway, under our new grading system today's winner is... Mr. George Patch!!!! Congratulations George, with your year's supply of Cliff's Notes your reading days OVER! 1. Complete this line spoken by Patrick Swayze in "Dirty Dancing": "Nobody puts Baby in the ____________." "corner". (Thank you, Trip Morano, for your enlightened answer of "Butt".) Other notable answers: Robert Groce: "Sleeper Hold" George Patch: "Closet" Scott Day: "Trash Compactor" 2. According to the little diddy, that guy from Sublime can play the guitar like a motherf*%$#@ what?? "Riot". It's true, too. He does play the guitar like a riot. What the hell does that MEAN? 3. Who first said that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction? Sir Isaac Newton. 4. What's the worst movie Sylvester Stallone has made to date? Nothing like intellectual debate, I always say. Anyone who dared mention any but the fifth in the Rocky series lost every point you had accumulated thus far. How dare you. No, the correct answer is "Stop or My Mom Will Shoot". Also, "Bananas" is a totally unacceptable answer. This is a fine Woody Allen film in which Sly had a tiny part. He was fantastic in it, too. Also accepted were: Rhinestone Assassins Over the Top Oscar Tango And Cash Note to John Hering: There were only FIVE Rocky flicks. 5. What was the name of the girl Chuck Robb gave a "backrub" to in his hotel room? (One bonus pt. if you know what high school she went to.) Tai Collins. She went to South Lakes. 6. Who shot Joey Buttafuoco's wife? Amy Fisher 7. Who commanded PT109? John F. Kennedy 8. Where does the rain in Spain mainly stay? In the plain. (It's a line from "My Fair Lady", a movie about a poor woman in England who didn't know when it was OK to wear white.) 9. What was the last name of the old Letterman character Larry "Bud"? Melman 10. Among chicks, what is the general rule regarding the time of year and the wearing of white? I didn't know the answer to this, I just wanted to know when I had to stop wearing my white slacks to work. The guys were no help at all on this one. Case in point, Mr. Scott Day: "Chicks have a time of the *year* when they're not supposed to wear white too? I'm never getting married." But judging from the answers I got from you girls, it looks like the rule says that white is OK between Memorial Day and Labor Day. And many of you said that this really only applies to white shoes. Oy, so many rules you have. Great job, folks. Stay tuned for tomorrow's quiz, when our guest contestant will be Roger Ebert. Dave Subject: DQ Answers 8/20/97 Date: Wed, 20 Aug 1997 15:49:32 -0400 The Daily Quiz Answers 8/20/97 By Dave George Today's winner is located just a stone's throw from my office (isn't that ironic??). Mrs. Heidi Hering turned in a perfect score PLUS her answer to the jury duty question was so good she received two points for that one. (As did others.) Heidi wins a romantic evening with the Daily Quiz contestant of her choice. As she is currently married to contestant John Hering, it's a fair bet she'll choose him. Although after seeing John at Good Guys the other night (and she can NOT find out about this) I wonder if all is well with their marriage. But, hey, that's none of my business. Let's just all congratulate Heiders for a job well done! 1. What animal is depicted on the logo for the World Wildlife Fund? Giant Panda 2. What basketballer used to be called Lew Alcindor? Kareem Abdul Jabbar (Not Larry Bird, as so many of the chickage on the list guessed.) 3. Give Judge Dave your best excuse for not being able to serve on the jury. There really were some great answers here. Here is but one example: "I have to pick up my son from "Hitler Youth" camp every day or he won't get to go on the "The Death Penalty Can Be Fun" field trip at the end of the summer." Heidi Hering Oh, and Al Hering (it's a family affair on this one) just chimed in with one that I have to include, since it involves one of my favorite movies of all time. "Sometime I get the menstrual cramps reeeeaall hard." Good one, Al. 4. Remember in Star Wars? When Han Solo was BS'ing the Death Star guards over the radio? When they were about to free Princess Leia from her cell? What did Han do to the radio when the guy on the other end started to catch on? Your answer ranged from "ate it" to "threw it off the Death Star". But somewhere in the middle was the correct answer of "Shot it". Oh, and a hearty thanks to Meredith, Flint, and Kate for actually including the lines from the movie. 5. What country south of the United States and rhyming with "Lexico" is home to some of the finest Mexican food in the world? I can't believe some of you missed this. It was SOOOOOOO easy. Scott Day, John Hering, THINK about it! SOUTH of the United States? RHYMES with "Lexico"? MEXICAN food?? CANADA you boneheads!! 6. What is Bruce Lee's son's name, and what is he doing now? Brandon Lee. Taking a dirt nap. Thanks to Jen Roger's sister, Tina, who played via telephone and gave this answer: "Spike". Spike, as everyone knows, is Bruce's brother, not son. 7. What politician was assassinated in Los Angeles? Again, Brandon Lee. Nah, it was Robert Kennedy. Apologies to Steve Boswell for my not being able to accept his answer of "One of the Kennedy's (not the one shot in Dallas)" 8. Give an example of irony. Irony's a tricky one to pin down. (Unlike myself during my high school wrestling matches.) Alanis Morrisette didn't include ONE real example of irony in her song (well, one, but only Millie got that one). Meredith Linberger gave a good example and a fine definition: > When the actual meaning is opposite of the litteral meaning.--there > is even some famous example of irony in Shakespear's MacBeth, like MacB > of life." In another room at that same moment, Ophelia stabs herself. > Oh, we just had a late entry from resident redneck, Sean Kennealy, who's ironic example of: "Too drunk to fish" is perfect in my opinion. Messrs. Morano, Boswell, Agee, Hering, and Clanton should agree. 9. Besides "Freebird" what is the best Lynyrd Skynyrd song? Why did no one say "Tuesday's gone"? Man, that there's the best Skynyrd tune there ever was. But the number one answer was "Sweet Home Alabama". Here were some runner-ups: "Gimme three steps" - Bunch of ya "What's your name?" - Bunch of ya "Simple man" - Scott Agee and Trip Morano "All I can do is write about it" - Trip again (Trip luuuuuuvs his Skynyrd!) and "Stairway to Freebird" - James Flint 10. A train leaves Chicago heading west at 70 mph. At the same time, 2,000 miles away, a train leaves San Francisco heading east at 80 mph. How do you feel about that? Most of you felt pretty good about it, and I think that's good. Heidi nagged me for having the distance a little wrong, while Steve Boswell complimented me for only being off 189 miles (yes, I did guess.) I betcha one of you is 'glass is half-empty' kinda person. Congratultions, Heidi, for your big win today. A big thumbs down to Roger Ebert for not playing. And stay-tuned, everyone, to tomorrow's quiz, when our CGC will be none other than Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich. Dave George Subject: DQ Answers 8/21/97 Date: Fri, 22 Aug 1997 09:07:30 -0400 The Daily Quiz Answers 8/21/97 By Dave George OK, I realize that this quiz didn't leave you much creative elbow room, but that just made grading it a little easier. We had a great many ties, but what set today's winner over the top was her most accurate recitation of the Bangles hit tune, "Walk Like An Egyptian". Many of you got it "right" with something like, "Way-oh-way-oh Walk like an egyptian", but Melissa Mangum appeared to make that extra effort to be balls-on accurate with, "Way-oh Way-oh Oh-way-e-oh Way-oh......walk like an egyptian". So, congratulations, Melissa, and keep up the good work. Oh, Melissa wins a big bite of my delicious turkey sandwich. 1. In The Usual Suspects, what name did the Hungarian utter that made the cops very interested in him? Keyser Soze 2. Name all the M&M colors. Now!!! Brown, Blue, Yellow, Orange, Red, and Green 3. What does a regular, household light bulb have that a fluorescent one doesn't? A filament 4. You're riding through the desert in Mongolia on a horse with no name, and you think to yourself, "Ya know, I've got a fair amount of time on my hands, I think I'll name this here horse." You decide to name it after the desert. What do you name it? Gobi 5. What did those whack-whack-whacky cartoonists at Disney draw hidden in the castle on the cover of The Little Mermaid? A big phallic symbol. Or a penis, I can't remember which. 6. You and some buddies are beatin' on this fuh-REAK in a wheelchair who talks like some kinda robotman. Then your boy, Roscoe, says "Hey, that there's the dude who wrote 'A Brief History of Time'...GET HIS WALLET, TOO!!" Who have you just mugged? Stephen Hawking 6. Name one sitcom on the Dub-Dub-WB Network? Beats me, I never tune in. I took y'all's word for it. 7. Which of the following is NOT the title of a country music tune? a. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly b. I Thought I'd Lost You Forever, But My Luck Ain't That Good c. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling d. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye The correct answer is "b". Kate Kirkpatrick sent me the real ones, and I made up the fake one. Thanks, Kate! 8. Geoff Bodine may start calling his little brother, Todd, "Bloody Mary" next year after he joins the NASCAR circuit in his new Pontiac sponsored by what product? Tobasco Sauce. Whoever said "Tampax", shame on you. But that is really funny. 9. All the cops in the doughnut shop say what? Don't make me type it again. 10. How did the ump rule when that little punk from Jersey caught the ball over the wall in game 1 of the ALCS between the O's and the Yankees? How should he have ruled it? The answers here were divided between two groups of people: Orioles fans and really dumb guys. Greg Payette, in the interests of not sullying your reputation I won't reprint your answer here. I'll reprint it here: "He ruled it correctly. It is the umps call, no matter what all you sore-losing Orioles fans say. It's easy to be a Monday morning QB when you see a play in slow motion with a zoomed in camera." Thanks for playing, everyone--OH, I almost forgot, we finally got a response from our Celebrity Guest Contestant!! Newt Gingrich, while not actually playing the game, did reply with this: "If you are a resident of the Sixth District of Georgia, I will be happy to respond to any question you have. Because of the tremendous volume of mail I receive each day, it is unfortunately not possible to respond to mail which comes in from outside the Sixth District of Georgia. I trust you will understand." OK, stay tuned for today's quiz, where our CGC will be none other than the Dave Matthews Band!!! Dave George Subject: DQ Answers 8/22/97 Date: Fri, 22 Aug 1997 16:41:25 -0400 The Daily Quiz Answers 8/22/97 By Dave George Today marks another milestone in the Daily Quiz. We actually had a response from our celebrity guest contestant. OK, granted it wasn't *actually* Dave or the boys, but even a response from a boot-licking lackey at Bama Rags Records is better than the form letter we got from Newt Gingrich. Therefore, to mark this event I am declaring The Dave Matthew Band the winner of today's spirited contest! Congratulations, The Dave Matthews Band, and watch your mail for your new set of 4 Firestone XJ5 Tires!!! Thanks to Paul George and Sean Kennealy for donating questions used in today's quiz. Here are the answers: 1. What was the title of the paper Mr. Vernon wanted John Bender, Claire, Brian, Andrew, and Allison to write while on detention? Trip Morano was THIIIS close with his answer: "The Finer Aspects of Perversion" Kate Kirkpatrick had one of the best answers: "Who I Am" (a burnout, a prom queen, a brain, a jock, a basket case) Millie Perrine earns a particulary toasty place in Hell for this answer: "Explain your role in this dorky movie." The Dave Matthews Band earned points for: "Who we are" But good ol' Jeff Marciano kicked some MAJOR butt with: "Allright people. We're gonna try something a little different today. We are going to write an essay...of no less than a thousand words...describing to me who you think you are." 2. The lowest point on the surface of the Earth has a name that's kinda similar to the actress who played Richie and Joanie's mom. What is it? Marianas Trench A couple of you got this. One person made me laugh by saying "Dead Sea", then explaining that the only reason she knew that was because she took a lot of Geography courses in college. You may have taken a lot, but you didn't take enough. 3. How many digits does pi have? Infinite. A lot of people got this, but by no means all of you. 4. What's another name for a rotary wing aircraft? A helicopter. 5. According to those possessing the reddest of necks, who are the three kings? According to Sean Kennealy, it's: Budweiser - king of beers Elvis - king of rock n roll Richard Petty - king of NASCAR Some of you other rednecks got very close to this. I'm impressed. And at the same time so very, very saddened. 6. You're waiting in line for the new Pauly Shore movie. If the line is 50 feet long and you cover half the length of the line every 5 minutes, how long will it take until you can buy you and your fat date a ticket? Many, many of you said that it's a trick question because you will NEVER get there. The Dave Matthews Band chimed in like musicians will with: YOU NEVER GET THERE MAN True, The Dave Matthews Band, but you're only half-right. It IS a trick question, but not for that reason. Kudos to Shane Sleighter, John Hering, and Millie Perrine for shrewdly pointing out that there is no such thing as a line for a Pauly Shore movie. Good job, kids! 7. Back in 'Nam I never went anywhere without my "60" and my "steel pot". What were they? An M60 machine gun and my helmet. A lot of you didn't know this, BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAAAAAN!!!!!! 8. What's funnier than seeing someone walk into a glass door? Some good answers here, including, "wooden door" and "watching Steve Boswell try to get laid." But a very funny answer came from someone who shall remain nameless, since the subject of her answer probably wouldn't appreciate the publicity: "Watching someone unsuccessfully try not to fall once they have started to slip. For example: My boyfriend in the snow with his hands in his pockets and his slippery Red Wing boots on, he kept trying not to fall, the entire time heading face first into the icy snowy ground. It was cartoonlike, it was hysterical." I agree. Ya see, I'm a God-fearin' person and all, but I just LOVE seeing someone make an ass of themself. I also accepted: "Seeing someone... ...get their front tire caught in the groove of a railroad crossing." ...trip and pretend to start jogging to cover it up." ...pick their nose using their rear-view mirror in their car" (Thank you, Heidi) 9. Complete this line: "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. ______ ______ ______." "Prepare to die." Most of you got this. I did NOT accept: "Fuck yo mama" - Trip Morano "You Fucking Bastard" - Steve Boswell (think these two guys know each other?) "Got a light?" - Dave Hagler And my favorite bad answer: "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. ___A___ __Mr.____ _Montoya_____." - Allan Hering 10. Incorrectly complete this line: "Mama always said, "Life is like..." Ya know what? I'm outta time. I gotta get home or I'll miss Oprah. But good job everyone, and congratulations to The Dave Matthews Band for their...responding. Stay tuned Monday, when our celebrity guest contestant will be the spunky and foreign, Oksana Baiul!! Dave Subject: DQ Answers 8/25/97 Date: Tue, 26 Aug 1997 09:16:54 -0400 Hi folks, yesterday's winner was a young man from the mean streets of Arlington, VA. A guy who, and this is true, has pooped himself more times than any guy (or girl) I've ever known. Mr. Allan Hering is the big winner!! Congratulations, Al, and come on over and pick up your new wok. 1. What do you call the area where two plates on the Earth's surface meet? A fault. Greg Payette earned no points for his answer of "A table". That's just plain silly. 2. What was the battle cry of those commie killin' kids from Red Dawn? Victoria Petersen said, "Lets see your commie red blood flow!" That's incorrect, Victoria. But I want you on my said when they do invade. The correct answer is "Wolverines!" 3. Name two of the things the Colonel wanted to do before killing himself in Scent of a Woman. "I didn't see the flick but my guess is he wanted to see the woman cover up that scent with a spray." - George Patch He actually wanted to drive a Ferrari, get laid, eat at a 5 star restaurant, see his brother, and smell the New York City subway just one more time. 4. What former Defense Secretary recently admitted that the Vietnam Was was a mistake? Robert McNamara 5. When performing a reverse triple lutz into a double axle, do you want to launch from your lead or your outside skate? (Hey, we gotta let our guest get ONE right.) "The triple lutz was adapted from the Triple Lindie. Obviously you want to launch from your ass." - Steve Boswell gets points here for incorporating Rodney Dangerfield into his answer. 6. What's in a Singapore Sling? (OK, we'll let her get TWO.) Trip Morano wins here with, "My arm after a brawl in a Singapore whorehouse." But the actual ingredients for this drink are: One half-measure Gin One quarter Cherry Brandy One quarter mixed fruit juices ( Orange, Lime or Lemon, Pineapple ) A few drops of Cointreau & Benedictine A dash of Angostura Bitters Top with a cherry and a slice of pineapple Mi hermano, Paul, was the only one who got this. But then, he's Irish, and *would* know alcohol. Plus, he went to bartender school. And never once worked as a bartender, right Paul? Money well spent. Whoa there! Just got Meredith Linberger's and she "got it goin' on", as they say. Her answer was very complete, due to the fact that her father once put her and her sister to work at Raffel's Hotel in Singapore. And Raffel's, as you all know is the hotel that made the drink. 7. What is one name they have never given to a hurricane? I actually checked these against a list I found on the web. I included it at the very bottom of the list. Hurricane LaTonya - Al Hering Hurricane Gilooly - Shane Sleighter Hurricane David - Sharon Presley (it really should be a name, too.) Hurricane Biff - Heidi Hering Hurricane Sloopy - Mills Perrine Hurricane Zuess - Steve Boswell (They never named one "Inestyne", either.) Hurricane Gregory Payette - (Yes, Greg, that is correct. But you lose 2pts. for laziness.) Hurricane Quigley - John Hering Hurricane Line - Mike Corvari (Line, pronounced "Rik-ee", is Mike's wife.) Hurricane Lakeisha - Trip Morano Hurricane Bob - (See "Payette, Gregory") Hurricane Zelda - Hurricane John Holmes - Robert Groce Hurricane Current Resident - Paul George Hurricane Adolf - Cynthia Priolet Hurricane Hitler - Steve Diamond Hurricane Oksana - Kate Kirkpatrick, Jeff Marciano, and George Patch 8. The other day, I accidentally performed a "stoppie" on my motorcycle. What is it? Cynthia Priolet said, "WHEN YOU STOP SO SHORT YOUR PANTS GO UP YOUR CROTCH" Actually, Cynthia, in motorcycle circles that's called "Big fun." No, the real definition of a stoppie is when you apply your front brake so hard that your rear tire rises up. A good rider can do this to until he almost vertical. A bad rider can do it much further. Paul, Trip, Heidi, and Victoria got this one right. 9. If sitcom episodes could win Oscars, which Gilligan's Island episode would win one? WAY too many of you said "The one where they're almost rescued, but Gilligan screws it up." We also had this seemingly correct answer: "The episode in which Gilligan goes out in the middle of a hurricane looking for Mrs. Powell's dog who she did not bring with her on the trip." Sorry Melissa, that happened in the MOVIE "Rescue From Gilligan's Island", not the sitcom. Also, and I can't believe I almost missed this, there was no "Mrs. Powell". You must have meant "Ginger". 10. What caused so many Irish to come to the United States? Most of you knew about the potato famine. Some of you future VP's knew about the "potatoe famine". And an awful lot of you threw in something about cheap whiskey prices in the U.S. As an Irishman, I gotta go with ya on that one. 1995 1996 1997 1998 1999 2000 ALLISON ARTHUR ANA ALEX ARLENE ALBERTO BARRY BERTHA BILL BONNIE BRET BERYL CHANTAL CESAR CLAUDETTE CHARLEY CINDY CHRIS DEAN DOLLY DANNY DANIELLE DENNIS DEBBY ERIN EDOUARD ERIKA EARL EMILY ERNESTO FELIX FRAN FABIAN FRANCES FLOYD FLORENCE GABRIELLE GUSTAV GRACE GEORGES GERT GORDON HUMBERTO HORTENSE HENRI HERMINE HARVEY HELENE IRIS ISIDORE ISABELL IVAN IRENE ISAAC JERRY JOSEPHINE JUAN JEANNE JOSE JOYCE KAREN KYLE KATE KARL KATRINA KEITH LUIS LILI LARRY LISA LENNY LESLIE MARILYN MARCO MINDY MITCH MARIA MICHAEL NOEL NANA NICHOLAS NICOLE NATE NADINE OPAL OMAR ODETTE OTTO OPHELIA OSCAR PABLO PALOMA PETER PAULA PHILIPPE PATTY ROXANNE RENE ROSE RICHARD RITA RAFAEL SEBASTIEN SALLY SAM SHARY STAN SANDY TANYA TEDDY TERESA TOMAS TAMMY TONY VAN VICKY VICTOR VIRGINIE VINCE VALERIE WENDY WILFRED WANDA WALTER WILMA WILLIAM Subject: DQ Answers 8/26/97 Date: Wed, 27 Aug 1997 09:17:39 -0400 Yesterday's winner loves animals, but knows when to stop. Mr. Bill Tyrell, of Centreville, VA is the winner of the two week getaway to beautiful Montserrat! Congratulations, Bill! 1. What was the one thing the A-Team's B.A. Barackus was afraid to do? B.A., whose name supposedly meant "Bad Attitude", but everyone knew it really meant "Bad Ass", cuz he was one badass, was afraid to fly. A lot of you said that he was afraid to swim. I don't know for certain whether he was or not, (I suppose I could email NASA again) but I know that he would have sunk to the bottom like my GPA in college due to all the gold he wore. 2. A pyroclastic cloud is created during what natural event? Volcanic eruption. Thanks for all those fart jokes! 3. What was one of the three questions Bill Murray's character, Dr. Venkman, asked the librarian who believed she'd seen a ghost in the 1984 hit movie "Ghostbusters"? He asked her if she was currently taking any drugs, if any member of her family suffered from mental illness (she had an uncle who thought he was St. Jerome. "I'll take that as a big yes.") and he asked her if she was currently menstruating. Thanks to all of you who, judging by the spelling, clearly didn't look up the word. 4. And hey, speaking of libraries, what are the two classification systems they use? Dewey Decimal and Library of Congress. A teeny number of you said "ISSN", but I looked this up on the web and found only one reference to it, and that was in France. The French haven't contributed anything to modern society since the invention of the surrender flag, so that can't be valid. Sorry. 5. Besides Stairway to Heaven, what's your favorite Led Zeppelin song? Some of the more popular answers: Over the Hills and Far Away (Been a Long Time Since I) Rock & Roll Black Dog Battle of Evermore But the correct answer is "Going to California". Sorry, my quiz. Only Robert Groce got this. Mike Corvari, of Kansas City, MO, lost a point with his answer of "Freebird". 6. What are the indigenous people of Australia called? Aborigines 7. Oh Great Seer, what shall be the big plot twist this season on Friends? Think about those Friends characters in homosexual situations much, folks? Oy, if I had a nickel for every gay scenario I got. Shame. But this masterpiece was turned in by a Mr. Al Hering of Southeast D.C.: "Upon the monkeys return to the show for a ratings boost, the monkey and Ross take a side job peddling for money with one of them music boxes and silly red hats. The monkey gets potential people to donate money by making them laugh. How? By scratching his butt and sniffing it." 8. Haven't heard much from Cat Stevens over the years. What's he doing now? No, he's not dead. But a lot of you knew that he's a Salman Rushdie-hunting Islamic nutjob in England. 9. What does the "cellular" refer to in "cellular phone"? About half of you got this one. Robert Groce's answer is as good as any. "The many cells or areas where there are antennaes which pick up and transmit signals to your portable phone." 10. Vanna White was drunk driving home from her weekly poker game when-OH NO!- her BMW hit a dog! Not only that, but she was cruising through Chinatown at the time, and the dog she launched into orbit was the national dog of China! What was it? Meredith's answer of "Pekingese---just kidding, it is the Shar-Pei" make me raff and raff and raff. Because it *is* the Pekingese. But good joke, Meredith! If any of you don't believe me, just ask our winner, Bill Tyrell. Dude's a vet. (And his mom's Chinese.) Good job, folks, and stay tuned for today's quiz, where our Celebrity Guest Contestant will be Wesley Snipes. Dave George Subject: DQ Answers 8/27/97 Date: Thu, 28 Aug 1997 08:15:52 -0400 The winner of yesterday's quiz was a guy from a fine family, Mr. Paul George of Beaver Creek, Iowa. Congratulations, Paul! 1. How did the mermaid choose the name "Madison" in Splash? Many of you said "She saw the Madison Ave street sign" or "From Madison Ave", but the best and most accurate answer comes to us from contestant Allan Hering of Trenton, NJ. Al said, "From when actor Tom Hanks was reading the street sign aloud, she thought that would be a good name." Do you see the difference, friend? And we have this from correspondent Dave Hagler, "As a side note, according to my roommate (who is often wrong), this movie started a trend of naming girls Madison. When they made the movie, they thought Madison would be a ridiculous name, but now it is fairly common. Thus, the cultural importance of this 1984 movie." 2. Che Guevara helped who overthrow Batista? Nope, wasn't "Eric Estrada", Mr. Patch. And it wasn't "The smaller, wimpier guy." Allan Hering. It was Fidel Castro. 3. Which side of the heart pumps blood to the lungs? The right side. Thanks to Dr. Bill Tyrell for the question. Besides being a cardiologist, Bill knows an awful lot about the heart. I guess it's a hobby or something. 4. In the Princess Bride, when Wesley (not you Mr. Snipes, the character Wesley) said "As you wish" to Buttercup, played by that dee-yummy-licious piece of ass, Robin Wright, what was he really saying? We got a lot of answers like this from Special Agent Sean Boyle of the FBI: "You're full of shit bitch, but if I want any of that dee-yummy-licious ass I'll do what you say." All of these answers came to us from the married men in the group. Draw your own conclusions. He was really saying, "I love you." I know, I know, pretty faggy. 5. What South African led the African National Congress? Nelson Mandela Smart guy Scott Agee said: "Nelson Mandela is the current leader, however, Pixley Ka Isaka Seme founded the party and was the first to lead it." Well, that *is* true, Scotty, but what you forgot was that I asked "What South African". Pixley's grandmother was Dutch. But for his effort, Scott wins "Best Web Search". 6. What was the name of the first computer? I thought the answer was ENIAC, but I learned something important today: Never ask a computer question to a bunch of computer geeks. George Patch said "Slide Rule", which is technically correct, I suppose. (And if someone out there knows whether or not this IS technically correct, by all means, keep it to yourself. Paul George pointed out that "Charles Babbage created the first first true mechanical digital computer, which he described as a 'difference engine', for solving mathematical problems including simple differential equations." Tracy Goebel also said Babbages computing machine. And Steve Diamond said, "There are two answers to this question depending upon what you mean by "computer". ENIAC (at my alma mater, the University of Pennsylvania) is usually recognized at the first computer. Some however say Mark I at Harvard was the first." You all win new pocket protectors. 7. Where did Union Carbide kill thousands? Bhopal, India George Patch, on some kind of freaky roll yesterday, added this: "But it was really the inept Indians that were running the plant and I must also point out that India's Government owned 51% of the operation, yet somehow Union Carbide get 100% of the blame." Thank you, George, I did not know that. 8. What's the strongest muscle in the body? Sharon Presley said, "The groin. No seriously, the bicep." No, seriously Sharon, the tongue. Allan and Kate Kirkpatrick earned themselves a spanking (no pun intended) for their unprintable answers. 9. What was Boy George's drug of choice? Heroin. Thank you, Paul, for pointing out that he had an addiction. I always thought he was one of those recreational heroin users. Like Mom. Sorry, Mom. 10. In order of hunkiness, rate the pilots of Top Gun by call sign. John Hering wins a Betamax copy of "Full Metal Jacket" for including "Joker" in his lineup. George "Thorn in My Side" Patch pointed out that any answer including Goose, Slider, or any other RIO (Radar Intercept Officer) would be technically wrong, since RIO's are not pilots. This *WOULD* be true, George, if Slider wasn't number one on my list. (And it was your quiz.) The only correct answer to this question is: Slider Maverick Iceman (but I call him "Ice") Viper Cougar (even though he's a puss who freaked out at the first contact with a MIG.) Wolfman Hollywood Jester Stinger Merlin (What does Susan Sarandon see in this guy?) ...and bringin' up the rear, of course Goose (Hey, Goose, 'fraid to take your shirt off when you play volleyball?) (Note to Al Hering: "Stiffy" was not a character in Top Gun.) A fine performance, everyone, and a hearty congrats to winner Paul George. Stay tuned for today's quiz, where our CGC will be Oprah Winfrey. Dave Subject: DQ Answers 8/28/97 Date: Fri, 29 Aug 1997 07:05:03 -0400 I'm up to my ying in work, so I'm afraid today's answers will be a little sparse. Too bad, too, cuz some of your answers were pretty funny. I promise to send out a more complete sample of your hard, hard work on Monday. Today's winner is Mr. James Flint of San Diego, CA. James didn't get the most correct, but did score very high on the irreverent humor index. Every now and then you gotta reward that. Every answer below is James', with the actual answer (if different) below it. Hey, I told you I'm pretty busy today. Anyway, congratulations, James! Watch your mailbox for your grand prize of that dee-yummy-licious piece of ass, Robin Wright! 1. We call it corn. Who calls it maize? James: Mexicans, or, as I like to say, the landscapers. I mean that in the worst possible way. Correct Answer (I think): Indians. Or, as Kate said, "The Mazola Indians". 2. Who was "Pistol Pete", and what sport did he play? James: "Pistol" Pete Maravich played professional basketball for Atlanta back when it was still a game. He went to school at LSU, which proved to be his downfall. The Pope was so upset that he didn't go to Notre Dame, he called up to God and had Pete removed from earth well before his time. What a dick! 3. Hollywood needs a new rumor! Please provide one. (And it can't be that so-and-so is gay.) James: David Hasselhoff finally gets the nod for his next mega-hit, "Cavewatch" Really, really hot spelunking babes who crawl in slow motion while rescuing orphaned bats and, hehe, "miners". 4. How did Jim Morrison arrive at the name "The Doors"? James: Well, it seems that the Lizard King had a penchant for seeing reality on a different plane, much like from where I have seen it, hehe, passed out in a dumpster. Mr. Mojo Risin' and "those other guys beating things behind him" loved to get high and ride snakes, yeew. It just so happens that one of their favorite authors, a Mr. Aldous Huxley, wrote a book about the "really cool" effects of mescaline entitled, "The Doors of Perception" You see, Mescaline, friends and neighbors, is a mind-altering drug very similar to LSD, veeerrry scaaarrry. I guess my next band's name will be "The Fourth Grade Nothings" "Indians scattered on dawn's highway bleeding. Ghosts crowd the young child's fragile eggshell mind." 5. Who burned Atlanta? James: General William "T for Take-this-you-Southern-beeyatches" Sherman The best answer came from my own flesh-and-blood, Mr. Paul George, of Milwaukee, WI. Paul said, "Richard Jewell". That cracked us up here at work, Paul. 6. What big product tampering case led to protective seals being put on thousands of different product packages? James: The jerk-off who poisoned the Tylenol capsules Ya know, James, maybe the guy was just misundertood. Ever think about that? 7. Who was the subject of Don Maclean's "American Pie"? James: The day of the plane crash that killed Richie Valenz and The Big Bopper, or as Mr. Mclean refers it, "the day the music died" As a side note, I'd have to say that "the day 80's music died" was when Warrant came out with "Cherry Pie" James didn't mention Buddy Holly, but he's the one most people associate the song with. There is also the school of thought that believes the song is about America's loss of innocence after the assassination of JFK. 8. Where do 80% of all volcanic eruptions take place? James: Undersea. Although, I bet Mr. Payette or Mr. Marciano says, "Oh, d'you wanna see where 80% of all volcanic eruptions take place? Hey look, you hot byeeatch, I'm Italian. Wanna see Mt. Etna?" It is indeed undersea. Some of you got this. Sean Boyle's answer of "Scott Day's bathroom" wasn't too far off the mark, either. 9. According to "Donnie Brasco", what mobster catch phrase can mean "I agree", "I strongly disagree", "This is terrific", or "This is terrible"? James: F*** yeah, f***ing bulls***, f***ing A right, and f*** this. BTW - Dave, f*** you, I haven't seen this f***ing movie, so f***off, you f***ing a**hole. $^##$^^@^&#%^$#**$^*&$$, you f***ing b*tch! No, James, you little f***, the correct answer is "Forget about it." 10. What device do doctors (or medical enthusiasts) use to jump start a heart? James: I'm no cartographer, so I don't know how to make maps. A cardiologist would know the answer and, dammit, I'm not one of those either, plus I just don't care enough. However, I do read women's magazines and "Cosmopolitan", or, "The Other Team's Playbook", says a new satin teddy and, hehe, a good blow job should do the trick, muhahaha. I also listen to music and Motley Crue recommends "Skydive naked from an aeroplane", oh wait, nevermind, that's how to "Kickstart My Heart". Remember kids, a single bed admits defeat. Maybe I should get a life. "A single bed admits defeat"! That's funny. Congratulations, James, and enjoy your prize! Stay tuned for today's quiz, where our guest contestant will be cartoonist Scott Adams. Dave Subject: DQ Answers 9/29/97 Date: Tue, 02 Sep 1997 09:50:10 -0400 Alright, qwicherbichin, I'll send you the answers. Actually, I believe we also have us a winner. (Or, as they say in Mexico, "Un winnero". Mike Waite got most of them right, INCLUDING the George Clinton one, which almost no one else got. (If any, I can't remember who else got it.) So congratulations Mike, you're a great big winner. And that will look great on your resume. 1. What high performance automobile manufacturer was convicted of trying to sell a big ol' batch of cocaine to federal officers in the early '80's? I'll give you a hint: "Ten thousand JIGAWATTS?!" John Delorean 2. What 15th century Leonardo Da Vinci manuscript, formerly owned by Armand Hammer, was purchased at auction by Bill Gates for 30 mil-mil-million smackeroos? The Codex Hammer 3. On what continent will you find that sunny getaway, Lebanon? Asia 4. What was Tonto's horse's name? Scout 5. Who said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself?" FDR 6. What was he referring to? The Great Depression 7. If George Clinton were to ask you for some funk, what particular kind of funk would he request? P-Funk. "Make my funk the P-Funk, I wants to get funked up." 8. How is the sun blocking ability of a pair of sunglasses measured? UV Index 9. How many women did VMI admit this year? (And how many of the two people who ran crying to their mammies after the first week were female?) I know, I botched this one. Should've read "first day". No women left on the first day, two men did. 10. What was the first fraternity, and where was it founded? Phi Beta Kappa at William & Mary. I entertained no other possibilities on this one. I didn't specify "social fraternity", and I don't make a distinction between "societies". Being Phi Beta Kappa, I have to stick to my guns here. (Well, I'm actually Sigma Phi Epsilon, but what's the difference?) Subject: DQ Answers 9/2/97 Date: Wed, 03 Sep 1997 10:14:11 -0400 Congratulations to Scott Day of Richmond, VA!!! He's our big winner! Scott scored a perfect 10 and included my favorite Hostess snack, Chocodiles, in his list. Way to go, Scott, and enjoy your new dwarf. Aqui es los answeros. 1. Avast! I'm a pirate! I make rum! It's spicy! Who am I? Capt. Morgan 2. What did Judge Wapner say at the beginning of each case? I was surprised so many of you knew this. He said, "I know you've been sworn, and I have read your complaints." James Flint answered with this slightly odd classic: "I've read your complaints, and I must say that you are both complete idiots. Why can't you settle this like real people and then you can be on "Cops"? I just love that show, don't you, Doug? My life sucks. Judge Judy has much better case loads. Get the fuck outta my chamber. I'm going down to the Burger King in the Food Court, call me Judge Whopper. Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids. Where'd that hare raisin' rabbit go? It's duck season." 3. Oh you stud! You scored yourself a date with the two female Supreme Court justices! Who are they? Sandra Day O'Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsbersberg 4. God has told you that you must provide an example of a legal tort or he will "call you home". What will you tell him? Leslie Maria, of Georgetown Law School got mucho witty on us with: Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress, for one. 5. What's the best hand in poker with no wild cards? And again, Leslie rocks with her "Honeymoon in Vegas" reference. Straight flush. I don't know. All I know is that a straight flush is "like unbeatable." "Like unbeatable doesn't mean unbeatable." "Hey -- I KNOW that now..." But the correct answer is "Royal Flush" 6. Everyone knows that LASER stands for Light Amplification through the Stimulated Emissions of Radiation, but what does ESPN stand for? I didn't know the answer to this, I was just curious. But most of you did know that it stands for "Entertainment Sports Programming Network" Although somebody said that that is what it USED to mean and that now ESPN claims it doesn't stand for anything. But how the hell can something USED to mean something, but now it doesn't, when they haven't changed a damn thing about the network? I mean, it's still sports and it's still entertaining. 7. What are lawyers called in England? Funny, three or four of you said "The same thing they're called in America - @#%*!." Great, we've got, like, five lawyers in this group, they're all female, and all hotties. Hold on, girls, I'm gonna go find the names of the guys who said that. Be right back. OK, it was Sean, Boswell, Flint, and George Patch (George, who lives at 15448 Crescent St. also has an illegal cable hookup and hangs around 7-11's, selling alcohol to minors, if any of you girls are interested.) No, the correct answer is "Barristers" or "Solicitors". 