This is a weird idea I had. It's supposed to be funny. Raven is both the reader of the poem, and the person sitting in the chamber.

Without further ado, I present to you, "The Raven"

"Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door."

"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, ‘tapping at my chamber door-

Only this, and nothing more.’

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,

And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.

Eagerly I wished the morrow;

- vainly I had sought to borrow

From my books surcease of sorrow- sorrow for the lost Lenore-

For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore-

Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain

Thrilled me- filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;

So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,

‘'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door-

Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door;-

This it is, and nothing more.’

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

‘Sir,’ said I, ‘or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;

But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,

And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,

That I scarce was sure I heard you’- here I opened wide the door;-

Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,

Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;

But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,

And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, out of nowhere, we suddenly hear ‘XXXXPPPAACCC!!!!!!’ as X-Pac run by, doing crotch chops. Raven looks around, confused "Lenore!"

This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!"-

Merely this, and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,

Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.

‘Surely,’ said I, ‘surely that is something at my window lattice:

Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore-

Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;-

'Tis the wind and nothing more.’

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,

In there stepped a stately raven

::Instead of a raven, Gangrel steps into the room, carrying his chalice. ‘WHAT THE HELL?’ screamed Raven ‘This is The Raven, not The Vampyre’ to which Gangrel replied ‘Well, the author likes me, so I get to be in this story! Besides, getting a license for a raven was to hard, and cost too much. Our little Kurie is a cheapskate’ at this, Sakura runs in, gooses him, and leaves ‘OW!! I mean, Kurie couldn’t afford it. Besides, do you want bird crap all over your house?’ Raven grudgingly agreed ‘But don’t get any of that blood crap on my carpet!! Or you will feel The DDT’ ‘Yeah, whatever’:: of the saintly days of yore;

Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he; But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door-

Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door-

Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,

By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.

"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,

Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore-

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"

Quote the Raven, "Nevermore."

Much I marveled this ungainly fowl

to hear discourse so plainly,

Though its answer little meaning- little relevancy bore;

For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being

Ever yet was blest with seeing bird above his chamber door-

Bird or beast

upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,

With such name as ‘Nevermore.’

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only

That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.

Nothing further then he uttered- not a feather then he fluttered-

Till I scarcely more than muttered, ‘other friends have flown before-

On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.’

Then the bird said, ‘Nevermore.’

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,

‘Doubtless,’ said I, ‘what it utters is its only stock and store,

Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster

Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore-

Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore

Of "Never- nevermore".’

But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,

Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;

Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking

Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore-

What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous ::G-Hey!! There you go again...you keep saying mean things about me!! Grel starts sniffling R-Just sit down, shut up, and look pretty. G-You think I’m pretty?! Thank you!!! R-hk!! That’s not what I meant!::

bird of yore

Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing

To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's ::G&R-(with a Bevis and Butt-head laugh) huh huh heh, you said ‘bosom’ huh huh, ‘bosom’:: core;

This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining

On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,

But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er,

She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer

Swung by Seraphim G-Separahoth? WHOO!! I love Final Fantasy 7!!! R-Not Separahoth, you idiot!! Seraphim! Like, an Angel. whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.

‘Wretch,’ I cried, ‘thy God hath lent thee- by these angels he hath sent thee

Respite- respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore!

Quaff, oh quaff ::G-You need a drink man? Here, try this. (Gangrel hops down, and offers Raven his chalice) R-EWW!!!! I don't even WANT to know what this is, no way Fang Boy!:: this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!’

Quote the Raven, "Nevermore."

‘Prophet!’ said I, ‘thing of evil!-

- prophet still, if bird or devil!

Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,

Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted-

On this home by horror haunted- tell me truly, I implore-

Is there- is there balm in Gilead?- tell me- tell me, I implore!’

Quote the Raven, "Nevermore."

‘Prophet!’ said I, ‘thing of evil- prophet still, if bird or devil!

By that Heaven that bends above us

by that God we both adore-

Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,

It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore-

Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore.’

Quote the Raven, "Nevermore."

‘Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend,’ I shrieked, upstarting-

‘Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!

Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!

Leave my loneliness unbroken!- quit the bust above my door!

Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!’

Quote the Raven, "Nevermore."

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting

On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;

::Raven passes out:: ::Gangrel is still watching Debra and Saturn, who are now talking about the benefits of fishnet stalkings, when The Rock bursts through the door, wearing nothing but a g-string, covered in cinnamon glaze. G--UUhh....your not even from one of Kurie’s fantasies....what the hell are you doing here??? RM-Well, I was trying to find Anna’s fantasies, but got lost at Kurie and Anna’s fifth grade play, and I wound up here. Rocky waves at Anna through the computer, and does a little sexy dance. Anna, and several other WWFF members salivate so much, the computers temporarily shut down. When everything is back to working, we see Rocky sitting in the chair Raven started out in, with the book in his hands while trying to keep the glaze off the book. RM-Ready now? Grel told me to read the last stanza of the poem, just before he gave me the directions to Anna’s fantasy (he waves again) and he had to go to Kurie’s latest fantasy.:::

And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,

And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

Shall be lifted- nevermore!"

FIN