5)The Ultimate April Fools Joke!
13) The Lighter Side of Marriage
14) Three Wishes
1)What is the similarity between krishna jayanthi and communism?
Kaal marks.
2)How do flies communicate?
eee-mail
3)What is the similarity between short circuit and poramai?
Wire-eriyarthu
4)What is the similarity between boxing and goddess kali?
Naak-out
Marana kadis
1.Deepavalikkum pongalukkum yennanga vithyaasam?
Deepavali annikku pongal saapadalaam aana Pongal annikku
Deppavaliya sapda mudiyaadhu.
2.LIC oda 14th floorla sandhanam poosi yirukkanga. Yaen?
Yaenna adhu Mottai maadi.
3.Oru annanum thangachchiyum oadi varranga. Annan maelmoochu
Ava Female moochchu vaanguvaaa
4.eli(adhaanga Rat) adhukku yaen vaal yirukku?
seththa pudichchu thookki poada.
5.what is the opposite of Arvindswamy
Arvind-DID-NOT-SEE-ME
6.LEO coffee a yaen kalyanam pannikka mudiyaadhu?
yaenna ?Manamaana? coffee LEO coffee
7. Q : Mylapore-kkum, Mandaveli-kkum sandai vandha edhu win-pannum?
A : Mylapore, yenna avangakitta tank irukku.
8. Q : Russia-la yen kosu-ve illai?
A : Yen-na, anga Kosukku vera peyar.
9. Q: Yen, cinema theatre-la A-row la irukkara-vangalukku cinema
ozhungave theriyalai?
A: Enna, A-row-kku munnala B-row (Bero) irukku.
10. Q: Yen, desert-la irukkara post-office-la ellarum letter
ezhudhittu, stamp vangittu, veliya poranga?
A: Enna, veliya dhan otta-gum irukku.
11.Q: Ramar (the mythological character) sithai-ya thedindu
lankai kalambumbodhu kadal-ai thaandarathukku varar. Appo
enna achariyam! Kadal avarukku appadiye vazhi vittuduthu. Yaen?
A: Enna, Where there is a will, there is a way.
12. Q: Raja Harischandra use panna paste enna?
A: Promise.
13. Q: Traffic Inspectors enna toothpaste use pannuvanga?
A: Signal.
14.Q: Harischandra-kku pudicha biscuit enna?
A: True.
Here's a really old one,
15. Q: Bus-ai pinnala thallina enna aagum?
A: Pin valayium.
16. Q: Oru yanai (elephant) vegama ration kadai pakkam odarathu.
Athu anga enna vangum?
A: Muchu Vangum.
17.Q: Oru English therinja maadu(cow) theatre pakkam porathu.
Anga theatre Kadhavai kadikka arambichuduthu! Yen?
A: Enna, Kadhavula ?Pull?-nnu ezhudhirukku.
18. Q: Japanese, Leaning Tower of Pisa kattina adhukku enna per veppa?
A: Nikumo-Nikado
19.Q: Mahathma Gandhijikkum, Kunnakudi Vaidyanathanukkum yenna vidyasam?
A: Avar Non-violinist. Vaidyanathan Violinist
20.Q: Spin Bowlarruku pen kuzhandai perandal enna payru vaipar?
A: Tiruppra Sundari
21.Q: Independence day-kkum Republic day-kkum yenna vidyasam?
A: Sumar, anjaru maasam.
22.Q. Oru maami idli-a thalaila vechindanga. Yaen?
A. En-na idli poo pola irundhudhu.
23.Q. Kadri Gopalnath - Kunnakudi jugalbandi censor board ban
panninanga. Yaen?
A. Romba Sax and violins
24.Q. Neil Armstrong yaen romba great.
A. Ellarum 1-ikku povanga, 2-ikku povanga. Avar 3-ikke poitaar.
Sign in a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE
ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER
YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER
STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
Outside a farm:
HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p
DO-IT-YOURSELF
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT
AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
On a church door:
THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS
DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE
DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
English sign in a German cafe:
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING
Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING
MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG
AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince
of Wales:
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL
REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN
TOMORROW.
Outside a photographer's studio:
OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR
DINNER ALSO
Seen at the side of a Sussex road:
SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE
NEXT 100 YRS.
Outside a disco:
SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN.
EVERYONE WELCOME
Sign warning of quicksand:
QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL
BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL
Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish:
DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS
AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH
RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR
BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER
Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE
THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF
Sign on motorway garage:
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS.
YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR
PETROL IS
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD
FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU
HOW TO GET LESSONS
Sign on a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON
THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
Sign in a Japanese hotel:
SPORTS JACKETS MAY BE WORN BUT NO TROUSERS
Sign in Egyptian hotel:
IF YOU REQUIRE ROOM SERVICE, PLEASE OPEN DOOR
AND SHOUT, "ROOM SERVICE!"
Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative.
More the success, more the relatives
Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay:
We need your heads to run our business
A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old
enough - or else they will never be
Sign in a restaurant:
All drinking water in this establishment has
been personally passed by the manager.
Notice in barber's shop:
Haircut for Rs 8.00
Children for Rs 5.00
Seen on a railway station at Patna:
Aana free, jaana free,
pakdhe gaye to khana free
Sign on a famous beauty parlour:
Don't whistle at the girl going out from
here.
She may be your grandmother!
"Smoking kills, and if you're killed, you've lost a very important part
of your life."
-Anti-smoking spokesperson Brooke Shields
"The police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve
disorder"
-Former Chicago mayor Daley during the infamous 1968 convention
"The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people that make
them unsafe"
-Former Philadelphia Mayor and Police Chief
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After
a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night,
and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged
his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what
you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?," enquired Holmes.
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that
there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I
deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are
small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will
have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot!
Someone has stolen our tent!"
Three friends die in a car accident, and upon their arrival to
heaven, they are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends
and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them
say about you?"
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a
great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful
husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our
children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say "LOOK, HE'S
MOVING!!!"
During the Gulf War, CNN showed a film of a baby milk factory
that had been bombed. How did we know it was a baby milk
factory? It had a large sign -- in English -- that read "Baby Milk
Factory".
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? weight - 45lbs!
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at
the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was
designed to weed out new students, having over 700 students in the
class!
The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were
provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any
exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be
accepted and the student would fail. 1/2 hour into the exam, a
student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam
booklet.
"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated
sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began
writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the
students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student,
who continued writing. 1/2 hour later, the last student came up to
the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next
class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets
already there.
"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late."
The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I
am?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of
sarcasm in his voice.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.
"No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of
superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of
completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the
room.
A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their
waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed
that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table,
with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the
man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.
Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and
unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had
disappeared. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came
over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I
think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he
didn't. He just walked in the door."
An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test
a lie detector.
The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"OK, he says, "10 bottles". And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"OK, he says, 8 hamburgers". And the machine is silent.
The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ, goes the machine.
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final
examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the
question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes
his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes
his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and
watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, "it says
here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'."
One great day in Bombay, a couple were on a honeymoon tour.
They saw one sardarji in front of a hospital (Breach Candy) was
trying to fill some form. So the couple enquired eagerly "aare
Sardarji kya kar raahe ho."
Sardarji replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate
form.
The couple as per schedule, took the Bombay to Delhi Flight for
their next destination. On the next day, they find the same Sardarji,
in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form.
So once again young couple curiously asked "Aare Sardarji kya kar
raahe ho" sardarji once again replied I had a baby and I am filling
the birth certificate form."
The couple said but sardarji yesterday you were in Bombay filling
the same form, how come you're in Delhi?
Sardarji cooly replied "Aare ye form mein leekha hey ke FILL IN
CAPITAL."
There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All
the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and
general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange
that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage
baraat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, "Singh Saab, aapka koi
sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?" .....comes the
reply, "Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli ek sardar
"brain" tumour se mara hai!!!"
Subject: Wah Re Sardar
A Sardarji went to US & had a meeting
with Bill Clinton.
Bill : I want to show you the US advancement.
come with me. (He takes him in a deep forest)
Bill : Dig the ground. (Sardarji did it.)
Bill : more..more..more...
(Sardarji went upto 100 feet)
Bill : So now , try to search something.
Sardarji: I got a wire.
Bill : you know, it shows that even 100 years ago
we used to have telephones.
( Sardarji became frustrated.)
He invited Bill to india. Next year Bill went to India
Sardarji : I want to show you our advancement.
(the same,
he takes Bill in forest.)
Sardar : "Dig it, man !"
(Bill
does.) (*Sandy is LOL !*)
Sardar : more ..more ..more .......
(Bill goes up to
almost 400 feet..)
Sardarji : try to find something.>>
(Bill
tries.)
Sardarji : did you get anything ?
Bill : no.
Sardarji : yes, even 400 years ago we used to have WIRELESS !!
A Sardarji walks into a bar in Paris, orders three pints of Guinness
and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in
turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders
three more.
The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it.
It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Sardar replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in
America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Paris. When we all
left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the
days when we drank together."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Sardar becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the
same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars
notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second
round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but
I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
The Sardar looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his
eye and he laughs. "Oh no, he says, "everyone's fine. I've just quit
drinking."
Sardarji is walking his two beautiful dogs in the park. A passerby
stops & asks the sardarji. " These are beautiful dogs. What are their
names?" "This one is Gurbux Singh, and the other one is Khudabux
Singh" The passerby is impressed and exclaims "This is the first
time I have heard of sensible names for dogs: I am so happy to
meet you. May I know your name?" Sardarji says "Tony!"
