MOM or Boss - I am NOT looking at pornography!

We all cry about the same things (like snoopy moms or bosses) but humour is NOT international because words, gestures, grimaces and situations are subject to regional interpretations.

In some places, a widow is a tragedy; in others, widows are "Women I n D anger O f W inning S olitaire."

At times, fathers are not perceived as teachers/protectors but as ogres "Forbidding A llTeenage H appiness, Especially Recreational Sex."

A daughter who is shameless ("S he Has A ll Men E xpecting Love Everytime S he Smiles") may be accompanied by a vulture ("Violent Uncle Looking To Upset Ravishers' Enterprise") on her quest for fame among movie stars ("Move Over Venus! I'm Easily Superior To Aphrodite's Regional Success!")

A lie ("Love Is Eternal!") or a yarn ("You Are Really Nice!") are par for the course for the next Marilyn Monroe

Men
Always
Rave
I
Love
You
Naked

Morning
Or
Night
Romance
Overshadows
Everything


en route to school ("Social Club Helping Orphans Organise Love-ins") or work ("Weed Out Recreational Knowledge") in her trusty Mazda ("Makes Autos Zigzag Downhill Automatically"), jalopy ("Japanese American Left Overs, Pedalled Yearly"), lemon ("Line Effortlessly Made On Nightshift"), or BMW ("Bloody Marvellous Wheels!").

Moral: teach your daughter Kung Fu ("Karate Using Natural Gyrations For Upsets")! And don't forget the Folks at Home!

Fat
Old
Ladies
Knitting
Sweaters

As
Their

Husbands
Ogle
Madonna's
Equipment

THE MILLENNIUM MARCH

Last Century's mom
Would find her own nook
Away from the crowd
Where no one would look
And sighing for love
She'd curl up with a book

The century passed
Her daughter forsook
She went for the bait
And swallowed the hook
(Beef between buns
Was all that it took)
She goes to McDonald's
And curls up with the cook!



2oth CENTURY DREAM GIRL



In the 20th century men dreamed of a girl
who would happily work
with a big log between her legs.


LATEST HYPE

To get that youthful glow

and a Beauty Queen body

Drink lots of water

With a vegetarian diet!

That is So true!

Just look at this Beauty Queen

And First Runner-Up!

MORAL:

Stay in school
At least until you learn the difference
Between Hippocrates and Hippopotamus!


HOW OLD IS HUMOUR?

In 1899, criminals lived behind bars, and citizens walked the streets

In 1999, citizens live behind bars, and criminals walk the streets

To Mother Nature, that really is an old joke!

But, for the religious (according to C.U. Sunday, Rev.),

the first man, Adam, was created from clay

pots!

Critics found everything wrong with the design,

especially noting something didn't fall well

So Adam was censored and privately enhanced with a worm.

Harmony was re-established between Designer and Critics

when the worm became a papillion

(the fact that the papillion likes to flit about is another story)

Meanwhile, back at the beach,

Eve was dillydallying with an apple

(enough to put Snow White to sleep!)

And that low-down snake in the grass (?)

Which is of absolutely NO interest to teenagers today because

those in contact with their libido want to know

DID EVE WEAR PROTECTION?

and the answer is.......

Of course! A girl MUST protect her eyes

(remember, DOT the I, MIND the Ps and Qs)

So she can spot flaws in others

And see that first wrinkle

before it knows it is a wrinkle!

But that was long ago....

Enquiring minds want to know what's happening today

and Caressa Bulge comes to our rescue with her tale of

Miss Adventure's first Hollywood party....

was not at all like in the picture!

I went to my very first Hollywood party in the company of

those esteemed starlets Anida Mann, Wanda Doomey, and Phyllis Upp.

When we walked through the door, I cheerfully said,

"Hy men!"

and before I could catch my breath

Neil Downe and Ben Dover had me on the carpet!

It was my first time!

How was I supposed to know

about protocol, rams, and hard drives?

Then Rear Admiral Trek shouted,

"I can see Uranus!",

whipped out his Stuffit Deluxe

("Version 5.0 for maximum compression")

and ran straight into Mike Hunt!

I could see stars everywhere when suddenly

- just like a shooting star -

Miss der Reit flashed before my eyes,

plunged to the depths below

and set sparks flying

with a unique hot link.

Then everything sort of fell into place,

but just when I was getting the hang of it

that droopy Jerry Attric, Sr., started mouthing off...

...but that's another story for another time and place....


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


NEWS FROM THE HAPPY CAMPER



Momma said,

"You don't find good beaver in a bar because



healthy beaver don't go with the flow!"



I said,

"Momma, don't give me that jive!
'cuz you and I know

Beaver dive to survive!"


Yours truly,

Eve N. Steven



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *



If you haven't found anything on these pages

that motivates you to Email it to a friend,

as a last resort, try my Waikiki postcard:

The good times roll in Waikiki

In a flash all my cash has gone

So I just surf around the beach

Thinking of you with nothing on.....

....



So there, all said and done for today,

unless you have some favourite pun or witticism

you would like to see on this page,

in which case you can fill my box at

[email protected]

� 1999 Rico Leffanta


TO SEE
CLICK
Photos and details of Apache Indians APACHE
Photos and details of Paradise HAWAI'I
An unforgettable love story in verse LOVE
Wild cat photos and commentary CATS
Short stories for the family hearth STORY

�

Or keep on surfing!

Mahalo nui loa!