01.04.99
RED Dreams
I had so much going on today, I don't even know where to begin. *Start from the beginning DO-DO bird* Okay. Woke up this morning to 25 degree temp. outside. Turned out to be a beautiful day. Nothing in the sky except the sun, but too damn cold for this aging bag of bones. I hated it. No matter how sunny it was. Give me 80+ degrees and lots of humidity and I would be in heaven. So, I froze my butt off on the way to work. I pretty much kept busy all day which is a good thing. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be there because there isn't that much work for me to do. I got off of work at 3:30 as usual and came home to chill a little while before the crew got home. That is about the only time I can spend just an hour alone. I enjoy that time by myself each day. And like clockwork, the kids came home. Not long after that, I get a message from my long distant buddy. We got to talking a little bit, not about much. I really miss those long chats we used to have. I don't think he's feeling the way he used to anymore. It's very disappointing but I won't hold that against him. I still love and care for him as a friend, first and foremost. But after our chat tonight, I went into an emotional slump. He's been pushing me to get out of the house and just have fun - find a partner to have fun with ... but I can't. And there are many reasons (too many to list) why I can't. But one of them is because of him. He's said many times about the two of us "if it was meant to be, it will be"... and for some strange reason, I can't get rid of those words in my head. I think now he's trying to tell me it just won't happen by telling me "gotta look for a man sooner or later dear......one that will be there for you...not one that will fly away". It's disappointing, but I should know better than to fall for someone so far away. It truly sux. But, I'll get over it. He's still a very dear and true friend to me. He's helped me so much over the last couple of years. He has such a kind and gentle heart (and the looks to boot :) I do agree with him that something needs to happen in my life but I just don't know what it is. Hopefully, I'll find out soon enough. But as far as right now, I need to get my butt in bed and get some sleep. RED Dreams baby RED Dreams