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final
examination which consists of Y/N type questions.He takes his seat in
the examination hall, stares at the questionpaper for five minutes, and
then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and
starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and
N
for Tails. Within half an hour he is all
done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last
few minutes, he is seen desperatley throwing the coin, swearing and
sweating.The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is
going
on? "Oye, I finished the exam in half an hour". "But yaar", he says, "I
am rechecking my answers."
**********************************
A surd tried to sell his old car. But he had large problems because
the car had 900 000 km on it. One day he told his problem to a Tamilian
working in the same factory. The Tamilian told him: "There is
a possibility to make the car saleable. But it is not legal." "That
does
not matter," replied the surd, "if I only can sell the car." "OK," said
the Tamilian. "Here is the address of a friend of mine in Chennai. He
owns a car repair shop. It you give him my regards, he will turn the
counter in your car back to 50 000 km.
Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." So the
following weekend the surd made a trip to Chennai. About one month
after
that the Tamilian asked the surd: "Did you now sell your car?"
"No," replied the surd, "why should I? It has only 50 000 km on it."
*****************************************
Two surds go fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to the shore.
The first surd says: "I hope you remember the spot where we caught all
those fish." The other answers: "Yes, I made an 'X' on the side of the
boat to mark the spot." "You idiot!"replies the first.
"How do you know we will get the same boat tomorrow
**************************
A Surd prime minister visited the president of the neighbouring country
and complained about all this jokes about surds that others tell each
other. "This leads to the impression that all surds are
stupid," he said. "You should not take this so earnest," answered the
neighbouring minister . "These are only jokes and not true stories. And
there are also stupid people in our country. I will prove it to you."
Saying so he went to his driver and said:"Please drive to my home and
find out, whether I am at home." The driver immediately went on his
way.
The surd prime minister was satisfied:"He is very stupid
indeed. There is a public phone just at the corner.It had been easier
to
ring."
***************************************************
A surd walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin.A coke pops out.
The surd looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. He returns
and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps
feeding out drinks. A man walks up behind the surd and watches his
doing
for a few minutes before stopping and him and asking if someone else
could have a go. The surd spins around and shouts: "Can you not see
that
I am winning."
***************************************************
A surd and a friend are sitting in a cinema. Just before the break they
see a cactus and in some distance a cowboy.During the break the friend
says to the surd: "I bet the cowboy will ride into the cactus." The
surd
answers: "I do not believe that." They agree that the looser invites
the
winner to a bottle of wine after the film. It turns out
that the friend wins. So after the film they drink together the bottle
of wine in a restaurant near the cinema. Then the
friend says: "I must confess that the bet was not fair. I saw the film
for the second time." The surd replies: "And I saw it for the forth
time, but I did not think that this fool rides into the cactus again."
******************************************************
A surd goes to a barber shop wearing walkman headphones. He tells the
hairdresser: "Cut my hair please, but do not remove the headphones."
The hairdresser does his job but needs to get under the headphones to
finish his work. He removes the headphones thinking that the surd will
never even notice. The surd falls to the floor,chokes, turns blue and
dies. The hairdresser picks up the headphones to see what he was
listening to and hears: "Breath In, Breath Out,Breath In, Breath
Out....."
Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective. One was a
Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. Rather than ask the
standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each
applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.
When
the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked,"Who killed
Jesus Christ?"The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans
killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.When the Italian man
arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He
replied
"Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who
then left.When the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the
exact same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could
I
have some time to think about it?" The chief said,
"OK,but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home his
wife asked "How did the interview go?" He replied, "Great, I got the
job, and I'm already investigating a murder.
Dr. Goldstein bumps into Mrs. Slaton in the grocery store.
"Oh, Mrs. Slaton" says the Dr. "Your husband came in the other
day for a checkup and I got such a kick out of him. For a 70 year
old man, he is in such good spirits!"
"Why?" said Mrs. Slaton, "What did he say?"
"Well, he said that every time he goes to the bathroom at night, God
turns on the light for him, and every time he leaves the bathroom,
God turns the light off."
"Oh, damn" says Mrs. Slaton "He's peeing in the refrigerator
again"..!
1) What is Bruce Lee's Favorite dog?
- Ju Lee
2) What is Bruce Lee's favorite vegetable?
- Mu Lee (Radish in Hindi)
3) Who is the greatest fan of Bruce Lee?
- Malaya Lee
4) What does Bruce Lee like to have for lunch ?
- Tha Lee
5) What happens to the theatre once a Bruce Lee movie is over ?
- Kha Lee
6) What is Bruce Lee's sister-in-law's name ?
