Sir Peregrin Took
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A/N: Thankies all for the
reviews . . . I know I’m having fun with this *g* lolz. I fixed up all the
mistakes on the last one- or at least I *hope* so. I’d also like to take this
moment to bend down (slowly, Aman’mai, don’t break anything) and thank A.
Katz Omnipotent King for letting me use this idea. Now, where was I?
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1. Q: Gyah!
A: Hey.
2. Q: Oh, hello Pippin. Just
for the record, what is your name?
A: Peregin Took, miss. You
can call me Pippin. Or Pip.
3. Q: Nice to meet you,
Pippin. You are unusually tall for a hobbit, are you not?
A: Yes, miss, I am. I reached
4 and a half feet just after the War of the Ring.
4. Q: Really? Most hobbits
aren’t supposed to reach 3 feet or so.
A: Yeah well, during me and
Merry’s little jaunt in Fangorn Forest with Treebeard, we had a lot of this
ale made by the Ents and it made us grow real tall and fast. I can tell you
Gandalf was surprised when he saw us at Isengard after the Ents kicked
Saruman’s . .
5. Q: He wasn’t very happy
with you and Merry, we were told. Any ideas why?
A: Well, he did come in after
saving Rohan and all that to find me and Merry absolutely stuffing ourselves
with food and smoking like there was no tomorrow. Did you know that orcs like to
smoke just as much as us wee hobbits do? Quite amazing, really.
6. Q: When the Urukhai
captured you, did you know of Boromir’s death at all?
A: Well, when we finally
heard him stop blowing on that ole Horn of his, we figgered that he’d died.
You know, nothing would ever make him stop blowing that Horn until he felt like
stopping and he seemed to be blowing very enthusiastically on it then.
7. Q: What was it like, being carried by some stinky Urukhai 24/7 all the way to Fangorn Forest?
A: Smelly. And it was very
bumpy too. Urukhai aren’t very co-ordinated with their feet so they go from
side to side worse than a deranged seesaw.
8. Q: During the trip, did
you ever listen in on any Urukhai conversations? What did they talk about?
A: Yeah, well *looks
embarrassed* some of the things they talk about were, well, they certainly made
me blush. It was either those kind of topics or how much they’d eaten that day
. . . or worse, what they were going to eat. *shudder*
9. Q: There was one
particularly nasty Urukhai that wanted to eat you particularly, wasn’t there?
What was it like travelling with that one?
A: *pulls face* Yeurk. He had
this particular way of crinkling up his nose til it was right between his eyes
and then he’d hiss and describe how he was going to cook each part of your
body . . . I tell you, his culinary methods are very unhygienic, Sam would’ve
had a heart attack if he’d heard it!
10: Q: Your hair, how do you
get it so curly?
A: Yes well. *preens* I
whilst I was in Rivendell I borrowed some of Lord Elrond’s strawberry scented
shampoo, I figured that if Sam used it on Frodo, then I could too.
11. Q: Sam? Frodo? Shampoo?
A: While Frodo was still
knocked out, and that was for several weeks, Sam gave him regular baths on the
hour, every hour. After a while Frodo’s hair started to get real curly and
cute, so Merry and me tried some.
12. Q: Merry and you are often get mixed up, was it you or Merry who did that walk?
A: What walk?
13. Q: You know, that swagger
when you were in Fangorn Forest.
A: Ohhh! That was definitely
Merry, he’s always off “swaggering”, as you say. HE’s actually kind of
cute when he does that.
14. Q: Anything between the two of you?
A: What?
15. Q: You know, a lot of
fans say that there’s a lot of sexual tension between . . .
A: Luthien Tinuviel! NO!
We’re cousin’s for Valar’s sake!
16. Q: So there’s no chance
. . . ?
A: No.
17. Q: Uh huh, ok. Soooo . .
. Though there is only a small reference of Farmer Maggot in the movie, I ask
you this: How many vegetables did you steal from him?
A: Oh, it wasn’t just me.
Merry and Frodo were in on it too. Merry more than Frodo and when Frodo nearly
got caught a while back he just stopped coming all together . . . you
should’ve seen his face when he heard those two dogs coming in on him from
behind. It was classic, man, classic.
18. Q: Hobbits live for a
very long time, is that true?
A: Yes. After of the War of
the Ring, Mr Baggins surpassed Old Took by turning 131 years old. A marvel
really. I hope I get to grow that old one day.
