Perhaps this page should not be on my website. Perhaps I should e-mail it directly to my father. It may answer a few questions and perhaps comfort him…or make him even more concerned about my future. Before I give you a frightening tour of my brain (though we cannot possibly travel the entire thing in one trip) I must give you a little background so that you know how this happened.
 I will try to limit this part a bit.  To skip and just get to my insanity go ahead to part 2. I have always been weird and my teachers agreed with this from the start. I learned how to read well around three and excelled when I went through kindergarten a year and a half later. However, it was not until I was introduced into the Catholic school system in first grade that my strange nature shined. Just a little side not, I come from a Methodist, extremely religiously relaxed family. Dad never went and mom and I went when choir was in session (i.e. we slept in during summer). Anyway, soon after I walked through the doors of the hallowed institution my parents soon found themselves in meeting with my teachers who were deeply disturbed by my anti-social behavior. I never bothered anyone, just kept to myself. I much preferred adults to children, better conversation not to mention I found my own imaginary world more interesting than playground sports. This trend of frightened instructors carried on until fourth grade when I chose to switch to a closer Catholic school hoping for some neighborhood friends. Instead I was beaten up everyday for no reason I can remember. This was a cruel school that other children had left in terror as well. I was shy and tended to leave people alone.  I took my rage home with me because I was outnumbered by the brats and soon I was sitting in a psychologist’s office.  You see, my parents blamed this on me at first, after all, why would all this kids just get together and torture someone like this?  KIDS ARE MEAN, that’s why.  Lucky for me the counselor believed me and I was placed back at the school that thought I was anti social.
 Now starts part two of the early part of my life. It starts here because of an odd change. You see the original school was full of rich kids who regarded my upper middle class family from a different Chicago suburb as poor trash as far as I could tell.  They were “nice” but kept me to the side, yet somehow I had the opportunity to become popular for the only year and a half of my life that I could give myself this label, starting in sixth grade. Somehow students who left and came back to tell about it held some kind of mystic for these kids.  So for awhile I was a materialistic snob while simultaneously doing thing that terrified my sheltered friends, particularly in the variety of friends I chose. This was not difficult to achieve, but it was a sign of things to come.  When picking a Catholic high school (forced to by the parental units)  I chose to get away from the preppy kids by picking one that no other kid in my class picked. My goal was to get on the pom pon squad and become popular…excuse me for a second <maniacal laughter> … okay I am better now.  Tough lesson learned here, it was if someone from above proclaimed “Nice try, once a freak always a freak”.  Number one, I had no chance of making a national award winning pom squad when I had no coordination. Number two, although I looked just like every other blonde haired, full maked up-ed (yes I know I just created a word), tight shirt wearing popular teenage girl, I by far could not be one for one major reason. Anyone who has gone to a school who revolves around a state championship football team and pom squad knows that conformity is the only way to get anywhere. One must act like everyone else and look like everyone else. The problem is the emphasis is on muscle, not academics and the jocks run the school, including the faculty. Garbage was dumped on my head, sexual harassment was not uncommon, and things were somehow stolen out of my locker despite constantly changing my combo and looking over my shoulder.   I escaped the parochial school system my junior year, about two years after my parents had divorced, thanks to my dad moving to a better school system.  In public school I found peace.  No one minded my weird beliefs, I even found a couple good friends who liked me. Another big plus was at last finding a place with an excellent music program (not that I mentioned this earlier).  I graduated and was accepted into my top choice school, this will not be listed because the details may be too much for some to handle <evil grin> just kidding… kind of.  Too late however, damage had been done in the ten years of Catholic school, do not put an individual mind in a school meant to assimilate all in its grasp. This is not to say that unique individuals cannot happily make it through the Catholic school system, yet in my discussions with others from similar places I have found many share my experiences.

You have now completed the earlier part of my life, onto part 2 to find out exactly how much damage was done, tee hee.

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