- Saa Lee
7) Bruce Lee's favorite food
- Id Lee
8) Bruce Lee's favorite festival
- Diwa Lee
9) Bruce Lee's favorite holiday spot
- Mana Lee
10) Bruce Lee's favorite tree
- Im Lee
11) Bruce Lee's favourite Actress
- Sona lee
12) Bruce Lee's favourite Music
- Qawa lee
13) What is Bruce Lee's most interesting job?
- Coo Lee (Coolie)
14) When did Bruce Lee die?
- Final Lee (finally)
15) How did Bruce Lee die?
- with a Go Lee
A mother was preparing
pancakes for her sons,
Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue
over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A father was at the beach with his children when
the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand,
and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
After the church service a little boy told the
pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."
"Well, thank you," the pastor replied,
"but why?"
"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers
we've ever had."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the
table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter
and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people
to dinner?"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created
everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny, a child in the kindergarten class,
seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve
was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying as though
he were ill, and said. "Johnny what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side.
I think I'm going to have a wife."
Every man should get married some time;
after all, happiness is
not the only thing in life!!
--Anonymous
-------------------------------------------------------------------
An archaeologist is the best husband a
woman can have;
the older she gets the more interested he is
in her.
--Agatha Christie
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It
is not fair that
some men should be happier than others.
--Oscar Wilde
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't marry for money; you can borrow
it cheaper.
--Scottish Proverb
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't worry about terrorism. I
was
married for two years.
--Sam Kinison
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A psychiatrist is a person who will
give you expensive
answers that your wife will give you for
free. --Anonymous
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors know more about women than
married men; if they
didn't, they'd be married too.
--H. L.
Mencken
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Men have a better time than women; for
one thing, they
marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
--H. L. Mencken
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"A man without a woman is like a fish
without a bicycle."
- U2
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is a three ring circus:
--engagement ring
---wedding ring
---suffering
-----------------------------------------------------------------
When a newly married couple smiles,
everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles,
everyone wonders why.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Love is blind but marriage is an
eye-opener.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
When a man opens the door of his car
for his wife, you
can be sure of one thing: either the car is
new or the wife.>
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I take my wife everywhere, but she
keepsfinding her way back.
--------------------------------------------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go
for our anniversary?"
She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"
I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
We always hold hands.
If I let go, she
shops.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours
That was only for the estimate.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
She got a mudpack and looked great for
twodays.
Then the mud fell off.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am
I too late
for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No,
jump in!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
BaddTeddy recently explained to me why
he refuses to
ever get married. He
says "the wedding
rings look too much like
minature handcuffs....."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door
and your wife is
yelling at the front door, who do you let
in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up
after you let him in!
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A man placed some flowers on the grave of
his dearly
departed mother and started back toward his
car when his
attention was diverted to another man kneeling
at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with
profound intensity and
kept repeating, "Why did you have to die?
Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir,
I don't wish
to interfere with your private grief, but
this demonstration of
pain is more than I've ever
seen before.
For whom do you mourn so
deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect
himself, then
replied, "My wife's first husband."
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A couple came upon a wishing well.
The husband leaned over, made a
wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But
she leaned over too much,
fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but
then smiled "It really
works!"
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1) Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence. (a life sentence!!!)
2) Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the string are attached.
3) Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
4) Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the women gets her Master.
5) Marriage is a thing which puts one ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
6) Marriage certificate is just another name for a work permit.
7) Marriage is not just having a wife but also "W-orries I-nherited F-or E-ver"(wife).
8) Marriage requires a man to be ready with 4 "RINGS"
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring
9) First few years of an ideal marriage:
* in the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* in the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* in the third year, they BOTH speak and the NEIGHBOURS listen.
10) It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
11) Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends....
You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you
wish you had ordered that.
12) It's true; all men are born free and equal - but some of them get married
13) There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found
himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found
himself divorced.
14) A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
15) Son : How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it.
Son : Is it true, Dad, that I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries?
Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE.
16) There was a man who said "I never knew what happiness was until I got
married... and then it was too late!"
17) Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
18) They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is
love; after marriage it is self defence.
19) When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten year
married man looks happy, we wonder why.
20) There was this lover who told his love that he would go through hell for
her. They got married - and now he is going through HELL!
Three women were out golfing one day and one of them hit the ball
into
the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a
trap. The frog said to her "If you release me from this trap, I will
grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog.
The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a
condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will
get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said "That would be okay" and for her first wish she wanted
to be the most beautiful woman in the world... The frog warned her-You
do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome
man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to him."
The woman replied, "That will be okay, because I will be the most
beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me..." So, poof she's the
most
beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world
and he will be ten times richer than you..."The woman said. "That will
be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine... ",
poof-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish and she answered "I'd like a
very mild heart attack..."
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office
worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy,
LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered.
"They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them to
come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all come
running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he
asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"