TOP TEN'S BY DAVID LETTERMAN

TOP 10 THINGS  THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR AT A BUS STOP
TOP 10 FUN THINGS TO DO WHILE STUCK IN TRAFFIC
TOP 10 OTHER HEALTH HAZARDS AT McDONALDS
 
 

Top 10 Things that you don't want to hear at a bus stop
10. "If it's crowded you can sit on my lap."
9. "Maybe if th bus gets into a big accident we'll be on the news."
8. "Since we've been standing here, I've swallowed 19 tokens."
7. "I'm pretty sure this is the bus that I left my monkey on."
6. "Lucky for me I don't have to go through a metal detector."
5. "I hope there's a dead guy on the bus."
4. "If there's no seats on the bus, here's a tip- old people scare easily."
3. "Do I smell eggy?"
2. "You can't spell 'bus' without 'us'."
1. (Puts his ear to the ground) "The bus is coming."

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Top 10 Fun things to do while stuck in traffic
10. Play the exciting game "Does My Head Fit In The Glove Compartment?"
9. Roll down the window, ask the person next to you, "Is this the line for Pokemon?"
8. Honk your horn -- that always gets things moving.
7. Call police, report stolen car, give license plate of car in front of you.
6. Imagine your in a line of cars waiting to run over Donald Trump.
5. Turn on wipers, have "race" to see which one goes faster.
4. Walk to guy in car ahead of you, ask him about his grandson.
3. Use jumper cables to resuscitate roadkill.
2. Plow into a couple of those dorky new VW Beetles.
1. Check beverage holder for Y2K compatibility.

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Top 10 Other health hazards at McDonalds
10. Sign in restroom: "Employees must wash hands in customers' soft drinks."
9. New "windpipe-sized" chicken McNuggets.
8. Dumb guys always sticking head in fry-o-lator.
7. Those promotional cartons of "Tarzan-style" unpasteurized milk.
6. Misprinted cups that read "This coffee is cool enough to pour directly into your lap."
5. Hand dryers in bathrooms powerful enough to blow flesh off fingers.
4. Ronald McDonald spotted peeling skin from bad sunburn next to fry vat.
3. That "fish" in their fish sandwiches? Meow.
2. Hamburgler drugs customers, transports them to dingy Mexican hotel room, steal their kidneys.
1. Mcbeehives!

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