Title: The Fanfic Formerly Known As.... Part 33 Author: Dark Day For Anime (Mark A Page) Email: ayanami@merlin.net.au ICQ: 9845111 IRC: DDFA on DALnet & Austnet #AJAS's Fic Rating: They've come to take me away, aha eehee aha oho aha eehee.... -------------------------------------------------------------------- The Fanfic Formerly Known As.... by DaRk DaY fOr AnImE Portion of this fic is from Nightman's "Go Fish". Guess which bit? Part Thirtythree - The GRANBUZER! (Cue dramatic music as DDFA's face goes into enigmatic shadow) -------------------------------------------------------------------- ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ -------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene: DDFA's hovel. DDFA has drunk 37 sixpacks, smoked some crack and watched an entire season of Teletubbies in one sitting. He stands in the middle of his loungeroom, dressed in a large rec coat over the top of black leather, with his hair styled spiky and wearing a pair of small, round spectacles, perched precariously on his nose. He poses for no-one in particular. DDFA: Page the Stampedo! He giggles inanely and wanders into his bedroom, standing by his wardrobe. DDFA: I shall now present to everyone, as promised on the FFML, the contents of my sock drawer. He places his hand on against the top drawer of his wardrobe and slowly starts to slide it out. DDFA: Slowly, it opens, and.... OH MY GOD! IT'S FULL OF STARS! As DDFA falls back on the floor in fits of inane laughter, the readership is put out of its misery as a steamroller, driven by an mysterious individual, runs him over. DDFA is now three inches thick and 34 feet wide. Several hours later, after slowly shrinking back into shape, DDFA sits up, looking around with a dazed expression. DDFA: Whoa.... Didn't see that coming. Must have come out from underneath the bed. DDFA turns around and looks underneath the bed, where he discovers the tattered remains of a TFFKA chapter. He picks it up and stares at it. DDFA: It's part 33.... I wondered where I'd put it. Must go and stick this on the computer. As everyone starts to think of other places DDFA can stick the chapter, it mysteriously starts.... Opening of an old 70's style Tatsunoko Production, with overwrought, Gekiganger-style music. The title comes up, in Japanese, GURANBUZA! A large, black mecha with a vaguely organic look to it strikes a pose on screen, behind a young female pilot with blond hair tied up in a red bow, doing the same. Minako: In the name of love and justice, we fight! GURANBUZAAAA! Director: CUT! CUT! Minako stops and stares at the director as the image on GURANBUZA is paused behind her. The cameras recording as the Director walks onto the set. Minako: What did I do wrong this time? Director: Listen, Minako, lovey.... You're really not putting enough spirit into the spiel. You only look half- interested in what you're doing and saying. You're supposed to be the firebrand heroine of a mecha show, who has seen friends and family suffer at the hands of all forms of monsters and villains. You're really PISSED OFF about all this, and demand the ultimate revenge, using this cheaply made, cardboard mecha. Minako: ..... Director: ..... Minako: ..... Director: ..... Minako: Director-san.... Director: Yes? Minako: Think about it.... This is a kiddies show, and the mecha is made of cardboard. How excited do you think I FEEL? Director: It's not a matter of how you FEEL! You're an actress, for gods sake. ACT like you're excited! 1st Cam: Some people would say she was pretending to be an actress. The Director turns to the 1st Cameraman. Director: Shutup, you, or I'll have you working on "The Young and the Restless" before you know what's happened to you. The Director turns back to Minako, pointing a finger in her face. Director: You understand? I'm not having any more of this half hearted non-acting. Even if we are paying you a pittance. Minako: Aww.... Minako wrings her hands together, looking at the floor in an awkward expression as Usagi, Koenma-sama, Mokona, Pikachu and ChuChu wander across the set behind her, making certain that she totally misses Usagi's presence. Usagi does likewise as Mokona jumps on top of her head before she has the time to recognise the ribbon in Minako's hair. Usagi: Oi! Mokona, get off.... My head isn't a seat. Mokona: Puu. ^_^ Koenma: Och, lassie.... With those great balls in there, one begins ta wonder wit the hell your head really is. Usagi: Thanks for the compliment. Koenma: Is fine, lassie. Now, we've got to get to the service entrance before those two wee harridans make a mess of the entire building. Usagi: Why? Do you know what they're after? Koenma gives Usagi a serious look as they leave the recording studio. Koenma: Lassie, if it is what I think, it's more terrible than any of us could imagine. Usagi: Why? You just imagined it. Koenma: Yes, but ah run Hades. Ah'm allowed to. Usagi: So, what is so horrible about it? Koenma pauses, shivering. Koenma: It could mean that this fic goes on, indefinitely. Usagi: What? Mokona: Puu? Pikachu: Pika? ChuChu: Chuu? Koenma: Yon don't all have ta answer. Usagi: It fills up the chapter. Koenma: Ah. Usagi sighs, looking miserable. Usagi: I'll never get out of Hades and back to my Mamo-chan. He's probably being molested, right now, by Rei and Chibiusa. Horrible Senseless Vision Number One.... Mamoru and Chibiusa in bed, doing the Wild Thing. Usagi: Ack! Who put that Horrible Senseless Vision there. I think I'm going to be sick. Koenma: Ya hafta be careful of them, lassie. They're all over the place down here. Why, only the other day, I stumbled over Ayanami Rei and Ikari Gendou.... Usagi: I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.... Too late.... it's in my head, now. Damn, this place is torture. Koenma: Well, this IS Hades, and ah don't know aboot you, but tha last time ah checked, we weren't on tha top of the great tourist destinations.... They continue down the long corridor as Usagi looks up, giving Mokona the evil eye. As they reach a T-Junction, The Fish comes herbing round the corner, almost running into them. His hair was styled and fluffy, with a hint of red colouring, much as an anime character would have, and he was wearing a nice green polo shirt and some dark brown slacks, with dark brown and gray urban hiker boots. He spots Usagi. Carp: ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH! NO! NOT YOU! SOMEBODY HELP ME! