01.02.99
Geeze we had a crappy day here today. Wet, cold, windy, just plain sucky. Perfect day to stay inside and clean house. And that is what I did all day long. Finally, got the place looking half decent. Hey, if it lasts for one day, I'll be happy. But I think I'm pushing it if I believe that will happen. 4 kids won't let me keep it clean that's for sure. I take that back -- 3 kids. My son is at his dad's for the weekend. He's been gone since Thursday and boy do I miss him. I'm glad though that his father is taking some responsibility in so far as spending time with his son. It means a lot to both me and my child. Sometimes I wonder how much emotional pain that boy can take. He never talks about his emotions to anyone and sometimes I just worry that he is enduring too much with no one to support him and just to be there for him. I try, but I don't know if it's enough because he is just too quiet about his feelings. I hate forcing anything out of him. I remember having that done to me as a child and I still have less respect for my parents for putting me through that. Well, maybe respect isn't the word I'm looking for because I do respect them. I guess I just despise them for it. Oh well, water under the bridge with my past but not for my son. I really need to find some professional guidance on how to handle this delicate matter with him. I don't want to say or do the wrong things. I don't want him feeling about me the way I did towards my folks. That would be really hard for me to live with. Anyway, he's coming home in the afternoon and I can't wait to give him a big ole hug!!! He's my life.