8. What's the nickname for New Orleans? The correct answer here is "Beantown". No, just kidding. It's "The Big D". Har! I'll be serious now. It's "The Big Easy" 9. What's the only egg-laying mammal? It's the platypus. Meredith Linberger claims the spiney anteater is also one, but methinks she didn't read all the way to the bottom of that web site. The spiney anteater, Meredith, is not actually a TRUE mammal at all in that it does not nurse it's young. It COULD if it's young had Kevlar lips, but they do not. 10. In order of deliciousness, rank the Hostess line of snack foods. I got so hungry on this one. John Hering wins for being the oldest fart and remembering not only that Ding Dongs were once called Big Wheels, but also for remembering the damn commercial. However, having been raised on a strict diet of Hostess and rumaki, I feel that I am the final authority on the Hostess hierarchy. 10. Snow Balls (What nuclear accident created these?) 9. Cherry Pies 8. Lemon Cupcakes 7. Twinkies (I was just never much of a fan.) 6. Chocolate Cupcakes (These were sometimes a little dry.) 5. Suzy-Q's (While delicious, these were too messy. The cream filling would ooze out of the chocolate sandwich. But man, you could FEEL the sugar crunching between your teeth.) 4. Ding Dongs (Again, delicious, and a fantastic energy source, but required a rather large milk accompaniment. However, in their silver foil, their has never been a more aestheticly pleasing snackfood. Like a disco hockeypuck. And what Hostess wrapper made for a better projectile when wadded tightly up? The Twinkie? Please, don't make me laugh. 3. Ho-Ho's (The higher cream to cake ratio <1.3:2.5> makes the Ho-Ho a superior snack food to the Ding Dong. Hell, it's a better ENTREE. Powerful good eatin'.) 2. Apple Pie (Now, I now that I'm going to receive some heat for this one, and I'm prepared. But when you can take a healthy, wholesome fruit like the apple, and so thouroughly bastardize it with sugar, lard, and polysorbate 80 as to make it delicious, fun, and totally unrecognizable from the fruit God imagined, you have scored a major coup.) 1. The Chocodile (Almost needs no explanation. But don't you see? This creation took the best of all the Hostess line: cream, cake, chocolate, and frosting and combined into one food AND stunned the snack food industry with a clever name that plays on both our love for chocolate and Paul Hogan! I gotta go to High's. Thanks for playing, everyone, and stay tuned for today's quiz, where our CGC will be Brooks and Dunn. Dave Subject: DQ Answers 9/4/97 Date: Thu, 04 Sep 1997 09:39:52 -0400 OK, first things first, I've been bombarded with mail from Contestants (well, two) letting me know that the spiney anteater *IS* in fact an egg-laying mammal. Considering one of the two is a vet (thank you, Dr. Tyrell) I *GUESS* I'll have to go along. *SORRY* Meredith for impugning upon your reputation with the web search crack. *YES* I made up the part about the anteater's young not being able to nurse due to spiney lip wounds. Meredith provided amazing recollection from her jr. high science class (Jim Rike is still a big jerk who isn't nice to fat kids who don't "wrestle well" or "win" on a consistent basis or "ever".) Anyhootie, let's all give a big, if rather scattered, round of cyberapplause to Mr. Steven Diamond of Flint, Michigan who is Today's Big Winner (or TBW)!!!!! Steve rocked, and therefore wins a copy of "Steel Magnolia's", which also rocks. 1. The manager of the Village People just called and wants you to join the group as a totally new character. What will you choose to be? Sorry, making yourself the same job as you already have is unacceptable. Hagler, Cynthia, NOBODY would want to get up on stage and sing "Go West", "In The Navy", or "YMCA" dressed as a consultant. And fewer would want to see it. I therefore decree that the two of you shall perform as "Rico and Teresa, the Incontinent Gardeners." Steve Diamond: "Carl The Executioner (He would wear a hood so as not to be recognized)" Robert Groce: "Lenny, the neighborhood slime ball crack dealer." Mike Waite: "Aerobics Instructor (dressed like Richard Simmons)" Shane Sleighter: "A shotgun totin' mailman." John Hering: "A pirate. I'd have a parrot on my shoulder (and a gerbil up my...)" Meredith Linberger: "An astronaut" Jeff Marciano: "The Italian Stallion Porn Star, I'd only wear a thong!" Steve Boswell: (Unprintable) Allan Hering: Ice "Cream" Man Victoria Petersen: "Folk Dancer" James Donahue: "Rodeo Clown" Sean Boyle: "High School Principal" Aimee Sangster: "Naked Rollerblader" (When I think about what she'll skin when she falls I get all skeevy.") Heidi Hering: "A French maid who wears HUGE sneakers and a top hat. I would throw puppies into the audience, and play the part of the exclamation point in 'YMCA'." Kate Kirkpatrick: "The Village People has ignored the white collar professions in favor of working class gay male fantasy characters such as construction workers and Indian chiefs. I would prefer to appeal to the more upscale members of my audience and dress up as a high-priced gigolo turned serial killer." 2. How must you adjust the recipe when baking a delicious Betty Crocker chocolate cake atop K2? Here is another example of a question which I didn't really know the answer to. Sorry. I'll have to kind of guess at the right answer. I know that some of you gave me long, thought out answers, but gimme a break, I do have a regular job over here to do. But I believe the answer is simple, in that water boils at a lower temperature at altitude, and thus you need to add slightly more water to prevent the cake from being too dry. (The water will turn to steam quicker, you see.) Now get those letters of protest ready. 3. Name as many celebrities as you can who go by only one name. Meredith Linberger went the distance on this one. > Madonna > used to be able to say Prince (but now he doesn't have a name) > Seal > Sade > Leon (a black actor--he was in Waiting to Exhale, The 5 Heart Beats > and Cliffhanger) > Shaft! (okay, so that is really really Richard Roundtree but.... can I > throw in Columbo, Barretta and Kojak?) > Aliyah (singer) > Salina > Barney (the purple thing) > Twiggy > Vesta (singer) > Brandi > Fabio > Houdini > Cleopatra > Silver (as in "Hi-Oh!") > Tonto > Q (James Bond's friend) > Sinbad > Charlamagne > Tamia (a Quincy Jones protoge...currently dating Grant Hill) > Sting > Garfield > Morris (you know with the cat food) > Lassie > Eddie (the dog on Frasier) > Benji > Shamu > Goofy > Pluto > Popeye (and it isn't "the Sailor man toot-toot") > Bluto > Casper (and it isn't "the friendly ghost") > Yanni > Fabian (that swingin' 60's singer) > Greaseman? (or would The be counted?) > Bevis > Butthead > Iman > Charro > Cher > Snoopy > Woodstock > Linus > Lucy > Marmaduke > Freedom (singer from C&C Music Factory) > Najee (sax player) 4. Who founded CNN? Ted Turner 5. What Disney mule could kick the holy hell out of a football? Gus. Al Hering even knew the secret word that made Gus kick: "Oyage!" 6. Wolfgang Puck is the head chef at what super-trendy Hollywood eatery? Spago 7. In football, what is the penalty for an unnecessary roughness call *IF* the two players are good friends in the off-season? 15 yards. 8. What's another name for a submarine sandwich? Jeff Marciano deserves credit for wasting a good chunk of his day on this answer: "Well, there are actually quite a few different names for a submarine sandwich. Most of these names have origins in specific regions of the country. For example, a submarine sandwich would be called a "grinder" in Rhode Island. Or if you prefer to use Italonics (italian Ebonics) you would pronounce it Grindah! You could also ask for a hoagie or a hero in other parts of the country and recieve a Submarine sandwich. It's interesting to note that most regions around the country, and in fact, the world, have their own terms and definitions for things as common as water fountain or a bathroom. In this instance, using Rhode Island again because of their unique cultural idosyncrocies, we would refer to these things as a Bubbler (Bublah in Italonics) and a Pisser also known as a Pissah, respectively." 9. "Poop", "radar", "Oh no, Don Ho!", and "Yo! Banana Boy!" are examples of what? These are palindromes, words that spell the same thing forward and backward. Shane Sleighter of Pittsburgh, PA even gave us another example of one: "A man, a plan, a canal: Panama." Thank you, Shane. 10. What is generally considered to be the first mass-marketed home video game? Pong Great job kids, and congratulations Steven! Enjoy your new movie, and try not to cry at the funeral scene. I always do. Stay tuned for today's DQ, where our CGC will be Ricki Lake. Dave Subject: DQ Answers 9/4/97 Date: Fri, 05 Sep 1997 09:47:24 -0400 We had a very close race yesterday between John Hering of NY, NY, and James Donahue, who still lives with the grandparents who raised him since he was 24. I *HAD* planned on using a tiebreaker question, but haven't heard back yet from James, and hey, I got stuff to do. So, I award the Sony Playstation to John Hering!!! This is not as arbitrary as you may think. James *DID* goof on one question. On each question he included not only the movie, but also the characters who spoke the line. On the "Risky Business" question, James said that Guido, the Killer Pimp said it, but in fact it was Lana, played by Rebecca De Mornay. Sorry, James. Anyway, congratulations, John Hering, and enjoy your new Sony Playstation! Here are the answers: 1. "You're stewed, buttwad!" Weird Science 2. "I've come to get my boy." "*Your* boy?" "I recruited him, I trained him, I commanded him for three years in Vietnam. I'd say that makes him mine." "Well, I don't know what the Pentagon thinks you can do." "The *Army* thought I might be of some help." "First Blood" 3. "With God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again!" "Gone With The Wind" 4. "Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand." "Cool Hand Luke" 5. "Claire? Claire's a fat girl's name." "The Breakfast Club" 6. "They f@%* you at the drive-thru!" "Lethal Weapon II" 7. "You owe me three hundred dollars, Joel." "Risky Business" 8. "Can I just say one thing? The supercop story...was working. Until you guys screwed it up." "Beverly Hills Cop" 9. "Hey Bill! Don't forget to wind your watch!!" "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" 10. "Miss Mallyn? When things like this happen I pray real hard to try and make sense of it. And I just feel that Shelby wanted to do so much for so many people, and her poor little body just wouldn't let her. So God brought her to a place where she *can* look over you, and Jackson, and the baby. A place where she will always be young. And she will always be beautiful." OK, I'm crying. I LOVE that movie. "Stell Magnolias" Great job, everyone, a lot of you came THIS close to winning. Then again, a lot of you need to get on your ass, and start watching a leeeeeeetle bit more TV. Stay tuned for today's DQ, where our Celebrity Guest Contestant will be Rodney Dangerfield. Dave Subject: DQ Answers 9/5/97 Date: Mon, 08 Sep 1997 09:27:49 -0400 While most of you got 8 or 9 out of 10, and there were even some 10's, Mr. George Patch, of Danville, VA scored perfectly AND had a "Price Is Right" sweatshirt that made me and my coworkers chuckle mightily. So, CONGRATULATIONS, George, and enjoy your new Football Phone! 1. Who defeated Ed Koch most recently to become New York's mayor? Rudolph Giuliani 2. What US Navy ship has a memorial built over its sunken hull in Pearl Harbor? USS Arizona 3. What president ordered the atomic bombing of Japan? Truman 4. Who was DC101's morning DJ before the Greaseman? Howard Stern 5. Kindly rank all of the "Vacation" movies, putting the best one at the top. There are only two correct answers here (I mean, ya gotta allow for differences in taste.) My pick, along with so many of you: Christmas Vacation Vacation European Vacation Vegas Vacation However, I did accept answers that transposed Christmas Vacation and Vacation. 6. What's a light year? The distance light travels in one year. 7. While trying to run down a skateboarding freak from the future, you slam your car into a manure truck and ruin it. (Your car, not the manure truck.) You decide to try and win a new car on "The Price Is Right". In order to draw attention to yourself and get chosen to c'mon down, what will the front of your sweatshirt say, and which of the many car-winning games do you hope to play? Ooh, we had two very funny sweatshirts here: Dave Hagler: "Don't neuter your animals. Let them multiply so you can get more fur." George Patch: "I've neutered myself to help control the idiot population" And thanks to stalwart slacker, Allan Hering, of Biloxi, MS we now know ALL the games on "The Price Is Right" where a car is the prize: Hole-In-One 3 Strikes Any Number Ten Chances Lucky Seven The Dice Game Golden Road Master Key One Away Spelling Bee 8. What is the most delicious item on the Taco Bell menu? The only BIG-time loser on this question was Jonathan Kaplan of Southeast D.C. who said, "There is no delicious item on the Taco Bell menu." Jonathan loses 5 points for that, AND shall burn eternally in a particularly toasty section of Hell. Sorry, Jonathan. But the best answers included one of the following: 7-Layer Burrito Beef Meximelt and my favorite Double Decker Taco Supreme 9. How many calories and grams of fat are in a 20 oz. Starbucks latte mocha? OK, I screwed the question up a LITTLE. Apparently there IS no "latte mocha". I've been told that I meant a "Grande Mocha", but you all knew what I meant. Anyway, according to Cosmo (I have a, uh, friend who reads it.) with all the fixin's there are 500 calories and 28 grams of fat. Heidi Hering knew this. Way to go, Heidi! 10. What is your rapper name? WAAAAAY too many of your names were unprintable in a family publication like this, (and it takes forever to compile them) but our big winner, George Patch, claims he's been using the name "Kool-Mo-Fo" since grade school. His name is a delightful play on "Kool Mo D", the '80's rapper who brought us such classics as "Wild Wild West". Anyway, if you see George today over at his tattoo parlor, tell him "congrats"! Stay tuned for today's quiz, where our CGC shall be none other than G. Gordon Liddy. Dave Subject: Answer Correction Date: Mon, 08 Sep 1997 09:44:04 -0400 Whoops! The correct answer was Dinkins, not Giuliani! Ed Koch was on Stern Friday morning (so I got two questions out of it) and was talking about what a terrible mayor Dinkins "The Mayor of Tennis". So many people put Giuliani that he got stuck in my head. Sorry! Subject: DQ Answers 9/8/97 Date: Tue, 09 Sep 1997 15:10:59 -0400 Apparently the big and BAD G. Gordon Liddy didn't know any of the answers, or was just too SCAAAAAAAARED to play, because we never heard back from him. Hmph, ain't so bad. Anyway, yesterday's big winner was Richmond's own Aimee Sangster!! Aimee not only got gobs and gobs of answers right, she's also *been* to both the Autobahn AND Richmond's Exide 400 NASCAR race. Hell, that there's a good woman. Congratulations, Aimee, and enjoy your new Pocket Fisherman! 1. What is the name of the German highway where you're allowed to drive reeeeealy freakin' fast? The Autobahn 2. You've donated a considerable amount of money to your old high school, and can now pick one thing (existing or to be constructed) at the school to have named after you. What will it be? Like I said, I have no time today, so I'll just pick a few at random: "A commode in the girls lockerroom." - Steve Steger (Sick, I know, but us guys wish we'd thought of it.) "Smoking Lounge" - Jeff Marciano "Movie Screening Room" - Dave Hagler "Parking Garage" - Leslie Maria and Victoria Petersen "Field Trip Bus" - Caroline Peani "The Short Bus" - Steve Boswell 3. Which of the 50 states was formerly a monarchy? Hawaii (King Kamonawannalaya was the last ruler.) 4. Who saved Chrysler? Lee Iacocca (or the Federal Government, as many of you noted.) 5. Rank the following weekend activities by its fun index: Sleeping, Boozing, Eating, Watching your old video of Charles and Diana's wedding, Watching your NEW video of Charles at Diana's funeral. This was a pretty boring question, I know. But hey, so are my weekends. 6. Name one "Jeopardy!" category they don't have, but should. Shane Sleighter had a great one with: "Ass"ault and Battery ("You will notice that the word "ASS" is in quotes, and will appear in each response.") 7. What band won "Best Rock Video" at this year's MTV Music Awards? Aerosmith 8. Who is third in line for the throne of England? Prince Harry (By the way, knowing that he's got an outside shot at becoming the King of England, don't you think they could've, you know, given him a better name? I mean, how scared is the King of Spain going to be when a messenger comes running in and yells, "The army of King Harry approaches, Sire!" Next time how 'bout "King Vlad The Avenger" (Granted it would be awkward through, like, fifth grade, but after that... 9. What event holds the record for the largest attendance at a VA sporting event? Richmond's Exide 400 NASCAR race at Richmond International Raceway 10. I think I'd look cool in leather. Should I buy a leather jacket, leather pants, or a leather cap? The overwhelming majority of you, oddly enough, voted for leather pants with the butt cut out. Dave Subject: DQ Answers 9/11/97 Date: Fri, 12 Sep 1997 08:56:32 -0400 Our big winneroonie today is Michigan's own Millie Perrine!! Millie thought that just because she and I used to date seriously she would never win the DQ. Silly Millie! Why, her answers just danced from the monitor and did a little boogie across my daily planner. Besides, anyone who would rank Jim Belushi as the funniest SNL member and not even LIST his big brother John, deserves special recognition. So, congratulations, Mills, and enjoy your new Craftmatic Adjustable Bed!! 1. Name two TV shows that Jim Neighbors appeared on. I misspelled it. It's "Nabors". Why didn't anybody correct me?? Here are some of the shows that he was in. (Either as a regular or in a guest appearance.) Gomer Pyle Andy Griffith Show Love Boat Hollywood Squares The Lost Saucer (Remember that one? With Ruth Buzzy?) I'm sure there are others, but I do not think he ever appeared in the following: "Evita" - Steve Steger "The Dukes of Hazard" - Millie Perrine "Green Acres" - Kate Kirkpatrick 2. What would have been a better nickname for Theodore Cleaver? "The Butcher of Mayfield" - James Flint "Bearded Clam" - John Hering (Variations on this theme were sent in by many of you.) "Sugar Pants" - Steve Steger (Cool it, dudeman, that's my middle name.) 3. They've already done "When Animals Attack" and "Real Police Chases", so come up with another Fox Real-Life Video show. "When Boob Jobs Go Bad" - Victoria Petersen "When Beergoggle Dates Go Bad" - Jonathan Kaplan (This could be caused by the first one.) "When Meat Rots" - Mike Waite "Porta-Potty Nightmare, Real footage of people "accidentally" locked inside a Don's John." - Al Hering (On a personal note, Mr. Hering here has had plenty of "Porta-Potty Nightmares", only his involve his inability to FIND a Don's John.) And finally, this beauty from George Patch: "Sexual Advances Denied - A show of home video tapes where one person had secretly set up the video camera to capture some bedroom action only to be harshly denied by his/her partner." I like this one, because I actually know someone to whom this happened. 4. So, OK, on 90210 last night, who got shot and why? So, like, Kelly was coming back from Hawaii? With Brandon? And they were in the parking lot at LAX? And these two guys? Were breaking into another car? And Brandon acts all bad and stares at them? He's all holding this tire iron like, "You guys may have a gun? But I have this tire iron?" And then they shot at him as they were driving away? But they hit Kelly. Now can anyone tell me how many months pregnant that chick who plays Kelly is?? 5. Name all the possible game pieces one could choose to be when playing Monopoly? Boot Hat Cannon Car Dog Thimble Iron Horse and Dude Wheelbarrel Jeez, I don't know if that's all of them. Shane Sleighter got the most, though. 6. You're stranded on a desert island with one person -- pick from these choices and explain why. For men: Hillary Clinton or Rosie O'Donnell For women: Robin Leach or Newt Gingrich For the boys, Rosie O'Donnell won out over Hillary Clinton (much as she probably would in a hot dog eating contest.) Our own Mike Waite offers the most lucid and reasoned response: "Rosie O'Donnell - While Hillary is heterosexual and probably would put out on the island, I would prefer Rosie. She is funny and wouldn't get on my nerves. Also, her weight problem would allow her body to live off of stored fat. This would spare me the whining and crying from an otherwise hungry woman. Hillary is pudgy, but her reserves aren't quite as deep as Rosie's. Also, I would be thinking about the friend factor. After rescue, the friends of the chick would shower me with attention and would want to sleep with me after caring for their friend. Now, who do I want to sleep with: Madonna, Rosie's friend, or Tipper Gore, Hillary's friend. Keeping these facts in mind, I'd choose Rosie." For you girlies, Meredith Linberger, of Santa Fe, NM told us why all of you thought Robin Leach was the one. (I've summarized for space reasons.) - Robin would be easier to destroy should he and his voice ever become too much to bear. - He could decorate the hut. - *NOBODY* is ever going to bother to look for Newt Gingrich. 7. Name the three Hazards of the Fire Swamp. OK, so not too many of you remember "The Princess Bride". Lightning Sand Flame Spurts ROUSS's (Rodents Of Unusual Size) 8. Rank the funniest five (5) cast members ever from Saturday Night Live. Any list not counting either John Belushi or Eddie Murphy as number one was immediately tossed. But you had to include some or all of these: John Belushi Eddie Murphy Bill Murray Phil Hartman Dana Carvey Chris Farley Gilda Radner (I happen to not think so, but a lot of you put her, so...) Don Novello (Father Guido Sarducci) Chris Rock David Spade Tim Kazurinski Note: Steve Martin was never a regular player on the SNL. But he has been a host more times than anyone. Worst cast members to ever darken the stage of SNL? Kevin Nealon Robert Downey Jr. Joan Cusack Nora Dunn Anthony Michael Hall 9. What do green plants contain that others do not? Chlorophyll 10. Versace, Princess Diana, Mother Teresa, that guy from Zaire, and NOW Burgess Meredith??? My God, man! Who will be next??? Survey says?!! Ronald Reagan Bob Hope Frank Sinatra (Really goin' out on a limb with those three fossils.) Sam Donaldson (There we go, that's more like it, Flint!) Jack Kevorkian (Interesting, John, sort of...ironic.) Barney Hanson (All of 'em) Ricardo Montalban ...and a couple more that I dare not print for fear of Secret Service retribution. Nice job, folks. And congratulations once again to Millie Perrine! Dave Subject: DQ Answers 9/12/97 Date: Tue, 16 Sep 1997 09:23:51 -0400 The winner of last Friday's quiz was Buford's Corner, Missouri's own Jonathan Kaplan!!! Jon got 'em all right PLUS he didn't give me a whole lotta hullabaloo over the airplane question. He just gave the right answer and MOVED ON like some of you shoulda. Congratualtations, Jonathan, and enjoy your new Headlight and Left Aileron from a once-operational F-117 Stealth Fighter!!! Oh, and we got a response from the 9/10 DQ from our Celebrity Guest Contestant! Bozo (The Clown) replied back with this: David: Good questions. Let me work on them and I'll be back to you....number 1 is "America". Your Pal, Bozo The question Bozo is refering to was the "God Save The Queen" one. And as we all know now, the answer wasn't "America". Well, what do you want? The guy's a clown. 1. What kind of shoes was OJ wearing when he killed Nicole and Ron? Bruno Magli Here are some of your more creative spellings: Bruno Mali Bruno Magliani Bruno Maglia Giorgio Guilliani Versace 2. What position was constantly being vacated in the band Spinal Tap, and why? The Drummer. They kept dying. 3. Your plane leaves DC at midnight on a non-stop flight to Los Angeles. If, during the flight, Fall daylight savings takes place, and you land in LA at one a.m., how long was the flight? Five hours. (This wasn't a trick question. Three hours time difference from coast to coast. Disregarding daylight savings, it's two a.m. when you land. Thus, 5 hours.) 4. What two Presidential contenders did Ronald Reagan beat in 1980? Carter (Democrats) & Anderson (Independants) 5. Name the funniest Stupid Human Trick you can remember from Letterman's show. Everyone seemed to like the chick who could pop her eyes out of their sockets. Other favs: "Guy who juggled ping-pong balls with his mouth" - John Hering (John, those weren't ping-pong balls, AND THAT WASN'T LETTERMAN!!) "Guy who ate a bicycle" - Hagler "Silence of the Lambs Tuck" - Jeff Marciano (This is actually Jeff's trick, will NEVER be on Letterman, but is still darn funny.) My favorites: Chick who could stop a metal fan with her tongue. Guy who balanced a HUGE canoe on his chin. Guy who drank milk, then shot it out his tear duct. 6. Who's your favorite dead singer? Lots of Jerry Garcia. Also: Jim Morrison Liberace Elvis Karen Carpenter Patsy Cline and "John Beluchi" - Greg Payette 7. Favorite gay actor? Tom Cruise and Keanu Reeves ran away with this one. 8. What is considered to be a not-so-nice way of breaking up with someone? Kate Kirkpatrick says - "Pretending that your friend's mother died and so you just don't think that you can stay at the dance and by the way, you think that this is just not working -- 9th grade" (And for the record, Kate, I knew that your friend's mother hadn't really died.) 9. Given the opportunity to whack one of the following people about the face and head with a rolled up magazine, who would it be, and why? Howard Stern Kathy Lee Gifford Kerrie Strug Alex Trebek It was pretty close here, but Alex Trebek actually came out the big loser on this one. 10. "Seward's Folly" refers to the United States' purchase of what? Alaska Stay tuned for today's quiz, where our CGC shall be Alyssa Milano! Dave Subject: DQ Answers 9/16/97 Date: Wed, 17 Sep 1997 10:50:52 -0400 Yesterday's big winner was Mr. Joe Lynch of Jonestown, Guyana. Joe answered yesterday's quiz like a demon possessed, and his Miss America question of "Who's burried in Grant's tomb?" hit just the right note with the DQ judges. So, congratulations, Joe, and have fun with your new Heckler & Koch MP5 submachine gun!!!! 1. What is Prozac generally used to treat? I thought it was just depression, but a couple of you, like the lovely and talented Millie Perrine, said something like this: "GENERALLY - DEPRESSION, MANIC-DEPRESSIVES, BI-POLAR PERSONALITIES, EATING DISORDERS, HYPER-THYROIDISM AND VARIOUS OTHER CHEMICAL IMBALANCES IN OUR BRAINS." THANKS MILLIE!!!! Also, Dr. Bill says that it can also be used to treat impotence. (Note to Trip Morano: Trip, remember that long talk we had back in school? Remember how I said that medical science would someday catch up with you? Do you see now?) 2. What is the biggest bone in the human body? Gotta give the points here to Ms. Perrine, who's answer of "Phemus?" covered in one answer the combination of the correct answer, femur, with the naughty answer that so many of you saw fit to give. 3. Who was Wally Cleaver's ass-kissin' buddy? Eddie Haskell 4. What event marked the last time The Washington Post printed an extra edition? OJ's acquittal. Only John Hering got this one right! 5. What TV show won Best Comedy at the Emmy's the other night? Frasier! Someone please tell me how that show could possibly be funnier than "The Larry Sanders Show". 6. Speakin' of the Emmy's, what did the X-Files' Gillian Anderson do when she went up to receive her award that everyone's talking about? She tripped on her too-tight dress while walking up the stairs, then had to walk sideways. 7. If a soccer player holds his shorts way open and flips the ball into them, then runs into the goal, does that count? No, I don't think so. But it should. 8. What religion did Bob Marley practice? Rastafarianism, not voodoo. 9. 'Bout how long is Maryland's Bay Bridge? A lot of you were very close. 4.3 miles is the correct answer. 10. They pose some pretty lame questions to the contestants on that Miss America pageant. What would be a question you'd like them to ask? There were some pretty good ones here. Aimee Sangster, who has no appreciation for the advances in medicine wants to ask: "How many plastic surgeries did it take to get you looking like you do? and are you afraid that they may explode sometime down the line?" "Do you bait your own hook, and if so, what would you use for flathead catfish?" - Sean Kennealy "Bloomers, bikini, thong, or G-string?" - Mike Waite "If a soccer player holds his shorts way open and flips the ball into them, then runs into the goal, does that count?" - Jim Clark "Are you a true blond and if you are, prove it." - Jonathan Kaplan Nice job kids, and congrats again to Joe! Dave Subject: DQ Answers 9/18/97 Date: Thu, 18 Sep 1997 10:20:19 -0400 I'm afraid nobody won the quiz yesterday. It was like a huge 26-way tie. Here are the answers: 1. Who was too sexy for his shirt? "Right Said Fred" 2. In financial terms, describe leverage. Mike Waite gave a very good answer here. It was short and got right to the point. Mike clearly paid attention in Finance class. He is a shining example to all DQers. Mike said: "The use of credit in order to improve one's speculative capacity." Just to be sure that was the right answer, I visited the trusty WWWebster's Dictionary site on the web. Their definition is: "The use of credit to enhance one's speculative capacity." DOOOHHHH!!!! BUSTED!!! "But Daaaaaave! I changed the word 'enhaaaaaaance'!!!!!!!" 3. What is a "Junk" Bond? Waite: "High yield, high risk bond." Webster: "a high-risk bond that offers a high yield and is often issued to finance a takeover of a company " 4. Name two people (anyone) you'd like to see duke it out in the boxing ring together. Waite: "Al Sharpton and Martha Stewart" Webster: "Martha Stewart and Al Sharpton" 5. My World Wrestling Federation name, should I ever go pro, is "Restor: The Avenging Slacker". What's yours? Waite: Mike "Couch Boy" Waite Webster: Noah "Sofa Man" Webster I really liked Scott Day's answer of "Spankengeist" 6. In the Eighties, who made billions trading Junk bonds, started a revolution in highly-leveraged hostile acquisitions, went to jail, and is now suffering from testicular cancer? Michael Milken 7. Complete this line from the movie "Wall Street": "Greed is ______." "Good" Jeff Marciano was kind enough to point out that the actual quote is, "Greed, for lack of a better word, is good." 8. In corporate America, particularly in manufacturing, what does TQM stand for? (Two extra points if you know that W. Edwards Deming pionee--DOH! Never mind.) Total Quality Management. In one of my business classes at JMU, a professor was explaining to us the concept of TQM, and how companies are shifting their focus toward quality as a number one priority. This hysterical smartass in the back of the auditorium raised his hand and said, "Pardon me, but DUH!" Ya gotta trust me, it was so damn funny. Because, how hard was that for companies to figure out. Of course, there's more to TQM than that, as stalwart quizzee, James Flint shall now explain: (I actually highly recommend you read this.) "W. Edwards Deming's pioneering idea of incremental process improvement was largely responsible for the recovery and eventual thriving of the Japanese economy after WWII. Deming's legacy is most widely recognized as his "14 Points for Management" and the "Plan-Do-Study-Act Cycle" What are they you ask??? 1. Create constancy of purpose toward improvement of product and service, with the aim to become competitive and to stay in business, and to provide jobs. 2. Adopt the new philosophy. 3. Cease dependence on inspection to achieve quality. Eliminate the need for inspection on a mass basis by building quality into the product in the first place. 4. End the practice of awarding business on the basis of price tag. Instead, minimize total cost. Move toward a single supplier for any one item, on a long-term relationship of loyalty and trust. 5. Improve constantly and forever the system of production and service, to improve quality and productivity, and thus constantly decrease costs. 6. Institute training on the job. 7. Institute leadership. The aim of supervision should be to help people and machines and gadgets to do a better job. 8. Drive out fear, so that everyone may work effectively for the company. 9. Break down barriers between departments. People in research, design, sales, and production must work as a team, to foresee problems of production and in use that may be encountered with the product or service. 10. Eliminate slogans, exhortations, and targets for the work force asking for zero defects and new levels of productivity. 11. a) Eliminate work standards (quotas) on the factory floor. Substitute leadership. b) Eliminate management by objective. Eliminate management by numbers, numerical goals. Substitute leadership. 12. a) Remove barriers that rob the hourly worker of his right to pride of workmanship. b) Remove barriers that rob people in management and in engineering of their right to pride of workmanship 13. Institute a vigorous program of education and self-improvement. 14. Put everybody in the company to work to accomplish the transformation. The "Plan-Do-Study-Act Cycle" is a flow diagram for learning and for improvement of a product or a process. What it means is simply to follow those four steps and continually improve something. Unfortunately, for those of you in the field, recent studies have shown that we Americans really suck at defining processes, so our efforts at TQM have gone for naught. Shame on us to believe that there is always an easy fix to something. We give it a name, which (Deming did not do), and expect it to work miracles. This is why reengineering became such a fad and unfortunately didn't work. Reengineering, as you all know, is the "radical rethinking and fundamental redesign of a process" (Hammer and Champy - Reengineering the Corporation) Well, this didn't work either, cause we still had to define a process. Now we've come up with a new way of improving our business called "Strategic Planning" This is where a company insulates its academics and comes up with a strategy for succeeding in today's world. They usually come up with something brilliant like "We plan to leverage existing and future information technologies in order to affect a paradigm shift in today's global marketplace, providing high-quality, goods and services to our valuable customers in a timely and efficient manner and at a reasonable cost." What they are saying is that they don't have a fucking clue as to what they are capable of, because the people who came up with it are the furthest removed from the actual business that takes place. You know what friends and neighbors? They higher-ups still get paid handsomely and you have to work overtime and skip anniversaries to pay your bills. Moral of the story - Be a higher-up or an academic, you idiot!" 9. Mud is a combination of what two substances? Dirt and water. Hey, I like to have diverse questions. 10. What is this tricky little license plate saying? 2QAYL "Took you a while" But Officer Steve Boswell of the VA State Police came up with his own interpretation: "To wait a while" (With the "Q" being "Queue".) Kinda clever Steve. But wrong. Nice job folks. Stay tuned for today's DQ where our Celebrity Guest Contestant shall be...I don't know yet, I gotta find one. Dave Subject: DQ Answers 9/18/97 Date: Fri, 19 Sep 1997 09:54:56 -0400 Today's big winner is Mr. Trip Morano of Battle Creek, Michigan!! Trip has been a DQer since its genesis, and his well-thought-out, and witty responses consistently include at least one reference to Adult Entertainment. Day after day. Week after week. And that kind of dedication deserves recognition. So, congratulations Trip! And enjoy your two-week stay in the heartland of smut production, Van Nuys, California!!! WOOOO-HOOOO!!! 1. Eddie Murphy's Gumby on Saturday Night Live had a signature phrase. What was it? "I'm Gumby, Dammit!" 2. What's the minimum SAT score allowed by the NCAA for athletes receiving scholarships? 800 3. What sport has the fastest traveling ball? Jai Lai 4. What are the coordinates at the XYZ intersection on a three dimensional graph? 0,0,0 5. What shape is generally used to describe the red marking on the underbelly of a Black Widow spider? People usually say it has an hourglass shape. But I liked Steve Steger's response: "Circula-AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!" 6. From which 1970's kids' movie did Veruca Salt "borrow" her name? No, Trip, it wasn't "Behind the Green Door". It was "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory". This movie, by the way, used to creep me out. (So did Trip's, but that's another story.) 7. The Age of Aquarius, Good Morning Starshine, Let the Sunshine, Colored Spade ... what hippie musical was it? "Hair" 8. In what sport will you find a "googlie" executed? Cricket 9. What does the "RAV" stand for in Toyota's RAV4? Funny, a lot of you said "Really Awful Vehicle". But it's actually "Recreational Active Vehicle". 10. What was your high school senior class song? Looking back, what *SHOULD* it have been? OK, these cracked my ass up. "Let's go all the way." Shoulda been: "Just what it shoulda been." - Patrick Solomon "Forever Young" Shoulda been: "You'll find better times soon" - Victoria Petersen "Shot Through the Heart (Bon Jovi) Shoulda Been: Loser (Beck)" - Heidi Hering 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' - Dave Hagler "Sister Christian." Shoulda been: "Big fuckin' dorks on parade" but they hadn't written that song yet. - John Hering "We got to get out this place" Shoulda been: "Hot For Teacher" - Joe Lynch (It's true, Joe was hot for Mr. Singletary.) "Life's Been Good" (Joe Walsh) Shoulda been: "Loser" (Beck) - Jim Clark (That's a good one, Jim--HEY, wait a second, *I* was in your class!) "Let The Good Times Roll" Shoulda been: "Dancing With Myself" - Allan Hering Trip's class didn't have one, but "It should have been 'Tush' by ZZ Top" "Rumble Seat" by J.C.Mellencamp Shoulda been: "Even the Losers (get lucky some times)" by Tom Petty - Steve Boswell "Freebird" Shoulda been: "Freebird" - Steve Steger (Amen, brother) "The Best of Times" by Styx Shoulda been: "I'm a big loser, cuz I didn't understand the question and didn't put one" (By Jonathan Kaplan) "Forever Young" Shoulda been: "Baba O'Reily" (The Who) (You know, "Teenage Wasteland") Good call by Meredith Linberger Shane Sleighter completely missed the point of the whole exercise and gave us his High School FIGHT song! I don't mean to judge here, but WOW! What a dork! (Sorry, Shane) So, without further ado: My high school put in the JMU fight song: "Ferguson, Homer Feguson, We are the Dukes of FHS. Ferguson, Homer Ferguson, the fighting Dukes of FHS. Fight for glory, honor's one, brighten the lights of Ferguson. Ferguson, Homer Ferguson, show your colors, proud and true, we are the Dukes of FHS!" "Life's Been Good" Shoulda been: "Popular" (Nada Surf) - Kate Kirkpatrick "Do it with a Trojan" You see we were the Midlothian Trojan's. - Scott Agee "Life's been Good" Shoulda been: "I Would Do Anything for Love, but I Won't Do That" by MeatLoaf. - James Flint 'Don't Look Back.' Shoulda been: 'Freebird' - Millie Perrine No idea. Shoulda been: "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" Mike Waite And the winner of the "High School Senior Class Song Shoulda Been's" is Mr. George Patch with: "Footloose" Shoulda been: "Jump" Nice going folks, and congrats again to Mr. Trip Morano! Dave Subject: DQ Answers 9/23/97 Date: Wed, 24 Sep 1997 09:54:26 -0400 The Daily Quiz has received replies from a Dave Matthews lackey, a form letter from Newt Gingrich, and a half-assed attempt from Bozo The Clown. But today we got a full-fledged effort from our Celebrity Guest Contestant, Adam Curry. Adam scored a very impressive 9 out of 10. There *WERE* a few 10's out there, but Adam included Tina Turner's real name, and in my book that's worth two extra points. And waddayaknow! That puts him right over the top! Adam Curry is our big winner!!! Adam wins a free plug of his very cool web site, Cyber Sleaze. With gossip being my favorite hobby, Cyber Sleaze has been a bookmark of mine for over two years. Check it out at http://metaverse.com/vibe/sleaze/index.html Here are the rest of the answers 1. Eleven fans were trampled to death in a rush to get front row spots at what band's 1979(?) Cincinatti concert? The Who. (Note to James Flint: Yes I remember that WKRP, too. What a gay episode. It's my belief that as soon as a sitcom has a "Very Special Episode" it's time to pull the plug.) 2. Jimi Hendrix had to restring his guitars to compensate for what? He was left-handed. 