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! Carp turns and runs for the hills, making his own when he couldn't find any natural ones. Koenma: Do you know him? Usagi: Don't ask.... It's a long story. There is a beeping sound, and Koenma-sama lifts up his left wrist, pressing a button on a watch-like device, there. Koenma: Yes? Voice: This is the Cafeteria! We're under attack from super kawaii girls in mecha suits! We need help! We need.... The voice is cut off, and Koenma puts on a dark expression. Koenma: PANTS! This whole thing is goin' all pear-shaped. Usagi: Well, are you going to help them? Koenma: Wit the hell am ah s'posed ta do when a pack o' brainless bimbos attack me own cafeteria on mah order? Usagi: Sorry, I was only asking. Usagi backs away, holding up her hands as Koenma glares at her. Usagi: Anyway, you still haven't told me about this GRANBUZER thing. There is dramatic music in the background as Usagi's face goes into enigmatic shadow. She wipes the shadow off her face as ChuChu brings down a mallet on top of the gramaphone player that was sitting in a corner of the corridor. Usagi: Is that going to happen every time we mention that bloody name? Koenma: Don't blame me. Hades is hell. Usagi: Well, just what IS the.... The thing you were going to tell me about? Koenma: The GRANBUZER? There is dramatic music over the intercom system as Koenma's face goes into enigmatic shadow. Koenma pulls a handkerchief out of his pocket and wipes away the shadow. Koenma: Yes, ah see what you mean. Usagi: Well, are you going to tell me? Koenma brings a fist down in the palm of his hand. Koenma: Now I remember why I brought you here. That recording studio.... That's where we make.... you know what I mean. I could explain.... it.... by showing you. Usagi: I thought we were going to the service entrance. Koenma: Yes, well, whin.... it.... gets goin', outside will be tha best place t' be. Now, which door was it that we've jus' come from? They look back down the corridor. There are doors all the way along on both sides. Usagi: I think it was the seventh one down, on the left. Koenma: You better be right. Usagi: Why? Koenma: Some of tha things in the other rooms are joost too horrible to contemplate. Usagi sweatdrops. Usagi: Is that... right? Well, I'll let you open the door, then. Koenma shakes his head, smiling. Koenma: Och, it's you're choice, lassie, you git the honours. Usagi glares daggers at Koenma-sama, stepping up to the seventh dooron the left, Mokona still sitting atop her head. She nervously places a hand on the handle and turns it, opening up the door, slowly. Both she and Mokona peer in through the gap. Inside, they can see Setsuna, with a false moustache and glasses on her face, dressed in a business suit, scribbling notes with a pen on a small pad. Next to her, tied down to a couch, is DDFA, looking suitably pleased. Setsuna: Now, Herr Page, ve haff come to ze conclusion zat you are suffering from a deprived childhood. Ze eight meals a day zat your parents fed you, was juzt not enough, and zo you are taking out your anger upon ze vorld by writing zese horrible fanfics.... DDFA: Oh YES! Give it to me, baby! Suddenly, they notice they are being watched. DDFA: OI, YOU! GET OUT! THIS IS A PRIVATE SESSION! Setsuna: Can't you EVER give us some privacy to finish this? Usagi shuts the door, pressing her back against it as her face pales in shock. Usagi: Did I just see what I thought I saw, Mokona? Mokona looks down at her, his mouth hanging open in disbelief. Mokona: Puuu.... @_@ Usagi turns back to the door and opens it again, but this time the room is empty. She closes the door and walks back to Koenma-sama. Koenma: Ah take it that isn't the door? Usagi pauses, blinking. Usagi: Was that Pluto? Koenma-sama takes Usagi by the arm. Koenma: There there, lassie. Remember, it's all in the mind.... He looks up at Mokona. Koenma: Well, occasionally. END OF PART 33 -------------------------------------------------------------------- ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ -------------------------------------------------------------------- Is Minako starring in a Mecha series of her own? Will she and Uasgi ever cross paths? Will Carp escape from the Senshi? Is he silly enough to try? What does DDFA REALLY keep in his sock drawer. Does he REALLY watch Teletubbies? Does Jerry Falwell watch Teletubbies? Does ANYONE watch Teletubbies? Should anyone watch Tellytubbies? Do the Teletubbies really exist? And if they do, where? Would we all like some Tubby Custard? Are Dipsy and Laa Laa really sleeping around? Ahem.... Apart from this, what were DDFA and Pluto doing in that room? Does this have any bearing, whatsoever, on this fic? Does this fic have any bearing on this fic. Does this mean I don't know what I'm doing? Is that a silly question, and if yes, is what Gendou said to Ritsuko is End of Evangelion, just before shooring her, really "I can't believe it's not butter"? All this and less in the next piece of psychoanalysis known as "The Fanfic Formerly Known As...." Not in THX, because you can't hear a fanfic. It's written, you silly twisted fool! _________ / @ \ DDFA (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page) / / ^ ^ \ \ darkdayforanime@hotmail.com /\ "I saw his body thrashing round, I saw his \/ \/ pulse rate going down, I saw him in \___________/ convulsive throes, I said 'I'll have one of /_/ \_\ PU those'." (He'll Never Be An) Old Man River - TISM TROGGLE 1.0 - Sunday, 6th June 1999