A Glimpse into the BroomCloset

By Diaz ( [email protected] )

© Amy Halvorson, 2000

I've described the life of any pagan who isn't open about his or her religion, one who is in the "broom closet". It's a life that I, along with hundreds, probably thousands (obviously I don't know the real statistics) of other pagans live daily. It's a rocky path which is taken because it seems to be the smoother way. In my own experience, and the many people I've talked to seem to agree, it's a path born of a perceived necessity. Some stay in the closet because they don't believe their spouse will understand, or because they believe being more open will jeopardize their career. Some remain in the broom closet because they're afraid of the wall of prejudice their children may come up against in their struggle as a minority religion. Personally, I stay in the broom closet only out of respect for my mother. I will remain in the broom closet at least until I move out of her house this fall as I head off to college at a small, conservative Lutheran college (oh, the irony there!).

And it is a rocky path. One who has never been in the situation of hiding something like religion can not know the agony of wanting so badly to share each thing learned, wishing so hard that one might find a person - a single person - who understands their train of thought when the subject of religion comes around. Or even just someone who doesn't laugh him- or her- self silly when he or she finds out you take Tarot cards or Rune stones seriously.

Another problem of the closeted pagan is actually getting information on the subject. Some say paganism is something that's in your personality... and I think they're partially right on that count. Unfortunately, the only way we can learn about and explore what exactly we believe is by either reading about different aspects of paganism, or by learning from another person. As a closeted pagan, especially if you live in the same house as someone who you haven't been open with, you probably won't have a teacher. Books are hard to come by too. Someone's bound to see them lying around the house. Fortunately, through one of the miracles of modern technology, the internet, one can look up web pages on nearly every aspect of paganism. Unfortunately, anyone can publish a web page (of course, sometimes I think the same thing about books... have you seen some of the books coming out?), so you run the risk of misinformation. And there... you're back where you started! Sorting through volumes and volumes of mass produced books, and poorly produced web sites... hiding things under the bed, and deleting the computer's cache... and still trying to figure out what to believe. Actually, this is as much a blessing as a curse in my opinion. It forces us to think; to not be led like sheep to the slaughter.