3. Where are "The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones" from? Boston 4. Who is the most famous rocker to graduate from Lake Braddock High School in Fairfax, VA? Ooh, I hate controversy. I always thought Dave Grohl went to Lake Braddock, but some of you said he went to Jefferson, and others said he went to Annandale. Should've just said "Fairfax County School System". However, one thing remains certain: He was the goalie on Jeff Marciano's lacrosse team. 5. What Southern Rock band lost half its members to a plane crash in 1977? Lynyrd Skynyrd (Interesting note: They named their band after their Florida high school gym teacher, Leonard Skinnard. Mr. Skinnard used to make fun of them in class for their long hair.) 6. Who did Ike Turner used to slap around all the time? Annie Mae Bullock (Tina Turner) Thanks to Adam Curry for that bit o' trivia. (Note to Steve Steger: No, I'm fairly certain Sandra and Annie Mae are not kin.) 7. Who was the Lizard King? Jim Morrison 8. What rocker did Ed Sullivan insist be filmed only from the waist up? Elvis. It is interesting to note that Mr. Sullivan, just two years later, demanded that Nancy Sinatra be filmed only from the waist *down*. (I think. I may have just made that up.) 9. The rockumentary, "Gimme Shelter" recounted the story of what band's "Nightmare at Altamont", where a fan was killed by the Hell's Angels, who had been hired as security? The Rolling Stones Thanks to Meredith Linberger for pointing out that the person killed was Meredith Hunter. They are not related, either. 10. What was Greg Brady's Rock & Roll name? Johnny Bravo And Bravo to all of you! And congratulations to Mr. Curry for his fine, fine showing. Stay tuned for today's Daily Quiz, where the theme will be "Product Slogans" and our Celebrity Guest Contestant NBC News' Giselle Fernandez! Dave Subject: DQ Answers 9/24/97 Date: Thu, 25 Sep 1997 07:54:56 -0400 Quizzees, Yesterday's quiz was way too easy. And that reminds me of this girl I dated in high school, named Linda Allen. But that's probably not an appropriate story. Anyway, since so many of you aced the quiz, I award today's coveted top prize to Shane Sleighter for turning in the FIRST perfect score. So, congratulations, Shane! I know that you'll enjoy countless hours of fun with your new Superball! Also, you will notice that we have a new player occupying the top slot in our alphabetical list of recipients. (I still can't get Netscape Mail to hide the list, sorry.) Adam Curry has joined the list on a full-time basis. And I don't want to hear anymore guff from the likes of Steve Steger on celebrity ass-kissing. Steve said--oh hell, here's the exchange: Steve Steger: "So how does Adam Curry's butt smell?" Dave: "Steve, that's an interesting question. I would have to say that it smells very much like Mrs. Steger's, but without that "Tangy" scent that heavy gin sweat and thick, matted hair can produce." I'm sorry you people had to read that. But Steve started it. (And by the way, I don't even know Mrs. Steger, I just made that up.) Here are the answers: ******PRODUCT SLOGANS****** Answer with the name of the product who's slogan is below. 1. "It keeps going, and going, and going..." Mr. Steger flung himself back into my good graces here with his answer of: "Ex Lax" But the correct answer is, of course, "Energizer" 2. "Hasn't scratched yet." This was pretty much the only one that stumped a few of you. It's not "Cruex", "Gold Bond", "Hertz", or "Head and Shoulders". (Or Jeff Marciano's answer of, "Huh?") It's "Bon Ami". Bon Ami, if you don't know, is a cleanser. And it's French for "Hasn't Scratched (Yet)". 3. "Head for the mountains." "Busch" 4. "Just Do It." "Nike", but hey, keep those Trojan jokes comin'! HAR!! 5. "All the news that's fit to print." "NY Times" 6. "The Ultimate Driving Machine." "BMW" Oh, by the way, today's "You Must Have a Government Job Award" goes to Tom Harshbarger for making each of his answers a link to the correct company's web site. Thanks Tom! 7. "Generation Next" One of the (many) pleasures of moderating this list is getting to read your good jokes. Case in point, Shane Sleighter's answer to this one. "Spice Girls Haha. Pepsi." Thanks Shane. That *IS* really funny. 8. "The Heartbeat of America" Let's have a little "Game within a game", shall we? It's called "Guess the Redneck". I'll give you three people's answers to this question, and you have to guess who the redneck is. Ready? OK! "Chevy" - Ken Gonzalez "Chevrolet" - Sean Boyle "Chevrolet Pieces of Shit!" - Trip Morano 9. "Good to the last drop" "Maxwell House" 10. "Curiously Strong" Joe Lynch wins here with his answer of "You made this up, Dave." Yes I did, Joe, and then those bastards at Altoids stole it! Great job, folks, and congratulations once again to our big winner, Mr. Shane Sleighter! Stay tuned for today's Daily Quiz, where our Celebrity Guest Contestant will be Bill Maher! Dave Subject: DQ Answers 9/26/97 Date: Fri, 26 Sep 1997 09:25:36 -0400 Quizfolk, Today's big winner is Mr. Scott Agee, of Miami, Florida! Scott got 'em all right, PLUS he included Dr. J's ABA team, the Virginia Squires. Rock on, Scott. And you can do so in your new (sort of) Plymouth Sundance!! Here are the answers: 1. Both the House and the Senate have passed a bill taxing Big Macs two dollars. But Bill Clinton lets it sit on his desk, unsigned, until the allowed time has passed and it has to go back to Congress. What's this called? "A Pocket Veto" Politically aware contestant, Meredith Linberger, pointed out that my scenario isn't EXACTLY accurate, and gives us the straight dope on the actual process: "The Pres. may sign or veto the bill within 10 days. If he does not sign within 10 days and Congress is still in session, the bill automatically becomes law. If Congress has adjourned before the 10 days have elapsed and the Pres. has not signed the bill, it does not become law. This is know as a "pocket veto." If the Pres. returns the bill with a veto message, it may still become law if passed by a 2/3 majority in each house. This is called an "override." Failure to override is referred to as "sustaining a Presidential veto." If one house sustains, the other house need not vote at all. This all changed a tad with the "line item veto," that just came into practice..." Wow! Thanks Meredith! 2. Marco "El Diablo" Etcheverry plays for what DC team? "United" If you said, "The United" you lost points. It's just "United". Don't believe me?? Way to go, you just lost more points. 3. How does the Vatican signal that a new pope has been elected? "By making the old pope run naked through the Vatican Square? (I'm not really sure since I'm not Catholic)" - Steve Steger (Note to Steve: From now on, you don't have to tell me that you're not really sure of your answers. I can usually tell.) No, Steve, one of the major requirements for electing a new Pope is to have the old Pope either: A) Die B) Fake it *really* well. When a Pope dies, the Vatican burns something (I'm not sure what, I just know it's not jet fuel) that emits black smoke from the Vatican chimney. When the new Pope is elected by the College of Cardinals (terrible football team, but they have one of the top 10 Ornithology departments) the chimney emits white smoke. FOQ (Friend Of the Quiz) Mike Waite tells us that the white smoke is created by burning straw and the ballots. You can certainly see why the white smoke would be emitted AFTER the ballots are counted, cuz, I mean, how would you count them--nevermind. 4. What are the CFC's that are found in some aerosols? (Just tell me what it stands for.) "Chlorofluorocarbons" These are the chemicals that are supposed to be destroying the ozone. But they are absolutely delicious on a salad. 5. What's another name for a two-house legislature? "Bicameral" Joe Lynch, "Bicamel" is what the Syrians call the upper class. 6. What does a baseball team's "magic number" refer to? And the winner of "Least Punctuation Used in a Correct Answer" is: Joe Lynch!! "The combination of victories for the first place team or losses of the second place team to either secure a spot in the playoffs or win a Eastern Division as the Orioles did last night." 7. You are a bartender at the swank Sky Bar on the patio of Hollywood's Mondrian hotel. The actress who played the cute little girl from "ET: The Extra Terrestrial" orders a Molotov Cocktail. What's her name, and how do you make it? Drew Barrymore is the actress. As I am Irish AND Lebanese, I feel more than qualified to answer the second part. To make a Molotov Cocktail: "Fill bottle ('bout 3/4 of the way) with gas (or any flammable liquid), stuff gas-soaked rag in so that a TIGHT fit is achieved (this is important to ensure the flame isn't able to "ride" the rag down to the gas). Joe Lynch and Mike Waite suggest adding soap flakes or styrofoam peanuts for a more "napalmy" kind of effect. But it depends on your taste. Then you light the rag and throw it at the troop lorries riding through your town. Note: It is very important to do those last two steps in the proper order. (Hey, you never know with this bunch.) 8. Who was the biggest NBA star to emerge from the ABA? A lot of you said "Julius Irving", but it was actually "Dr J". Oh, get your cursor off the reply button, I'm just kidding. They were BOTH equally big stars. 9. In the courtroom, what's a "sidebar"? I liked Allan Hering's answer here. "The bar that serves drinks to lawyers, courtroom reporters, and the public. It's used to alleviate congestion at the main bar." But it's actually an off-the-record conference between the judge and the attorneys from both sides. 10. Homer Simpson and Fred Flintstone get into a fight. A serious fight. Who wins? (Support your answer, and please, do your own work.) The vast majority of you said Fred Flintstone. And the correct answer is: "HOMER SIMPSON"!! Sorry. Those of you voting for Homer were well represented by Mr. Hering: "While Fred is known as a mean, pushy, belligerent person, his only real bouts have been with a smaller opponent (Barney). Homer has been in many a barroom brawl and fights with fellas twice his size. Barney Gumble for one. He also can't be knocked out. Remember the episode where Homer climbs his way up the fighting ranks by wearing out opponents by letting them throw blow after ineffectual blow? (His brain is smaller than normal, and is surrounded by extra fluid--in effect cushioning his brain to an amazing degree.) Then there's the episode where Homer joins the circus taking canonballs in the gut... Flintstone's punches to the head and body would do nothing to Homer. It would only take one shot from Homer to the top of the head of Fred to cause the well known Flinstone "bump" to form on the top of his noggin'. Homer in 1." While those of you in Fred's corner had the likes of Jonathan Kaplan: "Fred Flintstone. Homer is just to stupid." Ah, to true, Mr. Kaplan. To true. Nice job everyone, and congratulations once again to Scott Agee! Stay tuned for today's quiz, where our CGC will be Conan O'Brien, and our theme? **Sitcom Plot Summaries!!!** Dave Subject: DQ Answers 9/26/97 Date: Mon, 29 Sep 1997 09:51:52 -0400 Friday's big winner was Mr. Jim Clark of rural route 44 in Grottoes, VA! Jim wins a tall, cool glass of clamato! Way to go, Jim! 1. Who made an ass of herself years ago at the Oscars, by exclaiming "You like me! You really like me!" when she won her award? Sally Field A lot of you said Sharon Stone. Sharon, as far as I know, has never won an Oscar. She was nominated for one for "Casino". Perhaps you all are thinking of an MTV Movie Award or something. But I do not know, for I am not God. 2. Where do the Rockettes perform? Hey, Trip Morano, do they really perform in your bedroom? Or were you just making that up? They actually perform at Radio City Music Hall. 3. Who slapped a soldier during WWII for having "Battle Fatigue"? While it would have been cool if Marilyn Monroe *HAD* slapped some poor boy for having a breakdown, as Heidi Hering stated, it was actually General George Patton. 4. This 1970's sitcom's theme song is the only one to make it to #1 on the pop charts. What was it? Gotta give props to the following dudes who knew that it was the theme to "Welcome Back Kotter": Steve Steger Jonathan Kaplan Chris Desantis Jim Clark Best Wrong Answer: "Partridge Family" - John Hering Worst Wrong Answer: "Theme From SWAT" - Scott Day 5. Who provided the operating system to IBM for it's fledgling personal computer way back when? What was the operating system called? Bill Gates & DOS And judging from the myriad complaints, you people don't like these computer questions. Thanks for sounding off--you just bought yourself a whole bunch more. When will you people learn?? 6. What was the name of the black ventriloquist and his dummy, who enjoyed a brief stint as celebrities in the 70's? Willy Tyler & Lester 7. What's a good aphrodisiac? "Oysters" - (Approximately 75% of you) "I would say a dinner of mushroom-asparagus risotto, Champagne and some sort of chocolate souffle, definitely with lots of whipped cream (leftovers are a good thing)." - Kate Kirkpatrick (Got that, fellas?) "Money" - Jonathan Kaplan "Bottle of Champagne laced with roofies" - Steve Boswell "A case of Schlitz" - Trip Morano "1/5 of tequila" - Dave Hagler "The Hindlick Manuever" - Jeff Marciano "A nice big steak dinner, a couple bottles of Asti Spumante, and the soft glow of the TV with the murmur of ESPN announcers in the background." - Heidi Hering "Ginger root" - Chris Desantis "Daily Quiz moderators." - Aimee Hickox (Err?) "Rhino Horn" - Victoria Petersen (Is this where the term "Horny" comes from?) Scott Day said: "To get *her* going: Ground rhino tusk (works best when mixed with spanish fly, a martini, and knock out pills). And for *him* : Oxygen." 8. What's the symbol for infinity? A sideways figure eight. Many of you bitched that you couldn't make that symbol with the keys on your keyboard. Only genius contestant Jim Clark thought to put to o's next to each other. 9. Name one Commandment that is NOT listed in the Bible. A smattering: "Thou shalt not smuggle ice cream cones into movie theaters in your pants." - John Hering (Uh, John, why don't you go check out Leviticus 9:14?) "Thou shalt not waxeth thine carrot" - Scott Day "Thou shall not fart under the covers" - Sean Boyle (Sean's an FBI agent, and I think what he meant was, "Thous shall not fart while UNDERCOVER.") "Thou shalt not wear your neighbors underwear nor bite her on the back and make her play the bonaphone" - Trip Morano 10. Did anybody spot the glaring error in Seinfeld last night? Hint: It was right after he "bombed" on stage. Either I'm the only one who saw it, or I'm completely mistaken. But I could SWEAR that when Jerry got off stage he had a big ring of sweat on his shirt that disappeared five seconds later. Nice job folks, and congratulations again to Jim Clark! Stay tuned for today's quiz, where our Celebrity Guest Contestant will be Eddie Money! Dave Subject: DQ Answers 9/29/97 Date: Tue, 30 Sep 1997 09:35:19 -0400 The Daily Quiz Answers 9/29/97 By Dave George Thanks to rock & roll guy Eddie Money for taking the time to reply to the Daily Quiz. He only answered one shtankin' question, but the man answered correctly: "I know #2 is Bruce Springsteen's THUNDER ROAD, thats all I have time to answer right now, thanks, Eddie Money" You da man! It was The Boss, alrighty. Yesterday's big winner was Mr. Dan Rippel, of Asbury Park, New Jersey! Dan achieved muchos laughos with his "El Nino" answer. Congratulations, Dan, and practice your Spanish! Cuz you just won an all-expense-paid vacation to BEAUTIFUL DOWNTOWN ARLINGTON VIRGINIA!!!! Odelay!! Aqui son los answeros: 1. Name the Brady: "ACHOO!! ACHOO!! ACHOO!!" Jan Brady. Millie Perrine got this one right. As did just a few others. Like Mr. Sean Boyle, of Cali, Colombia. Sometimes you need to go with your initial "gut" feeling on an answer. Witness John Hering of Baltimore, MD: "Jan. Oh wait! It's coming back to me. That was the episode where somebody was allergic to Tiger, and they were talking about having to get rid of Tiger, but then they realized it was something else and Tiger got to stay. Then, as irony would have it, good ol' Tiger got hit by a dump truck before the next episode and the producers were left wondering why they didn't get rid of him in the "allergy" episode after all. Dammit! Who was the sneezer anyhow?! It was somebody who loved the dog the most, and he was carrying something that made that person sneeze...It's getting clearer...clearer, aha! I'll say Cindy!" 2. Who sang, "You ain't a beauty, but hey, you're alright." My main man Money got this one, as you know, but there were some other answers that came darn close: "George Bush" - John Hering "Janis Joplin" - Jeff Marciano (Jeff, if it had been "I ain't a beauty" you'd have scored points here.) 3. Why is the weather phenomenon, "El Nino", called that? Here's Mr. Rippel's answer: "Comes during Christmas, wreaking havoc and chaos, causing the loss of millions of dollars of property, and destroying thousands of homes. So they named it after little baby Jesus." 4. What was the Soviet Union's "Committee for State Security" better known as? The KGB 5. Who was the only running back to rush for over 1,000 yards (that's almost 3,000 feet!!) in a season and score only ONE touchdown? (Question courtesy of George Michael's Sports Machine.) Garrison Hearst 6. What's the name of the General in "Beetle Bailey"? Sharon Presley, along with maybe three others, got this one right. The answer is "General Halftrack", although, I must commend Trip Morano for combining questions 4 and 6. He answered with the name of the former commander of the KGB: "General Sukyurkokov" 7. What's the best topping combination on a pizza? Lot of pepperoni answers out there. But I'm afraid the correct answer is "Ham & Pineapple". Victoria Petersen answered brilliantly on this one. Leslie Maria is also dead-on balls accurate with the Lost Dog Cafe's "Polynesian" pizza: "prosciutto, shrimp, pineapple and bacon. SOunds gross, but SOOO good." 8. Who invented denim jeans? Levi Strauss (This answer goes with the next question. The miner-49er's needed tougher pants, so ol' man Strauss used the canvas from tents to make the first jeans. They were brown back then.) 9. The 1849 Gold Rush started with the discovery of gold where? Sutter's Mill, CA. Yes, of COURSE you got points if you just said "California". Just kidding. Of course you didn't. HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!! (ahem, sorry) 10. The king of Tonga calls and asks for your advice. (This actually happened to a cousin of mine.) (I'm sorry, I made that up.) Anyway, let's say he does call, and he needs a good practical joke to play on someone in his home or office. What do you tell him? The Hering Brothers are the Kings of the workplace practical joke. Here are some of their more fruitful: John: - "Space-Time Continuom": You find yourself walking down a hallway and you know that someone is walking behind you a few paces. When you turn the corner, RUN. Run until you feel that person is about to turn the corner too. This may only be a couple seconds. But when they turn the corner, you will be TWICE as far ahead of them as you were just 5 seconds ago, making the person believe that they lost time somehow. Perhaps in a blackout, perhaps in another dimension. Seasoned practitioners of this trick can drive a coworker insane. - "Fishing for Idiots": First order of business is to procure a dollar-bill snatcher. I suggest the local Spencer's or other similar novelty shop. Then simply attach the bait (a dollar bill will suffice unless you work in a law firm in which case a ten spot may be necessary) to the end of the snatcher's line (which is like a fishing line only thinner and almost impossible to see if you're not looking for it). Cast the bait out into the hallway, hide in your office and wait for an unsuspecting co-worker to stoop down to retrieve his "prize". Hilarity ensues when you engage the snatcher which will spirit the dollar away in about a nanosecond. The gaggee will usually stick around while you "fish" for another victim in order to "laugh last". Before you know it you have the entire floor gathered in your office and more importantly you're an hour or two closer to quittin' time. Allan: All of Allan's are too long to write out here. But here are just a couple: Tape phone receiver to phone. Call phone and listen as phone goes flying. Tape phone receiver button down. Have friend call phone and watch as victim panics trying to fix phone while saying Hello! Hello! Hello! Here's another great one from Leslie Maria: "Call someone you know, put them into "conference call" but tell them it's just hold, then call someone else you know, but as soon as they answer, dump them into conference call so when person number 2 says hello, person 1 responds and person 2 thinks person one called them, when, in actuality, they didn't. The combination of people - friends, enemies, unacquainted -can really make the difference here." And if I may share one from my youth: It's called the "Atomic Situp". Some of you out there have participated in this one with me. For my entertainment dollar, it's the greatest practical joke around. Here's what you do: You're sitting around with the guys (or girls, doesn't matter) (well, it KINDA matters, hee-hee) and one person says, "Hey man, let's do Atomic Situps" (The wording here is up to you, this is just a sample script.) Invariably, at least one person will say "What's an Atomic Situp"? This is your "mark". You and a couple of other situp-savvy friends demonstrate. One person lays on his back in the situp position. One person holds his feet. The third person kneels behind his head and places a towel over the prone man's eyes. This towel is ostensibly for providing resistance against the man's situp. You tell the guy to fold his arms across his chest and try as hard as he can to do a situp. As he strains hard against the towel, it is suddenly released and the guy sits up fast and hard. And FAKES an intenses head rush. He really hams it up like it's the best high in the world. Your mark will be begging to do the next Atomic Situp. Naturally you oblige, following all the steps as before. Only THIS time, a FOURTH person is added. It is helpful to the overall effect of the gag for this fourth man to have the ugliest, harriest butt in the group. For as soon as the guy starts to strain, blindfolded, against towel, the fourth man drops trou and positions his bare butt about 12-18 inches from the man's face. When the towel is released the guy rockets forward and burries his nose in his good friend's rear end. Trust me, this is FUNNY! We get my grandmother with this EVERY Christmas!! Okeydokey, thank you all for your hard work yesterday, I know it wasn't easy. Trust me, you're better now because of it. And if you see Dan in the hall today, stop and congratulate him on his first win. Then tell him to get back to work, cuz what's he doing hanging out in the hall?? Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 9/30/97 Date: Wed, 01 Oct 1997 10:44:00 -0400 The Daily Answers 9/30/97 By Dave George Like the new title for the answers? It's like when sometimes you decide to let your back hair grow rather than shave it, sometimes you just need a change. Congratulations to my dear brother, Paul George, who is today's big winner! Paul scored very, very well and his band names had us all rolling over here. Relevent to nothing at all, when we were younger Paul once jumped into his seat at the dinner table and somehow managed to stab himself in the ass with a pencil. I just wish I had stories like that for each winner. Anyway, congratulations, bro! You win a medium two-topping pizza from Papa John's Pizza!!! The two toppings are ham and pineapple. And it started out as a large, but I ate half of it, so I estimate that it's a medium now. And you might want to hurry up and claim this prize. It ain't getting any fresher. Note to Bill Tyrrell: You'd have won today, but you put "Frasier" as the funniest sitcom. I *DID* take into consideration our conversation in which you explained how the character "Miles" is a great role model in the homosexual community, but that doesn't make the show funny. Oh, Dr. Bill, I think my dog's had it. How much to kill him? Lemme know. Here are the answers: 1. What pop artist died yesterday? Roy Lichtenstein, one of the only (if not THE only) famous artists named "Roy". If you're like me, you have been familiar with his work for YEARS. (1989, specifically, for that was the year "Weekend at Bernie's" came out. When they got to Bernie's place in the Hampton's, Jonathan Silverman's character looked at the cartoon painting on the wall and said, "Larry, this is a Lichtenstein!" and Larry thought he meant the piano. HAR! Anyway, if it wasn't for the magic of Hollywood, Roy Lichtenstein's work would have been lost to me.) 2. Name the Brady: "Pork Chopsh and appleshaushe." The Brady this quote is most attributed to is Bobby Brady. He was trying to sound like Humphrey Bogart. But Bill Tyrrell says that Carol Brady and Alice said it in the episode. (Alice's last name? Nelson.) 3. According to the commercial, "What do you call a kid who can dive like that?" A Crackerjack! 4. What is "corking your bat"? Hollowing it out and filling it with anything. One guy even filled it with Super Balls. The bat broke and the balls fell out. This practice DOES allow you to hit the ball further, but only because you've reduced the weight of the bat, letting you swing it faster. 5. Big Cultural Poll Question: What's the funniest sitcom on TV today? "Seinfeld" won fairly handily. "The Simpsons" came in a close second. Then came "News Radio". Then "Larry Sanders" (frankly, I think this one is number one.) Then "Men Behaving Badly" 6. What kind of gun did Dirty Harry carry? Our resident G-Man, Sean Boyle says, "A blued Smith and Wesson Model 29 .44 magnum with 6 inch barrel and wood grips." 7. What animal is the symbol for Russia? Hint: "The West Coast has the sun, I really dig..." Bear (Apparently my hint did more harm than good. I was trying to get you to think California (the song is "California Girls"). The State Carnivore of CA is the bear. 8. What is Chandler's last name on "Friends"? Bing. 9. What do you get when you mate a horse with a donkey? Only one of you said "Honkey". Interesting. The correct answer is, "mule". 10. Combine two musical groups' names (or parts of their names) to form a new, bitchin' name. Oh, Lordy, these are EXTREMELY funny!!! "Great White, Meatloaf, and Soundgarden = Great White Meat Garden" - Sean Boyle JAMIROSHAKURQUAI LED ZIGGY - Millie Perrine Rolling Stones + Doobbie Brothers = "Rolling a Doobbie" - Jonathan Kaplan Veruca's Bush Bone-Thugs N'Hanson 10,000 Meatloafs - Kate Kirkpatrick Toad Jam (Toad the Wet Sproket and Pearl Jam) - Shane Sleighter 'Butthole Surfers' and 'Big Head Todd and the Monsters'='Butthole Monsters' - Steve Boswell "Collective Soul Finger" - Al Hering "Traffic Jam (Traffic + Pearl Jam)" - Chris Desantis "Madonna in Chains" - Jim Clark "AeroSupply" - Trip Morano Kenny G-sus and Mary Chain MetalliCat Stevens - Steve Steger "Jon Bon Mix-a-Lot" "BonJovica" "Jon Bon Springsteen and the Five Man Acoustical Melloncamps" - James Flint "Van Foo" - George Patch "Butthole Jam" - Dan Rippel "Toad the wet Hootie" - Mike Hadley "Stones + Bare Naked Ladies = The Rolling Bare Naked Ladies" - Dave Hagler Boyz II Men, Smash Mouth, and Hole = "Mouth II Hole" "Gravity Kills Buddy Holly" - Paul George Hooo! Them's is funny! Stay tuned for today's quiz, where our CGCs will be Gunner and Matthew Nelson!! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 10/03/97 Date: Mon, 06 Oct 1997 09:34:02 -0400 The Daily Answers 10/03/97 by Dave George Yeah, this quiz was a little tougher than the usual fluff I toss your way, but some of you did quite well. On the other hand, if this had been the SAT's, some of you would be on the waiting list at NOVA. But our winner, Mr. Mike Waite of Omaha, Nebraska, would be roaming the hallowed grounds of Oxford! Mike scored a perfect 9 out of 10. Well, now that I really stop and think about it, I suppose a 10 out of 10 would be perfect, but whatever. Attaboy, Mike! I know you'll love your prize, my next door neighbor's new litter of 12 kittens!!! Have fun! Here are the answers: 1. In Urban Cowboy, "Bud" has a license plate bearing the rather unfortunate name of his girlfriend resting in the rear window of his manly pick-up truck. What did it read? Bud, played by John Travolta, was a strappin', mechanical bull-rider, who rode about town in a pick-up truck with the name "Sissy" in the rear window. HUGE points go to Sean Boyle for calling EIGHT different Blockbuster Video stores and asking them this question. Here's Sean's report: "Most of the employees I talked to were too young to have enjoyed this movie; They were all impressed with the specificity of the question; A woman came up with the right answer, and only one male I talked to had seen the movie." 2. What's the name of the process by which living cells absorb nutrients? Osmosis Dr. Bill tells us that "passive diffusion" and "cellular transport" are also acceptable answers. 3. Why ain't there no party like a West Coast party? 'Cuz a west coast party don't stop! This comes from a Coolio song. Why is he called "Coolio"? Cuz he's cool, yo. http://home1.swipnet.se/~w-10840/coolio/coolio.htm 4. Who was the Beatle's original drummer? Pete Best 5. World War II's Operation Overlord is better known as what? D-Day I also gave credit to answers like John Brence's, who said, "The amphibious landing at Normandy". Same thing. 6. On "News Radio", what's the name of the fix-it guy? No, Shane, it's not Schneider. His name is Joe. 7. What's another name for the maximum speed an object will achieve in freefall? Terminal Velocity 8. When was the last time the Baltimore Orioles won the World Series? When was the last time they *MADE* it to the World Series? 1983 and 1983 9. Name the movie: "You got Asteroids?" "No, but my dad does. Gets so bad he can't sit on the toilet some days." Vacation 10. What's the name of the electronics-disrupting wave of energy which immediately precedes a nuclear blast? Electromagnetic Pulse Okeydokey, way to go, Mike and everyone! Today's quiz is going to be on a theme of sports. I don't know who the CGC will be, but he/she will have something to do with sports. Or something, I don't know. Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 10/06/97 Date: Wed, 08 Oct 1997 10:22:00 -0400 The Daily Answers 10/06/97 by Dave George I was out sick yesterday, sorry. I appreciated the cards and flowers, though! Monday's big winner was Ms. Karen Schulstad of San Diego, CA!! How does Karen know so much about sports? Well, yeah, she's a girl, obviously. But she's also an athlete herself. Karen played 4 years of soccer at JMU, and was once red carded for punching a ref so hard in the small of his back that his gum shot out of his mouth and scored a goal. Congratulations, Karen!! Enjoy your new copy of Yes's hit album "90125"!! Here are the answers!! *******************THE SPORTS EDITION******************** 1. What NFL team has lost more Super Bowls than any other team? A few of you said that there are three teams that have each lost 4 Super Bowls - the Vikings, the Broncos, and the Bills. I did not know that. 2. What's the name of the rule that says women have to have equity in college athletics? Title IX 3. In "Jerry Maguire", how much is Arizona's initial offer to Rod Tidwell? How much is it after he lands on his noggin'? It was something like 1.2 million over three years, and then they offered him 11.1 over 4. 4. Alright, here's an easier one: Name one real-life athlete who appeared in the movie. Mike Waite went ahead and listed them ALL!!! Yowza! Mike must've LOOOOOVED this movie! Rick Mirer Drew Bledsoe Rob Moore Ki-Jana Carter Herman Moore Art Monk Troy Aikman Katarina Witt Deann Biasucci Warren Moon Kerry Collins Himself Erica Sorgi Tom Friend Dallas Malloy Jim Irsay One minor note, though: When cutting and pasting from The Internet Movie Database, be absolutely certain to delete all the "Himself's" from the credits. :*) 5. What's the ruling on a baseball hit into the outfield that bounces over the wall? The batter receives a yellow card and the visiting fans have to chug. (Or it's a Ground Rule Double, depends on the ump.) 6. In boxing, what's the name of the ploy whereby a fighter lets himself get pummeled up against the ropes, then attacks when his opponent tires himself out? Rope-a-dope! 7. In auto racing, sometimes a driver or pit crewman flails about madly cuz he's on fire, although no flame is visible. What kind of fuel are they using that causes this? Methanol 8. A receiver is racing down the field with the ball and is tackled from behind at the 15 yard-line. Just as he's going down, but before his knees hit, he pitches the ball forward and out of bounds at the one yard-line. Where do they spot the ball? Beats the hell outta me. Most of you said it was either a 10 or 15 yard penalty from the 15. I'll go with 10. If anyone knows for certain what this is, by all means, keep it to yourself. The winner of today's "PhD in Math Award" is my little brother, Matt George who said, "spot it at the 20 (10 yards from the spot of the foul)." 9. What was the name of the Penn State football player who won the Heisman Trophy, then gave it to his brother, Joey, who was dying of cancer? Extra credit for naming the movie they made out of this. John Cappaletti, "Something For Joey" 10. Who is the only Notre Dame football player ever to be carried out of the stadium on the shoulders of his teammates? Rudy Ruettiger *IF* I have time for today's quiz it'll be another "Famous Pairs" one. But we'll have an extra special CGC. Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 10/08/97 Date: Thu, 09 Oct 1997 08:57:12 -0400 The Daily Answers 10/08/97 by Dave George With a score of 9 out of 10, our big winner is Sally Stengel!!! Sally is a cab driver in DC originally from Nepal. When asked what she'll do with the prize money she said, "Oh, it'll go to the same place my paychecks go--right up my nose." Yikes! Well, have fun, Sally! Here are the answers: *************FAMOUS PAIRS*********** 1. Shields & ________ Doh! I really fooled some people with this one. This had nothing to do with Brooke (sorry, Brooke, get over it). The correct answer here was "Yarnell". Shields & Yarnell, the 1970's mime act. 2. Dine & _______ Ditch 3. Ham & ________ Eggs 4. David & _________ Goliath 5. ________ & Scratchy Itchy 6. Skip & _________ Go Naked. Skip and Go Nakeds are an alcoholic beverage. A couple of you said "Skip & Mallory" which I think was very clever. 7. ________ & Roy Sigfreid 8. Guns & _________ Roses, although "Ammo" was good to. 9. __________ & Dragons Dungeons 10. ________ & Ass I can't believe how many of you fell for this one. SOOOOO many of you put something dirty here. Hah! The correct answer really is "Tits". I can't believe you people. Anyway, nice job. If Sally happens to pick you up today, tell her "congratulations!" She'll have no idea what you're saying, but just be sure not to give her the "thumbs up" sign, as that is a serious insult in her native land. Stay tuned for today's quiz, where our CGC shall be Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 10/09/97 Date: Fri, 10 Oct 1997 10:26:37 -0400 The Daily Answers 10/09/97 by Dave George Today's big winner is Scott Day! He was the only one to score a perfect 10 out of 10!!! He is also the only one I have ever seen throw up a Snickers and Pepsi from laughing too hard. Scott wins a 25" Sony Trinitron color TV. Way to go, Scott!! Here are the answers: 1. When Capt. Willard and Chef get off the boat to look for mangoes in "Apocalypse Now", what happens to them that makes Chef scream "Never get off the boat"? A big, scary tiger jumped out and frightened them near to death. James Flint had a good day. Here's his answer: "Capt. Willard sang his favorite show tunes from Oklahoma, ate a live grenade, took a dump on Chef, and finally joined the "Blue-Flame" club" 2. Fred Willard was a cast member on what corny, 70's "true stories" show which also starred Sarah Purcell? Real People 3. What's the most delicious Halloween treat you'll find in your bag? Allan Hering said "Orange Circus Peanuts". I think we can all see that that is a wrong answer. No, the majority of you said Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and that's correct! 4. What is soylent green made of? People! (This is in reference to the classic flick, "Soylent Green", starring Charlton Heston.) 5. What movie is this exchange from: "Drugs?" "No, thank you." "No, are you in here for drugs?" "Why are YOU here?" "Drugs." Ferris Bueller's Day Off 6. What's the maximum penalty in the DC area for bumping a bicyclist with your car? My lil' bro Pat George had an answer that gave us a chuckle over here: Nothing. "He didn't bump you or hit. He rubbed you. And rubbin', son, is racin'." That's from "Days of Thunder", for you culturally challenged folk. But no, the correct answer is "Death". This may have been an unfair question for those of you who live outside the DC area and didn't hear about the woman who was shot and killed after hitting a guy on his bike. 7. How many times has Elizabeth Taylor been married? I think it's 8. Could be nine. Depends on whether or not you count Richard Burton twice. (No, he wasn't especially fat, they were married twice.) Side note: Her last husband, Larry Fortensky, got a DUI last year about a block from my house in L.A. He was my favorite of her husbands, because he had the prettiest hair. 8. Back when Oprah lost all that weight, what did she bring out on her show as a visual aid to demonstrate how much she had lost? 67 pounds of animal fat. But what Oprah (whose name, spelled backwards, spells out the first five letters in "harpoon"--coincidence?) didn't take into account is that while she lost 67 pounds, not all of it was fat. A lot of it was water. (And I believe undigested red meat from her colon. Could be wrong on that one. May not really want to know.) 9. Name the movie: "Excuse me sir, you are with the club?" "No, I'm here with the Underhills." "The Underhills? They are left Senor." "Oh, they'll be back, Ted went out for his urinalysis." Fletch!! 