02.14.99
I hate repetitive thoughts
I guess that means I hate my thoughts? It seems like every day is almost a repeat of what's going on in my mind. I have thses same feelings and thoughts over and over. I'm getting tired of hearing myself day in and day out. I suppose I need to get a LIFE. Oh well, I don't have one, so I'm stuck with what I do have and I just have to live with it.
I want to head out to Mardi Gras so bad this year. I really have only one reason to do that. Maybe two reasons. Once and for all, I would like to meet up with a "special" friend of mind. Very special friend. I can never seem to emphasize that enough to myself. And then there is another friend I would like to meet out there that I've know for about 3-4 years. We met online and have become very good friends. He lives 2 hours away and we still have never met each other face to face. I don't know if I want to take a chance driving out there, though. It will be pretty hectic on the highway and I would be travelling alone. And knowing my luck, I would get lost. Decisions, decisions. I really want to meet this man that I'm head over heels for. I feel like I am so hung up on him that I can't focus on much of anything else anymore. Sure, I live my life the best I can and I raise my son without major problems (except financially) but all of my inner thoughts and feelings revolve around this man. The hopes and dreams that I have all have him in them. Even as I lay here writing this, I hope for the phone to ring just to hear that deep alluring voice. So deep, yet so soft -- it sends chills up my spine.