19. Q: Your great-grandfather
despaired of you, did he not Pippin?
A: Yes, me and Merry would
run wild playing pranks on everyone in Hobbiton . . . it was quite fun really.
For us anyway *grin*.
20. Q: What was it like to
finally meet the Elves?
A: Amazing.
Abso-bloody-lutely amazing, I tell you. They’re so ethereal and beautiful that
I nearly turned blue holding my breath so they wouldn’t go away! Hah. They can
still a hobbit’s soul and put your mind at rest with a single glance. *sigh*
21. Q: What about Galadriel?
What did you think of her?
A: Well, Legolas was a bit
huffy about her. She was also very beautiful but seemed to me to be a bit of a
push over with her husband next to her. Poor guy.
22. Q: Celeborn?
A: Yeah! She hardly
introduced us or anything, the tart. And all he could do was snooze.
23. Q: But she helped you
save the world and destroy the ring.
A: Yeah, with a box of dirt
and a glowing crystal . . . no, Frodo and Sam did it all by themselves.
24. Q: Hmm, I’ll have to
research into that, Pip. I believe you have a son: Faramir I?
A: Yes! And such a lovely boy
he is! Just like his namesake *fumbles in pocket* would you like to see some
photos?
25. Q: NO! GOD NO! TAKE THEM
AWAAAAAAAAAY!
A: Here’s one with Diamond,
my wife . . . oh! And here’s Faramir the First rolling over for the first time
. . . and here’s Faramir’s wedding to Goldilocks in 1410.
26. Q: Goldilocks?
A: Yes, Master Samwise’s
daughter. She’s a lovely girl, you know. I believe Frodo helped name her, too.
27. Q: Goldilocks? *bursts
out laughing*
A: And what is wrong with
that? *pulls out dagger* If you find anything amusing about her lovely name, I
will be forced to defend her honour as she is my daughter-in-law after all.
28. Q: Oh no, no . . . *takes
deep breath* it’s just that, well, there is a story here that goes along with
that name and the name itself is considered . . . unusual?
A: I suggest that you bite
your tongue before you say another word else that I may have to come over and
rip it out for you.
29. Q: *GuLp* Sure, what ever
you say, Pip. You hobbits aren’t normally agreessive though. I’m feeling
quite intimidated . . .
A: Yeah well, I wasn’t
chosen to serve Gondor for nothing now, was I?
30. Q: True, true. You helped
Eowyn kill the Nazgul Witch-King, didn’t you? How very brave!
A: Yes, I know. But I was
only doing what was right. If I hadn’t killed it, it would’ve got me and
Eowyn both! Lucky thing I saved the day, eh?
31. Q: Yes . . . I’m sure,
Pip.
A: *grumps*
32. Q: *smiles smugly* So,
what do you do for a living?
A: What do you mean?
33. Q: Well, err, what do you
work as?
A: Work? Me? Work? Hahahaahaa!
*Continues for some minutes while Aman’mai slowly taps her foot* Aha. Yes,
well. I don’t work. Me and Merry just like to muck around most of the time.
34. Q: Throughout your whole
adventure you seem to make some pretty ugly mistakes . . .
A: Yeah, well, looking back
on it, it was pretty funny. I mean, how stupid could I get? Plus, the damn
skeleton wasn’t supposed to be there anyway . . . what kind of dwarf dies on a
well, hmm?
35. Q: Also, Gandalf’s
favourite catchphrase seemed to run loose on you.
A: Yes. But then “Fool Of A
Took” wouldn’t work on any one else in the Fellowship now, would it? I was
the only Took.
36. Q: True, true, I’ll
give you that.
A: *smiles smugly*
37. Q: Hey! Only I smile
smugly around here! You can do something else!
A: *grumps*
38. Q: That’s better . . .
Oooowwww!
A: *smiles smugly*
39. Q: What the hell was
that???? It was *shudders* disgusting . . . *glares furiously*
A: *shrinks back*
N-n-n-nothing! *grins*
40. Q: *narrows eyes* This
means WAR!
A: If that’s how you want it . . .
*GYAH!* *HURMPH!* *THWACK!* *POW!* *GRARRRGH!*
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*sways slightly after pulling herself away from Pippin’s grasp*
Uhhhh, I’ll see you next time . . . I . . . don’t feel . . . too good . . .
Pip: SERVES YA RIGHT!!
Uhhh . . .
*THUD*
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