Originally, I started this page as an explanation and an apology of sorts. A way to tell my friends where I have been... what I have been feeling... why I haven't been such a good friend to some of you lately.

I first began to experience the symptoms of Peri-Menopause about one and a half years ago. For those of you who are wondering, Peri-Menopause is the time when a woman's body starts to make less Estrogen and she starts to have symptoms of the infamous CHANGE but is also still having periods. A woman isn't classified as Menopausal until she has ceased to have a period for at least 12 months. As a 44 year old woman who has never had any children, neither the timing nor my symptoms are very unusual. I've had hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings and irregular periods, sometimes 2 a month, sometimes none (I like those months *G*). I also experienced a raise in my blood pressure which has been cited as a symptom but is unusual for me, having always been a rock-solid 120/80.

During this time, I went to several doctors and was told by each that Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) would not be forthcoming because my blood tests always showed normal levels of Estrogen. These very same doctors also told me that the blood tests are only correct in about 50% of the cases. Because of the increased risk of uterine cancer from having too much Estrogen in the system, no one wanted to try it. So I suffered the various symptoms and figured that I would just have to put up with it until my blood test came back showing decreased Estrogen levels... or I went crazy, whichever came first.

Here is where my journal begins...

I had been in Iowa for 4 months and was beginning to experience almost manic-depressive mood swings. It was getting so bad that my employees were starting to think of me as the Wicked Witch Of The West (I'm originally from California). I was having more and more difficulty getting through the day and when I would come home I would try to lose myself in Cyberspace. I only seemed to be happy when I was in my office in front of my computer. I started to neglect my family, my home, my friends and my appearance. I'm normally an outgoing and friendly person but I found that I was becoming more and more reclusive every day. I decided, once again, to try and get some help.

On April 30th, I went to a local Gynecologist that had been recommended by one of my staff (one of the few who actually liked me at the time). Lo and behold...he actually agreed to prescribe HRT for me. I think the fact that I was sitting there sobbing my eyes out when he walked into the examining room did the trick! Well, maybe he was just grateful when I let go of his throat (just kidding *G*).

After spending some time discussing my various symptoms, he decided to put me on a low dosage of Estrogen and combine it with the male hormone Progesterone, which studies have shown to decrease the risk of uterine cancer to almost the same levels as a woman who is not taking hormones at all. So, on May 1st I started HRT. I was to take the Estrogen every day and the Progesterone for the first 12 days of the month. This cyclic regimen would have the added benifit of regulating my periods so that I would only have one a month (oh joy).

The first 2 weeks were GREAT! I felt better right away and was almost my old self again. I was cheerful at work and helpful at home. My employees were actually starting to like me and my boss thought that I was doing a really good job. When I came home from work I would spend time with my mom (who lives with me) and would even do things around the house before disappearing into my office. I still spent a good deal of time on the computer because it is a big part of my life. I have made many good friends in Cyberspace and they are every bit as important to me as my friends outside of Cyberspace. (I refuse to call it real life because inside of Cyberspace or out, it's ALL real life.) I wasn't able to get back with all of you in that short time but I was definitely making a start.

And that brings me up to a couple of days ago...

On the 12th, I took my Progesterone and then put the bottle away in the nightstand drawer for the rest of the month. Things were fine that day and on the 13th as well but on the morning of the 14th I started to feel that old familiar depression coming over me again. By that afternoon, I was increasingly irritable and when I looked in the mirror, what did I find? A really HUGE pimple blooming right there on my face! Believe me when I say that this is NOT the best way for a woman my age to feel like a teenager again (ick). Then, my boss decided to have me in his office for an afternoon chat in which he told me that I really need an attitude adjustment. He was right but that didn't matter at the time...I just broke down in tears and couldn't stop. Needless to say, I went home.