A Few Random Words to Interrupt a Normal train of Thought:

Famous Last Words & Random Quotoations of Nonexistant People:
1) 1912 "This Ship is Unsinkable!"
2) 1938 "We now have peace in Our Time!"
3) 1970 "Houston, We Have a Problem!"
4) 1972 "I am Not a Crook!"
5) 1987 "The Market Will Never Go Down!"
6) 1992 "I Never Inhaled!"
7) "No, No; It's Not Loaded!"
8) "Ha! I am Inveenceebeele!"
9) "They Couldn't Hit an Elephant!"
10) "If I am Lying, Then may God Strike Me Down!"
11) "Mom? Is The Engine Supposed to Be on Fire?"



Here's a great graphic from amused.com - if you don't get it then :

a) you live in a closet, or
b) you are too high society to have seen a bus in the past 2 months


ROTFL! (and I'm a guy!)

...And From A Great Mailing List:
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SUBJ: "Dear Abby": An Eclectic's Collection

DEAR ABBY: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One
is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her
mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never
seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they
could be Lebanese?
CURIOUS

DEAR ABBY: I've been married for six years and have five kids. No
twins. My husband still wants to have sex every night and sometimes
in the morning too. I told him he should get himself a hobby, and he
says that is his hobby.

...I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm not
even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.

...I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the
pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend
should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to
discuss money with him.

...I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I
confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it
would never happen again.

...Will you please rush me the name of a reliable illegitimate
doctor?

...Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was
raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

...I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I
get out?

...My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour
every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.

...I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank
until one night he came home sober.

...Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little
gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he finally
did it.

I met this nice guy who was in the service. He's the chief petting
officer.

...This is the second marriage for both of us. And when my husband
said "I Will" he knew damn well he couldn't.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month.
I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you
think he'd like?
CAROL
DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.

DEAR ABBY: Are birth control pills deductible?
KAY
DEAR KAY: Only if they don't work.

DEAR ABBY: Our son was married in January. Five months later his
wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature.
Tell me, can a baby this big be that early?
WONDERING
DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late.

DEAR ABBY: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at
the same time?
JAKE
DEAR JAKE: Yes, and also hazardous.

DEAR ABBY: I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three
and he's still chasing women. Any suggestions?
ANNIE
DEAR ANNIE: Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years,
but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.

DEAR ABBY: I have always wanted to have my family history traced,
but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
SAM IN CAL.
DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office.

DEAR ABBY: I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man
my age with no bad habits.
ROSE
DEAR ROSE: So would I.

DEAR ABBY: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
BESS
DEAR BESS: Night and Day.

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