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May 30 Today I entered the castle to see the wizard (Shadow Wizard) again. He always has many prophecies, although I cannot admit I understand them all. I asked him again about my husband, whom he often shows in his crystal ball. As I try to remember all his prohpecy, he said, "Sephiroth shall worry naught of his confrontations in and, in the sense of fate and destiny. He has nothing to fear." Truly, I did not understand why he would have nothing to fear, for we are always in a war against the Triad, or the Elementians or someone. I asked him if I should be afriad, and he said to neither be afraid or agressive. Still, I often worry about the status of our plane. Later the Shadow Wizard said warned me against trusting so easily. I believe he thinks I trust this new Commander Judas too much. I never said I trusted that man, however. I only seek his aid in our fight. I worry about my dear brother, Vincent Valentine. He is so subdued now, Since his wife has passed on. I cannot imagine how that must feel. He is smoking too much now, and I can see how disillusioned he is. I try so desperatly to make him feel better, but I believe not even family can bring him out of the shell he has created around himself. Only little Atrina, the elf girl who is older than us all, yet with the mind of a chlid, can make him smile. He is the only family I have left I trust, save my husband and daughters, and I hope he does not drive us away. The Doom Dragon visited us as well today. He seems so innocent, like a pet, but I know he is much more. He is tied to the Shadow Wizard somehow. A newcommer visited today. HIs name was Matsurtera, and although I did not know him, he certainly seemed to know me. He gave me a gift, and bowed when he realized I was Emperor Kino's firstborn. Still, I suppose I will never feel I am royality, unless I win a title by Sephiroth's side. I feel so embarrassed when I have to explain my childhood in the harem. Anyway, this man flattered me by saying I was beautiful, but I did not look Japanese. Truly, I suppose I do not, but my eyes are unmistakably Japanese. When I have my hair obscuring them, Im certain I do look caucasian. But, I digress. This man, Matsurtera, was from my homeland, yet had spent the last few years in China. Naturally this brought to mind my experience in China, and the child of mine that no longer lives. I told him of this, although in retorspect I suppose it is not wise to tell others of such personal things. Still, he knows I was also trained as an assassin, and gives me the respect someone who knows the arts deserves. Beau Blaze, our old friend, seems a bit jumpy lately. I have to admit I got a bit rude to him when he pulled a blade on Matsurtera. I do try to be kind to all my countrymen, although perhaps they do not all deserve it. Matsurtera, after a bit of questioning, finally told me his reason for being in our Plane. It seems my dear husband had hired him after his training in shanghai to shadow my every move, and to "report my every intention to make sure I was not unfaithful." Well, naturally, discovering this had me seething in rage, although I believe I hid it well. Still, he reported my faithfulness back to my husband, and I hope he is happy. Truly, I think I should perhaps have an affair to get back at him? No, I suppose I will stay faithful, if only to make his payment of this man useless. I must speak with him when he returns from his mission... Later, this Shadow Wizard questioned me about trust. Did I trust him? I told him so, at least, as much as I trust anyone on the plane. I have reason to question many people's true intentions. Still, I shall not confess this until I am certain. The Shadow Wizard told me of his past. Again, much of it was spoken in his prophecy like ways, and I could not comprehend. I understand, however, that much of his existance depends upon my husband and I. Why? Heavens, I do not know. Perhaps he shall explain it again eventually. I do understand that he tried to trust one couple, and they betrayed him. I have no reason to betray this man, and truly hope we can be what he needs. I worry, for he seems so sad all the time, I wish I could help him. This evening, after letting my fury boil all day, Sephiroth returned home. I decided to try my hand at shadowing someone, after all, I do have the training of a ninja. After surprising him on the balcolny, I shouted at him, because I was so upset he could do such a thing to me. I mean, I know my past, as does he, but how could he think I was unfaithful? My heavens, I have been pregnant most of the time of our marriage. Not many men out there want affairs with pregnant women. Still, after sulking and acting like a total baby, I realized that Seph was right. I am reckless, and I do need someone to look after me. I just, I guess I don't want to have something like that. I want to be able to do it all on my own. I know he loves me. Later he confessed to me that he was jealous of other men being near me, and wanted desperatly to make sure I was his and his alone. Well, duh, I mean I did marry him. Still, it is nice to know that someone loves you enough to worry that much about you. More later.... Kino Makoto
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