10. Name all the ways Phil tries to kill himself in "Groundhog Day". The ones we see are: Drives off a cliff Takes a bath with a toaster Jumps off building Steps in front of speeding truck The others he claims to have attempted are: shot hung frozen stabbed (That's according to my brother, Pat, who is in college and therefore has the kind of time to watch movies all the time.) Steve Boswell gave this answer, which I think counts: "Punches that guy on the street (you never know who may be carrying)." Disturbed individual, James Flint, gave us these suicide attempts: He bumped into a couple of bicyclists in DC He became a popular rap "artist" He ate Liz Taylor Ate tons of beans a tried to turn himself into a human bomb He asked the Israelis to assassinate him He got a hold of some Whitewater evidence He prank called ET's home So that's the quiz for today. And, I'm afraid, for the week. I got lots and lots of stuff to do this day, so you all will just have to amuse yourselves at work in the manner you were accustomed to before the DQ came along. (Namely, coffee and Grisham novels.) Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 10/13/97 Date: Tue, 14 Oct 1997 10:17:08 -0400 The Daily Answers 10/13/97 by Dave George Hey! We got a reply from the President! It was almost as good as the one we got from Newt. Here's an excerpt: "Because so many of you write, the President cannot personally review each message, though he does receive samples of his incoming correspondence." Somehow, I don't think he's going to receive a sample of this one. Well, our big winner today is a guy who, quite frankly, doesn't deserve to win. Oh, yeah, he got 'em all right, but he also beat me last night in the big football pool (I needed a combined score of under 33 and he needed 37 or above, which it was.) *And* he was at the game. You know what? Screw John Hering, I'm giving the win to James Donahue. Congratulations James!!!! You win a copy of the CD "John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together". Soon to be a collector's item. Here are the answers: 1. Who financed Columbus's expeditions? Shane Sleighter said "Tom Selleck and Sigourney Weaver". Get it? You would if you'd get on your ass and watch more movies, dammit. I'm sorry I cursed there, it was a rough night. The correct answer, as so many of you knew is "Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain". 2. What's the name of Columbus, Ohio's MLS team? No, Victoria, they're not called the Knights. But that would be kinda funny. I'm sorry to have to include these crude answers, but just look at this: Trip Morano: "Mighty Dildos" Steve Boswell: "Dildos" Coincidence? I don't think so. These two guys have been spending their weekends together. The correct answer is the "Crew". 3. What's the name of Bluto's fraternity in Animal House? Delta Tau Chi (I also accepted "Delta House".) Now, what have I told you kids about web research? I can smell it a mile away. This is a TEST, not a research project, dammit! I don't want to sully this poor girl's (I mean, if it's a girl) reputation, so we'll just call her...Karen Wesley. Here is what "Karen" added to her answer for this question: "The letters on the balcony change from Delta Tau Chi to Delta Chi Tau and back again while the house is being gutted by the authorities." My web research alarms started going off the minute I read this. My suspicions were confirmed at The Internet Movie Database, which had this in its "Goofs" section: "The letters on the balcony change from ``DXT'' to ``DTX'' and back again while the house is being gutted by the authorities." It breaks my heart to see good contestants go bad. 4. Name the movie: "Tonight I'll be the super me." "What if the super you meets the super her and the super her rejects the super you?" "Then it's no problem." "Uh-huh Why?" "Because it was never you, it was just an act. I live my life like a French movie, Steve." Singles 5. Name the movie: "Were are you from?" "Austria." "Austria! Well, then. G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!" "Let's not." Dumb & Dumber 6. Name the movie: "It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses." "Hit it!" The Blues Brothers 7. The amount of energy required to raise one gram of water one degree Celsius is also called what? A Calorie A joule is not the same thing. Our crack research team (mmmmmmm, crack) found that a calorie is equal to something like 4.19 joules. 8. OK, this one's kinda tough, but I seem to recall it being in the news not too long ago for winning a Nobel prize: What's a buckminsterfullerine molecule called? A Buckyball. Thanks again to "Karen Wesley" for including the dissertation which earned her her PhD. This chick is REALLY smart!! "Buckminsterfullerine (also called "bucky balls") is a recently discovered stable moleculemade of pure carbon.The other stable carbon molecules are graphite, a two-dimensional planar structure that is used as a lubricant; and diamond, a three-dimensional lattice. Bucky balls are very interesting for a couple of reasons: they make a great lubricant, being essentially a molecular sized ball bearing; and they enclose a space and thus can be used as a container for atomic-scale objects." 9. What two pitches combine to make a "slurve ball"? Slider and curve. 10. What's the Marine Corps' motto? Dr. Bill said, "OOOHAHHH!!!!" That's incorrect. Hey! But I'll bet the guy didn't find that answer ON THE WEB!!!! The correct answer is "Semper Fidelis". And for those of you who don't know (and I can't BELIEVE anybody wouldn't know this) that translates to "Always Fidelis". Great job folks, and especially to James Donahue!!! Great job, James!! You the MAN!! You kicked John Hering's BUTT!!!! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers Date: Wed, 15 Oct 1997 11:06:06 -0400 The Daily Answers 10/14/97 by Dave George Today's big winner is a newcomer to the Daily Quiz. Mr. Jeff Marshall, a cafeteria manager from Fauqier County scored a whopping 9 out of 10 on this very difficult quiz. Way to go Jeff!! If I had a sister you could have her! Wait a second, I do have a sister. So...I guess she's yours! Here are the answers: 1. (Toughie) Who's the "Gonzo Journalist" Bill Murray once portrayed in a movie? Hunter S. Thompson. The movie was "Where the Buffalo Roam". I don't recommend it. 2. For what role did Bill Murray win an Oscar? I'd like to say that this was a trick question, but I actually just screwed up. See, I always thought Bill won Best Supporting Actor for Tootsie. Don't ask me why. I guess I got Jessical Lange's Best Supporting Actress for the same movie confused. So, all of you who said that he didn't win one were absolutely right. 3. In Meatballs, what did he and the lonely kid do every morning? OK, look, how many times do I have to tell you? If you don't know an answer, and it's even REMOTELY possible to supply a filthy answer, please do so! Like, TWO of you forgot this rule. Anyway, sickos, they'd go RUNNING every morning. (I do have to say that John Hering's answer of "Meet balls" gave us a chuckle.) 4. In "What About Bob", what did he have to do in order to go sailing? Lash himself to the mast. 5. What distinction does Bill Murray hold on both of Dave Letterman's late night talk shows? Kate Kirkpatrick was having an amazing DQ yesterday until she answered this question with "Least funny appearances." Then she lost all her points. And I'm seriously considering banishing her for one day. (For you new people, temporary banishment, while not often employed, is a form of punishment I reserve for unruly contestants.) But how could Kate say that? Both of Bill's first appearances were hysterical, in my opinion. Dig: When he was the first guest on Dave's new show on CBS, which is taped at the Ed Sullivan Theater, located more than 10 blocks from the old location, Bill came out huffing and puffing and couldn't speak for what seemed like forever. Then he says, "I went to the old place." 6. Bill had a relative who appeared in Caddyshack. Who was it, and what role did he play? Bill has two brothers in the industry, as far as I know. His older brother, Brian Doyle-Murray, played Lou, the caddy manager. His other brother, John Murray, played Bill's younger brother in Scrooged. Here's a bit of weird trivia: I dated Kim Cuneo in Hollywood. Kim was formerly engaged to Dom Irrera, the comedian. Dom was once married to Lisa Mende. Lisa played Bill Murray's mother in Scrooged. Brian Doyle-Murray played his father. John Murray played his younger brother. Before she dated me or Dom, Kim dated John Murray. 7. What sport did his character, Ernie, play in Kingpin? Bowling And if you haven't seen this movie yet, rent it tonight. 8. Name the movie: "I'm *A* god. I'm not *THE* God, at least I don't think." Soooo many of you said Ghostbusters. The line you are probably thinking of is when Sigourney Weaver, as the possessed evil-thing, asks "Are you a god?" And one of them (may have been Bill, I can't remember) say's "No." And she says, "Then die!" Then she zaps them, which leads one of the other ghostbusters to say, "The next time she asks you if you're a god, you say YES!" But the correct answer here was "Groundhog Day". 9. Bill's attempt at a dramatic role flopped pretty bad. Name that movie. Razor's Edge 10. And finally, from one of the greatest pictures ever made, name this movie: "Chicks dig me, cuz I rarely wear underwear. And when I do it's usually something unusual. But now I know why I've always lost women to guys like you. It's not the uniform, it's the stories you tell. Lee Harvey! You are a madman! When you stole that cow? And your friend tried to make it with the cow? I wanna party with you, cowboy!" Stripes My hat's off to all of you on your knowledge of all things Murray. And especially to today's winner, Jeff Marshall! Stay tuned for today's quiz, where our CGC shall be Calvert DeForest! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 10/15/97 Date: Thu, 16 Oct 1997 10:23:03 -0400 The Daily Answers 10/15/97 by Dave George What a lively and spirited round we had yesterday! Had I written question #9 the way I intended with "CONTINENTAL United States" we would have many, many people tied for first. I mean, bunches of you came really close: Chris Maltese Tracy Goebel Jim Clark Trip Morano Chris Desantis Meredith Linberger Tom Dibartolo James Donahue However, we've got Ms. Sally Stengel and Mr. James Flint with perfect scores! I was gonna come up with a tiebreaker for them, but I have things to do. So it looks like these two kids are gonna have to share their prize--A trip for one to Puerto Rico!!!! Here are the answers: 1. How often is soccer's World Cup played? Every four years. 2. What was the practice of "fragging" someone during the Vietnam war? It wasn't just killing someone with a grenade. It meant killing someone on our side cuz you didn't like him. John Brence, a military man himself says it best: "Friendly fire incident to get rid of the dead weight or that @?$%#&!!" 3. What's the chemical that causes muscles to be sore after exercising them? Lactic Acid 4. What's another name for a pill which contains no medicine, but is given to make a patient think he's receiving some? Placebo 5. Who's rendition of "The Star Spangled Banner" lives on as the greatest version ever? You smartasses who said "Francis Scott Key" got no points. And Whitney Houston doesn't cut it, either. Yes, it was a lovely rendition, and it was performed during the Gulf War when we were all hoo-ha for the country. But the girl WAS lipsyncing afterall, wasn't she? Leslie Nielson, as Lt. Frank Drebin, sang our National Anthem in The Naked Gun, and it was undoubtedly one of the greatest versions EVER. HOWEVER, nobody has ever come close to Mr. James Marshall Hendrix and his blistering, psychedelic tribute to the Stars and Bars. 6. What's the name of the device that TV people (mainly Saturday Night Live actors) read their lines from? Teleprompter 7. What sport's championship is the Grey Cup? Canadian Football League 8. What was the name of the Panamanian leader we affectionately called "Pineappleface"? Manuel Noriega 9. What's the southernmost city in the U.S.? Now, ordinarily I don't reward web research, but this question begged for it. Take it away, James: "Key West is the southernmost city in the continental U.S. However, since Hawaii is the southernmost state in the Union and the Big Island is the southernmost island, I'd have to say that the town of Naalehu, the southernmost town on the island, is the correct answer. Another factoid, the southernmost point in the U.S. is Ka Lae, also on the Big Island. I am the master web surfer..." 10. Who was Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl"? Christie Brinkley Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 10/16/97 Date: Fri, 17 Oct 1997 10:13:02 -0400 by Dave George Ken Gonzalez is our big winner!!! Ken didn't just score really well, his answers also looked really honest. For example, the tallest building one? He didn't say, "At a height of 1,483 feet, the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur, Malayasia--blah,blah,blah." He said, "something something tower in Malaysia". That says to me that he knew it, but didn't look it up. Also, and much more important than honesty, Ken's answer to the last question is truly inspirational. Here are the answers: 1. According to Newton, an object in motion tends to do what? Stay in motion until acted upon by an opposing force. (Also called "The Diana Principle") 2. What was Clark W. Griswold's occupation? Food additives developer. I gave lots of leeway here. Leslie Maria said, "tested food additives or something like that -- I know he tested a cereal varnish to make it stay crispy in milk." That he did. 3. What is the tallest office building in the world? "At a height of 1,483 feet, the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur--blah,blah,blah." 4. What's another name for the theoretical temperature at which molecular motion ceases? Absolute Zero 5. If you watched the game last night you'll know this: What percent of the time will a man reaching first base score? Victoria Petersen turned this into a filthy sex scenario, which I did NOT intend for it to be. Shame on you, Victoria. But she ended up saying that the man will score 50% of the time. The exact number they gave during the game was 51%. Pretty whacky. 6. In computer terms, what's a "compiler"? Sharon Presley answers this reasonably well, and also raises an interesting question: "The compiler takes the computer program and converts it into machine code. (I've never quite understood this process. If the compiler is going to convert to machine code, why do we have program languages? Why can't we just use plain 'ol English?)" Sharon, it's clear to us here at the DQ that your computer experience is limited to spreadsheets and downloading naked pictures of Brad Pitt (http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/7744/). You see, the reason we don't just use English is that all the really good programmers are from India. Duh. 7. In Top Gun, what song do Maverick and Goose sing to "Charlie" in the bar? Nope, wasn't "Freebird", Steve Steger. But I think Top Gun would have been a very big hit if it HAD. It was "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling" 8. Chronic bad breath is also called what? Halitosis 9. Name three bands that have sold out to Madison Ave and let their songs be used in commercials. Name the song and commercial. I'm afraid I can't compile and give credit for everyone's answers here, but Tracy Goebel (while admittedly breaking the rules) came up with the most. >Patsy Cline - Walking After Midnight - ATT >Elton John - Rocket Man - ATT >Cyndi Lauper - Girls Just Want to Have Fun - ATT >Rolling Stones - Start Me Up - Windows 95 >Bob Seger - Like a Rock - Chevy >Sly and the Family Stone - Everyday People - Nissan >Eric Clapton - After Midnight - Michelob >Steve Winwood - Don't You Know What the Night Can Do - Michelob John Hering offers us a very interesting point. He says there's a difference between someone's song being used sort of as "background" for a commercial, and a song being the commercial itself--eventually becoming associated with that product. The Stones' "Start Me Up" is a good example of this. "Like a Rock" is probably the best example. Thank you John, for that very, very interesting point. I'd also like to add that me and my three officemates now sit and holler out examples of this all day long while we code. So you're not the only one. Here are some others: Van Halen....You Really Got Me...Nissan The Monkees...Hey, Hey we're the Monkees...Ford Barry Manilow...Can't Smile Without You...Infiniti The Beatles...Revolution...Nike KC and the Sunshine Band...That's the Way...Hair Cuttery George Gershwin...Rhapsody in Blue...United Airlines Welcome Back Kotter Band...Welcome Back...Ford (Yes, Leslie, you do get extra credit for including an answer from a previous DQ. Congrats!!) Van Halen - "Right Now" Pepsi 10. What dish would you ordered "scattered, smothered, and covered"? Ken Gonzalez writes: "Hash browns at the waffle house, I rang up a $35 dollar bill at the Waffle House in Columbus Ga after getting out of Ranger school. Dreamed of them the whole time." Anybody who spends 35 bucks at a Waffle House (and isn't President of the United States) deserves special recognition. At the Vienna Inn last night, we spent a lot of time trying to figure out how a person could do it. Way to go, Ken!! Ranger Danger!! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 10/17/97 Date: Mon, 20 Oct 1997 10:24:33 -0400 The Daily Answers 10/17/97 by Dave George Friday's quiz produced a tie between John Hering and Steve Boswell. Way to go, guys. Dave is very proud of the both of you. You are both very, very smart young men with a lot to offer the world. And then there's that poor kid in Saturday's Post Metro section. If a picture's worth a thousand words, then this one's worth, like, eighteen hundred. Perhaps you saw the picture. A 16 year-old kid showed up at some council meeting to protest the proposed closing of Bell Multicultural School. He's holding up a big sign and raising his fist in defiance. His sign reads, "If knowlege is the key to success then unlock Bell." I say unlock that school as fast as possible, because spelling is the key to knowledge. Back to the answers: 1. In "Get Smart", what was Maxwell Smart's standard apology to his boss? "Sorry about that, chief!" Why all the "Get Smart" questions? Well, it was kind of a dig at a friend (who shall remain nameless) who had never heard of the show. Upon further polling, it turns out this is not so uncommon. So she's off the hook. 2. Where was Maxwell Smart's phone? In his shoe. 3. What was the name of the enemy organization in "Get Smart"? K.A.O.S. 4. Who was the first pilot to break the sound barrier? 1STLT Michael P. Hadley gave us a very informative answer. "Gen Chuck Yeager. He did it with a couple broken ribs 50 years ago in a Bell X-1 - (Glamorous Glennis named after his wife). He redid it in an F-15 a couple days ago at age 74 to celebrate the anniversary. He is also the only General Officer that never had a college degree. And no, I didn't look any of this up, I just knew it because ol' Chuck was a stud, a hell of a pilot, and definitely a great man." Wow! Thanks, Mike! I would just like to add to Mike's story that one time in High School, DQ contestant Scott Day beat Mike up in the parking lot of Friendly's in Burke. 5. What's the name for the payment of a company's earnings to its stockholders? Dividends 6. What Muppet was always blowing stuff up? OK, sue me. I don't know the answer to this. One of you sent me an email asking me if *I* knew it, and since I wanted to find out I used you people. I am sorry. I thought someone would provide me with an answer that would jog a memory, but no one did. I know it wasn't Gonzo or Animal or Fozzie Bear. If anyone finds out for sure, let me know. 7. How did Alfred Nobel, the prize guy, make his millions? A surprising number of you said that he made his fortune off of Nobel Prize application fees. That's a pretty funny answer I hadn't thought of. The correct answer is he invented Dynamite. 8. Who sang "Boogie Nights"? Again, another one that I didn't know when I asked. Four of you said "Heatwave". So that's what I goin' with. By the way, I saw this movie on Saturday and thought it one groovy, awesome flick. A must-see for all ages! 9. What's the real name of the "Big Island" of Hawaii? John Hering, Shane Sleighter, and Sean Boyle said "Kamoniwannalaya". They must've learned to speak Hawaiian when they visited the lovely city of "Heyahomo" together. But the correct answer is "Hawaii". 10. In "Welcome Back Kotter" how were the excuse notes which Juan Epstein would give to Mr. Kotter signed? "Juan Epstein's Mother" Great job, John and Steve! Stay tuned for today's quiz where our CGC shall be First Lady Hillary Clinton! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 10/20/97 Date: Tue, 21 Oct 1997 09:45:28 -0400 he Daily Answers 10/20/97 by Dave George OK, first, that was NOT Millie's fault that her email to me went out to everyone yesterday. It seems her UNIX network mapping configurattion reset itself and got caught in a recursive loop. God forbid it ever happens to one of you. Today's big winner is Mr. Shane Sleighter! Shane wins solely on the strength of one answer. This is very rare. But his answer of "Soylent Green" to question #2 utilized that very difficult comedic concept of "callback". Way to go, Shane! Shane wins an Apple SEII computer. Here are the rest of the answers: 1. What is the legal term for cheating on one's spouse? Adultery. That one was too easy. 2. What food does the Center for Science in the Public Interest always compare other foods to in order to demonstrate their fat and caloric content? Who the hell said "celery"? Huh? Stand up, you. It's Big Macs!! They're always saying something like, "One serving of lasagna from Bennigan's has as much fat as 3 Big Macs." Of course, all this has done is made me eat Big Macs a hell of a lot more often. I mean, since one of them only has as much fat as a third of a serving of lasagna. 3. What favorite food of drunks the world over is also another word for changing one's mind on an issue? Steve Steger said "Flounder". Nope. "To flounder" means to do poorly, like "Steve sure has floundered lately on the DQ." Got it? And who the hell said "Flip-flop"? Hold on, I'm gonna go check...oh no, Scott Agee!? Son, what you been drinkin' that you come home and eat your shower slippers? The correct answer is "Waffle". Mike Waite knew it, Scott. Flip-flop. geez. 4. What band took its name from the red tell-tale splotches drunks get on their face? Mike Waite also knew that drunks get "gin blossoms" on their face. Hagler knew this, too. 'Course Hagler SHOULD know this. 5. What's the official title of the head dude at the United Nations? Secretary General 6. When he wrote "My Generation", when did Pete Townsend say he hoped to die? Before he gets old. Too late, I might add. 7. Who was Howdy Doody's brother? Steve Steger actually knew this one. The correct answer, Double Doody, isn't nearly as good as some of the names y'all came up with: "Lambchop" - Dan Rippel "Ron Howard" - JP Xenakis "Hoody" - John Hering "Doody Free" - Kate Kirkpatrick "Gabby" - Chris DeSantis "Smelly" - Scott Day "Woody Woodpecker" - Scott Agee "Scott Agee" - Mike Waite "Imayda" - Al Hering 8. In the Navy, what's the difference between "Aye Aye" and "Yes Sir"? You Navy boys knew this, but I liked our Marine, Scott Day's, answer: "Aye Aye is how a sailor answers in the affirmative when his mouth is too full to enunciate "Yes sir." The creation of this response was necessitated by the frequency with which sailors were having to answer orders while simultaneously tooting the Captain's whistle, if you know what I mean. Actually, "Aye Aye" translates to "I understand and will carry out the order," whereas "Yes Sir" (or ma'am) is simply an affirmative response." 9. What is the biggest no-no on a first date? "Talk about an old girlfriend" - Dan Rippel (True, Dan, but I would have to say that that is not the BIGGEST no-no one could commit. For example, how about "Talking about KILLING an old girlfriend"? Wouldn't that be even worse? Here are some others: "When you pick her up, tell her that she doesn't have to worry about that awkward moment of puting on a condom because you're already wearing one." - Dave Hagler "Farting in the car, cranking up the heat, and locking the windows." - Steve Boswell Allan Hering Said, "Having to ask to use her bathroom when you pick her up, then leave a real stinky plopper." And Cynthia Priolet said, "Trying for a home run." (The hell's wrong with that?) "To slip into your favorite panties and garter and ask for help with the fax machine." - George Patch "Cleveland Steamers" - Darren Fulstad "The Shocker" - Sean Boyle "Tell your real name." - Jim Clark "Opening the door for her." - Chris Desantis "The old "Pull my finger" routine." - Scott Day 10. Rosco P. Coltrane was the sheriff of what TV town? Hazard. Yes, I know it's Hazard County, not "The town of Hazard." Sue me. Nice job, kids. Stay tuned for today's quiz, where or CGC shall be Charles Gibson. Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 10/22/97 Date: Wed, 22 Oct 1997 09:00:28 -0400 The Daily Answers 10/22/97 by Dave George She almost never competes in the DQ, but yesterday she did, and suh-LAM!, it was a winner. Please toss props over toward Ms. Jennifer McCormick!!! There were some VERY fine quizzes yesterday, and I'd like to take just a moment to recognize the masterful performances of the following contestants: Scott Day Steve Boswell Sally Stengel Scott Agee John Hering Mike Waite Meredith Linberger Note to Meredith: If I awarded the big prize to everyone who had a rotten day due to a boyfriend's broken ankle, I'm gonna be hearing about DQer's going out and putting their mate's limbs in a vice. I don't need that on my conscience. (Such as it is.) Anyway, congratulations Jen! You're the new owner of a monster bourbon and coke! Here are the answers: 1. What was Ponch and John's radio call sign? Reading Jen's answer, you gotta see why she was our winner: "7 M (AS IN MARY) 3...I HAVE NO IDEA WHY, BUT THIS JUST POPPPED IN MY HEAD...I'M SURE IT IS COMPLETELY INCORRECT!!!" Bless her heart. A few of you added 7Mary4. I didn't know that, but I have a general rule: If two people say it, it's probably right. Comes from my always sitting between the two smartest guys during college exams. 2. Who shouted "Da plane! Da plane!" Tatoo. If you got this wrong, you are either really young, or rode the short bus to school. My brother, Matt, got this wrong. He said "Patu". (As for what I said above, Matt's not that young.) 3. To which bureaucracy does the Secret Service belong? The Treasury Dept. 4. Who had tickets to paradise, and just how the hell many did he have? Eddie Money, 2 Contestant Chris De Santis adds: "Come see him this Friday at Jaxx with my roommate's band, Anything Jones." 5. What's the rhyme that is supposed to keep us from touching poison ivy? This is precisely the kind of question that provides for much DQ mirth. There were a lot of really bad ones. Here are the worst: "Beer before liquor, don't touch poison ivy." - Chris De Santis "Don't touch, the fucking stuff, the fucking stuff, the fucking stuff, early in the morning." - Grant Baker "Poison Ivy - don't fuckin' touch it" - Mike Hadley "can't remember...something about 3 leaves good, 4 leaves bad. or is it the other way around? I got poison ivy a lot when I was a kid." - Dave Hagler "If you don't want to itch, don't touch the poison ivy, you stupid bitch." - James Flint "No idea, but I can tell you the one about coral snakes..."Red next to black is a friend of Jack. Red next to yellow can kill a fellow." - Meredith Linberger "If If's and But's were Beer and Nuts We'd have a hell of a party" - Scott Agee "Sakes alivey dat dere's pooooison ivy!" - Scott Day "Don't touch poison ivy, dumbass!" - Sean Boyle "3 leaves and shiny will break out your heiny." - JP Xenakis And here's my favorite. I hope it's yours too. "Leaves of four, de amour, leaves of five, shuck and jive." - Shane Sleighter The real rhyme goes something like, "Leaves of three, let it be." 6. In what band would you find Flavor Flav? Public Enemy 7. In Forrest Gump, what kind of party did Forrest ruin by fighting? Black Panther Party 8. What is the national sport of China? Ping Pong 9. In the military, what would you do with C4? In the Worst-Answer-Ever-By-Someone-Who-Really-Ought-To-Know category we have 1STLT Michael P. Hadley, of the USMC: "C4 stands for Command, Control, Communicatons , and Computers. More often these days it's known as C4I with the I standing for intelligence. Bytheway MajGen Anderson is the Assistant Chief of Staff for C4I in the Marine Corps. C4 is the catch phrase for the concept of the ability to both communicate and lead your forces in battle to accomplish your mission. In the Marine Corps at the lowest level that is to 'locate, close with and destroy the enemy with fire and maneuver or repel his assault with fire and close combat.'" With the Marines having failed, I shall now send in my aforementioned little brother, Matt: "See how much you can eat in a minute. You can also make it into little forest creatures in the attempt to catch gophers. Of course, if you had your hands of some C4, you can pretty much do whatever you want." Brilliant, Matt, for you see, C4 is a plastic explosive. You can mold it, throw it, stomp on it, hammer it, even burn it. But don't do all that at the same time. Heat and pressure (like that created by a blasting cap) will detonate it. And yeah, Hadley may be technically right up there, but who cares about all that rear echelon crap when we could talk explosives? 10. What kind of fish was Deputy Dog always trying to catch? A catfish. The GRANDDADDY of all catfish, to be exact. A fine showing folks! And congratulations once again to Jen McCormick! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 10/22/97 Date: Thu, 23 Oct 1997 09:26:33 -0400 The Daily Answers 10/22/97 by Dave George Now, I've gone on record condemnimg the practice of group work on the DQ. (Just as I have spoken out against the practice of rednecks recklessing using apostrophes in their signs: "Check's cashed here.") But Kristin Matushak and Sandi Rothman did such a stellar job on this quiz that I have no choice but to declare them today's big winners. Way to go, ladies! You've each won a year's subscription to Guns & Ammo!! Here are the answers: 1. Take a wild guess why almost every single watch in watch ads show the time as being around 10:09. Al Hering and Kristin arrived at the same conclusion, which we here at the DQ believe to be correct. Here's Al's explanation: "Because it makes the face of the watch appear to be smiling. If they had it set to 8:20 or 4:40 the watch would be sad. That would make me sad." Another possible answer is Chris De Santis's: "Almost every single watch ad is done at 10:09 am." There is also the answer that it frames the watchmaker's name. I accepted that as well. I did not accept an answer like smartass Matt George who said, "Well lemme ask you this: have you ever seen a Nike shoe commercial where the Nike logo was covered up by a shoestring? The hands on the watch are strategically placed so as not to cover up the name of the watch company. (I learned this in fifth grade)." Fifth grade? What was that, like, three years ago? Matt, there are dozens of ways to arrange the hands so as not to block the name. In the words of your generation, "Der!" In the words of mine, "Doy!" Let me just qualify all this by saying that I got this question and answer from contestant Dave Hagler, who got it from some other guy. How THIS guy knows the answer is anybody's guess, but it seems reasonable. Anybody who's studied marketing knows the silly games advertisers play. 2. What's the tallest mountain in the world? Mount Everest If you want to see a very cool web site regarding an Everest expedition, go here: http://everest.mountainzone.com/photos-icefall.stm 3. Where is the lowest point in the continental United States? Death Valley 4. Who was Joanie's best friend on Happy Days? Jenny Piccalo 5. Where did Jenny McCarthy get her first exposure? Playboy 6. 'Bout how much am I going to have to pay for the ticket I got this morning for going 40 in a 25 in Arlington? I don't know, I still haven't called, but somebody please tell me that Jeff Marshall is wrong: "Probably $100, but the insurance will kill you. Assuming you have a clean driving record (this is a dangerous assumption), you can probably expect your premiums to increase $300 per year for the next 3 years. Coupled with the initial fine, you're looking at a $1000." 7. Calvin Brodus is better known to the world as who? Snoop Doggy Dog 8. Who had their Grammy award taken away for lip syncing? Milli Vanilli 9. What famous General said "I shall return"? Gen. Douglas MacArthur George Patch gave us this very interesting side note: "MacArthur when he left the Philippines in 1942 under extreme pressure (no pun intended...in a sub) from adavncing Japanese troops. Americans that did not escape were marched to Batan in the now infamous Batan Death March. Several years ago all Americans that were in the Philippines in 1942 and survived were awarded the Bronze Star. I don't think they gave out too many, but my neighbor got one. He also escaped in a sub, became a crewman on the sub and served for some time on the sub.. later he was transferred...fortunately before the sub was sunk! He was on board the sub that snuck into Tokyo harbor and fired a bunch of torpedoes into Japanese warships... dink, dink dink! only problem was that they didn't know that the torpedoes were defective (as all American torpedoes were at the start of the war. You see they were too cheap to test the torpedoes in the late 30's and never knew they didn't work!) so after sitting on the bottom of Tokyo harbor (well below sub rated depth!) and suffering through depth charges they made their way back to Hawaii with a few remaining Torpedoes. The torpedoes were tested and new ones were introduced later in 1943." 10. Whose was the most anticipated soap opera wedding of the 80's? (Give couple's name and name of the soap they were on.) Luke and Laura - General Hospital Congratulations again to Kristin Matushak and Sandi Rothman!! Stay tuned for today's quiz where we will have TEN questions! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers Date: Fri, 24 Oct 1997 10:04:31 -0400 The Daily Answers 10/23/97 by Dave George With a PERFECT 11 out of 11, today's big winner is Ms. Meredith Linberger!! This win is way overdue for Meredith. She consistently scores near the top of the heap, but today she pretty much blew the rest of you slackers away. Meredith wins a delicious tomato and basil bagel with a healthy dollop of chive cream cheese. Mmmmm!!! Here are the answers: 1. What is removed from Coke to make "Caffeine-Free Coke"? "Uh, caffeine..." - Jen McCormick "Uhhh? Caffeine" - Trip Morano "Uh, caffeine?" - Paul George "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh....caffeine" - Jim Clark "duh, caffeine" - Grant Baker "Caffeine...doy" - Sean Boyle "Uhhh Caffeine" - Scott Agee "Ummmm, xanthum gum????" - Rachel Rolitsky Now, I realize that I am opening up the flood gates of protest here, but NOTHING is removed. Since caffeine is artificially added to Coke, (makes it addicting) they simply DON'T ADD caffeine in order to make it caffeine-free. At least, that's what I read a long time ago. In anticipation of the firestorm of huffy emails I shall receive, I've already contacted the good people at FIND/SVP. They'll tell us the truth. Who are they? "FIND/SVP is a $30 million publicly held (NASDAQ symbol: FSVP consulting, research, and advisory firm. We've been in business for 28 years and have more than 1,000 researchers worldwide who answer thousands of questions each month for our clients. We also maintain the largest private business library in the United States. So we know quite a bit about which information sources are the best and how to find answers at reasonable cost." They'll also answer any question for free at www.findout.com. Check it out. 2. What blonde bimbo hosts USA's "UP All Night"? Rhonda Shear Rhonda's a pal of mine from my days in L.A. Her number in Beverly Hills is (310) 288-0888. Call her, I dare you. (Just don't mention me. She's still mad at me for leaving.) And if you'd like to see some pics of her, go here: http://stormcat.simplenet.com/shear.htm 3. Where is "Beantown"? No, it's not Mexico. It's Boston. Yep, Boston. The Big D. The Windy City. Cowtown. The Big Easy. Boston. 4. What is the practice of taking away a lawyer's right to practice law called? Disbarment 5. Which of the seven castaways had a teddy bear? Thurston Howell III 6. What over-the-counter cold medicine is routinely used by partyers to get whacked? Some of you said NyQuil, and I guess that's true, too. But what I was going for was Robitussin. River Phoenix was "Robobuzzing" when he died at the Viper Room. 7. What do we call wood that has turned to stone over time? Petrified 8. Whose bones did Michael Jackson want to buy? John Merrick's (aka The Elephant Man) 9. What sport's Hall of Fame is located in Canton, OH? Pro Football 10. What was the name of the little war England held off the coast of Argentina some years back? Meredith Linberger knows an awful lot about this one: "Depends on which side you are on. If you are pro-British you would > call it the Falkland Island war, or if you side with the Argentinian's > you would call it Las Malvinas (oddly enough I know wayyyyyyyy too > much about this scirmish as I had to study it is Spanish class and in > International Affairs). I would have sided with the Argentinian's; > the Brits really tried to pull a fast one there." Bonus Question - True or False: When a British soldier is killed in battle his family receives a bill for any of his equipment which was lost or damaged. True. Don't believe me? Just ask Jeff Marshall: "True, but they are not expected to pay it. It is now considered a tribute of sorts b/c a soldier was killed in battle." And what a fine tribute it is! Thanks, Jeff! And congratulations once again to Meredith Linberger. You rock. Dave Subject: The Daily Answers Date: Mon, 27 Oct 1997 09:53:12 -0500 The Daily Answers 10/27/97 by Dave George Let me tell you just a little bit about today's winner. One Saturday night I saw him at one of our fraternity parties punching everything in sight, karate-style. Nothing was safe--kitchen cabinets, the bar, pledges. All this because he'd just seen the latest Steven Seagal movie. At our fraternity meeting on Sunday, he was there in his usual seat with a nasty shiner covering his left eye. I asked him what happened. His response? "I dunno. Someone must've got tired of my bullsh*t." That's right kids, it's Mr. Trip Morano!!! Trip beat the hell out of Friday's quiz and wins a VHS copy of "Dorf on Boxing". Way to go, Trip! 1. Whose honeymoon video was stolen from their home and is now making the rounds on the internet? Pamela and Tommy Lee. ('Least that's what I heard. I don't know firsthand, no sirree.) 