12.16.98
Alright...so I didn't open this thing up yesterday. I should have just to let some things off my chest that I needed to let go of. Oh well, I didn't and now I wish I had. Because now, these thoughts are not as fresh in my head nor or they as intense as they were yesterday. Bottom line ... long distance relationships suck (well that's what people tell me anyway). Everyone tells me they suck. Everyone tells me how hard it is. It "isn't fair to me" is what I was told. Am *I* not the one that's supposed to be the judge of that? I should know what is and isn't fair for me in my life. I feel like something good is just slipping through my fingers without ME having a say-so in the matter. I have a lot to think about today and probably for a while to come. This is something that I cannot just push away. WHY? I wish I could, but I can't. I'd like to just pretend that those feelings aren't there, but they are. I'd like to not hope for something to come of this, but that's impossible. I guess today will just be a day of self pity. I need to figure out how I'm supposed to stop doing that. Oh well, on another note....Dec. 16, and I still don't have a Christmas tree. Maybe I'll look into that tonight to get my mind off things. These kids need to at least have a tree for Christmas, if not nothing else, with lots of love under it. Yeah...that's what I'm going to do if time permits today. I should get ready for work. The kids are already at the bus stop and off to school. Guess I'll get off to work :/