a tribute to Mr. P. G. Wodehouse
The sunlight gleamed off the facade of Blandings, that quintessical English country house, which is to say,
that Blandings was not the prettiest home one ever saw. Architectural Digest would not give its photograph
houseroom. The present Earl was considering doing the same to his son Frederick. His intentions were diverted
by the spectacle of Constance leaning over the rail of the Empress's sty. He turned pale. The enemy was at
the gates! He quivered; he quaked.
Galahad, from his deck chair under the elm, you remember Galahad don't you?, anyway he looked up at his pudding-imitating brother.
Mildly surprised, he asked what had gotten his wind up? Unable to do more than stammer and point, the Earl did not reply. Galahad,
being blessed with more than his fair share of intelligence, rose and took in the ghastly scene that had so destroyed the Earl.
Yes, I see. You'd better hoof it on over there and see if Connie hasn't put her off her feed. Thus released, the Earl brokenly hastened
to the rails. Constance, I know you remember her, had merely been frowning at the eminent pig. The Earl was of the opinion that one of
Connie's frowns could rend the Pacific Ocean in twain, never mind the Red Sea. The Empress was focused however and seemed not the slightest
bit upset and she eagerly hunted down the last morsel of her elevenes there under the trough. The Earl stood there opening and closing
his mouth. Don't just stand there like a vapid turkey! The animal's far too fat! The expenses are mounting up as well. You shall have to
cut back upon her feed. Connie, having delivered did not stand, but went after a nod of satisfaction at a broadside well done.
Uncle Dynamite - my personal favorite of Mr. Wodehouse's works.
and now....The Contest!
In the style, or as close as you can come, finish the short story!
Will the Empress embark upon a slimming regime? Will the gin catch
Galahad at last? Will the Earl finally have enough and toss Connie out
on her aristocratic....... ? Remember to roll on like a 'out-of-control'
rollercoaster! The winner will be very subjectively selected after I
finish this badminton match in the lounge. Hold on! My serve, I think!
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