2. How great is the internet? I didn't really expect an answer here, but most of you guys believe it has great value as a research tool and medium for communication. I'm afraid you girls were only interested in Brad Pitt. 2. Just kidding. What does the acronym SALT mean when people refer to "SALT II"? Strategic Arms Limitation Treaty 3. What is the name for the condition you can suffer from if you ascend too rapidly while SCUBA diving? The Bends Sean Boyle enlightens us: "Decompression Sickness - nicknamed the bends from when divers were building the Brooklyn bridge in the early 1900's. They didn't know about decompression sickness back then, and after many dives with too fast an ascent they could often be seen stretching and bending their bodies around in strange positions to try to ease the pain they were feeling as the excess nitrogen in their blood was expanding faster than their bodies could absorb it.........I was diving today in a wreck off of Pompano beach at 110 feet; very cool." 4. How many moons does Jupiter have? 16 5. What were the Spanish soldiers called who came to America in the 1500's? Conquistadors 6. What state is David Letterman originally from? Where does he live now? Originally from Indiana. Now lives in Connecticut. Connecticut, by the way, is the only state who's name contains double n's. Oh wait, and Minnesota. Damn, Pennsylvania and Tennessee also. But still, that's weird. 7. Make up a new Chinese food dish. Hmmm...most weren't that funny. But that's OK. It's like they used to say in Hollywood when one of us comics would have an off night: "YOU SUUUUUUUUCK!!" "Crispy Wang Chung Chicken" - Chris De Santis "Moo Goo E Koh Ly" - Steve Steger And my favorite: "Tiannemann Crushed Chicken (take a live chicken, run a tank over it, then stir fry)" - Stephen Diamond 8. Who was Tonya Harding's husband? Jeff Giloolly. According to contestant Sandi Rothman, he has now changed his name to "Jeff Stone". 9. What is the name of the Japanese poetry form that has three lines of 5, 7, and 5 syllables each? Haiku Thanks to Kate Kirkpatrick for actually providing one: I Love Dairy Queen Creamy, soft-serve, vanilla Little curl on top I, also, composed a Haiku for you good people: Eddie Money Rocks! "I Wanna Go Back", he sang. Don't go back, stay here! Please study these two poems. I have a SNEAKING feeling that you may see this on a future quiz. 10. What product was former Mousketeer, Annette Funicello, always doing commercials for? Skippy peanut butter and Florida orange juice. Nice job, troopers! If you see Trip Morano today, give him your heartfelt congratulations on a brilliant win. But stay clear of those fists of steel! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers Date: Tue, 28 Oct 1997 09:12:09 -0500 The Daily Answers 10/28/97 by Dave George Every once in a while a contestant comes along whose responses make me sit a little further back from my monitor so as not to be burned by their brilliance. Karen Schulstad is just such a contestant. Forget for a moment that she's beautiful. Don't even take into consideration her scathing wit. Gorgeous, athletic body? Forget about it. If one were simply able to somehow pull her brain out through her nose we would see it pulse with all the energy of a thousand suns. God bless you, Karen. Karen wins a VHS copy of "WWF Monsters of Wrestlemania!!" Here are the answers: 1. What candy bar looked like it was braided? Marathon Bar Y'all sucked on this one. Millie, Flint, John Hering, Bill Tyrrel, Steven Day, John Brence, and Trip Morano got it right, though. 2. What animal was Carl the groundskeeper trying to kill? A gopher. 3. Compose a Haiku on any subject you wish. And quit crying, will ya? Mine took me, like, 30 seconds to do. I'm glad that I gave you the freedom to make your Haiku on any subject, because it really gives us a chance to learn about each other's hobbies. I like to drink, Drinking is fun as can be, Give me a stiff drink - Trip Morano Today is Monday But tomorrow is Tuesday Let's go drink some beer. - Melissa Mangum Beer is so very good It makes me silly and drunk And gives me hangovers - Bill Tyrrel I woke up this morn'. And, I got myself a beer. I love the morning. - Dave Hagler Halloween Friday Charlie's best angel gets drunk in bed all week-end - Karen Schulstad (And what's booze without grub?) French Toast, Bacon, Eggs Denny's, IHOP, Pancake House Yummy breakfast food Anne Gregg Shane Sleighter rats himself out with his: Poopie in left stall. Sits in wait all the day long Gift for co-workers. Worst "Haiku" belongs to Dan Purrington (Sorry, Dan) (Dan's a good guy and should in no way be judged by the Haiku's he composes.) Milk. Mmmm, Does the body Good. Drink more milk. - Dan Purrington I can't think today I can't think today no way I can't think today - Marc Rowley (Good thing he's in college. God help us.) (Showing the sensitive side that just makes women SWOON...for the guys who kick his ass regularly, here's Chris De Santis): Snowflakes crying car Winshield foggy smearing bug Winter does not care - Chris De Santis (Are your fingers getting sore from counting the syllables yet?) 2 o'clock stupor Head sways at my monitor Snap back with Diet Coke - Kate Kirkpatrick I Love Pez Candy Because they make me refrain >From touching myself - Al Hering (Sorry Al, it's funnier this way.) A fishing I went Only caught two fish today Not enough for four - Sean Kennealy Very funny dog "Yo quiero Taco Bell" It gets me each time - Jeff Marshall (Winning today's "Bless Your Heart" award is John Hering) Monday morning blues. Daily Quiz in my mailbox! Drives away the gray. - John Hering Snickers, Candy Corn Caramel and Almond Joy, Happy Halloween! - Millie Perrine New father, Paul George, chimes in with the joy of babies: They cry all damn night They cry all the damn day, too. I wish I was dead. The winner of our "Honesty in Haiku" award goes to Patrick George! I'm such a loser Sitting at my computer Downloading nudies - Pat George My second favorite Haiku came from Steve Steger. It's great for so many, many reasons. I've got two tickets to paradise, won't you pack your bags? Leave tonite? - Steve Steger And the winner of our First Annual DQ Haiku Contest is Mr. Steven Day!!! There are so many, many things I want to say here, but so far none have looked appopriate. I'll just let Stevie take it away: I stood on two feet now one is a prosthesis chicks dig my fake leg - Steven Day Rock on, Steven! 4. What soda did Lee Majors endorse? Diet Rite 5. What's the worst way to die? Most of you said "Burning to death" or "Drowning". But Chris De Santis hit the nail on the head with this one: "Cardiac Arrest while streaking across the baseball field during the World Series." 6. Who said, "There's a sucker born every minute." According to Millie Perrine: "P. T. Barnum is most often associated with the circus sideshow and the display of freaks. While this is true, he is also the founding force behind one of America's most famous circuses: Barnum & Bailey Circus. Barnum is also affiliated with the famous quote "There's a sucker born every minute." History, unfortunately, has misdirected this quotation. Barnum never did say it. Actually, it was said by his competitor." I did not know that. 7. What was the scary, scary creature in Peter Benchley's "The Deep"? Moray eel 8. Jim Fixx died of a heart attack. What was he famous for? An avid runner, Jim wrote the book "The Complete Book of Running". Check out the sequel, "The Complete Book of Irony." 9. When President George Bush visited Japan, he left a lasting impression on their Prime Minister. How did he do that? He threw up on him. 10. What are you going to be for Halloween? Well, I'm going to be a bag of crack. (I'm digging out the costume my mom made for me in 4th grade.) Here are just a few others: "Crash Test Dummy" - Steven Day "One of the Easy Spirit Basketball Girls." - Millie Perrine "A mad cow" - Jeff Marshall "A flight attendent" - Sean Kennealy "A chalk outline." - James Flint "Chandler" - Dan Rippel "Soap on a rope" - Dan Purrington "Drunk" - Approx. 30 of you. And another fine, fine showing from the DQ gallery! Congratulations once again to Karen Schulstad! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers Date: Thu, 30 Oct 1997 08:05:54 -0500 The Daily Answers 10/28/97 by Dave George As I gave you slackers the day off yesterday, these answers are from Tuesday's quiz. So, who was our big winner? Why, Mr. Mike Waite, of Omaha NE!!!!! Mike's answers reminded me of my football days at Robinson Secondary School, for he gave an agressive, never-say-die effort in much the same way my coaches wished I would but did not. Way to go, Mike! You win a Famous Heidenburger!!! Here are the answers: 1. What does love mean to you? Heidi Hering gave the best answer. Heidi, this isn't saying all that much, I'm afraid. Most of the answers pretty much blew. It was interesting to note how many of the married contestants left this question blank, though. Hmmmmm... "pet love: when your dog chews up your new Revo sunglasses and then looks so sorry you can't help but give them a big squeeze & a noogie family love: when even though they annoy the shit out of you, you still don't want them to get run over by a truck any time soon friend love: when you can call a pal at any hour of the night & they'll come bail you out of jail romantic love: when a guy gives up poker night to come home & watch Melrose Place "because he really wants to" (or is that called "how to get me some lovin'?)" Paul George's answer was also darn good, but I suppose I'm biased 'cuz he's referring to my nephew, the cutest lil' guy yeverdisigh. "People, let me tell you about my best friend. He's my one joy, a cuddlely toy, my ups, my downs, my pride and joy." 2. Cousin Oliver's not a jinx after all!!! Why not? So few of you knew this that I wonder if The Brady Bunch is the cultural mainstay everyone claims it to be. Are we a nation of pretenders? Is it the Brady's we truly love, or is it the IDEA of the Brady's? I shan't sleep tonight. But here's the deal: Oliver (played by Robbie Rist, who now plays in a band in L.A.) was thought to be a jinx by all the Brady kids (and I know Sam thought so, too, although he wasn't in that episode). But when they went to Universal Studios they were the one millionth (or something) visitors, and were thus the winners of the Grand Prize (getting to be in a movie). Had Oliver not been with them they would not have been the winners, thus transfering the position of Omega Brady back to Jan where it belonged. 3. Name the movie: "No man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her." "So you are saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?" "No, you pretty much want to nail them too." When Harry Met Sally 4. What's another name for an orbit where the object stays over the same point on the Earth? Geostationary or Geosynchronous 5. What singer claims to be the proud owner of one microphone and two turntables? Beck. Alert contestant, DJ Jazzy Wes, had this to say about that: "run dmc from "sucker m.c.s" "i've got two turntables and a mic, take airplane flights,....so'all you sucker m.c.s, you got to say please, cause when i jump high, i pullin' down trees, is it hard to believe in run d.m.c." That's correct, I suppose. But you lose 3 points for knowing it. Sorry. 6. According to the commercial, what's more precious than gold for your good health? Zinc 7. 'Bout how many sites will Yahoo return if you type in "Buttafuoco"? Interestingly, people either came up with 861 or 989. I don't know what accounts for the difference, providing you're all spelling it right. But it is kinda sad, I think. 8. What's nerd-speak for sending an angry email to someone? Flaming 9. What was the more common name for the Reagan administration's "Strategic Defense Initiative"? If you said "SDI" you lost every point you had. The correct answer is "Star Wars". 10. What is the function of Conjunction Junction? I shall refrain from revealing the person's name who said, "Turning a bill into a law." The only correct answer is "Hooking up words and phrases and clauses." Stay tuned for today's quiz where our Celebrity Guest will be Bob Barker! Subject: The Daily Answes 10/30/97 Date: Fri, 31 Oct 1997 11:04:22 -0500 The Daily Answers 10/30/97 by Dave George Oy, who to pick as our big winner? So many perfect scores. First, let's see who got 'em all right: Michael Rolfes Dan Rippel Mike Waite Jim Mitchell Chris Maltese JP Xenakis Meredith Linberger Jason Young So who do I pick as the winner? Ordinarily, I'd award it to the girl. But Waite already won this week. So let's crown Mr. Chris Maltese our big winner! Why Chris? 'Cuz I still owe him from the time in college when he was trying to study and asked us, his drunk roommates who were practicing a silly song we'd written for a Greek talent show, to tone it down a little. We didn't, and he ended up going over to his girlfriend's house to study. Should've ended there, right? Nope, us jerks call over to his girlfriend's house, ask for Chris, then start singing the song into the phone. So you see why I gotta go with Malt. What does he win? Why, it's a Sony Walkman! The Sony Walkman will give you hours of listenning pleasure, until it breaks about a year or so after buying it. I, myself, have a collection of about 5 or 6 or these things laying around the house. Way to go, Chris! 1. She was poor, but she had love. That was one thing her daddy made sure of. Who was the subject of "Coal Miner's Daughter"? Loretta Lynn 2. The physics of heat is called what? Thermodynamics 3. Name the movie: "If you build it, they will come." Mike Waite corrected me on the quote. It should read, "...he will come." But y'all knew this "Field of Dreams" anyway. 4. Cable TV has its own awards show. What's it called? ACE Awards 5. What former preacher recorded a comedy album titled, "Louder Than Hell"? Sam Kinison 6. What was the biggest hit song from the movie "The Bodyguard"? "I Will Always Love You" 7. Who wrote the book, "The Jungle", describing terrible working conditions for blue collar folks during the turn of the century? Upton Sinclair 8. If I amplify light by stimulating it with radiation emissions, what do I end up with? Laser. ("Light Amplification through the Stimulated Emission of Radiation") 9. Name two movies that show Sylvester Stallone in prison. A couple (actually just one, but I didn't want to make her feel like a total loser) people said something to the effect of "I don't watch Sylvester Stallone movies". My gut reaction is to come back with something equally snotty and pretentious, but I will instead counter with "Well WOOO-WOOO-WOOOOOOOO for YOU!!!" Anyway, I am ashamed to say that I have asked another question to which I can not positively ascertain the veracity of the answer. I haven't seen Nighthawks, but a lot of you answered with that. But really, what the hell difference does it make? Whether I say "Nope, that's wrong" or "That's correct" it won't change the fact that you didn't win. But it will make you feel better, I bet. And that's what the DQ is all about - Good Feelings. So, yes, Nighthawks is a great answer. I also accepted the following: First Blood (Some of you may say, "But he was in JAIL in this movie, not PRISON." I would respond with, "You're a moron, how do you find your way into work every morning?" The movie also showed John J. Rambo in a Vietnamese prison camp, thus satisfying the question. Victory - Another prison camp movie. (But it added soccer. Like any realistic war movie.) Judge Dredd - File this one under "N" for "Nighthawks". Lock Up - Der. Demolition Man - Doy. 10. What would have been a better name for DC's basketball team than "The Wizards"? (And don't say "Anything".) Remember, if you were cursed by God to be born without a lick of creative talent, by all means answer questions like this with, "Who cares". Cuz that's REALLY funny, too! As for the rest of you, a delightful mix of the hysterical and the sucky. "The Warlocks" - Melissa Bowen "The Hollow Point Bullets" - Mike Rolfes "The Draftstyles" - Wes Nau (Does anyone get this? Wes, help me out, buddy.) "The uzi sub machine guns from soufeast" - Grant Baker "The Rockfish" - Al Hering "Barney's Buddies" - Paul George (Hey, ease up on him. He's got a kid.) "The Crack-Smoking-Mayors" - Shane Sleighter "The SuperFighters" - Chris De Santis "The Eagles" - Jim Clark (Lord, Jim, that really sucks. No offense.) "The Switchblades" - Dan Rippel Aw man, I'm outta time. Sorry, there were some other good ones, too. Here's one more. It's my favorite. "The Justice" with the MCI center called "The Supreme Court" Dave Subject: The Daily Answers Date: Mon, 03 Nov 1997 07:52:26 -0500 by Dave George I trust everyone had a pleasant Halloween. As for me, I'm afraid I forgot to follow that old rhyme about the order in which one is supposed to consume refreshments. Yup, I failed to remember the ol' "Heroin before crack, flat on your back." Got sick as a dog. Our big winner from Friday's quiz was none other than Mr. Dan Rippel!! Dan got a perfect score! Way to go, Dan! You just won your weight in Candy Corn!!! Wahooo! Here are the answers: 1. What word does the little kid in The Shining repeat over and over? "Redrum". What's so scary about that? Well, near the end of the movie we discover that if you rearrange the letters "redrum" you get "Edrrum", the name of a 15th century ghost. Very scary movie. 2. Where did The Exorcist take place? Georgetown, D.C. 3. How many witches were killed during the Salem Witch Trials? Zero. They wuddn't witches at all. They was just people. Much in the same way Soylent Green is people. And no, Sean Boyle, I'm not going to print the names of the people who didn't know this. That would be about as nice as telling everyone that you thought The Exocist took place in Boston. Oops. 4. What movie had Patrick Swayze saying "Ditto"? "Ghost". Anybody watch Dirty Dancing yesterday? "Nobody puts Baby in the corner." 5. What German name is given to a mischievous ghost? Jeff Marshall, a shifty-eyed ne'er-do-well from Richmond, said "Farfignugen". That's wrong, Jeff. The correct answer is "Farfegnugen", with an "e", not an "i". OK, it's really "Poltergeist". 6. Who was the hockey mask wearin' fellow from the Halloween series of movies? Many of you stop me on the street and ask me if it's true that I really know everything. Ha, ha, it sure seems that way, doesn't it? But no, as questions like this prove, I do NOT know everything. Jason, it seems, wore a hockey mask in "Friday the 13th", not "Halloween". So sorry for the confusion. Shane Sleighter had the day off Friday, and thus had the kind of time to uncover this bit of trivia: "Halloween was financed by John Carpenter and, to date, is the highest grossing independent film ever made (although Swingers may give it a close run for it's money). Carpenter was running out of money (the film was made for about $100,000) and sent his wardrobe people out to buy the mask for his killer. The cheapest mask they could find was a William Shatner mask! So they bought it, teased out the hair and painted the face white and that's how the Michael costume came to be. After the sucess of Halloween, Carpenter went on to direct films such as "The Fog", "The Thing", and "Escape From New York", with movie studios giving him considerably more money." 7. What distinguishing mark did cute lil' Damien have on his body? Yes Jim Clark, he HAVE had a mole there, but I didn't see the Director's Cut. The version I saw had him with the numbers 666 on his scalp. 8. Where is Transylvania? Romania 9. Besides fruit, what's the worst treat to get in your Halloween bag? Marc Rowley had a nice list: Tums Toothpast Stock Advice Spare Tire Spam Spam Lite Dog Shane Sleighter said, "A bear hug from a stinky person." "Pennies" - Grant Baker "A rock" - Heather Braun "Those orange candy peanuts." - Chris De Santis "Milk" - Scott Day 10. Screw it, nine questions today. Scott Day earned himself an extra half of a point for attempting to answer this, even though it wasn't a question. Scott said, "Eastern Mongolia?" Which, if I'm not mistaken, is actually a question and not an answer. Sort of Jeopardyesque. Cool. Stay tuned for today's quiz, where our Celebrity Guest Contestant will be Casey Kasem. Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 11/03/97 Date: Tue, 04 Nov 1997 06:58:14 -0500 The Daily Answers 11/03/97 by Dave George Jonathan Kaplan and Sally Stengel tied for first place today! Sally wins a VHS copy of "Adventures In Babysitting" in honor of Louise Woodward. Jonathan wins a spider monkey. Way to go, Sally and Jonathan! 1. Who led his army across the Alps on elephants? Hannibal 2. Who was the commander of the A-Team? Hannibal Some of you real young'uns may not remember the A-Team too well. Let me tell you about them: In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem. If no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire: THE A-TEAM. 3. What Missouri town was home to Mark Twain? Hannibal 4. To help them predict the weather, weathermen use radio and ranging. What's another name for this device? RADAR 5. What M*A*S*H character had a teddy bear? Radar 6. What is the name given to the uncanny ability homosexuals have to spot others like them? Gaydar 7. What's another name for the pirate's skull and cross-bones flag? Jolly Roger 8. What is the world's largest city? (Hint: It's not NY.) Mexico City, Mexico (A lot of you said L.A., and if you've ever been there you'll know that it's pretty much the same thing.) 9. Name the movie: Tower : Flight 2-0-9er, you're cleared for take off. Oever : Roger! Murdock : Huh? Tower : L.A. departure frequency 1-2-3 point 9er. Oever : Roger! Murdock : Huh? : Re-quest Vector, over! Oever : What? Tower : 2-0-9er clear for vector 2-3-4. Murdock : We have clearance Clarence. Oever : Roger, Roger. What's our Vector Victor? Tower : Tower's radio clearance, over! Oever : That's Clarence Oever! Oever. Tower : Roger. Murdock : Huh? Tower : Roger, over. Murdock : Huh? Oever : Huh? Airplane 10. If Mt. Rainier were to erupt like they said last night on The Learning Channel that it might, what major metropolitan area would be screwed? Seattle 11. Make up question due to short quiz on Friday: What country had Pol Pot killing millions of people in the 1970's and 80's? Cambodia Stay tuned for today's quiz, where our Celebrity Guest will be Nevada Barr. Dave Subject: The Daily Answers Date: Thu, 06 Nov 1997 10:01:03 -0500 The Daily Answers 11/05/97 by Dave George So, who won the Daily Quiz yesterday? Hmmmmm...so many good quizes. But I believe Mr. Dave Hagler is today's BIG WINNER!!!!! Dave is a consultant right here in the D.C. area. He's also single, ladies. His phone number is 394-7384. Girls, give him a call! Dave has won a 1990 yearbook from DeMatha High School!! Way to go, Dave!! 1. What's it called when a golfer shoots a 3 on a par 5 hole? Eagle 2. What's another name for a key that fits many different locks? Skeleton key. Yeah, a lot of you said "master key", but that's not the answer I was thinking of. How do you do that? Well, I've been told that one of the best ways to accomplish this is to have your desk situated very close to mine here at MCI. 3. Sinn Fein is the politcal arm of what organization? Irish Republican Army But I liked Paul George's answer: "The Judean People's Front (Formerly the People's Front of Judea.)" Nice Python reference. 4. What band is generally considered to be the next Greatful Dead, much to the disdain of its fans? Patrick Solomon says: "Fish. That may not be right, but it pities me even more that you cannot spell Grateful Dead." Oy, so I misspelled it. So, what? I compose this quiz sometime around 6 in the morning. You haven't even started scraping the ice off of your Pinto at 6 a.m. Spelling errors? SPELLING ERRORS??!! Do I EVER bust people out for spelling errors??? You don't see me mocking you for misspelling Phish, do you? No way, Jose, I wouldn't dream of mentioning it. OK, OK, the DQ is nothing if not Democratic. I have always accepted the input of the hoi polloi. I shall put it to them: How many days suspension has Mr. Solomon earned for this little insurrection? Send your answers back to me and I shall average them. 5. Schoolhouse Rock. Where's Bill sittin'? On Capitol Hill 6. What was the nickname of supposedly untouchable mobster John Gotti? The Teflon Don or The Dapper Don I also accepted "The Teflon John", cuz really, his name IS John, isn't it? Some near-misses: John "Oh my" Gotti - Kate Kirkpatrick John "The Body" Gotti - Pat George John "Go Potty" Gotti - Al Hering 7. Who was president of the Republic of Texas? I was thinkin' Sam Houston, but a lot of you said those other two weirdos who were in the news recently. I hadn't thought of them. Here's James Flint with a good explanation: "Sam Houston was the first President of the Republic of Texas, elected to this office soon after those darn Texans beat the crap out of some self-important, lazy Mexicans, waaaay back in Cowboy times. Just recently, some moron named Archie Huel Lowe and another dork named Richard McLaren declared that they hold the title of the "president" of the Second Republic of Texas. That's kinda funny, I didn't know we lost Texas." 8. What TV series featured a basketball team with players such as Salami, Hayward, Thorpe, and Coolidge? "The White Shadow" 9. Who said, "I have not yet begun to fight!" John Paul Jones 10. What chemical is generally said to smell like almonds? Cyanide Great job kids, and especially Dave Hagler! Stay tuned for today's quiz where our CGC will be Rush Limbaugh!! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 11/09/97 Date: Sun, 09 Nov 1997 10:30:44 -0500 The Daily Answers 11/09/97 by Dave George This was definitely one of the harder quizes the DQ has produced over the past 10 years. It wasn't made any easier by the mass confusion generated by my mail server being clunky. Thanks to all of you who managed to get your responses in (about 30 of you). Today's winner is an example of one whose quiz may not have scored the highest on the Accuracy Scale, but whose answers touched on what we here at DQ Headquarters have been espousing for some time: If at first you don't succeed, make up something stupid. Marc Rowley's answers, while containing many factually correct responses, really exceeded all expectations in the stupid department on some others. And that makes Mark our big winner! Marc wins a slightly soiled pair of Adidas Samba indoor soccer shoes! These are the shoes I was wearing this weekend when contestant Scott Agee had to pull over onto the shoulder of I-95 so that I could throw up. Way to go Marc!!!! 1. How is a Gatling gun different from your average machine gun? Sean Boyle said, "It has numerous barrels that rotate around the firing mechanism to allow an increased rate of fire over a single barrel machine gun." George Patch gives even MORE information with his answer: "It has a bunch barrels that rotate around the firing mechanisim. This allows the barrels to cool in between shots as well as shoot fewer shots per barrel.. a thus more shots before a barrel over heats (apparently a major problem in Vietnam for the M60 machine gun. It would warp a barrel if fired at its maximun rate for very long). Let me explain further. If a normal machine gun fires 500 rounds per minute then its single barrel absorbs the heat from 500 shots. If a Gatling gun fires 2000 rounds in a minute and has 5 barrels then each barrel only fires 400 rounds per minute and because the bareels are spinning they may cool a little faster too..." Melissa Bowen was technically correct with her answer of, "A Gatling gun kills lots more bad guys than your average everyday machine gun." 2. Name the movie: "All I care about in this stupid world is me, my drums...and you." This was, by far, the most difficult movie quote we've had yet. Only four of you got this one. Amazing. Even more amazing is that the rest of you pretty much answered either "Wayne's World" or "That Thing You Do." Hmmmm...interesting. Here are the four exhaulted contestants who watched "Some Kind Of Wonderful" last weekend. Sharon Presley Scott Day Marc Rowley Steve Steger 3. What annual event is essential to keeping Egypt's Nile River Valley fertile? The correct answer here is "Flooding", but I liked some of your wrong answers: "The Passing of the DoD budget" - Steve Steger "Columbus Day" - John Hering The Spanking of the Monkey ceremony." - Sean Boyle "Farm Aid" - JP Xenakis "Sacrificing a virgin to the crocodiles." - Jim Clark "The Shenandoah County Fair." - Chris De Santis And in the "At Least He's Not Teaching Our Children" category we have James Flint: "Most people believe it is the flooding of the Nile River Delta, which occurs like clockwork. (I watch way too much Discovery Channel) However, I also watch the Sci-Fi channel and its conspiracy-laced news show, "Sightings" We know for fact that aliens have been visiting the Nile River Delta for many thousands of years. What few people realize, though, is that the Earth is just a pitstop on the way to Cygnus IX, a particular summer vacation spot for our buddies in space, so I'd have to say that alien pee is keeping the Nile River Delta fertile. The is similar to why Ashland, Virginia was so fertile. It is the halfway point between home and William and Mary. Scientists are so baffled, but we all know that I'm not in school anymore..." 4. How many possible combinations are there for a standard (three letter, three number) Virginia license plate? Math whiz Pat George gave the best answer to this one: "For the letters, there are 26 choices each. For the 3 numbers, there are 10 choices each. Using the multiplication principle (since none of the situations overlap) we get 26^3 * 10 ^3 = 17,576,000 different combinations. For the new licenses w/ the 4th number you get 175,760,000. (Keeping those inmates mighty busy)." Oh, and what was our big winner, Marc Rowley's, answer? "2" 5. Name the movie: "Where's your drill sergeant, soldier?" "BLOWN UP, SIR!!" Stripes 6. Besides "Luka", what's your favorite Suzanne Vega song? I'm afraid I couldn't tell you who was right and who was wrong on this one, really. I gave credit for answers like Millie Perrine's: "Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do I am sitting..." Or Sandi Rothman's: "Marlena on the Wall." Or Marc Rowley's: "She made another??" 7. Stanislovsky, Sanford Meisner, Lee Strasberg, and Stella Adler are all associated with what? They were all acting teachers. 8. What was Freddy Prinze's catch-phrase on "Chico and the Man"? Pat George's answer killed us here at DQ Headquarters: "These pretzels are making me thirsty!" The correct answer is "Looooookin' goooood!!!" 9. In "An Officer and a Gentleman", Sgt Foley, played by Lou Gosset Jr., wanted Zach Mayo, played by a hunkified Richard Gere, to "D.O.R". What did that stand for? "Drop On Request" 10. And as long as we're talking pilots here, what kind of plane was Gary Powers flying when he was shot down? I hesitate to print Marc Rowley's answer here, only because I do not wish to encourage this kind of idiocy. But it did make me laugh for some reason. Here it is: "A F-14.325 divided by the square root of 2 = Conan the Barbarian." The correct answer is: "A U2 Spy Plane." Great job, folks! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 11/07/97 Date: Sun, 09 Nov 1997 12:52:58 -0500 The Daily Answers 11/09/97 by Dave George This was definitely one of the harder quizes the DQ has produced over the past 10 years. It wasn't made any easier by the mass confusion generated by my mail server being clunky. Thanks to all of you who managed to get your responses in (about 30 of you). Today's winner is an example of one whose quiz may not have scored the highest on the Accuracy Scale, but whose answers touched on what we here at DQ Headquarters have been espousing for some time: If at first you don't succeed, make up something stupid. Marc Rowley's answers, while containing many factually correct responses, really exceeded all expectations in the stupid department on some others. And that makes Mark our big winner! Marc wins a slightly soiled pair of Adidas Samba indoor soccer shoes! These are the shoes I was wearing this weekend when contestant Scott Agee had to pull over onto the shoulder of I-95 so that I could throw up. Way to go Marc!!!! 1. How is a Gatling gun different from your average machine gun? Sean Boyle said, "It has numerous barrels that rotate around the firing mechanism to allow an increased rate of fire over a single barrel machine gun." George Patch gives even MORE information with his answer: "It has a bunch barrels that rotate around the firing mechanisim. This allows the barrels to cool in between shots as well as shoot fewer shots per barrel.. a thus more shots before a barrel over heats (apparently a major problem in Vietnam for the M60 machine gun. It would warp a barrel if fired at its maximun rate for very long). Let me explain further. If a normal machine gun fires 500 rounds per minute then its single barrel absorbs the heat from 500 shots. If a Gatling gun fires 2000 rounds in a minute and has 5 barrels then each barrel only fires 400 rounds per minute and because the barrels are spinning they may cool a little faster too..." Melissa Bowen was technically correct with her answer of, "A Gatling gun kills lots more bad guys than your average everyday machine gun." 2. Name the movie: "All I care about in this stupid world is me, my drums...and you." This was, by far, the most difficult movie quote we've had yet. But four of you did manage to get this one. Amazing. Even more amazing is that the rest of you pretty much answered either "Wayne's World" or "That Thing You Do." Hmmmm...interesting. Here are the four exhaulted contestants who watched "Some Kind Of Wonderful" last weekend. Sharon Presley Scott Day Marc Rowley Steve Steger 3. What annual event is essential to keeping Egypt's Nile River Valley fertile? The correct answer here is "Flooding", but I liked some of your wrong answers: "The Passing of the DoD budget" - Steve Steger "Columbus Day" - John Hering "The Spanking of the Monkey ceremony." - Sean Boyle "Farm Aid" - JP Xenakis "Sacrificing a virgin to the crocodiles." - Jim Clark "The Shenandoah County Fair." - Chris De Santis And in the "At Least He's Not Teaching Our Children" category we have James Flint: "Most people believe it is the flooding of the Nile River Delta, which occurs like clockwork. (I watch way too much Discovery Channel) However, I also watch the Sci-Fi channel and its conspiracy-laced news show, "Sightings" We know for fact that aliens have been visiting the Nile River Delta for many thousands of years. What few people realize, though, is that the Earth is just a pitstop on the way to Cygnus IX, a particular summer vacation spot for our buddies in space, so I'd have to say that alien pee is keeping the Nile River Delta fertile. The is similar to why Ashland, Virginia was so fertile. It is the halfway point between home and William and Mary. Scientists are so baffled, but we all know that I'm not in school anymore..." 4. How many possible combinations are there for a standard (three letter, three number) Virginia license plate? Math whiz Pat George gave the best answer to this one: "For the letters, there are 26 choices each. For the 3 numbers, there are 10 choices each. Using the multiplication principle (since none of the situations overlap) we get 26^3 * 10 ^3 = 17,576,000 different combinations. For the new licenses w/ the 4th number you get 175,760,000. (Keeping those inmates mighty busy)." Oh, and what was our big winner, Marc Rowley's, answer? "2" 5. Name the movie: "Where's your drill sergeant, soldier?" "BLOWN UP, SIR!!" Stripes 6. Besides "Luka", what's your favorite Suzanne Vega song? I'm afraid I couldn't tell you who was right and who was wrong on this one, really. I gave credit for answers like Millie Perrine's: "Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do I am sitting..." Or Sandi Rothman's: "Marlena on the Wall." Or Marc Rowley's: "She made another??" 7. Stanislovsky, Sanford Meisner, Lee Strasberg, and Stella Adler are all associated with what? They were all acting teachers. 8. What was Freddy Prinze's catch-phrase on "Chico and the Man"? Pat George's answer killed us here at DQ Headquarters: "These pretzels are making me thirsty!" The correct answer is "Looooookin' goooood!!!" 9. In "An Officer and a Gentleman", Sgt Foley, played by Lou Gosset Jr., wanted Zach Mayo, played by a hunkified Richard Gere, to "D.O.R". What did that stand for? "Drop On Request" 10. And as long as we're talking pilots here, what kind of plane was Gary Powers flying when he was shot down? I hesitate to print Marc Rowley's answer here, only because I do not wish to encourage this kind of idiocy. But it did make me laugh for some reason. Here it is: "A F-14.325 divided by the square root of 2 = Conan the Barbarian." The correct answer is: "A U2 Spy Plane." Great job, folks! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 11/10/97 Date: Tue, 11 Nov 1997 07:31:16 -0500 The Daily Answers 11/10/97 by Dave George Today's Daily Answers are brought to you by Prison Penpals, the "Most Wanted site on the web." Check them out at http://www.prisonpenpals.com Today's Big Winner is Mr. James Donahue!!! James scored a perfect 10 out of 10! If anyone else scored a 10, please let me know. I mean, I won't do anything about it, cuz I do have a real job to do, but...you know. Also, today we welcome some new contestants to the Daily Quiz. Bill & Paula Laughlin, of Richmond, VA! I went to high school with Paula, sat next to her in Psychology class, got pinned every Wednesday night while she cheered, and had a huge thing for her. Bill's the guy who married her. Also, our first International Contestant, Michelle Eng Leang, from Trinidad joins us for the first time today! Welcome! (Or, as you say in your country, "Welcome!") Oh, I almost forgot James Donahue's prize! James wins a Daily Quiz "Get Out of Suspension Free" Card!!! Way to go, James! 1. According to the hit Spanish group "Los Stonos de Rollo", who drove a tank and held a General's rank while the Blitzkrieg raged and the bodies stank? "Jumpin' Jose Cuervo" - Steve Boswell No, actually that would have been ol' Lucifer. But Tracy Goebel's answer of "Frank" was really good, too. WHOA! John & Jackie Brence came up with the EXACT SAME ANSWER!! Wacky. 2. Name the two most common types of horse saddle. Michael Rolfes said "LEATHER AND BUBBLE WRAP" THAT'S WRONG, MICHAEL!! "The Big saddle and the Small saddle." - Dan Rippel Nope. "light brown and dark brown" - Steve Steger No, that's not quite right, either. The correct answer is Western and English. The best response belonged to Sharon Presley. I'm sad to say it took me a minute to get this. "Western and English. Essentially, the difference is the Western saddle has a horn. I always request to ride Western 'cause if someone gets in my way by golly, I want that horn to let 'em know I'm comin through!" 3. What material, used for fireproofing, was found to cause cancer? Asbestos. Now, I gotta recognize Sean Kennealy here for doing some outstanding web research. I don't often do this, but Sean is special, because he often thinks up fun and funny pranks like tying a deer head to the rear bumper of my car. Sean is also the guy who is going to set me up with his sister-in-law. "Asbestos is a naturally occurring mineral. It is distinguished from other minerals by the fact that its crystals form long thin fibers. Deposits of asbestos are found throughout the world and it is still commercially mined in the U.S. Asbestos minerals are divided into two groups - serpentine and amphibole. The distinction between groups is based upon its crystalline structure; serpentine minerals have a sheet or layered structure, amphiboles have a chain-like crystal structure. Chrysotile, the only mineral in the serpentine group, is the most commonly used type of asbestos and accounts for approx. 95% of the asbestos found in buildings in the U.S. In the amphibole group are amosite, crocidolite, anthophyllite, tremolite, and actinolite. The latter 3 are very rare and have little or no commercial value." 4. What's another name for the bloody animal parts (usually fish) thrown overboard in order to attract fish? Chum. (Rhymes with "Yum!") 5. What are Texas state police officers more commonly referred to as? A lot of you said "Pigs". Of course that's true, but specifically we were looking for Texas Rangers. Funny story. I was in the Army in Texas, and my ol' pal and DQ contestant, Al Hering, came out to visit. (He really came out to visit his then-girlfriend, Kitty, but whatever.) Kitty had a cookout at her house and Al invited me along. Someone had a white cowboy hat and people had been wearing it over the course of the evening. At one point, we were standing around drinking and Al says, "Hey, where's that hat?" He sees it resting on a tree branch, goes and grabs it and starts wearing it. Well, little did Al know that a family friend, who happens to be a Texas Ranger, had come to the party and that was HIS hat, NOT the toy hat that we had been wearing earlier. Next thing we know, this BIG ol' boy comes striding over, plucks the hat off Al's head and says, "Nobody messes with a Lawman's hat." And walks away. BOY did Al feel STOOPID! HAR!! 6. In order to make Russian men appear more Western, what did Peter the Great put a tax on? Beards. 7. What 1988 campaign debate statement came back to haunt George Bush throughout his presidency? "Read my lips, No New Taxes!!" 8. What woman, winner of the Nobel Prize for her discovery of the element Radium, coined the term "Radioactive"? Jeff Marciano had a really funny answer. It was, "Your mom." Oh, deary, deary, dear. How many days, guys? Two? Three? At least three, I think. Do your feet feel like they're not touching the floor, Jeff? Cuz you are.... SUSPENDED!!! WAHOOO!!! Oh, I love doing that. No, the correct answer is, "Marie Curie". 9. What fuel is a combination of ethyl alcohol and gasoline? Gasohol. 10. What US coin once had a buffalo on it? Nickel A fine, fine showing today, folks. If you see James in the halls today, give him a big DQ hug for his big win! Stay tuned for today's quiz, where our Celebrity Guest Contestants will be Boston! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 11/11/97 Date: Wed, 12 Nov 1997 11:00:46 -0500 The Daily Answers 11/11/97 by Dave George Today's Daily Answers are brought to you by The Fart of the Day - http://www.farts.com/ Check it out, it's a BLAST! John Hering is our big winner today!!! I'm in a hurry, so I won't go into a big thing about John, but I will say that John is now the proud owner of A NEW CAR!!! On an admin note: Sharon Presley pointed out yesterday that I was incorrect when I said the Texas State Police are called "Texas Rangers". She dragged some long thing off the internet explaining her position, but frankly I didn't have time to read it. Sharon, I believe that YOU believe you're right, and, really, that's all that matters, isn't? No, of course not. So, I fired off an email to the Austin Police Department (only Texas law enforcement agency I could find in under 5 minutes) and asked them. >>Hi, >>I've got a quick question that I think you can answer. Are the Texas >>State Police the same thing as the Texas Rangers? Their reply: >The Texas Department of Public Safety (State Police or State Troopers) >do commission Texas Rangers. Glad that's all cleared up! Who the HELL is this idiot? He didn't answer my question at all! So, State Troopers commission Texas Rangers, huh? Well, what does that mean? The Chief Justice swears in the President, but that doesn't make Clinton a judge. (By the way, the department Screw it, I don't care. Here are the answers: 1. What disease are deer ticks most commonly the cause of? Lyme disease 2. Jason and the Argonauts sailed on what ship? I thought it was the Argos, but most of you said "the Argo". Whatever. 3. What was the password that enabled David, played by poor driver Matthew Broderick, to hack into NORAD's WOPR computer in 1983's Wargames? Joshua 4. What is the name given to a spinning disc used to stabilize an object? A Gyroscope. 5. Who ended their weekly variety show by singing (and God forgive me for remembering this): "May tomorrow Be a perfect day May you find love and laughter Along the way. May God keep you In his tender care 'Til He brings us together again. G'night everybody!!" Donny & Marie Osmond 6. Who wrote each of the following books: a. "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret?" Judy Blume b. "Rumblefish" S.E. Hinton c. "Beezus & Ramona" Beverly Cleary (Who lives in Seattle and turned 81 a few months ago.) d. "Flowers in the Attic" VC Andrews (People often ask me if Ms. Andrews really was a Viet Cong. Actually, yes. Yes, she was.) 7. Where do the swallows return to each year? Capistrano 8. If ol' Benjamin Franklin had his way, what would our national bird be? The grand and majestic turkey. 9. Who liked the Remington electric razor so much that he bought the company? Victor Kiam 10. OK, *kinda* tough physics question to weed out the wimps: After church, I swing my little brother around and around by his tie until his feet leave the ground in a fun form of the old "Airplane" game. His body is exerting centrifugal force on the tie. What is the tie exerting on my brother? Centripetal Force Sorry the answers were a little bare. Like I said, I'm in a hurry today. Stay tuned for today's quiz, where our CGC is TBA!! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 11/12/97 Date: Thu, 13 Nov 1997 09:51:13 -0500 The Daily Answers 11/12/97 by Dave George Today's winner is Meredith Linberger! I think this is Meredith's second win! Meredith got 'em all right AND she added lacrosse to her last answer. Meredith wins a new lint brush! The lint brush is NOT an invention of a Swiss man who went walking in the woods, as so many of you claimed. We had a lot of second place finishers: Paula Laughlin Jeff Marciano (first day back from suspension and he scores big!) Melissa Sinunu John Hering Andrea Imparato John Clanton! The Daily Quiz welcomes its second International Contestant, Kai Wakeling, from Jamaica! Welcome, Kai! (Or as you say in Jamaica, "Say, can I have some of your marijuana cigarette?") Here are the answers! 1. What are the "snares" on a snare drum? They are the metal coils that stretch across the bottom of the drum. They vibrate when the drum is struck and give it that "rat-a-tat" sound. (As opposed to that "bonk-bonk-bonk" sound.) 2. Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable? Didn't trip up too many of you on this one. The tomato is a fruit. Dan Rippel explains: "It is a product of the flowering part of the plant and contains the seeds." How did it get its name? Sharon Presley remembers well her visit to Monticello: "The fully ripe color of red was frightening to the settlers as anything red was usually considered dangerous and deadly and thus the tomato was avoided. However, our founding father Thomas Jefferson, being obviously of superior intelligence equivalent only to that of the DQ Master himself, enjoyed these tasty treats. Then when anyone asked what they were, people would respond, "Tom ate those!" Eventually, this all ran together coming out more as tom-ate-toes. (Say it six times really quick!) Hence the name: tomatoes." 3. How many cabinet posts exist in the current Presidential administration? I'd like to take a moment to recognize Wes Nau, because, I mean, if *I* have to suffer through his weird-assed answers you people should, too. For example, remember a couple questions ago? The snare question? Wes answered "Snake eggs". Wussup widdat? And for this question, here was Wes's response: "let me see.... in my house I have 5 cabinets one for beer one for cigarettes one for my wood chipper one for my shrinky dinks one for old toilet paper tubes sooo... i would say clinton also has 5 cabinets one for to keep the pot he never inhaled one to keep the ugly stick he hits Hillary with one to keep the bag on nickels he hits Tipper Gore in the face with one to hold secret white water documents and one to hold his luggage so he can pack his shit and haul ass in 3 years." Thanks Wes, that was a really good answer! (Probably safer to humor him.) Anyway, there are 14 cabinet posts. Here they are: Department of Agriculture Department of Commerce Department of Defense Department of Education Department of Energy Department of Health and Human Services Department of Housing and Urban Development Department of Interior Department of Justice Department of Labor Department of State Department of Transportation Department of Treasury Department of Veterans Affairs I will admit that I had to look them all up on the web. Here's a great exchange from the hilarious movie "Broadcast News", starring William Hurt and Albert Brooks: "Can you name all the members of the cabinet?" "Look, I'm not going to take a quiz for you." "No, you don't have to recite them, just tell me if you know them. Yes or no?" "Yes." "All thirteen?" " Yes!" "There's only twelve." "You're feeling pretty good about yourself right now, aren't you?" "I'm starting to, yeah." (I guess they've added a couple since then.) 4. Where is Mir Aimal Kasi from? Pakistan, the country which is currently competing with Iraq for your tourist dollars. 5. What is the name of the Russian space station? Mir 6. Who ended his news broadcasts with, "And that's the way it is..."? Walter Cronkite. Little known fact about Mr. Cronkite: He actually has twelve fingers and toes. I made that up, and I'm sorry. 7. In the movie The Breakfast Club, where did Anthony Michael hall claim to have a girlfriend? "In his shorts." - Steve Steger. No, Steve, that was Bender's marijuana which resided in Big Bry's shorts. Cynthia Priolet said, "In the Mir space station." Nice little callback there, Cynthia. It was Canada, or, as Bender said in the movie, "The Niagara Falls area." 8. International cold war terrorist, Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, was known by what name? "Ivan Drago" - Kate Kirkpatrick "The Iguana" - Steve Steger "Chuck" - James Flint "Illin' Illich" - Dan Rippel "Poquitos Keebleros" - Shane Sleighter The correct answer is "Carlos the Jackal." Ol' Carlos will likely be in the news a lot soon because of the movie coming out, so if you want to be the coolest one at the party (unless I'm there, in which case, you know, get in line) check out this article on him: http://www.emergency.com/carlos-j.htm 9. 50 years ago, a Swiss inventor found that his pants were covered in burrs after walking outside. This led him to invent what now-ubiquitous product? Shane Sleighter said, "Cheese". Very, very close, Shane. You freak. The actual answer is Velcro. "Velcro" is a combination of "velour" and "crochet". 10. (Got this one from Headline Sports) What is the only major sport invented in the US which is not derived from another sport? Basketball. Personally, I think this is BS. Steve Diamond said lacrosse, and that was the answer I shouted out to my imaginary friends last night while watching Headline News. Either they don't count lacrosse as a major sport or they want to be strict about the fact that lacrosse was invented by Indians before the US was the US. Or they didn't think of lacrosse. Stay tuned for today's DQ, where our CGC will be Paula Poundstone!! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 11/13/97 Date: Sat, 15 Nov 1997 14:32:56 -0500 The Daily Answers 11/13/97 by Dave George The Daily Answers 11/13/97 by Dave George OK, sorry this is late, but I've been a little busy. First, we need to clear something up from the last quiz. In the 11/12 answers I passed along Sharon Presley's account on the origin of the word "Tomato", and was immediately INUNDATED with an email from Dan Rippel. Dan said, "I can't believe that this is true. The earliest English settlers arrived in the 1500s. So, am I to believe that from then to around 1770, the Colonists went around saying: "Hey dont eat those red thingys or, um, whatyacallits that Tom will eat two hundred years from now." He then dug a little deeper and found the origin of the word is South American. Well, not wanting to leave any stone unturned regarding this important matter, I fired off an email to the California Tomato Board (motto: "More ketchup?") asking them to settle this dispute once and for all. Here was the reply: Dave, Thank you for visiting the Tomato Page. While it is true that Jefferson was one of the first to plant and eat tomatoes in the U.S., the rest of it is nice sounding tourist stuff. Tomatoes are a relative of nightshade and people used to think they were poisonous, so what he did was really something. Tomatoes is derived from the word tomatl, which is of South American origin, possibly Aztec, I think. Tomatoes are originally from South America. And that's the Truth., Beth Weibert Well, there ya have it. And for leading the Daily Quizmaster astray, what does Sharon Presley win? Hey, what's that noise? Do you hear it?? BWAAAAAAAAAMP!!!!! It's the new DQ Suspension Foghorn!!!! Later, Sharon! See ya in two days!! Now, for us remaining contestants, my congratulations on not being suspended. It's a good feeling, isn't it? Here are the answers: 1. "Mmmm, Mmmmm! Goooood cracker!!" a. Who said it? A lot of you said "Eddie Murphy". Apparently that's from "Raw" or something. I was looking for Andy Griffith. b. What was he refering to? Ritz Crackers. 2. What Beatles album cover depicted the Fab Four walking across the street? Abbey Road. 3. How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb? (Let me just preface the answer by saying I have the utmost respect for our Vietnam vets. As a vet who found himself overseas during the Gulf War (well, I *WAS*), I can fully appreciate the horrors of war. Back in the First Cavalry, we used to have a saying in times of imminent danger. It went like this: "RUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!" Anyway, how many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb? "You don't know, man, CUZ YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!!" That's one of my favorite "lightbulb" jokes. Hats off to John Hering for being the only one to know this one. But some of your answers were pretty darn funny, too: "Zero, with proper hallucinigens, the lightbulb will change itself." - Dave Rogers "2 - the one with no legs sits on the shoulders of the one with no arms." - Jeff Marshall & Al Hering "One to change the bulb, one to cover the guy changing it and one to cut pieces off the old bulb for souvenirs." - Kate Kirkpatrick "5: 2 TO SECURE THE AREA 1 TO HOLD THE LADDER 1 TO CHANGE THE BULB 1 TO HOLD THE BOTTLE OF J.D." - Mike Rolfes The winner on this question was Scott Day. His answer, amazingly, included the actual punchline to the joke. Here it is: "How can I think of anything funny? You just weren't THERE man! O.K. five! Is that what you wanted to hear ? FIVE! Like the night that those five sappers came through the wire while Johnny was takin' a shit in the latrine just five feet from our hole. Oh jezeus, man, and Johnny, he's shittin' right, and he don't even know what the hell hits him. My sixty is pumpin' and shakin' and lightin' up the night and I can't even think `cuz all I hear is Johnny screamin' for toilet paper (his wife sent it for their goddam first wedding anniversary). Then BOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!! And its all shit and toilet paper and Johnny spewn all over the place. <> Oh, for the love of God, I can't go on <> Yeah, yeah there were five." 4. Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness" was the basis for what movie? Apocalypse Now 5. Of the 14 cabinet posts we learned about yesterday, which is the only one who's Big Boss is not refered to as "Secretary"? The Justice Department. The Attorney General heads this cabinet post. 6. Who is the chairman of the Palestine Liberation Organization? Yassir Arafat 7. Name one article of clothing or accessory which is not currently in style in the United States. "A Cape" - Dan Rippel "Knickerbockers" - Dave Rogers "A Bonnet" - Andrea Imparato "Penis Rings" - John Brence (Oh, but when they were in style back in high school, John was the fashion PLATE!" "Chemin de Fers" - Melissa Sinunu (I'm afraid I don't know what these are, but since they're not in style, I guess that's a good thing.) "Men's Thong Bikine" and "Pasties" - Millie Perrine (Well, no, certainly not at the same time, Mills.) "Turbin" - Pat George (The DC cab drivers union would disagree, Pat.) "Hair Picks" - Sandi Rothman 8. What number has mystical or lucky connotations for Koreans? John Hering said, "Since you made it the EIGHTH question of the quiz I'll guess 8." Wow, I hadn't even thought about that, but the answer actually is 88. 9. What's the best KISS song? First, let's take care of the public humiliations, shall we? Some bad, bad people answered with things like, "Who?", "There is no answer to this question.", or "They have yet to write one." First of all, I guess I can forgive you for not knowing who KISS is. Young'uns like Marc Rowley were too busy not being born yet to take notice of the international phenomenon that was KISS. But Steve Diamond? John Hering? Wes Nau? Pat George?? (My own flesh and blood???) How could you guys answer "There isn't one." That makes no sense. Even if you thought their music sucked, there has to be a "best" song. Please don't argue with me on this one, I'm still fuming from your insolence and don't want to have to suspend you otherwise fine contestants. >From our right-minded members, here's how the voting came out: "Rock and Roll All Night" - 10 "Beth" - 8 "Detroit Rock City" - 8 "Back in the New York Groove" - 2 (Both Trip Morano and Steve Boswell answered this. They hang out a lot. Listening to KISS records, apparently.) "Dr. Love" - 2 "I Love it Loud" - 2 "God of Thunder" - 2 "Christine 16" - 2 "Let's Put the X in Sex" - 1 "Cold Gin" - 1 "Strutter" - 1 "Crazy Nights" - 1 and "Amy" - 1 (I've never ever heard of this song.) So, what's the right answer? "Detroit Rock City"! Congratulations to you eight. 10. Lee Iacoca, savior of Chrysler, was the head of the design team for what eventual classic car at another company? The Ford Mustang. Almost everyone got this. Sean Kennealy shares a nice story: "The Ford Mustang. I purchased a 1966 Mustang when I was in the 10th grade (got the money from my paper route - Wash Post 82 daily papers, 118 sunday papers) for $450. I fixed it up (took auto shop in high school and learned all about cars, was a hobby of mine in high school) and sold it 4 months later for $2000. I then used this money to purchase a 1967 Porsche 912. Fixed that up and drove it for 3.5 years. At Va Tech, went fishing one day and had a few too many beers, and decided to see how fast I could get it going on windy, country roads. Pushed her a little too hard and blew the engine. Drank the rest of the beer. I think I even caught some nice smallmouth that day." Well, that's all for this DQ. Oh, you're probably wondering who won this round. Nobody. It was a 35-way tie. Congratulations to all of you!! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 11/14/97 Date: Sat, 15 Nov 1997 15:07:13 -0500 The Daily Answers 11/14/97 by Dave George Friday's winner was Rachel Rolitsky!! Rachel wins a picture of Queen Elizabeth II picking her nose with a white-gloved finger. I've attached the picture to the quiz, but please, only Rachel look at it, OK? Congratulations, Rachel!! 1. If the fiftieth anniversary is the "Golden Anniversary", what is the first? Paper 2. And what would be a really BAD gift to give your spouse on this anniversary? Most of you said, "Toilet Paper." Others include: Divorce Papers Origami "A naked picture of you and your mistress playing twister." - John Brence A few of you said "Deodorant", which isn't paper, so I guess that's an even worse present, cuz it doesn't even follow the theme. 3. Name one birth control method that they don't teach in school and may or may not actually work. Be creative. The only good answers are unprintable. Sorry. But I enjoyed them. 4. What's the medical (Latin) term for the rhythm method? "Humpus Interuptus" - Rachel Rolitsky Actually, of course, it's "Coitus Interuptus". 5. Let's just SAY that you need a few extra bucks in a hurry, and you decide to make a cameo in a porn. What will your porn name be? Lots of good names, but I don't have time to list them all, cuz I'm going to go see "The Jackal". "Max Pleasure" - John Hering "Haywood Jablome" - Mike Waite "Studs Terkel" - Dan Rippel (Dan wins "Best Use of an Actual Name".) Worst name? Sara Bradley's: "Marge Rosenplatz" 6. While we're on the subject, what Adult Film did Bob Woodward's super-secret watergate informant borrow his/her codename from? Deep Throat 7. Which of the following actually IS the name of a sexual position, and which did I make up? "The Easy Putt" - Made it up. "Monkey Clasping From a Tree" - Real. "Workerman's Lunch Hour" - Made it up. "The X-wing Fighter" - Made it up. 8. Please answer the following questions from TV's hit show, "The Love Boat": a. What was the name of the ship? The Pacific Princess b. Name two decks on the ship. Lido, Acapulco, Fiesta, and Promenade. c. What current TV star got her start playing the Loveboat Mermaid for one season? Teri Hatcher d. Which of the crew had a real-life coke habit? Lauren Tewes, who played "Julie, the coked up Cruise Director". e. Which member of the crew should have been keel-hauled? ("Keel-hauling" is an old naval punishment where the person's legs are tied to a rope, he's pushed off the bow of the moving boat, and pulled up again when he reaches the stern.) I accepted either Vicki Stubing or the photographer guy who went on to play the lesbian neighbor's husband on "Married With Children." Both of them coulda used some killin'. 9. Name one Hollywood celebrity who is NOT rumored to be gay. Shane Sleighter said "Jim J. Bullock", which is so very, very wrong. I actually attended a Christmas party at a friend's house (Steve Moore, who had that awful HBO comedy hour, "The Power of HIV-Positive Thinking." Ewww, what a stinker.) and Jim J. Bullock was there. And I can tell you without doubt that Jim J. Bullock...is...a gay. 10. What high school dance gets its name from the French word "To walk", although that's the last thing on the mind of attendees? Prom. From "Promenade". Great job, folks. Way to go, Rachel! Dave --------------------------------------------------------------------- [Image] Subject: The Daily Answers 11/17/97 Date: Tue, 18 Nov 1997 08:08:57 -0500 The Daily Answers 11/17/97 by Dave George While the DQ gains a few new players every week, I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome one in particular. Mr. Jason Schaefer, of Arlington, VA! Jason is a potato farmer who enjoys wrestling with the men down at the creek. He's also my roommate. Walking by our place in Arlington, one can often hear me exclaim, "Jason! My carpets! Have you been wrestling with those men down by the creek again?!" Then you'll usually hear Jason reply in long streams of unintelligible jabber, as he does not speak a lick of English. Anyway, welcome, Jason! Today's big winner is Stephan Diamond!! Stephan wins my collection of "Doogie Howser, M.D." tapes!! The collection contains every episode except #112, "Doogie Loses Another One". 1. What animal is also known as "Carcharadon Carcharias"? An awful lot of you said "The Cockroach". That's actually very, very close. Because the correct answer, "The Great White Shark", is a not-so-distant cousin of the Cockroach. No, wait, it's the Hammerhead shark that's the cousin of the Great White. I always get those confused. Kudos to Al Hering who not only knew the answer, but included the lines from Jaws where they say it. Here it is: "Look Mr. Vaughn. I pulled a tooth the size of a shot glass out of the wrecked hull of a boat out there and it was the tooth of a Great White." "It was Ben Gardner's boat, it was all chewed up. I helped tow it in, you should have seen him!" "Where, where is that tooth. Did you see it Brody?" "No I didn't see it, he, he dropped it. We had a little accident on the way in." "I had an accident." "And what did you say the name of this shark is?" "It's a carcharodon carcharias. It's a Great White!" Rock on, Al. 2. What politician got his dubious start during the Tawana Brawley case? That would be the most Reverend Al Sharpton. 3. Give two hairstyles that are named after an ethnic group. The three most popular answers were the Afro, the Mohawk, and the French Braid. (Contestant Joe Lynch has worn all three at some point in his life.) Also: The Guido - Wes Nau The French Bob - Shane Sleighter French Twist - Melissa Sinunu And my favorite: "The High and Tighty Whitey" - Pat George 4. Who was Big Bird's elusive friend, thought to be imaginary by everyone else? Snuffleupagus. 5. What's the capital of Missouri? I can't BELIEVE how many of you answered "Parkay" for this one! What a bunch of moro--oh, shoot, I did it again. OK, never mind. You guys did pretty good on this one. The answer's "Jefferson City". 6. Name the product: "It's not nice to fool Mother Nature!" "Parkay Margarine." 7. Name the movie: "Hope you stick with it. Surfing's the source. Change your life, swear to God." OK, that was kinda hard, so here's another quote from the same movie: "Now for Christ's sake, does either one of you have anything even remotely interesting to tell me?" "I caught my first tube today, sir." Point Break. Let me just for one moment defend this flick against all you who trashed it in your answers. This represents some of the finest cinematography of the modern era. I mean, when Lori Petty changes out of her bikini by the side of the road? How gripping was that? You couldn't see anything, but OH, how you tried! I was going to tell you about how Keanu worked out at my gym in West Hollywood, and how he let me ride his Norton motorcycle, but now I'm not even going to bring it up. 8. Who's married to Connie Chung? Best answer: "Jackie Chan" - Shane Sleighter Runner up: "Wang Chung" - Wes Nau Correct answer: "Maury Povich" 9. What is the most expensive federal building ever built? All you Washington Post readers knew that it was the Ronald Reagan Building. 10. What position did Babe Ruth begin his baseball career playing? Pitcher. Thanks to Chris White for sending me this question. Chris is the man behind the Internet's #1 humor publication, the Top5 List. Check it out at www.topfive.com Great job, kids. Some of you have been coming along quite nicely. Wes, I'd like to see you apply yourself a little more. Oh yeah, Sharon, welcome back. Hope your time off was restful and productive. Now everyone get cracking on today's quiz, which you should have already gotten. Scoot! All my love, Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 11/18/97 Date: Wed, 19 Nov 1997 10:22:21 -0500 The Daily Answers 11/18/97 by Dave George Well, we got a reply from the Washington Post's Bob Levey! Here it is: "if i have time" Thanks, Bob!! You rock. Our winner today should stand tall and proud, as she earned a PERFECT SCORE!!!! Ms. Melissa Sinunu, of San Diego, California is our big winner!!! Melissa wins a yellow-green suit once worn by Corey Feldman during a court hearing where he was appearing on heroin charges!! Way to go, Melissa! Here are the answers: Oh, wait, I just got my little brother's answers (he's a senior at Robinson) and I just gotta say that he didn't get SQUAT right, but man they were funny. Matt, I've never seen anyone get so few correct, yet score so highly. You are inspiration to simple peoples the world over. 1. Name something the Greeks or the Romans DON'T have a god for. This was pretty interesting, because your responses tended to fall into one of three categories: Food, Computers, and Bodily Functions. Very telling indeed. I've broken them down by category. ****FOOD GODS**** "Toast" - Birgitt Tangermann "Twinkies" - Melissa Sinunu "Jello" - Stephan Diamond "Zagnutius: God of Candy Bars" - Al Hering "Pop Tarts" - Andrea Imparato "Cap'n Crunch" - Jason Schaefer ****COMPUTER GODS**** "Computers" - Dave Rogers, Jonathan Kaplan "The Internet" - Karen Schulstad "Memory" - Meredith Linberger (Probably not the kind of memory she meant, but it fits.) "The Intel 8086 family of processors." - Dan Rippel ****TOILET GODS**** "Porcelain God" - Millie Perrine "Flatulence" - Scott Day "Butt Seepage" - Karl Rothman "Underwear Holes" - Kate Kirkpatrick "Toilet Paper" - Pat George "Passing Gas" - Scott Agee "Going to the Can" - Grant Baker Here are some others that don't fit a category. "Yodeling" - Matt George (This wasn't one of Matt's funny ones.) "Intoxication" - Dave Hagler "Fashion" - Kai Wakeling "Incest" - Mike Waite "Rugburn" - JP Xenakis "Me" - Marc Rowley "Toga Parties" - Jim Clark "Morning Wood" - Steve Boswell "Music Videos" - John Hering "Sensible Footwear" - Chris De Santis "Naked Hot Oil Wrestling" - James Donahue "Cell Phones" - Mike Rolfes "Lint Balls" - Wes Nau And having just returned from visiting his family in El Salvador, Shane Sleighter came up with: "Mulanamus, God of the pack mules that, no matter how often you poke them with sharp sticks, still poop in the Market Place." 2. Name the song: "Picture yourself in a boat on a river..." "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" 3. Who did Mark David Chapman shoot and kill? John Lennon "Himself" - Matt 4. Who tried to shoot President Ford? "The list is long but distinguished." - Matt (nice Top Gun reference, Matt.) Squeaky Fromme and Sarah Jane Moore "Women do some things so half-assed." - Sean Boyle And proving yet again the "Six Degrees of Separation" theory, Melissa Sinunu tells the DQ that Sarah Jane Moore was her father's law partner's babysitter. 5. Hey, let's stick with this theme. Who did Mehmet Ali Agca try to kill in 1981? I'll give you a hint: This person still holds the same position he held back then. "James Brady" - Matt (God help us in the future.) Pope John Paul II 6. Three-parter: After shooting his target, this assasin jumped from the balcony shouting Virginia's state motto, and broke his leg. a. Who was the assasin? John Wilkes Booth b. What did he shout? OK, there were some funny ones here. "Carpe Feminus!" --"Seize the Woman!" (Chris De Santis) "Carpe Viginia!" --"Seize the Virgin Queen" (Shane Sleighter) "Id est gunman lonus morte Kennedy" --"A lone gunman killed Kennedy." - Steve Diamond Correct answer: "Sic Semper Tyrannis" Incorrect translation: "Always Sic Your Dog on Tyrants" - Dan Rippel Correct translation: - "Thus Always to Tyrants" c. What's the English translation? d. Who set his leg? (Hint: One of his descendants is a network news anchor.) Yeah, yeah, it was a four-parter. Thank you all soooooo much for pointing it out. Best answer here was little Matty's: "Stonewall Phillips" Correct answer is: "Dr. Samuel Mudd" (Roger Mudd is a descendant of his.) 7. How many people did Charles Manson kill? None. 8. Whose assasination touched off World War I? Archduke Ferdinand 9. Who does Reggie Jackson try to assasinate in The Naked Gun? Queen Elizabeth II 10. Sylvester Stallone and Antonio Banderas have only appeared in one film together. What was it? "They played a couple of assasins who try to assasinate the same target and then try to assasinate each other. But for the life of me i can't remember the name of the movie." - Matt The answer is: Assasins. A fine quiz, I think. IMPORTANT NOTE: Include the questions with your answers, don't just list a bunch of answers. Some of your answers are so out-there that I can't even recall what the question was. Congratulations again to our big winner, Melissa Sinunu! She's done our San Diego contingent proud. Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 11/19/97 Date: Thu, 20 Nov 1997 10:54:28 -0500 The Daily Answers 11/19/97 by Dave George Today's winner is Dr. Bill Tyrrel!!! Bill once owned a beautiful, hand-painted wooden chest, depicting the animals boarding Noah's ark. But then DQ Contestant Sean Kennealy and I accidentally dropped it off the third floor roof of his house while helping him move. Hope this makes up for it, Bill! Bill wins a new Sears Craftsman biscuit joiner!!! Attaboy, Bill!! 1. What are the two possible colors of a laser? Jeez, I don't know. I was watching CNN the other night and they did a story about those nutty kids at UCSB who have developed a blue laser. THEY said that it's better than the OTHER color of laser, red, for a number of reasons. THEREFORE, I deduced, as would any right-minded person, that there were two different colors. But then Steve Steger sent me a whole lot of baloney (and when you're talking science that's really all it is) about all the different colors of --blah, blah, blah. 2. How did the two wicked witches die in The Wizard of Oz? DQ newcomer, Erika Orban, flexed her trivia muscle with "There is only one wicked witch and a house fell on her." Oh, you were only off by one. Welcome to the Daily Quiz. Chris De Santis, can you help her out? "Sure, Dave!" "There was only one wicked witch and she died when water came in contact with her skin." Doh! Is it getting dumb in here, or is just me? Put these two together and you get one right answer. 3. December 7th, 1941 is significant in U.S. history for what reason? Boy, some of your answers led me to believe you lost a favorite uncle at Pearl Harbor. This famous sneak attack (or, in Japanese, "Atacky Sneaky-Sneaky") was immortalized in the classic film, "Fiddler on the Roof", the story of one man's heroic efforts to play his violin on top of the PX while Honolulu burned. 4. What's a group of crows called? A murder. Al Hering--"Targets" Steve Boswell --"Targets" I'd like to just go on record here as being whole-heartedly opposed to hunting. Allan, do you eat the crows you shoot out of trees from pretty far away, demonstrating AMAZING marksmanship? Oh wait, that was me. Sorry. Bill Tyrrel had a clever answer: A CrowD. 5. Name four famous Khans. (And quicher bitchin, I can think of five off the top of my head.) I accepted: Khubla Khan Ghengis Khan Khan from Star Trek Chaka Khan The Aga Khan Madeline Kahn (spelling is different, but...) I did not accept, but like anyway: Billy "White Shoes" Khan - Chris De Santis Pee Khan - Dan Rippel Khan Air - Shane Sleighter Ku Klux Khan - Many of you James Khan - Many, many of you Khan Fung Woo - Jeff Marciano (Jeff's "first", while not being famous, she still deserves credit.) Shao Khan - Pat George King Khan - Sean Boyle 6. An Army General with one star is called what? All of you who said "One Star General" please stand up. Come on, stand up, you know who you are. Now the rest of you take a good look at them. Is this how you people want to end up? Like them? Like Al Hering over there? You think he's funny? You think this is cute? You think he's bitchin', is that it? Lemme tell you something. Look at him, he's a bum. You wanna see something funny? You go visit Al Hering in five years! You'll see how God damned funny he is! What's the matter, Al? You gonna cry? Let's go... Oh, sorry, I was channeling The Breakfast Club's Mr. Verner there for a second. Ummm, where were we? Oh yeah, the correct answer is: Brigadier General 7. In Swingers, where did they roadtrip? Vegas 8. Sharks have poor eyesight. True or False? This was definitely the most lopsided response we at the DQ have received in many years. Only two people got this right. And one of them was a Veterinarian! Only Dr. Bill Tyrrel, an animal cardiologist, and Karl Rothman, an animal (according to the Mrs.), answered with "False". You see, my friends, the shark actually has pretty darn good vision. They see some color, have ocular accuity which rivals humans, and can detect light at depths were man sees only darkness. 9. What is the basic unit of currency in India? The Rupee But here were some interesting variations on this answer The Rupel The Rubble The Rupe The Sand Dollar 10. The Soviet Union's "Spetsnaz" was comparable to what in the U.S.? So many wrong answers, so little time. But the right answer is: "The Army Special Forces". Stay tuned for today's quiz which will be on a theme of Urban Legends!! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 11/20/97 Date: Fri, 21 Nov 1997 10:38:26 -0500 The Daily Answers 11/20/97 by Dave George I have to admit that this has been a humbling DQ for the QuizMaster here. I thought that I was sure of the veracity of each of these stories, but I found that I was wrong on a couple. And I still haven't made up my mind on a couple. HOWEVER, there are some Urban Legends that are so obviously false that I shall not entertain arguments to the contrary. Even if it *did* happen to your coworker's husband's cousin. How are we determining the authenticity of these tales? The Urban Legends Archive is a pretty good resource. For years it's collected evidence from countless sources to either confirm or deny these stories. Check it out at www.urbanlegends.com And I *know* that I left out your favorite legends. I only had ten to work with, dammit. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have cursed. But don't you see how frustrated you make me?! OK, maybe we can make this a monthly thing. Now, who won? Well, we actually have a tie. SCOTT DAY and BRIAN O'ROURKE!!!!!!! HOW do I determine the winner of each quiz? This needs to be explained every couple weeks as new players join and dumb players forget. It is NOT *always* a question of total number of correct answers, although that is certainly the biggest part. It's a "feeling" that I get from the monitor while reading your quiz. The Hopi indians call this...well, actually they didn't have computers so they didn't have a word for it, forget it. Scott and Brian win a year's supply of Dinty Moore stew! 1. A fire helicopter scooped up a load of seawater in its bucket and delivered it to a raging forest fire. After the fire was put out, the smoldering remains of what was found in the forest? A SCUBA Diver!! Is this true? Nope, no way. There are protective grates on the water intake doors. Some web research revealed: "As it happens, I am currently involved in a project under which my employer is considering financing the acquisition of a CL-415 (improved version of the CL-215) by a country in the Mediterranean. So I've had several opportunities to personally inspect various examples of both the CL-215 and the CL-415. I also have some technical documentation and contacts at Canadair. The scoop doors are little hinged affairs with a cross-section of 76.2mm x 127mm (ie 3inch x 5inch). Moreoever, each scoop has grid of vanes inside it to help guide the water flow, so that the actual openings through which water is collected have a cross-section of roughly 1inch square. Some easily available references: _Flight International_, 11-17 October 1995, has an evaluation of the CL-415 that includes a cut-away which shows the location and relative size of the scoops. No scale is given, but the relative size is clear (you can barely see the things). _Air Pictorial_, May 1996, has a history of the CL-215 and CL-415 aircraft, withdetailed plans for the CL-415, which also show the size of the scoops. These plans are to scale (they are intended for model builders)." 2. Craig Shergold, a sick boy in England, wanted to make it into the Guinness Book of World Records by having the largest collection of these, which he asked people to mail to him. What was he collecting? Get Well cards. Is this a true story? Sure is. Little Craig was dying of a brain tumor and wanted to set a world record before they tucked him in for his dirt nap. Word went out and he collected millions and millions of cards, landing him in the book. But now it's over, and he still gets thousands of cards mailed to him. To top it all off, the kid didn't even die. The doctors operated on his tumor and he lived. What a gyp. 3. According to Urban Legend, what man-made object is visible from space? The Great Wall of China True? This one's a little involved. Some people claim that it's visible from the MOON, and some say SPACE. Seems that this rumor started during the Apollo space missions, where reporters wrote that Buzz Aldrin could see the Great Wall during his space walk. This wasn't true. But Space Shuttle astronauts, orbiting the earth at a much lower altitude COULD see the Great Wall and other objects. My tireless research revealed the following from the journal _Science News_, December 24 & 31, 1994, volume 146, nos. 26 & 27, pages 417-448, in the article entitled *Earthmovers: Humans take their place alongside wind, water, and ice*, pp 432-433: For the record, Apollo astronauts could not see the Great Wall of China or other evidence of human existence from a distance of 400,000 kilometers. "That's a misconception. Journalists have fallen into that trap just to be sensationalistic," he decries. If truth be told, Aldrin didn't spend much time peering homeward or cogitating his place in the cosmos. "The human astronaut is not able to look for the Great Wall on Earth. He's not able to philosophize on the meaning of life. He's focused on his job in front of him, which is not tripping over the television cable." >From their vantage point only a few hundred kilometers above Earth's surface, astronauts aboard the space shuttle can easily make out *Homo Sapiens'* handiwork. Urban sprawl, ribbons of roads, quilted cropland, razed patches of forest, and some national boundries show up. Yes, even the Great Wall stands out amid the Chinese countryside when the sun hits it just right. "We do clearly see ways in which human beings are changing the surface of the planet," says shuttle asronaut Jeffrey Hoffman. 4. Once, on "The Newlywed Game", what was the famous response to the question, "Where is the strangest place you've ever made love?" "That would be in the butt, Bob." True? Nope. On the Alex Bennett Show on "live 105", 105.3 FM out of San Francisco they interviewed Bob Eubanks. At the end of the interview they said they wanted to ask him just one more question. Before the first word of the question, he answered "No -- it never happened". When they asked THE question, he answered that he KNEW that was what it was going to be, and that his answer was just what he said -- no, never happened, and he stands by his offer of $10,000 to anyone with evidence that it did. 5. True or False? Bath water drains the other way round in the other hemisphere, due to Coriolis. I'll admit that I've always thought that this was true. A couple of you swear to have firsthand knowledge that it is not. The UL Hompage claims it's not true, either. But, they do say that if you take great pains you can isolate the Coriolis effect. In case you've forgotten your physics, the Coriolis Force is the effect that the rotation of the Earth has on wind, projectiles, and other stuff. Care to see just how involved an argument this is? I found this: The governing equations for a homogeneous, incompressible inviscid fluid are the Euler equations. When you add the vertical component of the Coriolis force, you get: du du du dh -- + u -- + v -- - f*v = -g -- dt dx dy dx dv dv dv dh -- + u -- + v -- + f*u = -g -- dt dx dy dy dh dh dh du dv -- + u -- + v -- + h -- + h -- = 0 dt dx dy dx dy 6. Two students at a university find a rolled-up carpet on the street and carry it back to their dorm. Upon unrolling it, the find (gasp!) what inside?? A Dead Body! True? Apparently so. While I find it hard to believe that three people could carry a rolled up carpet to their dorm without wondering why it's about 170 pounds too heavy, documentation does exist. On January 30, 1984 the Times reported (Section II, p2, col3) >'THREE STUDENTS DISCOVER CORPSE IN A CARPET FOUND ON STREET' >Three Columbia University students who picked up a discarded, rolled-up >carpet from a West Side sidewalk yesterday discovered a corpse inside >when they took it home, the police said. >"They thought they were going to decorate their little dorm room," said >police Lieutenant James McKenna. "Then they unrolled it and found a body >The unidentified body was described as a black male in his 20's with >two bullet wounds to the head. Authorities said the students found the >carpet in the Morningside Heights section, near the Columbia Campus. 7. A science professor is lecturing his class on the sugar content of sperm. Girl raises her hand and asks what? "So why does it taste so salty?" She is then said to have realized her inadvertant admission and run from the room. In some versions, the professor calls after her to the effect "Because our salt taste buds are located near the back of the throat!" Yeah, we've all gotten this email a thousand times. True? No, I doubt it. Only because EVERYONE claims to have been in the class. 8. Complete the missing element from this classic: A Woman, Peanut Butter, A Surprise Party, and a ____________. Dog. If you know the story, it's just another variation of the "Fart in the Dark" story. (You know, guy picks up girl for a date, puts her in the car, as he's walking around to the other side of the car she rips one, then he gets in and says, "I want you to meet Tom and Sally." refering to the couple sitting in the back seat.) True? Probably not. 9. How did Mikey from Life Cereal die? Pop Rocks and Coke. True or False? Definitely false, since he's still alive. But James Flint said: "He's dead? Oh sweet merciful crap! I heard he kept picking his belly button and one day he burst, sending him flying backwards out of the 8-floor window he was next to." 10. True or False: Alligators have been discovered in the sewers of New York City. True. There are more than a couple documented cases of relatively small alligators being found down there. Whether or not they actually live down there, or were found soon after being dumped is another story. Robert Daley in _The World Beneath the City_ writes that there was apparently a problem with alligators in the sewers in the 1930s. Former Commissioner of Sewers Teddy May personally inspected the sewers and told Daley that he found alligators with an average length of 2 feet. He then commenced on an eradication campaign and announed that all were exterminated by 1937. Ooh, what a fun quiz! Way to go, Scott and Brian! Stay tuned for today's DQ, where our CGC will be Mr. Bob Levey!! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 11/21/97 Date: Mon, 24 Nov 1997 10:45:07 -0500 The Daily Answers 11/21/97 by Dave George Today's Big Winner is Mr. Karl Rothman!!! Karl positively crushed this quiz. Karl wins a VHS copy of "Jerry Springer - Too Hot for TV", a compilation of clips from the Jerry Springer Show deemed unfit for television broadcast. (Frankly, that ought to be *all* of his shows, but, whatever.) 1. Who's reading of "War of the Worlds" over the radio scared a lot of really stupid people all over the country? Orson Welles (H.G. Wells wrote the book.) Thanks to Shane Sleighter for the following: As a side note, did you ever see the episode of Newhart were on Halloween the big Vermont radio station replays the broadcast and everyone comes to Dick's hotel to barracade themselves inside. And this conversation occurs: Mayor: "Dick it has to be true!! They are playing it on the radio!!" Newhart: "I think if we were under attack from Mars, they wouldn't interrupt the broadcast for commercial breaks." 2. Who's song "Cop Killer" made it difficult for him to find security willing to work his concerts, resulting in many cancelled performances? That would be Ice T's band, Bodycount. Thanks to Karen Schulstad, who included the lyrics: I got my black shirt on. I got my black gloves on. I got my ski mask on. This shit's been too long. I got my twelve gauge sawed off. I got my headlights turned off. I'm `bout to bust some shots off. I'm `bout to dust some cops off. chorus: COP KILLER, it's better you than me. COP KILLER, f**k police brutality! COP KILLER, I know your family's grievin' (F**K 'EM!) COP KILLER, but tonight we get even. I got my brain on hype. Tonight'll be your night. I got this long-assed knife, and your neck looks just right. My adrenaline's pumpin'. I got my stereo bumpin'. I'm 'bout to kill me somethin'. A pig stopped me for nuthin'! (chorus) DIE,DIE,DIE PIG,DIE! F**K THE POLICE!(repeat) (chorus) F**K THE POLICE!(repeat) F**K THE POLICE, for Darryl Gates. F**K THE POLICE, for Rodney King. F**K THE POLICE, for my dead homies. F**K THE POLICE, for your freedom. F**K THE POLICE, don't be a pussy. F**K THE POLICE, have some muthaf**kin' courage. F**K THE POLICE, sing along. COP KILLER!(repeat) I'm a muthaf**kin' COP KILLER! COP KILLER!(repeat) ************************ Ya know, I'm not much of a fan of Christian Rock, but this tune's kinda catchy. 3. Where did Custer make his last stand? Millie says: "Last Stand Hill, Battle of LIttle Big Horn, near Hardin, Montana." This reminds me of a pretty good joke: "The Longe Ranger and Tonto are riding through the west when there appears about 500 Sioux warriors looking for scalps. The Indians surround the two, and The Lone Ranger looks at Tonto and says, "Shit, we're in trouble." Tonto replies, "Who's 'we', paleface?" I love that one. 4. Will a penny dropped from the top of the Empire State Building really go through the roof of a car? If not, what will? No, this is actually another Urban Legend. Because the penny will tumble as it falls, it's terminal velocity is pretty slow. John Hering, an engineer, expands on this: "No. The height of the building is fairly unimportant so long as it is fairly high. I forget the exact height at which a penny will reach its terminal velocity, but I know it's much less than the height of the Empire State Building. In any case, a penny's terminal velocity is somewhere around 50 mph (maybe even less) which is not nearly fast enough to penetrate a steel car roof. You can test this by coming over to my place of business and tossing pennies off my 14 story building. The penny almost appears to drift downwards and then clanks relatively harmlessly off the sidewalk or noggins of unfortunate passersby. Prolly leave a good sized ding, though." So what *will* go through a car? Let's see what you had to say, shall we? "An Anvil" - Steve Boswell and Victoria Petersen (I believe that's true.) "Another car" - John Lame (Ummmm...Judges say 'nuh-uh'. John, we feel that another car will merely crush the roof of the car, and not go *through* the roof at all. Sorry.) "A Nickel" - Jim Clark (Ooh, this is a toughie. I think the same rule applies to the nickel as to the penny, but I like your incremental line of thought. I'm gonna accept it anyway." "Willard Scott or Al Roeker" - James Donahue (Please see "Car, Another".) "Lawn Dart" - Mike Waite (You betcha it would.) "Penny Marshall" - Matt George (He shoots, he SCORES!!) 5. Say, I was thinkin' about swingin' by the brewery where Laverne and Shirley work. Which one should I go to? Shottz Brewery I think that's how it's spelled. That's how Karl, our Big Winner, spelled it, so... 6. Name the movie: "You're goin' down, down, down! Red knight's goin' down! Down, down, down! Red knight's goin' down!" "The Cable Guy" Only five people got this one! James Flint Matt George Sean Boyle Wes Nau and Meredith Linberger 7. What's the name of the freak-fest in the Nevada desert which culminates with the burning of a large wooden man? Burning Man Man, almost *none* of y'all got this one. But Karl Rothman did. By the way, if anyone's up for planning a trip to Burning Man next year, I'm in. Check out the homepage at www.burningman.com 8. What group sang: "Why ya all comin' down on me tryin' to tell me how my life is supposed to be? I know you're only tryin' to help me out Tryin' to show me what life is really about. But this time I'm gonna make it, on my own So why don't you fellas just leave me alone? Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, and Mike If I love the girl who cares who you like?" New Edition 9. Who's the "Bobby" in the above lyrics? Bobby Brown 10. What makes you cry? In the "We Never Knew You Were So Sensitive" category we have Shane Sleighter: "When I see an elderly couple, holding hands and hugging, even after they have been married for 50 years. And then, as they pass by on the sidewalk outside of the electronics store, the old lady collapses and breaks her hip. In the excitement, the old man faints and falls down beside her. And as I roll my head back in uncontrollable laughter, I see on the display TV's that my fucking stock just plummeted 20 points." In the "Girly Answer To Manly Answer" category we have Steve Boswell: "Bambi, the movie. To get over the trauma I guess I'm gonna have to try to go shoot Bambi's uncle over Thanksgiving." In the "I Know I Shouldn't Laugh, But..." category we have Karen Schulstad: "I cry when I remember how my old dog, Joey, had a stroke and damaged one side of his brain and he could only walk in circles, so at Christmas one year my dad made a track in the snow around the tree in our front yard so he could take himself for a walk." Actually, Karen, my Grandmother was the exact same way. Man, I hate to end on a sad note like that, but we gotta jam. Thanks for sharing that with all of us, Karen. Stay tuned for today's Daily Quiz, where our CGC will NOT be Bob Levey! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 11/24/97 Date: Tue, 25 Nov 1997 10:34:03 -0500 The Daily Answers 11/24/97 by Dave George Today's Big Winner is Mr. Mike Waite!!! Mike is longshoreman who says he enjoys "reading the Washington Blade and working out with weights." Mike scored the absolute highest on today's quiz, so he wins a wonderful prize. It's a very rare Elvis stamp I have that is printed upside down. Oh wait, I was holding it wrong. Well, it's still cool. Way to go, Mike!! 1. Barry, Robin, and Maurice are better known as who? Yup, you all seemed to know that they are The Bee Gees. 2. What instrument did Mrs. Partridge play? Mrs. Partridge played the keyboard most of the time. However, if memory serves, she played the tamborine on "Brown Eyes" and "I Woke Up In Love This Morning". By the way, darn near every guy who didn't know the answer said "The Skinflute". 3. Who took Mary Jo Kopeckne swimming for the last time? This tasteless question refers to the infamous Chappaquidick incident where Ted Kennedy drove his car off a bridge and then took off for home, leaving young Mary Jo inside the car. 4. Back in the Cold War days, what did SAC do 24 hours a day that they no longer do? The Air Force's Strategic Air Command used to have a bomber in the air all the time. Juuuuuust waitin'. C'mon ya commie punks! COME on!!! "Damn, Dave, that there airplane must've had one helluva big fuel tank!" No, you see, they took turns. 5. Name the movie: "OK, but street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking, but not necessarily a misogynistic undertone." Gotta toss props the way of Meredith Linberger and John Hering. They were the only two that knew that this quote came from the movie Clueless. This was the scene where Cher and Dionne were walking with the new girl, Tai, and Dionne's boyfriend, Murray, came up and called her "Woman". 6. Whose sitcom wife always made tunafish casserole? (Hint: They often had visitors come through the window of their cramped NY apartment.) That would have been ol' Gabe Kotter in "Welcome Back, Kotter". His wife's name was Julie Kotter. 7. What's another name for the curved layer of water that extends past the top of a container, but doesn't spill over? Meniscus 8. What was the name of the computer in 2001: A Space Odyssey? HAL 9000 The rumor for many years was that the name "HAL" was derived by taking the previous letter in the alphabet from each letter in "IBM". Just a coincidence, if ya ask me. 9. Please answer the following "Laverne and Shirley" questions: a. Who dated Carmine Ragusa? Shirley b. What was Carmine's nickname? "The Big Ragu" c. What sort of business did Laverne's dad own? A Bowling Alley/Pizza Joint d. Who were their two greasy neighbors? Lenny Kosnowski and Andrew "Squiggy" Squiggman e. What was Laverne's trademark? She had a cursive letter "L" on all her clothes. And, yeah, a lot of you pointed out that she also drank Pepsi and milk. f. What was Shirley's stuffed cat named? "Boo-Boo Kitty" g. What was Carmine really good at? Singin' and Dancin'. Jeff Marciano reminds us that he was also a Golden Gloves boxer. 10. Answer one of the following: What term, meaning "being able to believably deny one's involvement in an issue", became popular during the Iran-Contra scandal?" "Plausible Deniability" OR Which member of Hanson should be taken out back and mmmmmmmm-bopped with a two by four? The little drummer Hanson appears to be the winner. See ya next quiz! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 11/25/97 Date: Wed, 26 Nov 1997 10:43:02 -0500 The Daily Answers 11/25/97 by Dave George We have a tie today!! Our big winners are John Hering and Tracy Goebel!! Congratulations John and Tracy!!! You win a brand new row house in Southeast DC! A prize worth hundreds! Here are the answers: 1. Who was Curious George's owner? The man in the yellow hat. 2. Name all of the states through which the Smokey Mountains extend. North Carolina and Tennessee 3. Name the worst fad from your youth. Kai Wakeling from Jamaica says "Tube Tops". I don't know 'bout the rest of you, but I had no problem with these. "Wine Coolers" - Wes Nau (Amen, brother.) "Velour" - Mike Rolfes "Turned-Up Collars" - A bunch of you "Parachute Pants" - About 10 of you "Feathered Hair Cuts" - John Hering (I knew John back in the day, and he was ALL over the FHC!) "Juggling Croquet Balls" - Paul George (Hey, we lived in Hawaii and some fads don't make it across.) "Going Wilding" - Chris De Santis (Chris grew up in a rough neighborhood.) "Leslie Maria and her red striped suspenders" - Karen Schulstad 4. Where did George and Babs Bush vacation during his presidency? Kennebunkport, Maine. 5. Where did Ronnie usually retreat to during his? Just about everyone who didn't know this one said something like, "Can't remember, and neither can he." But the Reagans used to always go to their ranch in Santa Barbara. It was called "Rancho del Cielo", which means "Ranch by the cielo". They've put it up for sale. 6. Where does Ron live now? They're back in California. Specifically, Bel Air. When I lived in L.A. I swung by his house with my brother and his family while doing the cheesy "Tour of the Stars' Homes" thing. Ought to be called "Tour of the Stars' Hedges", cuz that's about all you see. 7. Is the amount of water (in any form) on Earth now greater than/less than/equal to the amount of water on Earth one million years ago? There's actually more. I'll let John Hering explain why: "It used to be thought that the earth was a closed geological system and therefore the ammount of water in any form (i.e. vapor, liquid, or ice) would stay relatively the same, but it was recently discovered that the earth is being constantly bombarded by giant ice balls from space which evaporate upon entering the atmosphere and add to the earth's water supply." 8. What was DC's reflecting pool modeled after? Some of you said stuff like "It was modeled right after the Washington Monument was modeled." Well, smartasses, not only did you lose points for this, but I also spread rumors about you around the office here. Luckily, we have some geniuses in our midst who knew that it was inspired by both the reflecting pool of the Taj Mahal and the fountain at the Palace of Versailles. How do *I* know this, you may be asking. Cuz sometimes I jog around there and there's a sign. I hold onto it while I retch into the pool. Wes Nau and Scott Day said "Something in France", which is close enough for me. Koren Goutos said "The Taj Mahal" Sandi Rothman said "Versailles" Elissa Jackson said "The Palace of Versailles" Melissa Sinunu said "The Versailles Reflecting Pool." Hey, dudes, what's up? The chicks are whoopin' your butts lately. Guess we need more porn questions. 9. Name the person from MTV's "The Real World" who has kicked the oxygen habit. That would be dear, departed Pedro. I don't ordinarily find death all that funny, (unless it involves a tourist getting too close to a polar bear enclosure) but when you throw together a dying, gay Cuban and PUCK, well, hilarity ensues. 10. Name one that you wish would. Oh, I wonder who the big winner is here? Yup, Puck won hands down. Puck, the same guy I used to see riding his bicycle around Hollywood Blvd. Ya almost gotta feel sorry for him. Runners up in the "Must Die" category: "The Cowboy" - Karen Schulstad (I believe his name was John, Karen.) "Tami" - Rachel Rolitsky "Eric" - JP Xenakis "That militant black chick" - John Hering (Thanks for narrowing it down for us, John.) "Dominic, the Messy-Haired Alcoholic" - Chris De Santis "Flora, the Ho'" - Sharon Presley "Montana" - Tracy Goebel Personally, I hated Aaron, the blonde UCLA student. Rachel Rolitsky shared some classes with him at UCLA. Does anyone else know a Real Worlder? I got to be fairly friendly with Dave Edwards, the black guy who got booted from the house in L.A. Stay tuned for today's quiz, where we'll have a bonus survey question! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 11/26/97 Date: Sun, 30 Nov 1997 14:29:59 -0500 The Daily Answers 11/26/97 by Dave George Wow! Our first FOUR-WAY TIE!!!! The following people each scored a perfect 10 out of 10: Tracy Goebel Jonathan Kaplan Karl Rothman Mike Waite They each win a Sealy Posturepedic Galaxy Ultra Plush queen-sized 2-piece mattress set. Features include 660 Posturetech coils, torsion module interlock grid foundation, and Miracle Edge which strengthens the seating edge and provides a larger sleeping surface. Way to go! We also had quite a few contestants who scored 9 out of 10: John Clanton Scott Day Caroline Peani Sandi Rothman Tara Wheeler JP Xenakis Here are the answers: 1. In the movie The Graduate, Dustin Hoffman's character, Ben, receives wise advice as to what business to go into upon graduating from college. What one-word bit of advice did his neighbor give him? Do you guys have any idea how many of the DQ girls said "Porn"??? Like, a LOT. The correct answer, however, is "Plastics". And man, was that neighbor ever right! Cuz, I mean, just look at how many things are made of plastic today. 2. Name the movie: "I was twelve going on thirteen first time I saw a dead human being. It happened in the summer of nineteen-fifty-nine. A long time ago. But only if you measure in terms of years. I was living in a small town in Oregon called Castle Rock. There were only 1281 people, but to me it was the whole world." Stand By Me 3. Which President held "Fireside Chats"? FDR 4. What type of animals were the main characters of "Watership Down"? Rabbits 5. Who is known as "The Muscles from Brussels"? Jean-Claude Van Damme 6. Who was Ollie North's secretary? Fawn Hall (Six Degrees of Separation Alert: She used to babysit one of contestant John Clanton's interns.) 7. What buxom brunette brought down televangelist Jim Bakker? Jessica Hahn (Six Degrees of Separation Alert: She's friends with my old boss, Mitzi Shore, and came by once at the Comedy Store and gave us cookies. True story.) 8. Which of Elizabeth Taylor's husbands did she marry twice? Richard "Dick" Burton 9. What was the name of the theory of Commie-dread that the U.S. used to justify going to war in Vietnam? The Domino Theory. This was the theory that said that while Vietnam itself was not particularly important to us, if it fell to communism neighboring countries would also. Eventually we'd all be goose-stepping on May Day. 10. Name the movie: "If you're there please pick up the phone, I really want to talk to you. The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe that you're a) Not at home. b) Home, but don't want to talk to me. Or c) Home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy. If it's either a) or c) call me back." When Harry Met Sally **Bonus Survey Question! In an effort to demonstrate the near statistical certainty that at least two people on the DQ will have the same birthday, please give us your DOB. Statisticians say that a random sampling of 58 people will yield a 99% chance of at least two people being born on the same day of the year. Out of only 36 people we got THREE different days! January 19th: Meredith Hanley and Sandi Rothman March 3rd: Sean Boyle and Karl Rothman (weird huh, the married couple?) March 7th: Mike Waite and James Donahue Stay tuned for today's quiz, where our CGC will be Dr. Quinn: Medicinechick. Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 12/01/97 Date: Tue, 02 Dec 1997 10:24:25 -0500 The Daily Answers 12/01/97 by Dave George Yes, this quiz was a tough-a-roonie. But that didn't excuse you from the assignment. Out of all the brave souls who attempted this quiz only ONE person scored a perfect 10 out of 10. Put your hands together for Sandi Rothman!!!! Sandi wins a Virginia Tech sweatshirt. Way to go, Sandi! Here are the answers: 1. In what movie did people go to the Korova Milk Bar to prepare for the ultra-violence? A Clockwork Orange 2. Who's the head of the cult called the "Unification Church"? That silly little man they call Rev. Sun Myung Moon. The name "Moonies" comes from him. But they hate to be called that. MOONIES!! sorry. 3. What's Israel's legislative body called? The Knesset. They also hate to be called Moonies, but no one knows why. 4. Who said "Ich bein ein Berliner!"? Many of you noted that this quote from John F. Kennedy (a famous American President) meant "I am a jelly doughnut." I'd like to take a moment to set the record straight on this issue. Yes, there was a jelly pastry that in places outside of Berlin was referred to as a "Berliner". And Kennedy did say "I am a Berliner". But everyone knew what he meant. It would be sort of like Clinton going to Hamburg and saying, "I am a Hamburger." It's correct grammar, but would have been better if he had said "I am from Hamburg." 5. What's the medical term for sleep walking? Got some pretty good guesses "Narcapedia" - Paul George "Walking snoozitus" - George Patch "Nocturnal Pedestrianism" - Steve Boswell "Nocturnal Relocation" - JP Xenakis "Non Awakus Travillus" - Sean Boyle But it's "Somnambulism". "So", meaning "To". "Mna", meaning "stroll". "Mbul", meaning "while". And "Ism", meaning "Snoozing". 6. Name the movie: "You'll shoot your eye out." Damn if almost every answer didn't say something like, "A Christmas Story - the GREATEST movie ever!" Fudge yeah it is. (Only I didn't say "fudge".) 7. Fill in the blanks to this pop song: Give yourself two points for not knowing this. Nah, we can't penalize you for picking up the words to this, cuz...well, cuz *I* know them. "Come on, Barbie, let's go party" "___Ah____ ___Ah_____ __Ah_____ ___Yeah_______" "Come on, Barbie, let's go party" "_Oowo-oo_____ __Oowo-oo_____" Tara Wheeler and Karl Rothman were very close, but Sandi Rothman was the only one to pretty much nail this one. Give yourself a pat on the back. Ya done did yourself proud. 8. What pro surfer died at Maverick's a couple years ago? His name was Mark Foo. Mark wiped out on a wave. (well, IN a wave, really.) 9. In Vietnam, what was "Willie Pete"? Tara Wheeler said that it's another name for dysentery. No, Tara, that's "Sneaky Pete". It actually stands for White Phosphorous. It's a bomb or artillery shell that explodes with a brilliant burst of white, ummmm...phosphorous. It's used a marking round to guide aircraft to a target. Ol' Charlie would have one of those go off near him: "Phew, that was close! We're alive! Hey, do you hear airplanes??" Interesting note: Willie Pete will burn right through you, and water won't extinguish it. Be VERY careful when playing with it this holiday season. Also: It's *not* the same thing as Napalm, as some of you said. Napalm is different. It sticks to you. But just to kids, for some reason. 10. Flight Data Recorders are also called what? Black Boxes. OK, I promise today's quiz will be a little easier. Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 12/02/97 Date: Wed, 03 Dec 1997 10:18:08 -0500 The Daily Answers 12/02/97 by Dave George Today's Big Winner is Jon David of Richmond. Jon scored 10 out of 10 and seemed close on the lightning question. Jon is a lawyer, who says he'd like to take civil action against all of our Sig Ep brothers from JMU who called him "Beater" for all those years. Let it go, Jon. We were young and cruel back then. Beater! Sorry. Jon wins a case Nair, perfect for getting rid of that pesky palm hair. Way to go, Jon!!!! 1. You're a pig. What delicacy do you forage for in France? Truffles 2. Russia is famous for producing garments made of what animal's fur? The Sable 3. Name the product: "Dogs love trucks!" Nissan 4. Name three of the kids from Fat Albert's gang. Michelle Eng Leang of Trinidad (not Tobago) said that this is one of her favorite cartoons, only she spelled it "favourite", like some kind of spelling freak. Ha! Oh, actually, I guess that's how they spell it over there. Still, it's weird, Michelle. Anyway, she named *all* of the gang, I believe. Bucky, Mushmouth, Bill, Rudy, Russell, Dumb Donald, Weird Harold and of course Fat Albert Wow, nice going, Michelle. Here are some people that I didn't know were in the gang: Gonzo - Marc Rowley Crackhead Bob - Paul George, Kate Kirkpatrick Rerun - Shane Sleighter Duckie - Koren Goutos Scooby - Dan Rippel Rastis - John Hering Tyrone - Trip Morano Stymie - Al Hering Monroe - Tom DiBartolo Cool Roy - Dave Hagler Cool Breeze - Wes Nau 5. Who is the winningest coach in collge football history? Eddie Robinson of Grambling. 6. What kind of break has the bone sticking through the skin? Compound Fracture 7. Name the movie: "It's a 106 miles to Chicago. We got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses." "Hit it!" The Blues Brothers 8. In boxing, what's a rabbit punch? Punch to the back of the head. 9. Which member of the Reagan cabinet said, "I'm in charge here!" Secretary of State Alexander Haig said this after Reagan got shot. Apparently he wasn't too familiar with Presidential succession. 10. What's Al Bundy's occupation? Shoe Salesman Bonus Question: About how many times per minute does lightning strike the United States every minute? Yeah, I said "minute" twice. Wanna make something of it? As for the answer to this question: I have no idea. I was watching The Discovery Channel's "Raging Planet" the other night, and I *thought* I heard them say that lightning strikes the US 6,000 times every minute. But that seems a tad excessive. I realize now they probably said it strikes the *EARTH* 6,000 times every minute. Michael Rolfes had an interesting equation to solve this, but you made a *teensy* mistake, Mike. Here it is: "WELL, IT HITS THE EARTH ABOUT 100 TIMES PER SECOND WHICH MAKES IT 60,000 PER MINUTE. DIVIDE THAT BY THE RATIO OF THE US SURFACE AREA/WORLD SURFACE AREA WHICH IS 0.004638858328427 WHICH WINDS UP TO BE ABOUT 278 TIMES PER MINUTE." Aside from your Caps Lock key being stuck, the only problem here is that 100 X 60 is only 6,000. If your surface area ratio is correct, the answer would be about 28 times per minute. I think we'll give Mike the points on this one. Dave Subject: The Daily Answers Date: Thu, 04 Dec 1997 10:57:12 -0500 The Daily Answers 12/03/97 by Dave George Karla Campbell is our Big Winner!!! Karla wins a year's supply of Uncle Ben's rice! "Uncle Ben's: When only the best will do, say Uncle. Uncle Ben's!" The Daily Quiz would like to extend a somewhat belated, but whole-hearted welcome to a very special young man. Mr. Enrico Gaglioti! Enrico was one of my roommies and fraternity brothers at JMU. He's quite hunky, but oh-so married, ladies! Enrico also recently rocked the financial world by becoming Salomon Brothers new Vice President of Global Portfolio Trading!! Rock on, Enrico! As a goodwill gesture to the entire DQ family, Enrico asked me to pass on the following: "Blue Horseshoe *loves* Endicott Steel." Enrico has also accepted an offer to become the newest member of the DQ Governing Board. The DQGB convenes electronically to mete out punishment for those contestants who in some way cross the line. Thankfully, this is not often necessary. But how many times do I have to tell you that one's score on the Daily Quiz is NOT necessarily a simple reflection of the total number of questions you answer correctly? Does anyone remember what I said about how the grading is done? Anyone? Yes, Trip Morano, you have your hand up? "You said it's derived using a complex algorithm and whatnot." That's correct, Trip. Thank you. So why do I *still* receive complaints about the grading? People, Jonathan Kaplan has transgressed against us. He has broken from the ranks and com--wait, what's that noise?? It's getting louder! It's--BWAAAAAAAAAMP!!!!! It's the DQ Suspension Foghorn!! Wahoo!!!! In honor of this occasion, I have composed a little poem which I will use to break the news to Jonathan in what the DQ Governing Board feels is a more humane way to suspend someone: There once was a contestant named Kaplan Then he got booted. OK, so it doesn't rhyme very well. It's still kinda catchy. I'd like to take a moment to introduce the DQ Governing Board for 1998: Jim Clark Scott Day Enrico Gaglioti Paul George Allan Hering George Patch Millie Perrine Karen Schulstad Alternate: Shane Sleighter The DQGB has determined that a suspension of two days is appropriate. See you on Monday, Jonathan! Here are the answers: 1. What's the name of the wooden thing that goes over an ox's neck when it's pulling stuff? A yoke. About half of you got this, but I really liked a certain someone's answer of "An albatross". It's so...literary. Hmmmmm...methinks there's a good question there. 2. In surfing and snowboarding, what's "riding goofy-foot" mean? Riding with your *right* foot forward. To determine which way *you* ride, think about running and sliding across a slippery floor. Which foot is out in front? Most right-handed people put their left foot out front. Another handy method is this: When you're lighting a crack pipe, which hand do you hold the lighter with? That's the foot you'd put *behind* you. Some of the people who knew this are: Bill Laughlin Elissa Jackson Karla Campbell Meredith Hanley Mike Waite Jason Schaefer 3. What's the most popular zipper manufacturer in the world? YKK 4. What the hell did Benedict Arnold do, anyway? Best wrong answer: "Boy let me tell you what. You're mighty good fiddler son but give the Arnold his due. I'll bet your soul against a fiddle of gold, that I'm a better fiddler than you." - Dan Rippel Karla Campbell knew that he negotiated the surrender of West Point. But our man in Hawaii, John Brence, gave us the straight dope: "When he was in command of West Point in 1780, he plotted a plan with British General Sir Henry Clinton to whom he meant to surrender the fort. In return, Arnold was to be made brigadier general in the British army and would be given a large sum of money. His treachery was discovered through the capture of Major John Andre. Andre was riding horseback returning from a meeting with Arnold when American soldiers stopped and searched him. They found incriminating papers concealed within his boots. When Arnold learned of this, he fled to New York City. He was commissioned there as brigadier general and received about �6,315 for the losses he had claimed by joining the British. Arnold, as a British officer, was responsible for the burning of Richmond, Virginia and New London, Connecticut. When the war ended in 1781, Arnold along with his wife and children left for England. He was greeted kindly by King George III but was scorned by others there. He failed to obtain a commission for the army. Most of his remaining years were spent as a merchant in the West Indies trade. His loving wife was faithful through all his troubles. But in his final days, he was deeply burdened with debt, discouragement, disease, and was an outcast of society. The bitter man died in London on June 14, 1801." Is John a master of Web research? Perhaps, but I think it has more to do with the fact that they later turned West Point into a School for Boys and John went there. 5. Name the movie: "Do you know who I am, Mr.Worley?" "I give up. Who are you?" "I'm the Anti-Christ. You got me in a vendetta kind of mood. You tell the angels in heaven you'd never seen evil so singularly personified as you did in the face of the man who killed you." OK, that was kinda tough. Here's another quote from the same movie: "Amid the chaos of that day, when all I could hear was the thunder of gunshots and all I could smell was the violence in the air, I look back and I'm amazed that my thoughts were so clear and true. That three words went through my mind endlessly, repeating themselves like a broken record: You're so cool, You're so cool, You're so cool." True Romance. A very cool movie if you haven't seen it yet. 6. What was unusual about the man who killed Dr. Kimball's wife in The Fugitive? Best answer: "His afro." - Pat George (Damn if that boy didn't have an afro, too.) But the correct answer is he only had one arm. 7. In the TV movie Santa Claus is Comin' to Town, who's the dick who burned all the toys? Your answers ranged from "That mean guy" to "The Heat Miser" to "Janet Reno", but it would appear that only Tara Wheeler knew that it was Burgermeister Meisterburger, although DQ newcomer, Peter Lewis of New York City came very close. I might add that Peter did amazingly well for his first time. Yeah, well, we'll just see if it lasts. 8. Which one person on Barbara Walters' "10 Most Fascinating People of '97" should NOT have been on that list? There were many correct answers here: Tiger Woods (I mean, enough already.) Arnold Schartzenegger (Is *he* still around?) That sheep cloner (Sheep are *already* EXACTLY alike!!) But the MOST correct answer is: Kathy Lee Gifford. Why won't she die? (And I don't mean that in the figurative sense.) 9. Who scored the famous "Hand of God" goal in soccer's World Cup? During the 1986 World Cup Diego Maradona punched the ball into the net and it was seen by a billion people. Except the ref. When asked how he scored that goal, Maradona said the hand of God made the ball go in. To see a picture of it, go to http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/1862/handgod.jpg 10. What is the unit of measurement used to measure a horse's height? Hand **Bonus Question** Identify the part of "Spiderwebs" by No Doubt that is logically flawed. Only Mike Waite, Pat George and Dave Rogers got this one! Here's Dave Rogers' answer: "I screen my phone calls No matter who calls" "Well, the decision to screen the calls will occur before she knows who is calling therefore it does not make sense to state that she is screening them no matter who calls." Bravo! I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who gets irate while listening to pop songs. Congratulations once again to Karla Campbell! You's smart! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 12/04/97 Date: Fri, 05 Dec 1997 09:45:05 -0500 The Daily Answers 12/04/97 by Dave George Today's Big Winner is James Donahue!! James is a lawyer who says that in his spare time he enjoys filing class action suits on behalf of theater patrons everywhere against Pauly Shore for "sucking". James wins 85 c 1. Name the movie: Pinto, Bluto, Otter, Neidermeyer, and Hoover. Animal House. 2. Where's the oldest golf course? St. Andrews in Scotland. This golf course was immortalized in Jane's Addiction's hit "Jane Says". It's about a girl who's addicted to heroin. "Jane goes To the store at eight She walks up on St. Andrews She waits And gets her dinner there She pulls her dinner From her pocket" Actually, now that I think about it, they were probably refering to the homeless shelter on St. Andrews street in Hollywood. Oh well, I'm sure there's a golf course around there, too. 3. So, like, what's the name of that poem where the sailor has to wear an albatross around his neck? "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" by Samuel Taylor Coleridge. I had to read this in college. I think that was my sixth year. Anyway, it's really long and really boring. Some sailor kills an albatross, which is bad luck. Bad stuff starts to happen to their boat, and he wears the albatross around his neck as penance. That's why you hear people say stuff like, "Health care has become Clinton's albatross." This is a person's way of saying, "Stay away from me at parties!" 4. In film, what's a "clapboard", and what's it's purpose? 5. What decade of American culture do Japanese kids think is the HEIGHT of hip? And how embarrasing is that to see? 6. What's the next line to this Army diddy: "I wanna be an Airborne Ranger!" 7. Who's the Prime Minister of England? Elissa Jackson answered, "NOT Margaret Thatcher." I suppose that's correct. I also accepted: "Not Richard Dean Anderson" "Not Al Roker" "Not Maria Conchita Alonso" The best answer would probably be something like "Tony Blair". 8. What was the precious commodity battled over in The Road Warrior? Gasoline But Peter Lewis said "...also Alpo." Which is true, too, cuz remember that scene where Max eats Alpo, then tosses the remains to his dog, who darn near bites Goose's hand off when Goose tries to get a nibble. 9. The UN's International Court of Justice (aka "The World Court") is located where? The Hague, which is located in The Netherlands. "Hi, I'm The Sven. This is my wife, The Katrina. We live in The Hague. In The Netherlands." What a bunch of freaks. Probably ought to bomb them. Why am I not President. 10. What state's police force has issued more speeding tickets to Dave Letterman than any other? Connecticut Subject: The Daily Answers 12/04/97 Date: Fri, 05 Dec 1997 14:57:35 -0500 OK, I found a little time by not eating lunch. I do this because I love you. The Daily Answers 12/04/97 by Dave George Today's Big Winner is James Donahue!! James is a Washington area attorney who enjoys yelling "It!" after someone in a theater says "Ssshhhh!" James wins 85 cents! I'm afraid we have yet another DQ suspension to announce: Kate Kirkpatrick was brought up on charges before the DQ Governing Board for gross insubordination. Seems lil' Katey didn't like the way I graded her quiz. Said she got a couple questions right that I didn't give her credit for. Well, I immediately dropped the SQL statements I was working on for a client and looked for her quiz, mortified that I'd made a mistake. Alas, it was Kate who was mistaken. Twice. In order to be fair (I mean, we just suspended Jon Kaplan) I turned the matter over to the DQGB. Three days was the ruling by the Board. I have decided to suspend two of those days (during which time Kate will be on probation) and only suspend her for one day. Kate, don't you have something to say to me? I'm sorry, I can't hear you. "Thank you, Dave." Your welcome, Kate. Now, shall the rest of us check out yesterday's answers? 1. Name the movie: Pinto, Bluto, Otter, Neidermeyer, and Hoover. Animal House. Mike Rolfes included this, which is pretty funny: "Neidermeyer, DEAD!. Mr. Blutarsky zero point zero. You'll get your chance smart guy. No more fun of any kind. I thought you were pre-med. Emil Faber - Knowledge is Good. What are you studying? Primitive Cultures. Fawn Leibewitz - she was making me a pot. That minx. It's Mr. Thoughtful with a dozen roses for you. Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman, Damned glad to meet you. Holy Shit. ..and without that pledge pin. Wait til Otis sees us, he loves us. Ramming Speed!! GATOR!!!!...uh...uh...sorry, I just had an Animal House flash back. Cool." 2. Where's the oldest golf course? St. Andrews in Scotland. This golf course was immortalized in Jane's Addiction's hit "Jane Says". It's about a girl who's addicted to heroin. "Jane goes To the store at eight She walks up on St. Andrews She waits And gets her dinner there She pulls her dinner From her pocket" Actually, now that I think about it, they were probably refering to the homeless shelter on St. Andrews street in Hollywood. Oh well, I'm sure there's a golf course around there, too. 3. So, like, what's the name of that poem where the sailor has to wear an albatross around his neck? "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" by Samuel Taylor Coleridge. I had to read this in college. I think that was my sixth year. Anyway, it's really long and really boring. Some sailor kills an albatross, which is bad luck. Bad stuff starts to happen to their boat, and he wears the albatross around his neck as penance. I think. Like I said, it was boring and I didn't pay much attention in class. 4. In film, what's a "clapboard", and what's it's purpose? Everyone pretty much knows that it's the marker held in front of the camera which is used in the editing room to identify a scene. 5. What decade of American culture do Japanese kids think is the HEIGHT of hip? And how embarrasing is that to see? The 1950's. It's so sad. They think the 50's are really cool, and go out looking like "Happy Days Meets the Cast of Shogun". Bless their hearts for trying, though. In "Dave Barry Does Japan", Dave writes a very interesting chapter on this. 6. What's the next line to this Army diddy: "I wanna be an Airborne Ranger!" I'll never forget being in the Army and singing this cadence. I was always like, "We're *not* in the Airborne, why can't we be happy with who we are?" Anyway, the next line was: "I wanna live a life of danger" or "Live a life of sex and danger" (must've been written before the 80's when the two became one and the same.) Note: There was this *idiot* in boot camp with me. Actually, there were quite a few. But this guy, Hinton was his name, was obsessed with becoming a Ranger. If you said "ranger", he'd say "danger!". And if you said "danger", he'd say "Ranger!". We'd say "ranger-ranger-danger-ranger", and darn if he didn't yell "danger-danger-ranger-danger!" right back at ya. I hope he got in, cuz talent like that's a shame to waste. 7. Who's the Prime Minister of England? Elissa Jackson answered, "NOT Margaret Thatcher." I suppose that's correct. I also accepted: "Not Richard Dean Anderson" "Not Al Roker" "Not Maria Conchita Alonso" The best answer would probably be something like "Tony Blair". 8. What was the precious commodity battled over in The Road Warrior? Gasoline But Peter Lewis said "...also Alpo." Which is true, too, cuz remember that scene where Max eats Alpo? Then tosses the remains to his dog, who darn near bites The Gyro Captain's hand off when he tries to get a nibble. 9. The UN's International Court of Justice (aka "The World Court") is located where? The Hague, which is located in The Netherlands. "Hi, I'm The Sven. This is my wife, The Katrina. We live in The Hague. In The Netherlands." What a bunch of freaks. Probably ought to bomb them. Why am I not President? 10. What state's police force has issued more speeding tickets to Dave Letterman than any other? Connecticut Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 12/09/97 Date: Tue, 09 Dec 1997 08:35:43 -0500 The Daily Answers 12/08/97 by Dave George Welcome back, Kate Kirkpatrick!!! We have a tie today! Tara Wheeler and Sally Stengel!!! You gals win...A LITTLE BABY BOY!!!!! Wahoo! (You'll have to work out ownership however you want.) 1. I don't remember *exactly* how it goes (gimme a break) but try to answer the riddle of the Sphinx: "What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs during the day, and three legs in the evening?" Jeez, just about every single one of you knew the answer to this one. It is, of course, "A Llama". Good job! 2. What's a "gigaflop"? "Any Stallone film made after 1991." "A floppy disk with one gig of space." "Any Pauly Shore movie." "Ishtar" The actual answers is "One billion floating point operations per second." Technically, the question should have read "gigaflops", with an "s". 3. In what South American city is Carnival held? "Miami" - Sean Boyle (Also acceptable was Rio de Janiero.) 4. Little Boy and Fat Man were what? The two nuclear bombs we dropped on Japan. (They were not the "first two atomic bombs", as some of you said. We practiced on sheep and enlisted men with the first bombs.) 5. What is the best selling car in the U.S. so far this year? Toyota Camry 6. Craig Kilborne hosts what show? The Daily Show. A seriously funny show, for those of you who don't watch it. 7. What was the name of the U.S. battleship where the Japanese signed their official surrender, ending World War II? Sometimes, when I get a dumb answer from a contestant, I wish that I could whack him or her over the head, "Skipper-style", then glance directly into the camera with an exasperated look, much like Alan Hale would do. But I usually can't do that. But when Chris De Santis answered this question with "HMS Pinafore" I was able to give him a good thwack across the noggin with an Oracle manual, cuz he sits in the cubicle next to mine. I mean, EVERYbody knows that all battleships are named after states, so he should have had a one in 49 chance. (I *think* there were only 49 states in 1945, but I'm not sure.) Anyway, the answer is "The Missouri". 8. Remember when King Solomon had two women come to him, each claming that a particular baby was hers? What was his wise decision? "I know you've been sworn, and I have read your complaints." Everyone pretty much knew this one, too. He ordered the baby cut in half. (Thus began the legend of Solomon's GREAT wisdom.) Oh wait, then one of the women said that she was not the baby's mother and to give the baby to the other woman in order to save its life. A-HA! So *she* really *IS* the mother after all! Because, what? The other lady was standing there, going "OK, half a baby, that sounds reasonable You cut I choose."??? I think this is an Urban Legend. 9. What tourist attraction is located on the Salisbury Plains in England? Stonehenge. Featured in the classic movie, This is Spinal Tap. "I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem may have been that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being crushed by a dwarf, alright? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object." 10. What is your favorite Brooks & Dunn magic trick? OK, it was a lame question. This happens. But a delightful showing today, folks. Congratulations once again to Tara and Sally! Dave ps (Yeah, you're right, it wasn't really a llama. It was Man. Sorry for getting you all riled up.) Subject: The Daily Answers 12/09/97 Date: Wed, 10 Dec 1997 08:02:35 -0500 The Daily Answers 12/09/97 by Dave George Y'all wanna hear something really funny? Remember when I suspended Jonathan Kaplan last week for gross insubordination? Well, last night I'm tossing and turning in bed, just can't get to sleep. Heather says, "Dave what's wrong?" And I'm like, "I don't know, something's really bothering me. So then Lisa says, "Yeah, you've been tossing about for hours!" Then I realized, I FORGOT TO TAKE JONATHAN OFF OF SUSPENSION!!! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!! Sorry, Jonathan. Welcome back. Today's big winner is TARA WHEELER!!!! Tara is a farmer from Durham, NC. When asked what she likes best about farming Tara says, "Cows, crops. Whatnot." Alrighty! Way to go, Tara! You just won yourself a box of ham & cheese Hotpockets! Mmmmm, Hotpockets! 1. What member of The Go-Go's played Joan of Arc in a hit Hollywood film? Jane Wiedlin in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Dr. Bill Tyrrel said "The really hot one." That's clearly wrong, because that was Belinda. Jane was too...teeny, maybe? Too much like Lori Petty from Point Break. 2. What language were the Indians that Kevin Costner lived with speaking in Dances With Wolves? Lakota 3. Who occupies the Chrysanthemum Throne? Chris De Santis and Tracy Goebel both said "The Chrysanthemum King", which, while defiant and wrong, is a little clever. No, the Chrysanthemum King was, of course, Jim Morrison. But the Emperor of Japan, currently Akihito, (first name is "Ricky" I believe) is the correct answer to this question. 4. What was the name of Ross's monkey on "Friends"? Marcel 5. Robert Downey Jr. has two films being released in January. If he serves his full sentence, when will *he* be released from prison? Well, he got six months so I suppose he'll be out in early June. Some of you gave him pretty harsh sentences, though. Gotta get you on the DQGB. 6. What is May's birthstone? Emerald. 7. In what movie did Charlton Heston drive in a chariot race? Ben Hur 8. What's the name of Chief Wiggum's kid? You got a bonus point if you included a RALPH Wiggum quote. "My cat's breath smells like cat food." - Elissa Jackson "Me fail English? That's unpossible!" - Pat George "Mrs Crabapple, I found an Indian spearhead in the dirt!" "That's the blade to your trowel, Ralph." "And I FOUND it!" - Shane Sleighter 9. How many mutinies have occurred on US Navy ships? None. 10. What race goes from Anchorage to Nome? The IHOP Great Alaskan Fun Run. Also the Iditarod. Okey-dokey, nice job, my little flowers. And a fine performance by Tara Wheeler. Stay tuned for today's quiz, where our CGC will be Neve Campbell!!! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 12/10/97 Date: Thu, 11 Dec 1997 10:03:59 -0500 The Daily Answers 12/10/97 by Dave George Wow! We had FIVE people achieve greatness in yesterday's quiz! The following people scored a perfect 10 out of 10! Laura Colombell John David (Ha-ha! You have two first names--oh, wait a second.) James Donahue John Hering and Jonathan Kaplan Each of these brilliant contestants wins a tall, cool, and delicious glass of Tetley iced tea! 1. You want to enter the lucrative heroin business, so what plant will you need to grow? The poppy 2. The "northern lights" are also called what? The Aurora Borealis 3. Name the movie: "I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things. My friends and... uh... my thermos. Huh? My story? O.k. It was never for easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days sitting on the porch with my family singing and dancing, down in Mississippi." The Jerk 4. Gen. Augusto Pinochet ruled what country? Chile. Did you lose points for spelling it like the food? Yes, I'm afraid you did. 5. Who has suspended basketballer Latrell Sprewell retained as a lawyer? The answer I was looking for was "Johnnie Cochran". John David said ">No one, Johnnie Cochran is only an advisor at this point. No formal retainer has been signed yet (but the charges against Sprewell are outrageous, preposterous and downright slanderous!)" I don't care about facts here, I just like that he included a Jackie Childs quote. 6. What movie has Clarence getting his wings? It's a Wonderful Life 7. Name the song and the group: "i said a hip hop the hippie the hippie to the hip hip hop, a you dont stop the rock it to the bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat" "Rapper's Delight" by The Sugarhill Gang 8. Who was Elivis Presley's manager? Col. Tom Parker 9. What is generally believed to be the reason The Beatles broke up? Yoko Ono 10. What country gave the world the V2 rocket? Best answer belonged to Marc Rowley: "Germany, but they gave a lot to England." Six degrees of separation alert: Contestant Dan Rippel's grandmother's brother worked with Werner Von Braun in Huntsville, Alabama. Von Braun was the 25 year-old head of the engineering team which developed Nazi Germany's rocket weapons program. He surrendered to the U.S. army and we forgave him his war crimes (used slave labor to build the rockets) and put him to work developing our space program. Pretty wacky. Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 12/11/97 Date: Fri, 12 Dec 1997 10:50:11 -0500 The Daily Answers 12/11/97 by Dave George Today's Big Winner is MR. SHANE SLEIGHTER!!! Shane is a fifth grader at Oak View Elementary in Fairfax, VA. His answers rocked. YES, there were others who scored amazingly well, but Shane's answers were special. Shane wins a pint of Jim Beam. Mmmmmmmm, bourbon! Speaking of booze, one lil' ol' night of swilling netted us a bunch of new contestants last night. Let's meet them, shall we? Jim Gilkeson. Jim works for Oracle and has a tattoo of Maria Conchita Alonso on his stomach. Jennifer Gill. Jen is engaged to contestant Bill Tyrrell and enjoys fly fishing and NASCAR. Leeto Tlou. (Pronounced "Lee-ett-oh".) Leeto is one good dude who was also briefly engaged to contestant Bill Tyrrell. He enjoys riding his motorcycle and shaving his head, but, he says, "NEVER at the same time." Brad Kercheval. Brad is another one of my roommates who has been seduced by the dark side of time management by joining the DQ. Brad enjoys shooting stuff and polishing his Miata. Brian & Meredith McCarthy. We got us a couple more Rams joining the fold! Brian and Meredith are fellow Robinson '87 alumni who ended up getting hitched. Brian and I were members of the 1987 VA state champion wrestling team. Brian had more to do with the success of the team than I, in that Brian didn't always lose. Meredith played soccer and is now having a leeeetle babeeee! Remember how in high school that was always such a scandal? It's nice that we can now be happy for pregnant classmates. And last, but certainly not least, is Laura Colombell. Laura and I somehow managed to make it all the way through six years of Robinson without ever dating. This puts her in the company of darn near every single girl in our class. But this isn't about me. Laura was (is, really) our Class President. Fellas, she's a foxy, hip, single lawyer who isn't afraid to toss back a few suds. Besides winning the DQ yesterday, she says that her greatest accomplishment in life was dating then-future Oklahoma star football player Proctor Land in the 10th grade. Welcome, one and all! And I'm afraid we have a suspension to announce. Mr. John Hering is hereby suspended for one round. Why? OK, he and I were talking on the phone yesterday, and someone came into his office (really just an area of the warehouse where he cleared some boxes and keeps his lunch pail, but he calls it his office) and he said, "Hey, I'll call you right back." Never did. See ya, John. Hope you use this time off to think about promises and their importance in any friendship, even one based solely on tequila and whores, as ours is. 1. Where is "Rocket City, U.S.A."? "In my pants." - Dave Hagler Now, dammit, weren't we just talking about rockets yesterday? Didn't I explain all about Werner Von Braun working in HUNTSVILLE, ALABAMA on the space program. Nobody pays any attention to me. 2. What was Nixon's two-word nickname? "Cheater Peter" - Millie Perrine "Gloomy Gus" - Sandi Rothman Very VERY close, ladies. Actually, it was "Tricky Dick". (It had to do with a very personal problem the President had.) 3. In what sport will you find a "scrum"? Good Answer: "Rugby." GREAT Answer: "Rugby. In basketball, a friend of mine once starting scratching his scrotum and told another unsuspecting friend to smell his finger. When Mike (the friend) said "What IS that?" Jed (the scratcher) replied 'The smell of a summer day...'" - Shane Sleighter 4. What is the five-word essence of Hammurabi's Code? "Don't eat no yellow snow" - Wes Nau "A tit for a tat" - Steve Steger "Stand behind what you build" - Rob Buckanavage "I think therefore I am" - Pat George "I'll have another beer please" - Al Hering "Don't dis the quiz master" - George Patch "Punishment: Plebians die, patricians pay" - Shane Sleighter "You are not drunk enough" - Dave Hagler "OH, A HIDI-HIDI-HO" - Koren Goutos "Every man for him self" - Dan Rippel "don't fool around with people" - Grant Baker "Do it till you drop." - JP Xenakis "You kill or be killed" - Bill Tyrrell "self contained underwater breathing apparatus" - Sharon Presley "you die if break law" - Ken Gonzalez - Trip Morano "This is a stupid question" - Andrea Imparato (Andrea, there are no such things as stupid questions. Just stupid answers.) Correct answer: "An eye for an eye." But the award for "Most Confused Young Man" goes to Mr. Marc Rowley for his answer of: "Guilt" I really should list the people who got it right, but there's quite a few of you, so let's just say that if you don't see someone's name up there they got it right. 5. Name the movie: "Wasn't my war. You asked me, I didn't ask you! And I did what I had to do to win. Then I come back to the world, the airport, people protesting me, spittin', callin' me 'baby killer' and other kinds of vile crap! Who are they to protest me, huh? Unless they've been me, and been there, and know what the hell they're yellin' about!" First Blood 6. Where is the international time standard kept? Greenwich, England. Shane Sleighter: "In a vault right outside of Poland. Occasionally they let him out for excercise and sunlight." 7. Represent the following in an equation, please: A very small amount of matter is capable of producing a very large amount of energy. E=MC^2 8. How did James Dean die? Car wreck. 9. What is lobster bisque? Take it away, Shane: "The part of the show, after the slapstick comedy has the audience in good spirits, where the female lobster takes off her clothing." Actually, that would be "Lobster Burlesque", but a very fine answer, indeed. 10. Name one famous person who died in '97. Too easy? Here's the rub: You'll only get points if no one else gives your answer. The general rule here is: If you had to explain who it was, he wasn't famous. Thus, the following people gave unique answers: Steve Boswell - "Jimmy Stewart" Shane Sleighter - "Charles Kuralt" Eli Kailey - "Jack Kent Cooke" Dan Rippel - "Robert Mitchum" Chris De Santis - "Ben Hogan" Susan Metzger - "Burgess Meredith" Jon Hagler - "George The Animal Steele" Mike Waite - "Brandon Tartikoff" JP Xenakis - "Allen Ginsberg" John Hering - "Andrew Cunanan" I must say that the brave souls who went for the ultra-obvious, like Mother Theresa and Princess Diana ALMOST made it, cuz I think only two people each answered those. Way to go, Shane! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 12/12/97 Date: Mon, 15 Dec 1997 09:45:39 -0500 The Daily Answers 12/12/97 by Dave George Why did Chris De Santis send his answers to all 136 members of the DQ family, effectively ruining the integrity of today's results? Well, I believe the answer lies in his name. The letters in "Chris De Santis" can be painstakingly rearranged to reveal their hidden meaning: "Ass since third". Clearly, Chris has been an ass since the third grade. And *THEN* Greg Payette goes and makes fun of Chris's answer in a message sent to everyone ALSO! Oy, where will it end? Well, it ends here and now. The DQ Governing Board has decreed suspensions for these two miscreants as follows: Chris De Santis: 3 Days. Greg Payette: 2 Days. Today's winner is ANNE GREGG!!!! Anne wins a carton of Lucky Strike cigarettes! Way to go, Anne!!!!!! 1. What band's logo is "e:"? Everything. Since I'm *assuming* that they told me this in confidence, I won't reveal names, but we have two contestants who claim to have gotten "friendly" with a member of Everything. One dated the singer, and one hooked up with the drummer. And who says you don't learn nothin' on the DQ? 2. Take a wild guess as to what contestant Marc Rowley's scholarship was for at VA Tech. Your answers ranged from "Skeet Shooting" (Anne Gregg) to "Water Polo" (Elissa Jackson), but he actually got a scholarship for videotaping the football team's practices and games. Or, as he put it, "Athletics Videography". 3. What band did Morrissey sing for? The Smiths 4. If I wrap a string aaaaaall the way around the equator of the Earth, making it snug against the ground, then decide that I want to feed out enough string to be able to raise the string off the ground one foot ALL the way around at the same time, how much string do I need to add? Rob Buckanavage gave the correct answer in equation form: "2pi(radius + 12inches)-2pi(radius)". Remember, 2pi(r) is the equation for the circumference of a circle. So, the answer is "about 6 feet". 5. Complete this lyric from a Marvin Gaye classic: "And when I get that feeling _I_ _want_____ ___sexual_______ __healing_________." It was not, as Pat George said, "I gotta go poop." 6. In what country will you find a Highlander? Scotland 7. What city is called "The Big D"? Dallas 8. What Academy Award winning film was produced by Dodi Fayed? Chariots of Fire 9. How did you win in Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots? Vicious uppercut to the ching, causing the robots head to spring up. 10. What magazine is Helen Gurley Brown the editor of? Cosmopolitan, but she's not anymore. As Angie Marciano was astute enough to point out. OK, sorry this edition of the Daily Answers wasn't particularly witty. Again, blame Chris De Santis for that. Also, today's quiz may or may not be coming out. I'm kinda swamped. Sorry! Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 12/16/97 Date: Wed, 17 Dec 1997 10:23:13 -0500 The Daily Answers 12/16/97 by Dave George Today's big winner is Lt. Michael P. Hadley of the United States Merchant Marines!!!! Michael, a native of Northern Viriginia is currently living the good life in Leucadia, CA, just north of San Diego. He lives with two other fellas in an unbelievably cool pad high up on a cliff overlooking the ocean. I used to hang out there occasionally when they'd throw these huge, awesome parties totally devoid of women. Way to go, Mike!!! You've won a cassette recording of the Northern Virginia Training Center Choir's Christmas concert, "A Very, VERY Special Christmas". 1. There was a cartoon in the 70's that featured a primate who pushed himself along on top of a van like it was a skateboard. What was his name? No, wasn't "Captain Caveman" or "Magilla Gorilla". It was "Grape Ape". 2. Name the movie: "Not bad for a seventy-four year old. Simon Phoenix knows he has some competition. He's finally matched his meat. You really licked his ass!" More than a few of you said, "Cocoon". Shane Sleighter said "The Man From La Muncha". The correct answer is "Demolition Man". 3. What country apologized for using "comfort women" during WWII? Leeto Tlou said "Luxembourg. The whores I met there were some of the finest whores I have ever met in my young life." (Note: Leeto did not really say that.) The correct answer is "Japan". (Note to Elissa Jackson: The PC term is "young ladies", not "them bitches".) 4. What is the single most important factor determining the shape of an ocean wave? Yes, the moon, the wind, and the tides are important, but the most important is the depth and shape of the bottom. (The reef or the sand.) Only the following people got this one right: Elissa Jackson Pat George Mike Waite Lt. Michael P. Hadley Rob Buckanavage Dan Rippel George Patch 5. Maria Montessori was a pioneer in what field? "Pornography" - Amiee Sangster "Poultry. Her 'Montessori Chicken' stands can now be found in most shopping mall food courts." - Steve Steger The correct answer is "Education". 6. Pete Townsend, who is now almost completely deaf, helped set what world record while guitarist for The Who? "Loudest Band". They set a record for producing the highest number of decibels (150) during a concert in Leeds, England. To put that in perspective, 150 decibels is the equivalent of sitting directly across from Chris De Santis at work. 7. Who ripped up a picture of the Pope on Saturday Night Live? Sinead O'Connor 8. What children's toy company was founded by a carpenter in Denmark? (Hint: Your dad used to beat you mercilessly if he stepped on one.) Lego 9. Name the movie: "You said bullshit and experience is all it takes, right?" "Right." "Come on in and experience some of my bullshit." "Tommy Boy" (Millie Perrine) was a pretty good guess. But the correct answer is "48 Hours". Al Hering knew it. 10. The greatest sea chase in the history of warfare was started by Winston Churchill's words of "Sink the _________!" We got: "Fuckers" - Lots of you "Bastards" - Lots and lots of you "Pink" - Lt. Michael P. Hadley "Bitch" - Elissa Jackson (There you go again.) "Marimac" - Mike Rolfes "Duck, win a prize!" - Shane Sleighter "Free Throws" - JP Xenakis The correct answer is "Bismarck". See, seems that the Bismarck was this here huge German battleship which blew the be-JEEZUS out of this big ol' British battleship, the Hood, during WWII. I mean, the Bismarck hit it right where it hurts, in the magazines (where the explosives are kept), and it immediately sank, killing just about everyone on board. So this guy, Churchill, he sends a coded message to the head of the navy (I believe he was an Admiral of some kind) saying "Sink the Bismarck". So, the navy chased it down, lost it, got lucky when it was spotted by an airplane and, yada-yada-yada, eventually sank it At this point, as legend goes, Hitler was said to have called Churchill on the phone (or the "Bobby", as they say in England) and exclaimed, "You sank my battleship!!" Thus was born the game which we know today as "Battleship". Amen. Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 12/19/97 Date: Mon, 22 Dec 1997 08:38:10 -0500 The Daily Answers 12/19/97 by Dave George Whenever the Daily Quiz gets a reply from one of its celebrity guest contestants I always pass it along to the group. This almost never happens, though. HOWEVER, on Friday I got a reply from Thursday's CGC, BJ Corbin. Mr. Corbin is the Noah's ark researcher who wrote a big book on the subject. Claims they found it on top of Mt. Ararat. Hey, I saw the movie with Harrison Ford, they found it burried in the desert. But anyway, here was Mr. Corbin's reply: "dave... how did i get on this email list? what you are doing seems neat, and i am honored, but i really get too much email as it is, so please remove if i have been added to this list. if not... thanks for the light moment :) bj" WOOHOOO!!! Also, we have a very special new contestant to introduce. Lemme get a shout out from all my New York homies, cuz we got us a stupid-phat Betty joinin' from the Big A. Ewww, what was that? Was I channeling Erik from the Real World or something? Sorry about that. Anyway, please welcome JOCELYN MACNEIL to the Daily Quiz. Jocelyn is a hotty who recently broke hundreds of hearts by leaving DC and moving back to New York. Today's Big Winner is Mr. Allan Hering!!!!!! Did Al score the highest? Nope. Did he have the funniest answers then? No, not really. Did he just buy an awesome powerboat which will provide hours of drunken fun for the people he calls "friend" this summer? Bingo. Way to go, Al!!!! Al wins a case of rescue flares for those times when the rocks fail to hear his horn and don't get out of the way in time. 1. In ice hockey, what's it called when you shoot the puck the length of the rink without anyone else touching it? Icing. But a couple of the dudes on the quiz gave me the skinny on the rule. Here's John Hering's answer: "If you are on defense and shoot the puck down the full length of the ice and it crosses the goal line within the confines of the net it is called a goal. However, if you are on defense and shoot it down the length of the ice and it crosses the goal line but not within the confines of the net, then it is not called anything until somebody touches it. It is simply a live puck. If you or one of your teammates touches it first, or if the opposing goalie comes out of his net and touches it first, then it continues to be a live puck and play continues with no stoppage by the referee. If one of your opponents (not including the goalie) touches it, then it is called icing and a faceoff is held in one of the circles back in your defensive end of the ice." Hey! Thanks, John! That's really interesting. 2. Name the movie: "You know it's funny what a young man recollects? 'Cause I don't remember bein' born. I don't recall what I got for my first Christmas and I don't know when I went on my first outdoor picnic. But I do remember the first time I heard the sweetest voice in the wide world." Man, a lot of you said "Look Who's Talking", but the correct answer is "Forrest Gump". 3. Where did Chris Farley's SNL character "Matt Foley" live? "In a van down by the river!!" I gave extra points to my brother, Matt, who quoted a Matt Foley sketch where Foley was hired by a Mexican man to motivate his children. In this sketch, Foley says that he lives "in a van cerca de el rio!!" 4. Who was Ralph Kramden's best friend? Mike Waite: Ed Norton - as referenced in the Beastie Boys song: "Just chillin' in my crib watchin' my TV, Ed Norton, Ted Knight, and Mr. E-D" 5. What TV show was "The Flintstones" based on? The Honeymooners 6. Who was Fred Flintstone's boss? Mr. Slate 7. Who was Darren Stephens' boss on "Bewitched"? Larry Tate 8. What movie centered around a Kalahari bushman trying to throw an evil Coke bottle off the edge of the world? The Gods Must Be Crazy 9. In what movie did Iren Cara sing this song? "But when I'm saaaaad and feeeeeelin' bluuuuuuuue I close my eyes so I can dreeeeeeam of you. Oh, baby be strong for me Baby belong to me Help me through Help meeeeee need you." Fame 10. Name a dialect of the Chinese language. The two most popular are Cantonese and Mandarin. But I also accepted: Hakka Shanghaiese Fukienese Chiao Chow Toi Shan (Not that anybody answered with any of those. I looked them up on the web.) Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 12/22/97 Date: Tue, 23 Dec 1997 07:54:40 -0500 The Daily Answers 12/22/97 by Dave George On days when I'm too busy to gather *all* the people with perfect scores I'll award the Big Win to the first perfect score I receive. And today that means JON DAVID is our Big Winner!!!! Jon slices lunch meat down at the Rack 'n' Sack and says that he enjoys "diggin' on that new Seattle sound." Way to go, Jon! Jon wins a year's subscription to Hustler! Here are the answers. 1. Name the movie: "Strange things are afoot at the Circle K." "Sorority Pink II" - Trip Morano (Nope. But *very* close, Trip.) (Note: At parties, Trip used to get liquered up to such a degree that he and his roommate, John Putney, would beat the crap out of each other. Then they'd just stand there together, drinkin' and bleedin' the rest of the day.) Anyway, the correct answer is "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" 2. What was the name of the British ski jumper who wore thick, coke bottle glasses and sucked at ski jumping? Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards. Here's a sad, sad situation: I gave full credit if you just had "Eddie The Eagle", but Laura Colombell went for the last name, but put "Johnston" and forced me to deny credit totally. Isn't that sad? Maybe you have to know her, cuz she's very nice and you hate to see that happen to someone like that. 3. What was Henry Fonda's last movie? Ya gotta love VA Tech's Marc Rowley who answered with "Midway", which was, like, *fifteen* years and TWENTY movies before On Golden Pond, which was his last. Marc, Midway was a kick-ass movie, though. Remember when Charlton Heston's son crashed his airplane into the aircraft carrier? That was so cool. Screw it, Marc gets points for this one. 4. What American actress posed for pictures while sitting in a North Vietnamese anti-aircraft gun during the Vietnam war? I can honestly say that I've never seen a JANE FONDA* movie, cuz everytime she came on the TV my Dad would turn it off. Then he'd go out back, drink whiskey, and fire his pistolas in the air. *Except for Sorority Pink II. 5. Shirley Muldowney, subject of the movie Heart Like a Wheel, was the first woman to make it big in what male-dominated sport? Drag Racing 6. What is the name of Israel's secret intelligence organization? A couple of you found Shin Bet on the web. I guess I have to accept that, cuz I didn't specify domestic (which Shin Bet is) or international intelligence. But I was looking for the Mossad. 7. Your charming and polite date has just served you a "Mickey Finn". What is it? A drink that's been drugged. Mike Hylton tells us that the Websters definition is "An alcoholic beverage surreptitiously doctored with a laxative or drug." This raises the question, who the hell would sneak a *laxative* into someone's drink?? What's the payoff THERE? (I mean, aside from being really funny.) 8. Name the movie: "We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!" Ghostbusters 9. Who was the first Postmaster General of the United States? Jonathan Kaplan said "Samuel Osgood", and I gotta give him points for that, even if he *DID* look it up on the web. I was looking for Ben Franklin, but when I looked at how I worded the question it's really Samuel Osgood. Benjamin Franklin was the first Postmaster General, but we weren't the United States yet. I did not accept my brother, Paul's, answer of "Marion Hammer". Marion is head of the NRA. But that's still kinda clever. 10. What's the two-word legal term for putting a person on trial twice for the same crime? Double Jeopardy. Dave Subject: The Daily Answers 12/23/97 Date: Wed, 24 Dec 1997 09:41:57 -0500 The Daily Answers 12/23/97 by Dave George In the spirit of the Christmas Season I hope you all can find it in your large hearts to forgive me for dissing Happy Gilmore. I got an earful from Angie Burke, Dave Hagler, and Mike Waite, and other complaints are pouring into DQ Headquarters by the hour. Clearly, I'm just an old curmudgeon who wouldn't know funny if it kicked me in the neck. Today's Big Winner is Koren Goutos!!!!! Koren is a prison guard in Lorton, VA, who says she enjoys meeting new people at work and then giving them a little "wood shampoo" with her nightstick. Way to go, Koren!!! Koren wins Steve Miller's Greatest Hits CD, in case she lost the one she was issued in college. 1. How many planets are there in our solar system? Nine, but there's talk of a Planet X. 2. Name the movie: "My name is Bond, James Bond." Sooooooo many of you said "Octopussy". I knew you wouldn't let me down. 3. What TV show's theme song was "Keep Your Eye on the Sparrow"? Baretta, (sung by Sammy Davis, Jr.) 4. What car company makes the Countach and the Diablo? Lamborghini 5. What TV show's theme song started with these four words: "You take the good..." Points for Scott Agee, who pulled the entire theme song from memory: You take the good, you take the bad, You take them both and there you have, The Facts of Life The Facts of Life There's a time you gotta go and show you're growing and you know about The Facts of Life The Facts of Life When the world never seems to be living up to your dreams your finding out the facts of life are all about you, youuuuuuuuuu. (And Mike Waite who finished it:) It take a lot to get it right, when you're learning the Facts of Life. 6. What's the name of the real-life New York City cop who blew the whistle on corrupt fellow officers and was portrayed by Al Pacino in the movie? Frank Serpico 7. Carlos Sanchez, a farmer from Medellin, Colombia has played a fictitious character in a series of product advertisements since 1969--longer than any other actor. What character does he play? Juan Valdez 8. Who was Ronald Reagan's first wife? Jane Wyman 9. What's the name of Prince William and Harry's nanny? Tiggy Legge-Bourke 10. What band said "We'll make great pets."? Porno for Pyros Merry Christmas!! Dave